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5/21/13 3:08 A

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I've been depressed the last half week. I quit my babysitting job, so I'm adjusting to the fact that I won't have that little bit of income coming in. Rosie tried to get me on the phone until she actually did, and that helped tonight. She said that both she and Roger were worried about me.

I got to see relatives yesterday and spent all day having fun however. You would think that would translate into me being more productive today, but it didn't. I dropped right back into the doldrums today like nothing happened and slept until around 8:30 at night. Joyce Meyer tonight was all about the necessity of hope and that helps as well. I just have to make the right choices. Pray for me.

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5/20/13 4:45 P

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HEY!!! Sorry I have been absent for so long! I forgot to reply to your message! :-[

I have been doing pretty darn good! My register was only 3 cents short yesterday! which is pretty darn good! ^_^ I am afraid I am not freindly enough to our customers though so I am going to have to watch it. I didn't get hardly ANY sleep two nights ago so I was a zombie yesterday and I had to work from 8-5! So yeah.....I don't think i was friendly enough to my customers. Oh well! Hopefully they won't think bad of me!

The air isn't on in our house so I have been sweating profusly all afternoon! :( not a good thing! I am going to go for a walk with the dogs and then take a shower because either I stink or this room does and I am not sure which one it is!!! Smells kinda like a dirty diaper or stale fart! :-O Course we had some water get into the carpet in this room so that could be what is stinking so bad....I don't know.

I have been doing good at my job though! This is the longest I have ever held any "real" job so I am happy and excited!! I hope I have a good review a year from now!!! I have officially been there over a month now!! ^_^ Inventory was today.....I wonder how the store did??? I am off today and tomorrow. I rented some movies to watch during my days off but so far we have only watched two of them! I plan on watching the man with the iron fists tonight! I am most excited to see that one out of all of them cause I saw the commercials for it and it looked good!

I haven't been doing good diet wise! I have been eating whatever I want, whenever I want! :-[ But I am A LOT more active now so I haven't been gaining any weight(thank GOD!!!!). Somehow I NEVER pack enough snacks in my lunch box! So I end up buying a 2-3 dollar something at the store and that eventually adds up to a HUGE sum of money!!! I have spent $63.17 there since I started on the 15th of April!!!! :( NOT GOOD!! That is more than I want to start saving each month!!! :'( So I am going shopping with my mom tonight to try and find good snacks for me to take to work...hopefully I will find some good HEALTHY snacks!!! Anyways.....how have you been doing??? :)

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5/13/13 1:39 A

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My days have been pretty good.. I relaxed a little Friday and Saturday.. but getting up at between 10am and 12 pm isn't as bad as I was doing so I feel better about my time off AND the Hoffmans asked me to babysit both today and yesterday so I have a little more money PLUS my Dad gave me money because he didn't take us out to eat today, so that makes for a lot of money that is burning a hole in my pocket.

I'm getting sleepy tonight but there are still things I want to do when I get home, so I hope the Hoffmans aren't too late tonight. My checks and processing items have all cleared and posted so I'm closing my old account tomorrow and depositing to my new account. I also have to pay my student loan.

I'm sorry people are doing that to you. Those don't sound like things I do, but it is helpful in a "good to know" sort of sense. I'm sorry that people are ticking you off. But at least you are doing better at your job!! That is a good thing!

I'm using a new a item I got called the 7 minute life daily planner.. that goes along with a book that I'm reading called "The 7 minute solution" I think its really helping me keep organized and keep in touch with more people. I think I'm going to stop here tonight. I am so sleepy!

Edited by: ISTRALOUISE at: 5/13/2013 (01:42)
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5/10/13 5:11 A

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I've responded to both messages!!! :) Sorry it took me so long! Was going to respond last night but I got sleepy. :P

My drawer only came out a quarter shorter than it should have which isn't bad at all!!! ^_^ And I had a good time at work! I worked with my store manager from 5pm-10:38 so that was kinda stressful!!! O.o But overall it was a good day!!! And I had several voids because silly people would think something was on sale or they wouldn't read the blasted signs and then they wouldn't want it when it wasn't on sale. HUGE waste of time!!! Both for me and the manager on duty because guess what???? They have to have a manager key to do a item void....so that means I have to holler for my manager each and every time that people want to check a price or remove an item. It is VERY frustrating!!!! People should read the gosh durn signs!!! Sorry! I am being ugly! :-{ Another pet peeve that happened OVER AND OVER again last night was I HATE it when people put their money on the conveyor belt!!! Then I have to fumble around and try to pry it up with my fingernails.....and I was standing RIGHT THERE with my hand out and they STILL put it on the conveyor belt! Also.....another frustrating thing for me is when people are in a line they put their items up there if they are the next in line and GUESS WHAT???? They don't move up their stuff when they move up to pay for their items!!!! So I have to either turn on the conveyor belt or tire myself out reaching for all of their stuff!!!!! GAH!!! Sorry.....I am in a ranting mood apparantly!!! And I am sorry if you do these things when you go shopping!!!! I don't mean to hurt your feelings!!! I am just ranting about my job! other than these few things I had a pretty good night! :) How was your day yesterday???? ^_^

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5/9/13 2:39 A

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Ok I've sent you SparkMail.. what is going on is too personal for the thread

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5/8/13 5:31 P

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SORRY!!!! I didn't realize you had already replied! :( I must have been tired and read your response wanting to reply later and I just never did! :( Sorry about that!!!!

Things have been pretty hectic! I worked a total of 38 hours last week! Which is crazy insane!!! And all I am getting is $203 for that whole weeks worth of work!(I got a gross pay of 260 something but taxes are very steep apprantly so they took out nearly 60 dollars!!! :( ) When I am not working I am usually either sleeping or doing chores or walking the dogs or hanging out with my sister. So it has been kinda crazy around here! Sis wanted to go to mammoth cave yesterday and I went and we walked like 2-3 miles total which is insane!!! Then she wanted to go today and I almost didn't go because I didn't want to go for a second day in a row but the book "Gut and Psychology syndrome" suggests that we do all of our exercise in the open air so I am kinda glad I went after all. But I was in a foul mood because I was terribly sleepy(had crazy dreams last night and am still recovering from monday night of not hardly getting any shut eye because I napped for 4-5 hours monday morning). I am trying to get my sleeping schedule back on track. Also I am trying to implement the diet into my lifestyle....I had it down pat for a few days and then sis wanted to go out and we went out to eat yesterday and today so I splurged.....and now I feel like SH#$!!!! Sorry for the language.....but that is the only description of how i feel right now! :( I am going to have to stick with the diet because it supposedly improves mental illness to almost nothing to be bothered about so I am going to honestly give it a try! I hope you have been doing well!!!! Sorry I have been gone for so long! I will try to do better!!! emoticon

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5/8/13 3:30 P

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SRH, Where are you???

I have so much to write about but I'm going to wait until I'm at home. I am in the process of changing banks and I'm visiting the mall with my significant other, Roger.

I know you are busy, but please try to come back sometimes? I miss you.

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5/4/13 3:26 A

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I am so glad it is going better for you now! Maybe you just had to get used to doing it..

I've been sick in bed with migraine-like headaches and we were at the end of our months food so I was eating dark rye bread (my favorite) for like 3 days straight.. and the day before I had potstickers and that was about it.

I've come to a new realization, one that might not be able to be changed by me and my counselor.. but it really affects me and makes me ill (not to mention affecting me mentally) when the neighbors smoke weed and it comes over into our apartment. It affects how much I can do. Tonight, when I asked Roger if opening the windows etc would help he said no.. but I just reached the tipping point and got sick of it.. and opened all the windows in the bathroom, the bedroom and the living room and started all the fans we have and that helped it to dissipate.. so at 11pm I finally felt better enough to actually do something.. but its so late I just ate a little something and got on the computer to do my email and accountability things. We've already complained to management, but they say they can't do anything about it. This is like a chronic thing.

