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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 19,147
2/8/18 9:39 A

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2/6/18 7:41 P

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cute

Beautiful Amethyst Butterflies

Linda previous spark name was LJR4HEALTH

I Felt I needed to start over with a new Spark name


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2/6/18 11:12 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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2/5/18 6:45 P

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What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

“Oh sheet!”


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2/5/18 6:44 P

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I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.


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2/5/18 6:01 P

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LOL

Beautiful Amethyst Butterflies

Linda previous spark name was LJR4HEALTH

I Felt I needed to start over with a new Spark name


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2/3/18 5:47 P

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2/3/18 10:07 A

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Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?


A: Spoiled milk!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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1/29/18 7:16 A

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emoticon

Beautiful Amethyst Butterflies

Linda previous spark name was LJR4HEALTH

I Felt I needed to start over with a new Spark name


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1/28/18 9:58 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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1/27/18 8:36 P

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An old blind cowboy strolls into a bar one day. Without knowing it, he has actually entered an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender. “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

At that point, the entire bar falls deadly silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy… Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

“No… Not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 19,147
11/4/17 9:59 P

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10/25/17 10:38 A

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Q: Why do bakers work early hours?
A: Because they knead dough!

Q: Why couldn't the pony speak?
A: Because he was a little horse.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 19,147
10/25/17 6:38 A

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8/20/17 10:42 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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8/20/17 6:06 A

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REPLACEMENT WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo…? Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.



There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.



He never called back.



I bet he felt like an idiot.



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SPARKL3SUSAN's Photo SPARKL3SUSAN Posts: 1,899
8/19/17 9:36 P

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emoticon And why do we park in our driveways? Things to make you go "hmmm."

"Everything we do, even the slightest thing we do, can have a ripple effect and repercussions that emanate. If you throw a pebble into the water on one side of the ocean, it can create a tidal wave on the other side." ~ Victor Webster

»Susan


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8/18/17 12:07 P

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Unanswerable Questions:

Why is a boxing ring really square?


``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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8/7/17 10:07 P

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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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8/7/17 12:33 P

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Another One Liner:

The most important purpose of a child's middle name is so they'll know when they're really in trouble.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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ISABEKKA's Photo ISABEKKA Posts: 28
8/6/17 2:58 P

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love that.
Thanks!


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8/2/17 10:36 A

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One liner:

If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked or homeless?

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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7/16/17 4:59 A

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For those on Facebook
www.facebook.com/goldencrumpetsnz/ph
ot
os/a.639967386192454.1073741828.6313R>46103721249/674780006044525/?type=3&
am
p;comment_id=675957242593468




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6/21/17 10:24 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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6/21/17 4:22 A

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Daughter to Father:

"Dad, there's something my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said that I "have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Father's response:

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust!"

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5/10/17 9:47 A

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A little girl had just finished her first day of school. I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 19,147
4/16/17 8:05 P

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That is hilarious...

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4/8/17 10:39 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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BUGGSBY's Photo BUGGSBY SparkPoints: (2,130)
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4/7/17 11:15 A

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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

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4/6/17 10:01 A

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Adorable!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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4/6/17 2:46 A

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Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed.

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4/5/17 9:40 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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4/5/17 12:13 A

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What's the stupidest animal in the entire jungle?

The polar bear.

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4/1/17 12:25 A

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Maybe that is why the song

"I'm forever blowing bubbles"

LOL!

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3/31/17 9:27 A

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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 19,147
3/31/17 1:19 A

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3/13/17 11:36 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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3/13/17 12:15 A

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Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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FOXBAY99's Photo FOXBAY99 Posts: 27,225
3/12/17 11:17 P

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Q - How many animals can jump higher than a house?
A - They all can. A house doesn't jump. emoticon

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- An old English Proverb

If it's important to you you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
- Frank Banks.

Strive for progress, not perfection.
- SparkPeople.


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3/12/17 10:26 P

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Brilliant! emoticon

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3/6/17 3:43 A

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FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!


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2/26/17 4:46 P

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2/21/17 10:39 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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2/21/17 2:16 A

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A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."




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2/21/17 2:16 A

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2/5/17 11:55 P

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2/5/17 10:24 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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NEWZEE's Photo NEWZEE Posts: 593
2/4/17 12:23 P

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Short but sweet...

Wife - I have changed my mind...
Husband - Does the new one work..??
😎


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Time Zone - Indian Standard Time ( I'm in India)


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1/30/17 10:48 A

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Word Play:

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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1/10/17 8:27 A

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1/6/17 12:54 A

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LOL!

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1/5/17 10:29 A

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My boss put up a "conserve energy" sign at the office.
I guess I better put my feet up and nap for awhile.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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12/20/16 5:06 A

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As they say, 'They're a Weird Mob"!!!

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12/18/16 2:37 P

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I must admit, I was thinking of you when I posted it - not because of the physical anatomical aspect - LOL! emoticon emoticon

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12/18/16 5:44 A

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Thanks for the homegrown humour Kris! emoticon

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12/4/16 6:59 P

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www.youtube.com/embed/2kpjnGWPmj0

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11/29/16 6:42 P

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11/29/16 9:35 A

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Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

A: At the bottom of the page.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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11/27/16 8:11 P

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11/19/16 12:15 P

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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11/18/16 5:34 P

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If two vegans argue, is that still a beef?

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11/18/16 10:40 A

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I hope you dance.

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11/9/16 10:32 P

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11/9/16 12:30 A

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11/8/16 10:15 A

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A schoolteacher asked her class to construct sentences with the words defeat, detail and defense. One pupil raised their hand and said I can make a sentence with all of them:

"The cow jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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