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WAY2GOCAT's Photo WAY2GOCAT SparkPoints: (55,083)
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3/19/13 10:00 P

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I have a lot of ANGER when my husband's around and I explode and yell. I think he gets satisfaction out of it. He once told me his dad would purposely do things to irritate his mother and I think he does the same thing and gets the reaction he's looking for. I stuff my feelings of dissatisfaction with him and my frustrations in life and end up drinking over them. Most recently it was guilt and FEAR that I drank over. I wanted to ESCAPE my feelings. I just didn't want to feel. I wanted to be numb and numb I became. I was in a 4 day blackout. I want to stop reacting in these negative ways.

What intrigues me is that God loves me in the midst of my sin. He loves me when I'm angry and yelling and He loves me when I'm running away and getting drunk. He doesn't wait for me to be perfect or even to make imperfect progress before He does. He just loves me. It's hard to fathom. There's no love on earth like that. I used to think Tito loved me like God loves me. He's the closest I've gotten to it, but he still judges me and reacts in his own way in a place not coming from love and acceptance.

What concerns me is I don't believe I can change even in response to that love of Jesus. I think I'm beyond hope. I should know better: I stayed sober when he was in prison through a relationship with Jesus. Nothing to explode about now, just lots of things to stuff and drink over I'm fine until the raw emotions come. I always seek out a drink. I need and want to learn how to seek His face again and go to Him for the peace from my emotions that I so desperately seek.

Edited by: WAY2GOCAT at: 3/19/2013 (23:05)

Be still and know that I AM GOD.


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SSHEEHY1's Photo SSHEEHY1 Posts: 90
1/20/13 8:55 P

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Ican relate to being afraid that nothing will change, amd then again, that things will change. That's how I feel about my job bc it changes every three months in a way, but major shifts in personnel happen almost yearly. It's unsettling, for sure.
emoticon

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SUMMERSMILES1's Photo SUMMERSMILES1 Posts: 473
1/20/13 8:32 P

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I have been feeling fearful about the changes. With counseling, proper medicine, and devotions & prayer, I have been making headway in managing my depression and validating myself internally without craving external validation from people who can not (will not) give it. Considering that, I thought I would be less fearful of changes in my life and in me, and yet I’m not.

I find now instead of thinking/believing that nothing will be different each day (week, month, year); I am starting to accept that each day (week, month, year) brings something new/different and I find myself fearing that change instead of fearing nothing will change.

I want to grow/change into the woman God wants me to be. I am learning to process my emotions positively instead of negatively (exploding, imploding, feeding depression, etc.)

I like this book, Unglued, it is good too know that I am not alone. (As several have already stated being “highly sensitive”, I am that too.)


~ Summer ~
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Eira of the New Day (BLC16 Pink Vikings)

"Dreams become reality one choice at a time." - anon


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SSHEEHY1's Photo SSHEEHY1 Posts: 90
1/20/13 8:26 P

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ASOBFALLS, Yes, making the smile a default is certainly hard to do. And then there's the guilt over not "letting the joy of the Lord" shine through my face when I yell at the kids or scold them because they are pushing the envelope or totally breaking the rules...

Same thing with clients, is that they need to be kept in check or else they get out of hand. The customer is always right, but in my field, I'm paid to keep them in check, so they're actually not always right. But it's hard to get the clients to comply with their directions!

But, when I go from my car to the office and I get greeted along the way by smiling coworkers and clients hanging around, it is nice and it does put me in a good mood, even if that good mood get destroyed less than an hour later...LOL

Yes, I want to work on letting the Joy of the Lord shine through my face!

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ASOBFALLS's Photo ASOBFALLS Posts: 9,890
1/20/13 7:15 P

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I have been 'talked to ' by my Boss repeatedly...What I feel just shows on my face and comes out my mouth. I don't mean to be so 'blunt'. I truly do not yell at people but get in trouble any ways...
Working on making a 'smile' my 'default' face. emoticon

Joyce, a Daughter of the King, that is, a Princess!
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SUNSHINE192DAY's Photo SUNSHINE192DAY SparkPoints: (67,405)
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1/16/13 2:19 P

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Well I think that your boss now gave you the compliments on your work to show you that you have improved! We are a work in progress at all times in all things so you should let go of your feelings of not having done the right things in the past and think of all of the right things you are doing now! I think that you're taking all the right steps in not pursuing it further right now. If you get another bad evaluation in the future you can always bring it back up then. It seems to me that you're doing a lot right! Good job!