Being sick earlier this week wasn't because of it.. Roger and I think they were waiting for their checks, which didn't come (along with ours) until today. I feel rather unchristian for feeling like this.. but the first thing that happens when I smell that smell in our apartment is to wish that they would move..

Edited by: ISTRALOUISE at: 5/4/2013 (03:28)
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5/1/13 12:57 A

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I have had a few more days on the cash register and I like it very much!!! It is kinda fun except when I enter the wrong amount into the computer and actually have to use my brain! :P One woman probably thought I was dumb as a rock! HA HA HA !!! I accidently entered 31 cents into the cash register instead of a dollar so I had to count up in change and I couldn't seem t do it so the customer was like it is 69 cents!!! So she probably thought I was a dumbbat! :P But other than my errors I think I will enjoy it immmensely!! I have been doing good health wise though! I have been trying to eat a serving of greek yogurt and blueberries every day and it seems to be calming my stomach down! And I am down about two pounds! YAY!!! How have you been doing??? Sorry I haven't been on in awhile! I have been BUSY!!! :D Hope yo have a good night and a good day tomorrow!!! Laters!!! :)

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4/24/13 11:43 P

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Hmmm....maybe evey state is different on it's regulations! :-/ But it is definitely something to look into at least!!! :)

And yes! I am considering my options right now and weighing the costs and benefits of working a job. It is tough! I am hoping I still have a job to go back to! Maybe I will know something tomorrow or friday on whether or not I can keep my job. I am going to talk to my therapist on tuesday and my voc rehab counselor. So hopefully they can help me make my decision as to whether or not to continue with this job. If I can continue with this job and actually get a choice! :-/ Well....I have work tomorrow from 8-1:30....so I had better get off of here and go get some sleep! Tty tomorrow! i will let you know if I hear anything on whether or not I get to keep my job! Have a nice night Theresa!!! :)

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4/24/13 11:22 P

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My counselor said they would expect us both to live on the same check.. Originally we were told it might be cut $400, but I understand right now that that is not the case. Maybe I have the wrong information, but I don't think so.

Strangely enough, having paid for something just really doesn't impact my motivation that much, although I'm not kicking myself now so much, because my ride forgot he was doing it and was out and about when he was supposed to take me, so he apologized yesterday.

So maybe the cash register isn't for you.. have you thought about stocking, being a box boy (lady), working with animals in some way? Maybe the only thing that isn't for you is handling money.. could you handle data entry at a computer? If everything else fails you could hone your writing and write about things.. I really wish working wouldn't impact my Washington State Medicaid.. then I'd probably try to sign up to sell Avon under Bonnie, but such is not life. (The State thinks I make too much money just being on SSI to begin with so I have what is known as a spend-down)

Even if we couldn't have sex because we don't want to have a pregnancy happen, it would be worth it to be married. I just don't see that happening for the forseeable future.

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4/24/13 9:07 A

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Another way to look at it is you have PAID for those meetings and you don't want to waste your precious money do you??? :)

My drawer came up short two days in a row so now I am afraid I will lose my job. Which isn't too big of a deal because I am not sure if I could handle running the cash register on a daily basis anyways! The first day it came up short, it came up short the amount of the check that I accidently handed back to the woman(I was supposed to put the check in my drawer) and then the second day it came up short a man gave me a $50 for $12 worth of stuff so I thought I had counted out 38 dollars out of the drawer but I counted 48 dollars back to him so I wasn't sure which one was right and I had a brain fart and didn't double check it so he left out of there with ten dollars too much! :'( And he was an A hole anyways so it is little wonder he didn't speak up and tell me I had given him too much! :( So now I am afraid I will lose my job. If they can recover the check that I gave back to the woman then I MIGHT still have a chance.....but I am not sure if I even want a chance because running the cash register is VERY stressful!!! :'( I dunno what I will do.....I guess just go back to volunteering! I don't see myself ever being able to handle a "real" job because nearly every real job(including the one I went to college for)is extremely stressful!!!! So I am looking at the possibility of staying on SSI my whole life which makes me depressed!!! :( Btw.....you should arrange to meet with a benefits counselor to discuss what marriage could do to your SSI benefits!!! I was told that as long as you pay your fair share of things and your husband isn't filthy rich that you can keep your SSI. Might be something to look into!!! I am just trying to help! I know you can't really have sex anyways because of the risk of getting pregnant and how devastating that could be!!! We schizos have tough decisions to make indeed!!! :( Anyways.....hope you have a good day today!!! Laters!!! :)

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4/23/13 2:48 A

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URRRG.... so FRUSTRATED.. This is the second time I've arranged to go to my WW meeting and the second time I've slept through it!!!!! I'm never going to get there at this rate.


It was my birthday today and it was a very low key day. I slept until around 6:30 and then got up and kept Roger company. I watched Joyce Meyer on DayStar around 9:30 and then started my cardio at 10pm. Still I guess if I was going to be lazy, today was the day for it.

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4/21/13 5:27 P

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I am oh-so-happy for you SRH!!!!!!!! On a roll yesterday, structure and challenges and possibilities today, and being able to plan how to fix things for the future!!! That is a totally cool feeling!

I have a new cubic zirconia ring that I am sporting on my left hand to keep people (okay... guys primarily) away and I wore makeup today.. The ring is so pretty! I just love it! My life is pretty much the same from day to day it seems like. Tonight in 2 and a half hours I will go over to see Holly. Tomorrow is my birthday and I'll be 37 (almost typed 27.. I wish lol).. Roger already gave me his gifts: an 8GB flash drive shaped as a heart pendant on a necklace (I requested it) and Brain Age: Concentration Training. My aunt gave me a card and a $20. My parents gave me phone minutes but told me a card is coming. Bonnie, my dear friend and Avon lady said that if she'd known it was my birthday then she would have ordered something from the catalog for me. I really don't want her to give me discounts or freebies or such though. They don't make very much and all their literature and samples come out of their profit or pocket and I want her to stay in business and make money for a long long time.

I'm going to try to go to a meeting again tomorrow. I arranged a ride on Saturday but I wasn't up when he called and I'd actually needed to phone him to go half and hour earlier.

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4/21/13 6:28 A

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Yeah....I don't need extra sleep thank goodness! I had an excellent day yesterday! I washed two loads of towels yesterday and hung them outside without being told! :D and I cleaned the bathroom spotless! And I cleaned the filter on the vacume which was kinda gross. But I got it done! Then I called in two of my medications and picked then up before mass! I was on a roll!

I start work this morning in a few hours! :D it doesn't seem real yet....but I am sure I will do fine! I plan on fixing both the laptops next month! I am excited to get my computer back!!! Anyways I need to get off of here and go exercise before getting ready for work! I will send you a message after work on how it goes! Laters! :D


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4/21/13 1:08 A

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Roger convinced me not to go to the doctor with it. It is still a little infected but definitely on the mend. I'm just going to have a scar there.

It is better to ask questions than to not and do things wrong or work off of wrong assumptions.
It is cool to have something to do and belong to, isn't it.. with a schedule and coworkers.. You've already been doing things like this at your volunteer position, but I'm glad you are able to find paid work and hope that you find it fulfilling :)

I had a very good week. I was able to get up in the morning without sleeping in most of the workweek and started wearing a little lip gloss and mascara. I've been wearing nail polish too and I painted my toenails for the first time ever!

My parents are probably giving me money for my birthday, so I'm trying to figure out what Avon/Amazon/iTunes things to buy next. My birthday is on Monday, but we're celebrating it tomorrow.

Also, my counselor upset me a little by suggesting that maybe I needed one day a week to sleep.. but I did the math afterward. If I only go to bed 8 hours and only sleep 6 of those hours during the workweek, which is typical... then at the end of the week I have a 10 hour sleep deficit to add to the 8 hours I need that night.. so its probably a mercy that I don't sleep more than I do.

