O my friend yes I have been there and I needed support from a therapist and other people who knew where I was at. Have you seen your doctor. He/she needs to know how badly you are really feeling - without putting a brave face on it.
I do not know if you are still in your abusive relationship, but I found the only thing that began to work for me was getting away. This is actually how I was in my first marriage. He was not abusive in the way the second one was. It was a different kind of abuse that I did not recognise till I learned more about what abuse actually is. By the time I left that first marriage I was almost a cot case. Thankfully I was blessed by having a very good friend who was a psychologist and before I was admitted to care (I was literally on the verge of a complete breakdown), he suggested I go and live with a couple of counsellors who had themselves both suffered with depression and all the other stuff I was going through. They agreed and I lived with them for six weeks until I got over the worst of it and found some kind of clarity. It was far better than being in the psych ward which I had thought I would have to go to and I had constant caring and feedback while I was with them. I did not know when I left my husband that I would not go back. I just knew if I didnt leave when I did, I would go insane. By the day I finally left I could not speak..... I have no idea how I let it get so bad - but I was very co-dependent and could not imagine ever living on my own or how I would survive. It terrified me which was why I stayed as long as I did.
There is hope I promise. I live on my own these days and just love it and have a freedom like never before to do things I actually want to do and enjoy life. I no longer have any desire to change my current way of living and I am contented. Wonderful unexpected things do come along and these days I am able to enjoy them to the full.
It was getting medical and psychological help that saved me when I was at this point in my life.
I had not, at that time, even begun to work on the childhood abuse... my current life was giving me so much to deal with I couldnt have coped with anything else. However it was as a result of leaving that I began therapy on my past as well as my present, and that is when I began to see what was happening and became able to start making some life altering changes.
We are here for you. You are not alone.
Edited by: -WISPY- at: 7/7/2012 (21:22)
"Give thanks for everything until you are absolutely sure it is not a blessing in disguise." Eastern Proverb.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world.." Mahatma Gandhi.
"Quitters never win and winners never quit." Anon
Make the decision to enjoy today. Do what you need to do for tomorrow - but live fully in TODAY.
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