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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (320,742)
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7/20/16 9:10 A

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What do you call a rabbit with fleas?



Bugs Bunny!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (320,742)
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7/19/16 9:51 A

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emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (191,353)
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7/19/16 6:22 A

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Some People think I'm going crazy.
Joke is on them .... I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (320,742)
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7/14/16 9:40 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (191,353)
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7/14/16 1:09 A

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ndividual.asp?gid=953


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ndividual.asp?gid=30225


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ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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BAKES3000's Photo BAKES3000 Posts: 2,338
7/13/16 11:14 A

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Have you heard about the corduroy pillows? They're making headlines. emoticon

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt


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MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (320,742)
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5/21/16 10:19 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/21/16 2:50 A

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
5/21/16 2:49 A

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A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
"Ha! Tha'ts not going to help," she said.
"Sure it does," he said.
"It's the only way I can see the numbers."

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5/21/16 2:46 A

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Loved all those puns.

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FOXBAY99's Photo FOXBAY99 SparkPoints: (39,971)
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5/19/16 10:46 P

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Thanks for the puns. They are really funny. emoticon

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- An old English Prove

If it's important to you you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
- Frank Banks.

Strive for progress, not perfection.
- SparkPeople.


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5/19/16 10:19 A

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emoticon I love puns!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/18/16 7:35 P

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Punography


I tried to catch some fog .... I mist

When Chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went ..... then it dawned on me.

The girl said she’d met me at the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbifore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity, but I couldn’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type O.

PMS jokes aren’t funny ..... period!

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there is no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.


I didn’t like my beard first. But then it grew on me.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it is hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.


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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (191,353)
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5/18/16 7:31 P

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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FOXBAY99's Photo FOXBAY99 SparkPoints: (39,971)
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5/18/16 6:18 P

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Q:
Why is a dog man's best friend?

A:
Because it wags its tail and not its tongue.

emoticon

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- An old English Prove

If it's important to you you'll find a way.
If not, you'll find an excuse.
- Frank Banks.

Strive for progress, not perfection.
- SparkPeople.


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
5/15/16 7:48 A

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5/13/16 8:54 A

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emoticon Love the practice makes perfect one!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/12/16 5:44 P

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If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?




What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 27,809
5/12/16 2:31 P

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I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie I live in CT, EST.

I lost 122 pounds and have maintained it since 12/28/12.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.






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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
5/12/16 6:47 A

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5/10/16 9:43 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/10/16 6:56 A

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I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger........ and then it hit me.


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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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5/10/16 6:55 A

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I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.


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ndividual.asp?gid=953


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ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 27,809
5/9/16 5:20 P

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I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie I live in CT, EST.

I lost 122 pounds and have maintained it since 12/28/12.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.






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5/9/16 9:35 A

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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5/9/16 5:13 A

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I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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5/9/16 5:12 A

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Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this'.

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
5/9/16 5:06 A

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4/18/16 8:41 A

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In the emergency application at the doctor's office, when they ask who should be contacted in case of emergency, I always write, "An ambulance."

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 27,809
3/27/16 7:05 P

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I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie I live in CT, EST.

I lost 122 pounds and have maintained it since 12/28/12.

Too Blessed to be Stressed.






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3/27/16 6:21 P

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emoticon

(I never knew what a 'Sardar' was and just took it that that was his name, much like 'Fred'
I don't see anything offensive in it per se, but then, that is just my thoughts.)

Kris



Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 3/27/2016 (18:24)
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3/26/16 9:22 P

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A sardarji joke? Lots of people think it's funny as the dickens, but some other people who are members of the ethnic group being laughed at and portrayed as stupid don't like to be made to look like idiots.

I myself prefer to be really really careful with ethnic jokes.

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3/22/16 9:46 A

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3/22/16 9:25 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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MONTROSE28's Photo MONTROSE28 Posts: 801
3/21/16 9:40 P

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Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.