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4/18/13 10:28 A

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Sorry I haven't been on! Have you went to the doctor????

I started working on monday! I did training watching videos for three hours and then the last hour I was on the cash register basically by myself, which was kinda scary! O.O
But I think i will enjoy it and that I can do it once I get used to it! Which is AWESOME!!! And they will work with my schedule so I can be off on days that I need to be off! I just have to tell them a week ahead of time! ;) So I think I will get along very well at my job! I haven't met all the people I will be working with yet but I am sure I will get along with them! I seem to fit into their "culture" which is an awesome feeling! Though I have harrassed my boss something awful because I forgot to ask certain questions when I first started so I had to keep calling to ask questions so she is probably sick of hearing from me! :( But I have my schedule now! I have also been harassing my voc rehab counselor with questions too! But that will come to a stop on monday when I pick up my last gas voucher. But anyways.....I have been without a nap during the day for the past three days and if I make it today it will be the fourth day which will be the longest I have stayed awake since before I got diagnosed with schizo in 2008!!! So if I make it today it will be a HUGE accomplishment!! :D But i can do it!!!! And my mood has been pretty good the past three days! The job seems to have got me out of the worst of my depression! let's hope it stays that way!!! LOL!!! ANyways....how have you been?????

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4/14/13 10:35 P

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That's always a really good feeling, knowing you can be independent if you really have to be. My parents and I didn't always see eye to eye either. I've had a nice honeymoon period since I moved out and we've gotten to know each other outside the house, but some things today make me wonder if that is over or will be over soon. Dad was really kind of frosty today.

We had to go get Tylenol and Neosporin because I did something relatively stupid last night and I requested that we pick them up after lunch. He acquiesced, but was curt after I got back in the car and said he was about to send in a search party, even though we were as quick as we could be. Roger apologized because he thought it was his fault, but it wasn't.

I hope I'm wrong. I hope its just my paranoia again. I don't want the good times with my parents to end.

I might as well tell you. Our half-chihuahua, half-poodle mix hates it when anyone messes with his paws for some reason to the point that he will bite. I got the brilliant idea to clip his nails last night. He was not a happy dog and punctured my thumb pretty good. I took three of the last six Tylenol last night and then we realized we didn't have Neosporin because in spring cleaning we'd thrown out a tube that was expired a couple of weeks ago (before the inspections). It feels better than it did last night, but it looks infected already, so I may have to go see a doctor.

Edited by: ISTRALOUISE at: 4/14/2013 (22:40)
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4/13/13 12:10 A

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THANKS!!! ^_^ I am looking forward to starting training on monday! And I am hoping I will get to work more next week! :D It is okay! I have been dealing with alot so I didn't really feel like responding anyways! ;)

Me mom and theresa(my sister) had a disagreement so to speak. They were basically saying I wouldn't be very good at my job(or so I thought) and it was making me feel insecure and doubt myself. So me and mom talked tonight about it and she said she has no doubt i can do the job if i apply myself. So we are back on good terms again. But I found out another option at my support group tonight. I can go with the low income housing authority and rent an apartment and live on my own if things get bad between me and my family. Or if I just decide I want to move out.....I have the option now. So I am excited about that! :) Anyways....I need to reply to another email and get to bed! I will ttyl!! :)

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4/13/13 12:02 A

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That is so awesome, SRH!!! I'm glad that you found something that will work for you :)

I'm not feeling very talkative today. I probably should head to mass and to a meeting tomorrow, but I don't know if I'm going to. I'm feeling boring, bored, and restless all at the same time.

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4/9/13 12:15 P

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I got the job!!! I will be working part time at the dollar general in cave City Kentucky! ^_^ It is 20 hours or less each week but I can work an additional 20 hours elsewhere if they need me. I AM SUPER EXCITED!!! I got vocational rehabilitation to front the bill for my work clothes which is awesome!!! I have to wear all black....black polo and black pants. But I think i am going to spend some of my money to buy some black jeans because the pants I picked out doesn't have pockets and I will need pockets to carry my phone around and my box knife. The only thing I am worried about is.....we will be unloading trucks using trolleys and machines and I am afraid I will run over my toe or crush my fingers accidently. :-[ I am kinda clumsy in that way....so I will have to pay extra attention to make sure I don't do that. Other than that i am not too worried! :) I feel I can deal with customers just fine! I have been dealing with customers with my volunteering for the past several months.....ssi recepients can be hard to deal with because they feel they are entitled to things.....like they won't bring in their information with them because they swear up and down that we have it and can look it up. So we have to either go into the files and search to see if their file is still there or my boss has to look them up on the computer. So yeah! It can be tough to hold your temper when they do things like that. But anyways.....it is only part time so I feel I can handle it!

How have you been??? I hope everything has been good with you! Sorry I haven't written in a little while! I have been VERY busy!! And it has been exciting!!! ^_^ Anyways....that is all that has been going on with me! Ttyl! Love ya!!! :)

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4/7/13 3:47 A

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I am so excited for you! That is so great! You are really making strides to get re-employed!
I love the idea of the calculator. I can't do it this month but maybe next month I can set some money aside.

My Avon stuff didn't come today so Bonnie wasn't able to deliver it. She says they mail in UPS in an express sort of way, so she thinks it will come tomorrow even if it is a Sunday. Sunday gets kind of tricky for me though, since I have so many things planned. I'm hoping it comes in the morning so I can go pick it up after church (since I'll be right by her area and not need her to come all the way out to Auburn to give it to me then).

I'm sorry you've been having a bad time of it diet-wise. I fell of the wagon with my Accountability Partners on Tuesday Evening because the site was doing maintenance and then I quit tracking everything.. I got lazy. I'm starting over again today. My clothes are super loose though. I think I lost weight again, so maybe I'm back where I was before I gained the previous 3 pounds. One can only hope.

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4/6/13 5:08 A

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Mine as about 15 bucks including shipping but normally they are about 25 bucks including shipping. Now I can about eyeball a label and tell how many points it has before I calculate it, which is pretty cool!

I applied for about 5-6 jobs yesterday! I am excited about my prospects! Hopefully I will get something!!!

I had a bad day diet wise yesterday. :( I had a good day diet wise until I got home and then I couldn't stop stuffing my face. :'( Which I think I hadn't ate enough snacks throughout the day and that was why I was so hungry. And I haven't exercised in a while. Maybe I will exercise this morning. :) We are leaving to go visit my sister in law in the hospital today! I am excited about visiting her!!! :) Hope you have had a good day!

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4/5/13 10:03 P

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That calculator sounds soo cool! How much was it? I might want to save up for one, now that I can't eyeball points like I used to.

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4/1/13 2:43 P

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So I am assuming you didn't make it to chruch for Easter?? :'( That is kinda sad! But you have allllllll year to make it to mass so don't beat yourself up over it!

I have been having days where I stay up for three days (during the day) followed by a day or two of sleeping during the day. But that is an improvement over the past so I'll take it!

My weight watchers caculator came in! I figred it was at LEAST 16 points for the beans I had for lunch(baked beans) and the two cookies and sweets that I had. So I only have about 7 points left for the day. Which isn't so bad! I think i will get out a fish fillet and have fish filet and some kale if it is still good(which it should be!). That ought to finish off my points with a very healthy meal! And tomorrow and here on out I am going to follow weight watchers no matter what I am doing!

I had a VERY good Easter! I went to my brothers and they were having her family easter there(my sister in laws sisters and their aunt and uncle and cousin). I had fun watching the kids most of the day though I am sore today! I didn't go volunteer today because I was feeling rough and there are plenty of things I need to be doing here. So I just called in and said I wasn't feeling well and that was that. I slept for a good four hours today. Hope you had a good easter! Which by the sounds of things you did! Love ya! *hugs*

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3/31/13 9:17 P

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Well I made it to the office on Friday and not much else, which is why you haven't heard from me. I was thinking that I only was a sickie in bed one day but after reading my accountability partner's SparkMail that they sent me, I realize it was really more like two.

