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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 137,169
12/14/14 8:57 A

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LE3INMEMPHIS's Photo LE3INMEMPHIS Posts: 85
12/1/14 10:51 P

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How can she hold they guys balls and not squeeze? Too ripe.

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12/1/14 4:04 P

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Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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12/1/14 11:04 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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11/30/14 5:06 P

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Square Testicles??????? This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'

The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I'll bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.? The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'




The moral of the story?? NEVER mess with an elderly woman

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11/24/14 4:39 A

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11/23/14 9:56 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 137,169
11/22/14 7:28 P

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A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

'Mum, look what I found,' the boy called out.

'What have you got there, dear?'

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,

'I think it's Adam's underwear!'


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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
CALGIRL80 Posts: 443
11/21/14 5:19 P

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hahaha

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11/20/14 3:32 P

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Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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11/20/14 2:19 A

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hahaha that's funny emoticon

I can and I will


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11/20/14 1:01 A

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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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11/17/14 1:37 A

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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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1DAY-ATA-TIME's Photo 1DAY-ATA-TIME Posts: 526
11/16/14 8:11 A

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11/16/14 8:04 A

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11/14/14 1:59 P

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LOL!!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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11/10/14 10:01 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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CHATA05's Photo CHATA05 SparkPoints: (1,116)
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11/10/14 12:38 A

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WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 137,169
11/9/14 10:50 P

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Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 137,169
11/9/14 10:48 P

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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
-Marc Pagnol
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11/9/14 10:05 A

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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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11/4/14 2:20 P

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THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS.

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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11/3/14 8:15 P

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OMG!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL emoticon

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11/3/14 10:08 A

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emoticon Thanks for the laughs.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL SparkPoints: (95,523)
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11/3/14 2:14 A

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The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
...
The third man married a girl from Ireland. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees...

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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11/3/14 2:06 A

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11/2/14 9:54 P

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Occasionally at work I get an opportunity to have a nice conversation with guests who stay for a while. Yesterday one of the guests asked me if I was married. I replied " No, I buried my husband about two years ago." She looked sad and said, "I'm so sorry." I said, " Don't feel too bad. He wasn't dead yet!"

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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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10/28/14 10:04 P

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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
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Thank-you for that

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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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~** GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE? **~

A woman goes into her lawyers office requesting a divorce. He is taking all of her background information and asks her, "Do you have grounds for a divorce?"

To which she replies, "Well, we have three acres."

"No, ma'am. What I mean is, does he beat you up?" asks the attorney.

"No, I get up around 6:30 and he sleeps until 7:00," she responds.

Feeling a little frustrated the attorney asks, "Lady, tell me, do you have a grudge?"

Looking very confident she states, "No, we have a carport."

At this point the lawyer has lost his patience and asks, "Look, Lady. Why the heck do you want a divorce?"

"Because he can't hold an intelligent conversation!"


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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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thanks again for the chuckles!
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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."

Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.



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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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emoticon I needed a good laugh!

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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emoticon Some of these are quite clever.

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY:


Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tyred, man who runs behind car gets
exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"


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LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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emoticon Bama

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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AWESOME!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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Gracious sakes--- these are so clever!!
I can add one-- I bought a book, "How to Organize your Time"--- but I never found the time to read it.. (True)
Thanks for the smiles!


God grant me the strength to reach my goal.


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Some of those are hilarious! emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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Funny, he he... emoticon

Edited by: GOANNA2 at: 10/20/2014 (06:22)
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Punography


I tried to catch some fog .... I mist

When Chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went ..... then it dawned on me.

The girl said sheíd met me at the vegetarian club, but Iíd never met herbifore.

Iím reading a book about anti-gravity, but I couldnít put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

PMS jokes arenít funny ..... period!

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there is no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.

I didnít like my beard first. But then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it is hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Broken pencils are pointless.


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LOL!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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emoticon emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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One dark night in the township of Whakatane, New Zealand, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in the blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said

"All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant...They must be saved I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the fire fighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became more desperate.

As firemen arrived the president, shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire station who could bring out the company's secret files. But still the fire companies could not get through.

From the distance a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby Taneatua Maori rural township volunteer fire company, composed mainly of Maori over the age of 65.

To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the new sleek engines that were parked outside the plant... Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Maori old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before...Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat, he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked their chief "What are you going to do with all that money?"

"Well" said Hohepa, the 70-year-old fire chief, "The first thing we gonna do is fix the brakes on that !@#%*@! fire truck".

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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what's a heaven for?"
Robert Browning

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." ~ Aristotle


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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GOD BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE. MAY GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS. HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK. TAKE CARE.


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