On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.

Then the foreman asked Sardar why he kept painting less each day?

He replied, “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.”

Chris,
Stawell, Victoria, Australia.


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3/20/16 9:08 A

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3/18/16 8:58 A

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Classified Ads Not Often Seen:

Treadmill $300 - hardly used - Call Chubbie

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
3/6/16 7:12 A

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You are so funny. emoticon

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3/2/16 9:05 A

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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
2/28/16 3:53 A

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2/24/16 10:06 A

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``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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TIATSR's Photo TIATSR Posts: 2
2/23/16 5:29 P

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How three men went for a walk and ended up at the pub
Three elderly gents went for a walk from their nursing home
The first man says:
It's windy ain't it?
The second mans replays,
No it's Thursdy
The third man says:
Yes I'm thirsty too, lets go to the pub,
Lol hope it brings a smile for a while my friends.

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2/22/16 10:12 A

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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
2/18/16 5:42 A

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2/16/16 10:47 A

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Do you know how to catch a rabbit?



Make a noise like a carrot! emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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PRIYA_MISHRA's Photo PRIYA_MISHRA Posts: 178
2/7/16 8:21 A

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"I came to this earth so that I can
find a way back to my beloved."
~Rumi
GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
2/7/16 5:21 A

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2/6/16 10:02 A

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Q: How do you avoid wrinkles?

A: Take your glasses off!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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PRIYA_MISHRA's Photo PRIYA_MISHRA Posts: 178
2/6/16 1:27 A

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"I came to this earth so that I can
find a way back to my beloved."
~Rumi
MRS_TOAD's Photo MRS_TOAD SparkPoints: (320,742)
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2/3/16 9:50 A

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emoticon emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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JBSTARAZ's Photo JBSTARAZ Posts: 291
2/3/16 9:24 A

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Too cute! emoticon emoticon

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JBSTARAZ's Photo JBSTARAZ Posts: 291
2/3/16 9:23 A

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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
2/3/16 7:33 A

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EAGERCOMPETITOR's Photo EAGERCOMPETITOR SparkPoints: (39,294)
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2/3/16 2:06 A

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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,”

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding.

He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom

"In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can". Nikos Kazantzakis




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2/2/16 6:58 P

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I'd like to do that sometimes, feed the frogs I mean emoticon

Central TZ
~Learn to fly over life obstacles~
Love yourself!


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1/30/16 10:13 A

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Why are frogs so happy?



They eat whatever bugs them. emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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JBSTARAZ's Photo JBSTARAZ Posts: 291
1/29/16 11:32 A

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While not a joke, it was funny in the telling of this story my friend sent me this morning. Flying rabbit - what's not to smile about with that!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-irel
and-35440440

emoticon Hello there, one of my kin flew the coop!

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1/29/16 11:02 A

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emoticon

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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AALLEY2's Photo AALLEY2 SparkPoints: (119,433)
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1/28/16 3:39 P

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Central TZ
~Learn to fly over life obstacles~
Love yourself!


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JBSTARAZ's Photo JBSTARAZ Posts: 291
1/28/16 2:35 P

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I think this could work for Zombie's too.


Why don't cannibals eat clowns?


They taste funny.

emoticon

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1/27/16 8:13 P

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Central TZ
~Learn to fly over life obstacles~
Love yourself!


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
1/27/16 7:34 P

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emoticon for the paws one...

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MACHOL's Photo MACHOL Posts: 2,315
1/25/16 5:46 P

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Shalom

If you don't laugh, I will give you a virtual tickle!

"Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries."
--Astrid Alauda


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GOANNA2's Photo GOANNA2 Posts: 14,756
1/24/16 4:42 P

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1/24/16 10:59 A

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What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?


Ouch!

``````(.)~(.)``````
`````(--------)`````
--oo0------0oo--
``````ribbit!`````

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance. ~ unknown

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain. ~ unknown


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