The upshot of everything is it was MUCH easier just to go in person and sit at the office and then be called up to the counter. It only took about an hour, with travel time. They processed my paperwork right there and it would have been even faster but I got my nerve up to ask about food stamps, so I had to fill out another application at the desk. They granted me $144 in food stamps, which is more than we were using for two people for a month, and I don't have to spend them on anyone but me.. I can go shopping as early as tomorrow. It still was scary, and I don't know what I'd do if no one could take me, but for now, its okay again. The lady at the counter was training someone, and told him that the wait time to process documents was over a month now. It has to be at least a month and a week or two because of when they received my paperwork. That is a really long time to be behind. So this is the new thing I'm going to have to do when my eligibility comes up for review (every six months) I'm going to have to go down there and get it processed.

I'm glad you get to go someplace you like for Easter. I was in bed Friday and Saturday and living on juice when I got up. Today we went out.. I had cereal at the church along with coffee and then for lunch, I had a garden vegetable omelet with biscuit and fruit. There was a buffet but it looked like most of the healthy choices were made unhealthy in some way.

Congratulations on finding something that helps you power through your morning!!!


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3/29/13 11:49 A

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Wow! That sounds horrific! :( Well I am having an incredibly good day today! :D I powered thru my normal nap time by washing dishes at 9 and then having my green tea at 10! It worked cause I didn't nap. I am excited and will try to replicate this every single day! Hopefully it will work every day! :D we are going to go visit my brother today so I am excited to see my nephew! :) hope you are having a good day today!

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3/28/13 9:01 P

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That sounds so cool.. Unfortunately with my payment to WW and Avon I can't afford anything else right now.. or even in April. You will have to tell me how it works for you. I notice they also have an activity tracker called Active Link, but with me already splurging for the fitbit (which I am not so sorry about since it tracks sleep and the Active Link doesn't) I can't really see my way to buying another tracker.

I started with just 10 minutes a day and now am up to 16. This week I want to bump it up to over 20 or 30. I've been rhythm boxing at moderate intensity, which only gets you one activity point per every 10 minutes.. so for my 16 min of activity I still only get 1 pt, because I haven't made that extra 4 minutes yet.

I've been overeating so I don't even want to see the scale today. I was over 500 calories over my allotment yesterday in Spark. funnily enough I could swap points to cover in WW so I did.

I'm sorry about your puter. I hate having computer troubles. I tried getting on at the school (I'm at my parents right now) but their computer and internet were acting up and working funny. I sent two SparkPeople messages to spam on accident when I was trying to mark them as unread.

In not so funny news, even though I submitted my paperwork and DSHS received it Feb 25th, they still haven't processed it.. so I'm still in the computer as not having returned it. My deadline for returning the paperwork was March 15th and they say that has passed along with '[my] extension has passed' [brackets mine]. They say if I get the paperwork (that is already there) in to them by the 31st that they will reconsider, if not I'll have to apply again (and have the same thing happen and still not be covered). They say if I've already submitted the paperwork to phone them and let them know. Well I tried all morning to phone them and instead of allowing people to hold and accepting calls in the order received they have this lame message about all the agents being busy and "please try back later during a time with less call volume" even though I was phoning before 11am and not on a Monday or 1st day of the month as they suggested.. and then they hang up. There is no way to leave a message. Its like a lottery and hitting the jackpot is getting through.

Dad and I are going down to the office tomorrow morning. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have someone to take me. If I get there at 9am I should be able to get an appointment for the same day. At least that's how it used to work. I hope it still does. I don't know what I'll do if I can't get an appointment.

Bonnie is supposed to give me my first order today. I'm trying to concentrate on that and how I just can't wait to start using everything.

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3/28/13 8:30 A

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Yes. It is indeed nice to be mushy eevry now and then. :)

Practically everyone I talk to regularly says I should go for it but I am waiting patiently until I go visit him in the summer....maybe him seeing me will change his mind to just go with the flow and make him take action and talk to his dad about us. :) That is what I am hoping anyways!

My laptop is down again(unfortunately! :( ) So I am stuck to using the desktop, which it isn't so bad using ole betsy! ;) But still annoying that i can't be up in the heated living room to do sp and facebook and all that. I was a little low on calories yesterday but I am sure that if I factored in the snack I had before bed of half and half and frozen strawberries it would have been right up where it needs to be! I am getting back on weight watchers as soon as my calculator comes in! :D Mom ordered it for me this morning because it is half off right now! ^_^ You can track your daily food and how many points you use each day, track how many of your points you use every day for a week and track how many of your allowance points you have used each week! It is pretty awesome!!! AND IT WORKS!!!! Mom has lost nearly 25 pounds on it in just a couple of months! I think she started weight wacthers in late january or sometime in february. She is doing good! And she is not even really exercising(which I know is bad....she is scared she will lose all the weight and not be toned). I have been trying to get back into exercising regularly. It is not easy when sometimes you procrastinate horribly because of the depression. But I am going to try and get on the elliptical for 10 min at a time several times a day! :D And go for a walk with the dogs when my dad gets home! (I don't feel comfortable walking out on the road when there is nobody here but me! O.O ) So I have to do that in the evening. Hopefully it will be fairly warm by then! Anyways.....I need to go wash a load of underwear after I log my food. I will check in with ya later and let you know how i do with staying awake all day! Laters! :)

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3/28/13 2:12 A

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Thanks.. and that is really cool that he said it back to you :) Nothing wrong with being a little mushy now and then..

I had a really bad day as far as food goes.. I was waaaaaay over on my SparkPeople calories (unlike yesterday when I was under) and I dipped into the weekly allowance and cut it by half in weight watchers.

My friend, who sells Avon, forgot that I paid her in cash last week for part of my order, so that wasn't pleasant either. I had to remind her that I paid her after Bible Study and I'm glad she either remembers now or is taking my word for it, because I can pay for the second part tomorrow, but not with the first stuff added in. I'm thinking of stopping and getting her a receipt book tomorrow.on the way to volunteer.

And I finally stepped out of denial enough to realize I needed to talk to Roger about going to WW, having picked the only day that a guy does all the leading on accident. He says he doesn't care. I say I'm uncomfortable, so he says, then change. But he doesn't get that I already pre-registered for this week. So I have to go. I suppose if I have enough money after paying Bonnie, I could cut the jitters by going to the Friday one at 11:30 as well (I have a monthly pass but it takes money to ride the bus)

Accountability:

Calories: Way over!
Carbs: Way over!
Fat: Way over!
Protein: Way over!
Sodium: Way over!
Potassium: Under, but finally 3/4ths of the way there..
I don't ever remember breaking 3000mg before

Accountability:
Steps: 3100
Cardio: none, I blew off my routine tonight in favor of drowning myself in mac n cheese :(

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3/27/13 4:32 P

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WOW!!! I didn't notice before but your ticker says you have lost 18 pounds! Good for you!!! :)

Yeah, it is pretty amazing! :) Last night I was like I LOVE YOU!!! And about an hour later he replied I LOVES YOU!!! :-* :-D I was just feeling mushy....but it was nice to hear him say it back to me!!! We didn't get to talk much yesterday cause his dad had him doing chores when he got home. :( But we talked a little bit today which was nice! :)

I am trying to quit napping but I napped for roughly two hours today, which isn't that bad considering I have literally napped ALL day before! I am sleeping more deeply at night thanks to taking my meds at a regular time every day! :D I have been dreaming almost every night for the past week(about how long I have been taking my medicine at the same earlier time). Last night I dreamed that I had powers and there were robots that were harvesting the humans from planet earth. It was intense and interesting!!! And I woke up before my alarm went off and before my dream resolved itself. So I didn't get to finish the dream! But it was interesting! It is AMAZING what our minds are capable of when we sleep. Well....I need to get off of here and go do the dishes so I can take the dogs for a walk when dad gets home! I will talk to ya later!!! :)

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3/26/13 8:52 P

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whoops.. oh well..