Co-Leader of Christian Women with Depression

Co-Leader of Merry FITmas

Central Time Zone!

With God all things are possible! Remember that and you're set!

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

—C. S. Lewis



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SSHEEHY1's Photo SSHEEHY1 Posts: 90
1/16/13 8:41 A

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I just was denied my appeal for a grievance toward my former boss- It was denied by my current boss, but he did it bc the contract was not broken. I could try to go over his head with the next step, but I have a great relationship with him and my other new boss, so I don't want to step on toes. Plus, my current boss brought up a pattern evident upon examining my file. I know it,s true, so why take it to further arbitration and perhaps make an enemy of him?
I, too, am a highly sensitive person, and I did cry when I got the denial letter, but I thanked my boss for not making me wait until Friday. (I hate when they do that even though I understand why some bosses do it). I also thanked him for his style of leadership, which is not a growling overbearing type. He's calm and fair, seems to me, and I told him so. I also made it clear that I have nothing against him. He asked me if it was so -and -so who "got me", and I rolled my eyes, looked away in anger, and politely said yes. I wonder if he already knows that * is a cut-throat. That's her reputation. My reputation with my former bosses was as a slacker for a while, so although I was warned, I didn't get it til I got a bad evaluation. I didn't grieve the first one because I felt I earned it with too many absences and dropping the ball too many times. I told my current boss that, and I said I was really surprised when I got the second one ( the one I grieved) bc I thought I had improved so much that I wouldn't get a bad evaluation that year. I told him that it seemed impossible to please my previous bosses who'd given me the bad evals. .At any rate, I felt like I must be the worst * ever! But I also stated to my current boss that I hope I'm up to snuff now, I want to keep improving, and I welcome any suggestions. HE THEN GAVE ME A STRING OF COMPLIMENTS ON MY WORK! So I guess I'm NOT the worst ever!

Now that I have bosses with whom I have a great relationship, I want to keep it that way.
It really *is/* hard to let go of my past and go forward knowing that my bosses are happy with my work NOW. Just like the woman at the well.

I told my Husband all about it and how my boss had looked at me with a frown yesterday before he gave me the denial letter...but it seemed to me that he wasn't upset with me, but about something having to do with me. Then it happened again later that same day. I think it was bc he'd already reached his decision and was not looking forward to giving me the disappointing letter.

My mother, a now retired #2 boss in the same field but other companies, told me I'm making the right decision, and so did my Husband. and a co-worker mentioned at work that if I were to take it to the next level, I would be stepping on toes, and my Husband and mother both agreed.
So now I just have to go forward in the grace that God has given me by removing the three bosses with whom I had poor relationships and giving me a fresh start with my new bosses. I felt like the others were out to get me, but that these new ones are supportive. My mom said she's glad she never worked for my company due to their reputation for "gotcha" evaluation attitudes in general. She sees her role as an evaluator as HELPING the employee. She said she only ever once "went after" an employee, but it was bc the person's performance truly was not cutting it.
So anyway, I feel like I deserve nothing, yet God was planning all along to bring me out of the furnace after He removed the slag or dross from my performance. Praise Him!

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RICKENICKEY's Photo RICKENICKEY SparkPoints: (4,945)
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1/15/13 7:19 A

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I, too, struggle with feelings of not feeling worthy of God's love, but that's where I think faith comes in. I don't quite understand always why God loves me and can't even comprehend the depth of His love, but I'm working on trying to accept it for the truly miraculous gift it is. I think it's tough because all we have to compare it to is our earthly love, and that's imperfect, so it's hard to imagine a totally perfect love.

I am enjoying the reading, and I'm also enjoying the discussions and seeing everyone's perspectives.

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SUNSHINE192DAY's Photo SUNSHINE192DAY SparkPoints: (67,405)
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1/14/13 6:11 P

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I guess what most concerns me about approaching these changes as a response to God's love is that I feel like no matter what I do I'm not worthy of that kind of love. I know that we can't do anything to be worthy of His love and that we are just loved but it still makes me feel like I should somehow earn His love and be worthy of it. I don't exactly know if anyone else has the same reaction to that question but that's how I feel. I already love where this book is going and can't wait to move farther with it!

