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4CYNDI's Photo 4CYNDI Posts: 14,189
2/5/13 11:58 A

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We are still active but sometimes it's hard because of the pain and I can't do some of the positions we like some days. But we have found ways around it. Sometimes we change positions or he does most of the work so to speak when my hands won't work right.

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2/3/13 2:55 P

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It is a good topic. Personally, I haven't been intimate with my husband for almost 4 years. At the beginning, it was because of my RA but then it was because when I was feeling better and initiated it, he declined. This happened more than once and I haven't initiated it since and I've learned to accept it. I expect, in my case, that there are issues on DH's side but since he doesn't trust me enough to voice them and he's still very affectionate with me regardless, I haven't pressed him. Maybe I should have but when I've tried to in the past, he has gotten very defensive so I don't bother anymore.

My name is Joanna not Joanne, please and thank you.

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DANMAR1 Posts: 800
2/3/13 1:20 P

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Good subject. Will be interesting to see what people say. Good for you even though I do not have any helpful advise.


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HOT_MAMA_13's Photo HOT_MAMA_13 Posts: 523
2/3/13 12:53 P

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I know this may not be an easy topic for some to talk about, and for others it may be just the topic they wanted to talk about but were embarrassed to do so. Well, I'll admit it's a little scary for me but I think we are worth bringing it up, worth asking each other "What works for you" or "How did you deal with the changes in the bedroom" because I know we can support one another.

What really convinced me to post this topic was a survey posted on a facebook page called Surviving Chronic Pain. I want to share that post with all of you for anyone who may want to help by taking the survey. Here's the post:

"From one of our members.

My name is Erica Finn and as part of my training for a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology in Ireland I am carrying out some research into the sexual functioning of those in chronic pain. This is an area of well-being that can be very important to people and yet is under researched. The research involves a survey looking at aspects of pain, sexual functioning and other potentially related areas. The survey takes 20-30 minutes and participants will not be identified through the research.

Here is a link to the survey:

I wonder if I could post a link to the survey on your timeline? I understand that this is a sensitive topic but it is also one that people can find difficult to discuss with health professionals and research may help to inform clinicians of the issues involved.

Thank you for your time,
Erica Finn Harper"

I took it already and it took me maybe 20 minutes to do. We are worth this type of information being shared with one another, our mates are worth our finding ways to help ourselves and help each other.

I know my sex life hasn't been the same since RA first started bothering me. I don't feel as sexy anymore, favorite positions are sometimes really painful to be in therefore we don't hardly do them anymore, and honestly there are days when regular missionary position hurts. I have days where my hubby would appreciate some attention, but my hands won't even cooperate if you catch my meaning. What do you do when this happens to you? Any ideas? Suggestions? I hate the disappointment I do see in my hubby's eyes now and then. I know he understands, but I know that doesn't make it easy for him either.

Let's see what we can figure out together, shall we? Heaven knows we'll all benefit sooner or later! :-)

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Motivation is what gets you started.
Habit is what keeps you going.
~ Jim Ryun
People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing -
that's why it's recommended daily.
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