That's pretty amazing, Sarah.

They came by today and checked out the apartment, the maintenance person is coming back to clean out the air vents but that's basically that.

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3/26/13 4:32 P

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Yeah, you told me the scents came in. I am glad both you and Roger likes them! :)

Yeah.....me and Doug got lucky in that way I guess. Neither one of us had hard feelings when we broke up the first time and we were determined that nothing would change about our daily texting and talking to each other. And nothing really has.....except our feelings for each other that is. They are stronger than EVER!! Which is incredible considering that we haven't seen each other in person since august 12th of LAST YEAR!!! We have skyped about once a month but you know that it is not the same as seeing him face to face. We are just going to go with the flow and see how that goes. He may change his mind once i come up there to visit or he may not. I don't know. That is between us and God....and is really only up to God. he gave us this gift of true love....and we have nourished it and cared for it and it has grown into something beautiful, though LORD knows it didn't start out that way!!! We weren't friends before we became more than friends and the sexual things, while we didn't "do the deed", almost ruined our relationship and tore us apart. :'( But with the grace of God we salvaged it and it has grown into something beautiful! :') I love him deeply and care for him SOOO much!! We are both holding out hope that we will be together several years down the road.....whether that is 5 years or 10 I don't honestly know! Only God knows that! But there IS hope so I am just going to hope for the best! :') God knows what he is doing! ;)

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3/26/13 4:23 P

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Hi, Sarah! My name is Theresa. Nope, they never showed up.. I thought that meant they changed their minds about doing it, but my father thinks it means that they could show up any day from 9 to 5 between now and April 3rd (when the big random inspection is taking place that this other pre-inspection is happening for)

That's the one thing about romantic relationships. If they bust apart it is almost impossible to pick up the pieces and become friends again.

I've been oversleeping a lot too. Though I think I got 6 hours last night. I received my perfumes last week too. I think I forgot to mention that. Roger likes both of them and so do I, so I don't have to worry about what I ordered in the way of shower gel and anti-perspirant. I'm wearing Haiku today.

I joined Weight Watchers and registered for a meeting on Saturday. I got the monthly pass, but this is going to be really hard. I thought that Spark and WW would be more comparable, at least in how many calories they want me to ingest, but I still have 300-700 calories left according to Spark, but I'm at 30 points out of the 33 I'm supposed to eat according to WW. I'm not sure I can do this.

Edited by: ISTRALOUISE at: 3/26/2013 (16:23)
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3/26/13 2:03 P

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Sorry!! I thought I had replied to your post but apparantly I didn't. :-[

Wow! That would be annoying! I wonder why they didn't show up???

Well.....yesterday I got to thinking that I needed to take action to see if me and Doug could get back together but then the more I thought on it the more I just wanted to go with the flow for now so I didn't end up talking to my parents about it. :-[ Then when Doug got home from work we texted about it for a while and he admitted that if we tried and failed and ruined our friendship and never spoke to each other again it would "tear him apart", which I have to admit would definitely be a bad thing!!! I couldn't imagine NOT talking to him! He is an integral part of my day....I talk to him neaarly every day. Which I have decided on my own to not be very affectionate with him when his dad is around because I don't want his dad to think I am trying to "seduce him" though it is clear he is already seduced. ;-) Anyways.....I don't want his dad to forbid me to come up there and visit so I am going to try not to be very affectionate with him in front of him. When we are alone is a totally different story! ;-) I am happy with the decision to just go with the flow but I am wondering if that decision will change once we see each other in person??? Just have to wait and see I guess.

I napped yesterday and today for a few hours. I know I shouldn't have and I am going to try and work on it tomorrow. I haven't been sleeping good recently so that doesn't help the situation any. I discovered yesterday that I am a sugar addict so I am trying to avoid all sweets except fruits. I have found that if I have ONE sweet I have to keep having more until I am satisfied so I am just going to avoid them altogether! I didn't eat very healthy at lunch time today....I had a bologna and double american cheese sandwich and doritos and roasted sweet potatoes. :-[ So the doritos and the extra slice of cheese were definitely unhealthy! But I plan on exercising later(hopefully!) so maybe that will help matters some. I am sure the no sweets rule will help me drop a few pounds by just doing that! ;) Cause I eat ALOT of sweets every day(usually)! So just cutting that out should help ALOT!

My name is Sarah btw. What is your first name??? Hope you have a good day today!!! :)

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3/26/13 2:08 A

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All that work and then they didn't come today.. Where are you SRH? Anyway.. Today has been a short day for me. I was planning on getting up when they came for inspection. They came really early last time (around 9am). I slept in my workout clothes, but then they didn't come. I wonder why.

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3/24/13 6:21 P

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We'll get it done.. just a little peeved I have to work on it on Sunday.. the Sabbath


[UPDATE: We're done, all except a little folding I'll do after I get home tonight, so all's well that ends well...]

[UPDATE2: That neighbor who said he wasn't going to comply was full of it and is done now too, at least outside the apartment]

[UPDATE3: I don't think they are going to pay me, but I forgot that my parents gave me extra money for something else that is due after I get paid, so I'm probably okay no matter what happens]

[UPDATE4: I received both Avon scents in the mail: Far Away, first and then Haiku. I like both of them, but I Love Far Away. Roger likes both of them too.. so I am very happy]

Edited by: ISTRALOUISE at: 3/24/2013 (22:11)
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3/24/13 6:11 P

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Oh wow!!! If I was nearby I'd help you clean up the apartment and do the weeding! :)

Yeah.....that guy had a weird laugh too. Not attractive at all!!! But like I said, he wasn't there at the meeting this past friday.

I have been having weird dreams lately! I don't know what is up with that.....but I have been getting plenty of sleep lately, which is a good thing! :) I didn't nap today though I rested my eyes a bit. So I had a good day today! :) I have volunteering tomorrow and friday of this week!



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3/24/13 5:23 P

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Oh.. I was going to maybe not do it since you said that you weren't part of an official group, but I discussed it with my parents and they think it could be a very good thing for me. So I think I'm going to do it anyway.. I'm going to get a monthly pass which is the cheapest way to go and involves both online and meetings. I'll still be here though. Spark is best I think!

Oh I know how that can feel.. Sluggish the next day after eating too much not good for you.

Oh I remember now!! I remember you talking about that guy.. Sorry I just had a brain freeze when you mentioned it this week and couldn't think who you were talking about. Sometimes people don't get that you have to take care of yourself first and fill your own insides with activity and positivity and THEN you sometimes get to find someone...

I couldn't sleep last night. I got around 4 hours of sleep. Fortunately the previous day I didn't get up until after noontime. We are taking a break in weeding the garden because the apt manager sprung another inspection on us, giving us only 48 hrs notice this time.. and this time he wants the front and back yard weeded too. We aren't as bad off as we could be because we started spring cleaning all kinds of stuff that was old and expired and junk that was hanging around the apartment earlier this week, but man! 48 hours is NOT enough notice. We talked to our next door neighbor and he's not even trying to comply. I know they are doing it to everyone, but I feel almost as if they are TRYING to find something to kick people out on.

I babysit later tonight so in half an hour I go back to weeding, and in two hours I stop and go over to watch Holly. I hope they pay me tonight. Then I won't have to worry about collecting the $2 a day I get from Dad when I go to appointments or volunteer together to pay Bonnie, my avon rep for the next order.

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3/24/13 9:32 A

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I didn't officially join WW.....my mom did and she has been helping me figure points.

I spent most of yesterday on the couch, course I ate garbage friday night so what did I expect to happen???

