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  FORUM:   Mental Health
TOPIC:   How do we learn to communicate effectively? 


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ISTRALOUISE
ISTRALOUISE's Photo Posts: 1,333
1/6/13 6:39 P

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Ah to disclose or not to disclose and how not to scare the crap out of people when you tell them you aren't doing well..... These are really difficult I think for anyone to figure out.

Basically, my acquaintances and my volunteer work I don't disclose to. I don't talk about it or mental health issues on my Facebook page. I do here but on those other sites (not set up like this one) for health and fitness that have a community, I don't disclose to that community either.

I have a bible study and basically I'm disclosed half and half right now. Two ladies don't know my diagnosis, and the leader warned me ahead of time that it might not be the best idea to disclose to them my issues, and three do (including the leader) and are as accepting as anyone could wish. (But I spent over six months before I disclosed to them)

Some people go through life trying to think "What Would Jesus Do?" In the same sort of way (not meaning to knock it, because I am of the faith as well) I have the slogan going through my mind "What would a rational person/mind think of this?" And I try to go with that over my paranoid and anxious thoughts, the ones that manage to break through the medication anyway.

I try not to shock people, so sometimes, even with my SO I gloss over or just generally tell them what is going on without details, because the more detail I put into it the more freaked out they tend to get. "I'm hearing voices again" rather than "The voices are telling me I am a shoplifter and a thief again even though I've never stolen anything and its upsetting to me" or "I can't concentrate right now, I'm not feeling well.." if they look blank or ask for more questions at that point I just say "mentally"

The one person that I really talk to is I make sure I can see a therapist at least once a month. Right now I'm seeing one each week. They are the only people I seem to be able to tell everything to without shocking them and I know they are paid to seem unflappable, but sometimes I surprise even them, because they see all types of people, but even they are usually expecting something different in a SZ patient.

I don't know if this helps any. It would be nice if I could be totally open with my SO like Oona, but even though my SO has the same diagnosis, it really upsets him for me to exhibit mannerisms related to my diagnosis or express my symptoms verbally

Each problem carries with it the seeds of its own solution. If you don't have any problems you don't get any seeds.
--Norman Vincent Peale

Ice cream rarely gives you extra sleep, quenches your thirst, or gives you a hug! --SparkMember GANASSI


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WITHALLMYHEART2
WITHALLMYHEART2's Photo Posts: 49
1/1/13 4:24 P

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Dear Oona:

How grateful I feel to communicate with you. I guess being alive and interacting with people is never easy, but sometimes mental illness adds a bigger burden.

I am not feeling well, psychologically, right now, but I want to type a few words of thanks, and put a mental bookmark right here.

I have been so depressed and I hesitate telling people. I guess, in a way, I just wish I could tell things 'on my own terms', but it always feels like I have to 'clean up what I am truly thinking/truly feeling' for others. I don't like that: it feels dishonest, not true to my Self.

I asked for your Spark friendship, so you will get that message, and I asked to be a member of the Lesbian Cafe.

Thank you thank you thank you - my heart is so grateful.


Leslie

"MAY I HAVE THE COURAGE,
TO MAKE MY LIFE A BLESSING....."

All of life is a narrow bridge,
The only thing
Is not to fear~~~~
Rebbe Nachman of Bratzlav


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WONDEROONA
WONDEROONA's Photo Posts: 3,256
1/1/13 10:29 A

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Leslie, I know what you mean, I think, about not communicating effiectively. The only person that I tell how I am really feeling is my wife. She doesn't understand sometimes, but she tries like hell to. The past month, I have been lying around and unable to move. I think it was all in my head more or less, but it was manifesting physically. I was so sore and unpset that I couldn't move, it made it worse. I ended up going places and doing things I didn't want to because I was "afraid"-is that the right word?-to tell my extended family how I was really feeling. Which, in turn, made it worse.
I think the key is to just be honest. Easier said than done, I know, but it 's the key. But, who can you be honest with about your illness becomes the next queston.

"The reason that people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they have to go instead of how far they have gotten."~Unknown


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WITHALLMYHEART2
WITHALLMYHEART2's Photo Posts: 49
12/31/12 5:11 A

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I have a very hard time communicating with family and friends.

More specifically, I communicate in a way that, ultimately, is not honest nor fair - to myself or others.

With family and friends I usually don't know the right way to express how I am feeling. If I am not feeling well - physically or mentally - I do not tell them. I usually keep it inside me. I sometimes don't really "know" when I should tell the truth or when I should disguise my feelings.

My history is a long one of being less that open.

I guess I fear telling people my situation - even if it is benign. It is almost as if I fear "being".....

I hope this makes some sense.

How do you tell people how you are feeling? Do you openly talk about your life and how things are going?

How did you learn to communicate effectively with those around you?

What has helped you?
What have you changed, if anything.

I think it is a very difficult trigger for me when I hold myself back. I want to learn to communicate effectively.

Thank you so much for listening!

Leslie,
with all my heart emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

"MAY I HAVE THE COURAGE,
TO MAKE MY LIFE A BLESSING....."

All of life is a narrow bridge,
The only thing
Is not to fear~~~~
Rebbe Nachman of Bratzlav


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