Co-Leader of Christian Women with Depression

Co-Leader of Merry FITmas

Central Time Zone!

With God all things are possible! Remember that and you're set!

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

—C. S. Lewis



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PINKROSE8's Photo PINKROSE8 Posts: 2,389
1/14/13 2:30 P

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Love the book so far!! I see so much of myself in what others are writing and what the book explains.
I've been through years of therapy after a major depression and now go to a codependency class. The class is mainly for enabling loved ones who have drug or alcohol problems but enabling covers anything we do to "fix" other's. This book will look at how to work on me and my perceptions.
I've also been diagnosed as a highly sensitive person and have a book called the "Highly Sensitive Person." A feeling of "needing" everyone to like me, having to please everyone or I'm not OK.
I love how the book talks about changing our thought patterns! It is so true, I've learned by how our brains work physiologicaly and hearing it from a Christian woman who has researched all that's in the book reinforces it.
The hard part is to not react so emotionally to things that I am upset, or angry about. And things I don't agree with and can't find a resoulution (whether I should be finding the answer anyway!)
My two words to have any peace and be succsseful at what we're learning is...FOLLOW GOD!

I feel like I was led to return to SPARKPEOPLE at this perfect time to study with all of you.

Blessings to all of you!!

Dee

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KMADDOX3's Photo KMADDOX3 SparkPoints: (11,818)
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1/14/13 8:02 A

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Thanks to all who are posting. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I started reading last night and love it! I've always been told I am "too sensitive". I agree RICKENICKEY, I have a hard time taking in everyone's emotions and mood. I pray God will show us the steps to take to have peace in our lives.

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1/12/13 7:51 A

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I need to learn to stop taking things so personally. I seem to absorb everyone else's emotions and internalize them as my own, so that at times I don't even know how I'm feeling, because I'm so worried about what everyone else's emotions are around me. I also need to stop running to food every time stress pops up. It's a vicious cycle, and I really want to work on this.

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ITZ_SUE's Photo ITZ_SUE Posts: 694
1/9/13 1:52 P

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One of my issues is that people hurt my feelings throughout the day (driving, co-workers, customers, some family members ... ) ... so when I get home at night, tired and feeling beaten, I have such a short fuse, I DO take it out on my family at home. A dirty dish on the counter, tp roll empty, lights left on ... small, unimportant things, but they set me off. I am going to try to: stop! take a breath! say a prayer! ... and go from there .. one step at a time.. I pray for God's help on this. ... and totally agree with allowing myself to start over each time it doesn't quite go well.

The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not protect you.


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LITTLEGUYSMOM1's Photo LITTLEGUYSMOM1 SparkPoints: (49,807)
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1/9/13 8:37 A

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I think, for me, that I need to accept God's grace when I do explode and not wallow in regret. I also need to turn to God for peace when I get frustrated. I tend to explode on my kids but stuff the emotions with everyone else. That isn't fair to them or anyone. I just have such a short temper when it comes to their nonsense. I need to let go of the control issue I have with them and just learn to be in the moment and let go of what I can and be gentler with everything else. I don't want them to remember their childhood filled with yelling on my part. I want to rest in God's grace and extend it to them too.

Tina
Team Co-Leader Christian Women with Depression (CWWD)

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Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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PINKROSE8's Photo PINKROSE8 Posts: 2,389
1/7/13 10:11 P

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KMADDOX3 hit the nail on the head for me.

I can be explosive only to regret it later. Some issues in my life seem to happen in cycles and it's the same thing, different day.
I need to learn to "accept what I can't change." I go to a class and learn a lot but putting things into practice is very hard.
I know I need God in my life to ever fill whole and at peace.
I'm looking forward to going through this book together and learning together.

Thank you and bless you Tina for putting all of this together and leading us through this study!

Dee

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1/7/13 4:15 P

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I haven't read the 1st 2 chapters yet, I guess I have until 1/20? This study is so relevant to my life right now. I am an exploder and don't want to be. I think I take things personally because my opinion of myself is so low. That, however, is changing, praise God! I want to change bc I want to be a good Christian example for my fiance. I want him to come closer to God too. So this is very important to me.