The man that was at the previous meeting who smelled and didn't take very good care of his bodily appearance and was just yucky!! I had just said that I had learned to finally be happy just being by myself with no boyfriend and then he piped up and said he was looking for a "mate" and how hard it was to find one and then after that he kept looking at me with hopeful eyes and I was thinking NUH UH!!!! NO WAY HOSEAH!!! Anyways he wasn't there this past time thank goodness! So it was just me and the facilitators, which was VERY nice!! It is always nice when I can be at the support group meeting with just the facilitators! It is like being with old friends kinda. :) We discussed how different foods and nutrition can have an affect on our symptoms. Which I took to heart.....but after i got home I ate two tablespoons full of chocolate hazelnut spread and more than one serving of dark chocolate chips. :'( So of COURSE i felt like crap the following day and stayed on the couch!! So I am going to try and avoid sweets from here on out!!! :) I am going to try and stay awake all day today, though I didn't get a good start to the day because we stayed in bed til 9. But thankfully I managed to get out of bed when my mom did so she didn't have to yell at me and was therefore in a better mood! Anyways.....hope you have a good day today!!! :)

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3/24/13 3:13 A

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You joined Weight Watchers right?

I'm thinking of getting a monthly pass for the meetings.. I'm craving face to face support and looking at probably.. well I'll SparkMail you about it..

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3/23/13 4:29 P

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I spent yesterday in bed..


What guy wasn't there?

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3/22/13 8:04 P

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yeppers! I had my support group meeting this afternoon. That guy wasn't there so it was actually enjoyable! :) Hope you have had a good day!!

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3/21/13 9:23 P

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Oh good! Well once a week is a start somewhere... I'm trying to get Roger to accept me going to Mass without confession right now. We are having trouble agreeing about that. Last night we talked about it a while. We also had a good time cleaning out the bathroom and bathroom storage closet. Shades of earlier this week when I got rid of my old makeup. I had toothpaste that had expired in 2007.

I am glad you are having more good days up! I have been more tired lately. I tried going to bed at around ten after nine last night, but I couldn't sleep. Roger and I ended up talking and doing Spring Cleaning. I was so tired today that I ended up laying down at my volunteer work. I was falling asleep while I was scanning barcodes at the computer, so I went into the back room and took a nap twice.

I have a long day today, but I hope to recouperate tomorrow.

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3/21/13 11:09 A

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Me and Doug prayed together last night! We said the rosary at the same time last night for a friend of mine who is battling bulimia. She has battled it for 5 years now! :( So we said a rosary together for her last night. And I got him to agree to praying the rosary with me once a week! :D So that is good! I tried to get him to agree to praying it every night because it would help BOTH of us SOOOOO much!!! But like I said...he will only agree to do it once a week.

I have been having more good days recently! :D I stayed awake ALL day yesterday and am staying awake all day today! I am averaging three days in a row each week of staying awake during the day, which is not bad at all!!!! We are taking the dogs to the vet today for their yearly checkup and then we are going to my brothers to visit. So we have a busy day scheduled!! And I am looking forward to every minute of it!! :D I am trying to take my medicine every day at the same time in the evening at around 5 and it seems to be helping my energy level and sleep quality! So that is what I have been doing! I stayed awake saturday, sunday and monday and then stayed awake yesterday and am going to stay awake today! So that is A LOT of good days!!! I am super stoked!!!! As you can tell I am mucho happy and excited!!! ANyways....hope you have a good day today!!! *hugs*

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3/20/13 11:33 A

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You are right. Sometimes weight gain can come from exercise. Blessings on getting back on track, just don't quit trying. I know when I started Spark this time that I gained 3 pounds initially, but now I am down 18 pounds from there and 21 pounds from my highest point.

I am sorry you are having impure thoughts about Doug. I don't really have any brilliant gems of wisdom here. I don't know what life would be like if I couldn't be with Roger. I would probably feel the same way about him that you do about Doug.

Im up early this morning. I'm trying really hard to get up to my alarm rather than the doorbell. So far today I am able to.

I got ahold of Bonnie yesterday on the phone & its a good thing I did because even on the phone initially she couldn't find my emails. I found out there is no shipping and handling on items, just tax, so I went ahead and ordered two more nail polishes.

Today I go to volunteer, but Im going an hour later because I need to go to the pharmacy, and they open after 10am.

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3/20/13 9:09 A

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That is GREAT news!!!! :D I am super proud of you!!! I seem to have gained back the 4 pounds I lost with WW but I think it was muscle that I lost and doing 20 min on the elliptical with moderate intensity caused me to gain it back. I think anyways...I am going to try and get back on track with my dieting and fitness journey today! :)

I guess you can say I had a bad night last night! I started thinking(or daydreaming) about what it will be like when I see my love, Doug, again and my thoughts turned naughty. :-[ So needless to say I need to go to confession to confess I was having impure thoughts... :-[ Sorry for tmi! My hormones are still going crazy but I think I am smack right in the middle of my cycle which would explain why I was thinking those types of things last night. I told Doug I was thinking about him in that way and we started discussing that kind of stuff. Which the past couple of days has brought us closer and we have been discussing things we probably shouldn't so it is no wonder my mind got to thinking those things!! :-[ We will have to be more careful in the future. I really CAN NOT WAIT to see Doug in person!!!!! ^_^ I am going to hug him and squeeze him and kiss him all over his face(except his mouth)!!! :D I miss him terribly!!! But it is nearly impossible for us to be together due to the whole both of us having a disability thing. Mom said a day or so ago that when we were dating still she was afraid that when Doug's dad died she would have ANOTHER person to care for as well as me(Doug's dad is 66.....so therefore he is quite old so him passing away is a concern of mine). But we will always be close friends! It is just tragic that we can't be together as a couple or get married! :'( I love him SOOOOO much!!!! God knows best I guess! :) I need to go log my food and then I REALLY need to go exercise and then take a shower! So I will check in with you later! :)

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3/19/13 11:28 P

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And I'm doing the tiny chicken dance over here because after my Wii Fit Routine of Rhythm Boxing I weighed myself and I'm down another 3.3 pounds and past my 20 pound mark now. According to the Balance Board I weigh 228.8 now! Woot!

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3/19/13 10:57 P

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night, SRH ...

Look at the bright side.. Ice Milk is better for you anyway.. ((((((hugs)))))))
I'm sorry she was so upset with you though.. no fun

Got the Avon order straight and there is no S&H so I ordered two more nail polishes.
YAY! Go me! I've learned that even if I have no nails to speak of, if I start painting them when they look ridiculous, I don't bite them and they grow out.

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3/19/13 10:43 P

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Yeah I definitely learned from it! I am going to start back on my diet tomorrow and stick with it and exercise for an hour-hour and a half! :) I used the last of mom's half and half in my "ice cream" tonight so now she is mad at me! :'( I guess from now on I will be using milk in my home made ice cream!!! Anyways...I need to get off of here and make my schedule for tomorrow. I will tty tomorrow!!! :) Have a nice night!!!

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3/19/13 6:11 P

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Yup, you're right that they probably were more than your elliptical made up for, but live and learn. Today I had a big breakfast burrito from Safeway for 2.00 and I don't know what they did to it, but it was practically dripping oil out the bottom on me. I felt stupid going to the Starbucks kiosk for a napkin but I did anyway, because it was all on my face.

In good news I talked to my counselor this morning. We talked more about my sleeping all day.. which I did Fri, Sat, and Mon. We agreed that I don't self-start in the morning and need to arrange things where people come over and get me up. Also, he likes the idea that I am going to start ordering Avon from my friend, Bonnie. Though I'm getting frustrated, because I don't see that she is responding to any of them. My e-mails that is. I'm starting to think she must not read her email that often, or that I have the wrong Bonnie in my e-mail (there was one from Bible Study before, that had to quit going) I've asked two people to get back to me with her number or to forward on that I want a call. The idea that I don't know what shipping costs is bugging me, but if I drop anything from my order for shipping it will be the nail polish.

What I didn't get to tell him is that I cleared out all my old makeup and nail polish, from like, 4-8 years ago and threw it all away, so I am starting over with the Avon stuff, because I haven't been wearing makeup for the last eight years. Also, Roger and I like to go to Bath and Body Works for perfume and shower gel, but I decided to go through Bonnie for a new scent, because all of the Bath and Body Works stuff we have makes me think of yummy stuff to eat.

I'm hoping they aren't sold out of my bra before I order it (from the previous campaign) because I can rarely find that size in a store and I haven't bought bras in over three years. I want to buy 3 48C's in White (the only color that size comes in). After that I can throw away all my old misshapen, half underwire in-half underwire out things that are in my drawers.
But that will have to wait till later, because I only have around 14.00 to spend on things right now. (Dad gave me 20 and I ate and need to use part for copays. I had a little before too.)

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3/19/13 8:47 A

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Okay. I have to fess up! I had TWO donuts with creme filling! D: I know I said I wasn't going to indulge but by granny I did 20 min on the elliptical yesterday morning so I felt I had "earned" it! Though the calories in those two donuts was probably more than I burned off with the elliptical workout. But we live and we learn right???

I kinda dozed at volunteer today. :-[ I was cold so I put on my coat and slouched down in the comfy chair and the next thing I knew I was waking up. I don't know how long I dozed back there!!!!! We weren't busy AT ALL! So I was basically just sitting there all day long. We didn't even have many callers yesterday.....and my boss didn't turn on the radio so it was super quiet and peaceful! Oh well. Maybe next time I start to feel sleepy I will get up and walk around the big room for a bit. :) Other than that I had a stupendous day! I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning to discuss my options and whether or not I need to go on a higher dosage of my antidepressant. We shall see!

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3/18/13 9:54 A

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I am quite proud of myself! I have stayed awake during the day for almost three days now! :D I didn't slouch down on the couch today or crawl back in bed to rest for a while either, which is HUGE for me!!! :D I packed plenty of snacks in my lunch box, LOTS of freggies! ;) I have made a goal of not eating ANYTHING over in the senior center if I am over there today...but ONLY eat what is in my lunchbox! :) I think I can do it!!! I know they have cake leftover and maybe donuts. But I am good with my freggies! I should have packed some carrots to munch on....I am afraid most of my lunchbox is full of fruits. But ruits are good too! Anyways...hope you have a good day!!! :)

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3/18/13 6:58 A

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Oh wow! O.o Umm.....it probably hasn't been discontinued. It is one of their most popular scents!

I did BAD yesterday! I had two cookies when I was at my brothers but ate healthy other than that and then when I got home and later on in the evening I had a major choco fest! :'( My hormones are out of whack(haven't had a period since end of january)so I am basically craving chocolate 24/7! :'( I will be glad when I start again and can get on the pill!!! Hopefully dieting will be easier with my hormones in check! I did do something out of the ordinary while I was at my brothers! I got down in the floor and did crunches and pushups! :D So I AM proud of myself for that!!!

I got up this morning on time and exercised on the elliptical for 20 min! :D Now I really need to go eat breakfast and pack my lunch! I was going to wash dishes where maybe I didn't have as many to do when I got home from volunteering but I don't think I have time now. :-/ Oh well! Hopefully I will have enough energy and motivation to do them when I get in this evening! I think I am going to try and walk with my boss again today! :D Maybe walk a mile or two. Now I need to get off of here and eat and take a shower and pack my lunch. I will check in later! Have a good day!!! *hugs* :)

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3/17/13 9:40 P

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I was bad and ordered Haiku and Far Away on Ebay for less money (on credit, since I have credit through Paypal) . I think I am going to try wearing them and then whichever one Roger likes better, I'm going to order the shower gel, antiperspirant, lotion, and purse spray from Bonnie, so I hope she won't be too upset. I think I kind of over-reacted when I realized that Haiku wasn't even available through the Avon site right now. I hope they didn't discontinue it.

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3/17/13 4:59 P

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I am pretty sure its the medication. I NEVER had trouble before I was on it.. I've been on it for years now and each year is punctuated just about semi-annually with periods of embarrassment in that department. Sometimes I've had to have Dad take me home to change because I couldn't make it all the way from the apartment to the school I volunteer at without soiling things. (And here you were worried about TMI.. hehehe.. lol sorry) But I do believe it might be touched off right now by the freggies, because I am dealing with it right now 24 hrs a day.

In better news, a friend of mine is selling Avon and I've decided that I am going to spend the majority of my play money for next month on an order from her catalogs. I took notes so I can give her back her catalogs (people who sell have to buy all their literature from the company and it gets expensive-I know because, even though I don't look like it and don't wear makeup currently, I tried selling Mary Kay for one short while-so she hasn't asked me to, I just want to make sure she can reach as many people for orders as she can with what she has purchased). Good news, there is plenty I want in the catalogs.. I wrote down two pages of stuff. Bad news is I don't know where to start. Do I start on lip gloss, or perfume (I've decided that maybe, being on a diet, I want a fragrance that doesn't smell like something to eat which my Bath & Body Works scent does) or cleanser and foundation?

I've sent her an email asking her if she has a sample of the scent, Haiku and told her that I want a perfume that has a matching anti-antiperspirant and shower gel, so maybe I'd better start there. With bra and wire fruit basket with banana hanger, that will be a big order, so maybe I should stop there.

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3/17/13 7:52 A

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Wow! That sounds horrible! But I guess it is no more horrible than my neighbors threatening to shoot our dogs on sight! :( Except your neighbor was threatening Roger's safety which is unacceptable!!!!

Did you just start a new medication??? Which one is it? I have noticed since I have started eating more freggies that I have the pooties quite a bit! Sorry for tmi!!! So hopefully it is just the freggies that are causing you trouble and not the medication. If it is indeed the freggies I think your body will get used to the higher freggie content after a while. I think. Hopefully!!!!

I think I will do alot better diet wise if I would just start so I can start back on bc to regulate that time of the month! Once again, sorry for tmi! I crave chocolate ALL the time and I am nearly two months later than I should be. :( So my hormones are out of whack and I have to wait til I start to get back on bc. So hopefully once I start losing weight will be easier!!!!

We are headed to my brother's today! :D I am excited to see my sister in law, my sister and my nephew and my in law's mother. I haven't seen them in a couple of weeks! :( But I will get to see them today so I am happy! :D Hopefully I won't sleep through the visit!!! I HATE when I do that!!! :( So just have to work on it I guess. I don't know if there will ever be a day where I am not fighting the sleepiness...anyways...hope you have a good day!!! *hugs*

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3/17/13 3:31 A

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I think its a combination of stress, the more fruits and vegetables, and my medication.. one of them, my stomach one, softens that when it doesn't need to be, so I have trouble all the time since I started taking it.

I'm starting to get discouraged because between that and the dog I didn't sleep last night, and then I didn't get to mass because I slept until after 9:30pm today. I did do 16 minutes of Rhythm Boxing though for my cardio today, so that went right.

I'm sorry your neighbor is giving you trouble. We have to watch our dog outside too. Our next door neighbor is sure he's a vicious dog (which he isn't, he just barks lots) and another neighbor has come out with a baseball bat to beat up Roger and the dog because he thought Mickey was going to leave poop on his lawn.