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1/6/13 7:16 A

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Okay, Ladies. Here we go!!

God invites us to choose grace rather than self-condemnation - or anything else - as the starting point for growth and change. One of the most compelling illustrations of this truth comes from the Gospel story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). After dispersing the crowd of accusers who wanted to stone her, Jesus addresses the woman directly:

"Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you, " Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:10-11)

There is nothing conditional about Jesus' response. He doesn't say, "If you promise to leave your life of sin, I won't condemn you." He first extends grace and then invites the woman to build a whole new life on that foundation. She doesn't change in order to receive Jesus' approval; she changes as a response to His love.

Take a moment to think about the changes you want to experience, especially in connection with your raw emotions and reactions. What intrigues you, or concerns you, about approaching these changes as a response to God's love?

Tina
Team Co-Leader Christian Women with Depression (CWWD)

5% Summer Challenge - Starfish team
Ohio - Eastern Time Zone

Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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1/6/13 7:02 A

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That's okay, Joyce! You'll still have time to read the first chapter and do the homework question since we are going every 2 weeks. emoticon

Tina
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Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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ASOBFALLS's Photo ASOBFALLS Posts: 9,890
1/6/13 12:32 A

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emoticon I got the book ordered....5 days or so emoticon

Joyce, a Daughter of the King, that is, a Princess!
leader Christian Women with Depression
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1/4/13 8:41 P

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Thanks Tina. I found this page; I can even read it on my Kindle Fire and answer if I type slowly!!

I look forward to this Bible study.

~ Summer ~
Mist Strongwolf (BLC 18 & BLC17 Pink Vikings)

Eira of the New Day (BLC16 Pink Vikings)

"Dreams become reality one choice at a time." - anon


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1/3/13 1:01 P

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Just wanted to say I'm really excited for this to start. Thanks for putting it together, Tina.

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1/3/13 7:44 A

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Yes, this is the palce to find your questions/homework assignment. I will be posting the first question on Sunday, Jan 6. Glad to have you join us!

Tina
Team Co-Leader Christian Women with Depression (CWWD)

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Ohio - Eastern Time Zone

Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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ITZ_SUE's Photo ITZ_SUE Posts: 694
1/2/13 10:26 P

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Hello ... will the questions be posted here? Thank you for organizing this.

The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not protect you.


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1/1/13 1:10 P

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Just so you know, the book itself does not have any homework questions in it. I will be using a Participant's Guide that I got along with the book to lead the discussion and assign homework questions. You do not need to buy the guide in order to do this study, but you will need the book.

I hope this helps!

Happy Reading!

Tina
Team Co-Leader Christian Women with Depression (CWWD)

5% Summer Challenge - Starfish team
Ohio - Eastern Time Zone

Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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1/1/13 12:17 A

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I am really looking forward to this study!!!! Thank you, LILGUYSMOM, for doing this! I, too, have "read" (listened to) Chapter 1 and can't wait to get started!

Edited by: SSHEEHY1 at: 1/1/2013 (06:52)
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12/29/12 12:36 P

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Hello Ladies!

This is the place you will find your weekly assignment and reading guide for the "Unglued" Bible study. I can't wait to begin this journey to emotional well being with you.


Reading Schedule:
January 6 - Read chapter 1 and answer questions
January 20 - Read chapter 2 and answer questions
February 3 - Read chapter 3 and answer questions
February 17 - Read chapter 4 and answer questions
March 3 - Read chapter 5 and answer questions
March 17 - Read chapter 6 and answer questions
March 31 - Read chapter 7 and answer questions
April 14 - Read chapter 8 and answer questions
April 28 - Read chapter 9 and answer questions
May 12 - Read chapter 10 and answer questions
May 26 - Read chapter 11 and answer questions
June 9 - Read chapter 12 and answer questions
June 23 - Wrap up

Heavenly Father, please be with this wonderful group of women who are striving to find wholeness in You. Guide our reading and homework as we dig deeper into Your Word. I pray for guidance as I take on the task of leading this study. May we all be blessed by the wisdom You can impart. In Your Son's holy name I pray. Amen.

Tina
Team Co-Leader Christian Women with Depression (CWWD)

5% Summer Challenge - Starfish team
Ohio - Eastern Time Zone

Be still and know that I am God...
Psalm 46:10a


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