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3/16/13 10:14 A

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Our dog has seizures as well! The vet acted like it was normal because some breeds are more high strung and therefore more prone to seizures. Our dog was put on medicine back last year and we let her prescription run out and now we have to take her in and spend $60 bucks just to pay for the visit plus 8 bucks a month from here on out. It comes out of me and sis's pocket too.....so it looks like I am going to be paying for their vet bill. Again. :| But sally needs the medication!!! It IS indeed scary! I don't like to see our dogs suffer at all! But right now they are indeed suffering because of our butt**** neighbors saying skippy attacked thir dog and that they would shoot him on sight if he was on their property again. So now we have to be out there WITH them when we let them loose to make sure they are supervised at ALL times. They can't even do the things that they like to do anymore!! :( But it has been coming for a while now...I am sorry your fitbit ran outta juice! That can be annoying! I didn't manage to get to sleep until after midnight again but I consider that a victory because I had some caffiene last night. ;) And I am sorry you are having bowel problems! I know that can be frustrating! Have you been to the doctor to rule out irritable bowel syndrome? Or do you think it is just stress? ANyways...I have to get off of here and go work on the kitchen where my mom can cook! I will ttyl! :)

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3/16/13 2:23 A

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today was a not so good day.. I'm having bowel problems and slept in past 5pm. When I woke up my fitbit wouldn't tell me how long I slept because it went low during the night when it was counting my sleep and turned itself into "I need to be charged" only showing a low battery mode. Mickey, our dog, also had a seizure tonight. We were going to take him in but we don't have any money, so I phoned my Dad to see if he could help, but he seems to think they wouldn't be able to tell us anything anyway. He said they used to have a dog growing up that would do that and that he just seemed to have to have them. We don't really have any reasons why.. I mean he's been indoors all day, so he didn't pick up anything from outside and he hasn't snatched anything he shouldn't have eaten from us in ages (ie chocolate or fish or grapes) I mean its been months since the last time. But it was scary. The people Roger talked to on the phone said that because Mickey is an indoor dog we should still have another 6 or 7 years with him, even though he is something like 7 years old.

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3/15/13 7:11 A

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COOL!!! Sounds like you had a really good day! I always love it when something I ordered comes in the mail!! :D

I woke up when my alarm went off this morning so I have a feeling today is going to be a good day!!! :D I hardly EVER wake up when my alarm goes off! LOL! And I was able to get to sleep a little after midnight last night which is REALLY good for me! Or better than i had been doing!

Me and Doug talked last night through text. I missed him, body and soul, last night so it was hard on me and I said some things I really shouldn't have. :-[ I am kinda ashamed of myself and will apologize when he wakes up. I am normally good with the fact that we will NEVER be together EVER again but last night I looked at picture of his beautiful face(slightly scruffy looking like I like him to be!), so when I laid down to go to sleep i started having thoughts about him(ummm.....not exactly pure thoughts)and started thinking how much I missed holding him in my arms and that sort of stuff. :( I had already said goodnight to him so there was no reason to send him that first text telling him how much I missed him. Anywho...I have volunteering today....I will NOT lay in my car past time when it is time to go in!!! I have alarms set on my phone and WILL go in at the designated hour!!!! I hope you and I have a good day!!! :)

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3/14/13 9:37 P

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Yay for TV remotes!

And adding to my good day, we went to the Taqueria el Rinconsito today and I had a half a burrito plate, with extras to take home. AAAAAAAAnnd my package from SparkPeople's store came today, so I have 2 SparkPeople T-shirts waiting for me when I get back to the apartment. And a tracking calander.

I did a lot of cataloging today.

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3/14/13 4:21 P

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Oh okay! That is good that your day has been better than yesterday! Mine hasn't....I slept for a good 4-6 hours today. :( On the brightside we got our new remote programmed in less than a couple of seconds!!! :D It works like a dream! But now I need to start on the kitchen. So I will ttyl!! :)

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3/14/13 4:12 P

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He has schizoaffective disorder too. So far today is much superior to yesterday.

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3/14/13 2:34 P

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What does Roger have?? I believe that the spirits can and do still roam the earth after death BUT to get into all that nonsense is dangerous! He shouldn't be looking to contact the spirits because that is one of the few causes of demonic possession!!! :'( I am glad you are feeling better though! My plan didn't work today as I haven't been sleeping well the past four or five days. So I rested/dozed/napped for about 4-6 hours. :( I am ashamed of myself but my therapist warned me that this could happen!! Hopefully I will sleep better tonight!! The cable guy is coming today to reprogram a new remote for our upstairs tv so I have to get off of here shortly and start cleaning for all I am worth. Hope you have a better day today!!! :)

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3/13/13 10:55 P

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I'm sorry they aren't comfortable with you having a job until you've licked this. I find it easier to get out of bed when I know I have to be someplace.

I'm home and I'm feeling a little better. I still haven't done my workout. I'm waiting for a chance to use the Wii. Roger is watching a scary movie right now. He phoned me at volunteer work to say that he caught EVP's in our apartment, so he thinks he has proof that we have ghosts in our apartment. I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm not having a good day and I reaaally don't want to deal with ghosts and demons right now. I want to tell him to buy a few more St.Benedict Medals and just put those up and be done with it. I really don't want to listen to EVP's.

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3/13/13 9:20 P

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Sounds like you had one of those days for sure! Sorry you didn't have a good day! I set my alarm for 7 and didn't roll out of bed til 7:45. Then to top it off mom won't let me to apply for a job until I get ALL my bad sleeping habits under control!!! emoticon Makes me SOOOO friggin mad!!! She expects me to be perfect at all times and I'm NOT!!! I am TIRED of waiting around while the economy and the jobs get worse and scarcer than ever!!! :( I am TIRED of barely skimping by each month!! Which it SHOULD get better once we get this car for my brother and dad stops driving my car through the week and to do his extra running around. But STILL!!! I could be saving $200 dollars a month AND paying mom and dad $200 more per month than I already do and have 200 for gas and 130 to spend extra!!! that is ALOT more money than i have now!! I am just anxious to get started! I am biting at the bit....:( But according to mom I have to get my sleeping habits under control BEFORE she will be comfortable with me applying for jobs...and that may take a LOOOONG while! :( I am frustrated as you can probably tell! Hopefully I can calm down before bedtime and will actually sleep tonight!!

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3/13/13 8:58 P

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The Truth Project just got over and I get to go home soon. Im feeling very tired today. Ive been keeping up with the Spark stuff today by ipod touch. It was a rough beginning today. I barely rolled out of bed at 9am and then my first Sparkmail message was one of my accountability partners telling me she didnt want to do it since she felt I had too many at 3.

Tonight I want to take pictures for my page. Roger says he'll do it as soon as the camera is charged, which it wasn't last night. --but my hair is all greasy and I don't have a hair dryer.. Im in a 'mood'. I think now is a good time to remember 'You are just one workout away from feeling better'

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3/13/13 7:54 P

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I admit that I didn't quite do what I had in mind today! I did slouch down on the couch and rested for roughly 15-20 min during my sleepiest time but I did NOT fall asleep! I just rested and tried to keep my eyes from shutting. Then when my designated naptime came around I just slouched down on the couch and shut my eyes and tried to doze but couldn't because my sister was moving around and talking on the phone. Then she interupted my naptime by wanting me to pluck her eyebrows(I could go pro with that profession!!!) so I only got to slouch on the couch for 45 min. And then it was time to take a shower and get ready for my therapy appointment. So I got ready and left and went to therapy. I had a good therapy session....I feel it was very productive! I learned that it is DEFINITELY best if me and doug just stay very good friends FOREVER! And that I could help him out by finding resources for him to learn how to be independant without me living with him 24/7! Which eased my mind considerably! The main thing is I do NOT want to move out of my parents house because I help them tremendously and they help me! And I am happy here! Also my therapist reccomended that I NOT take the desk clerk position because she thinks it will involve sitting around doing nothing and that I would get bored and then get sleepy. But I told her about the dishwashing position at the local cracker barrel and that they might be looking for someone to hire and she said it sounded like a better match for me. :-) And it would be A LOT less stressful and VERY simple! So I am going to look into it if I can't find another suitable job! The point is the world is full of possibilities for me!! I just have to get off my duff and go looking for them! My sister is gone for about two weeks this time to my brothers so I have the racks free to dry my clothes(which means maybe I can get caught up!)and can get on a set schedule! :D And that is my day! I used alot of my points today on sweets because sometimes you just HAVE to have your sweets! I have roughly ten points left to spend on dinner and an evening snack! Not bad! :) How was your day?? What all did you do today?? :-)

 Pounds lost: 27.0 
 
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