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TWIGAND22's Photo TWIGAND22 Posts: 93
4/7/11 12:31 A

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The self-defeating thoughts that routinely run through my mind when it comes to food and my weight is that I will never be able to do it, I will always be this way and when I get pregnant some day it will just get worse. I also feel like other people look at me and want me to be smaller or that my boyfriend would want me to look healthier instead of this fat person with lots of stomach rolls and stretch marks and a saggy chin. I feel inferior and unattractive to others when I feel like I am still young and should be using this time when I don't have kids or haven't been pregnant and look good. But I don't :( I don't even think anyone else would want me because I am fat, it seems like not many people care about your heart but weather you have a tan, or are skinny and wear a lot of fake get-ups. It's sad and makes me feel sad about myself and how I look. When I scrutinize my thoughts with the three questions (Is this true? Is this beneficial? Is this necessary?) I kind of don't gain much because it is hard for me to think that the thoughts I think are not true, I believe them as if they are true even though they probably aren't. I know it is not beneficial to worry about these things but I guess I think I need to or I will never do anything about it. It is definitely not necessary to worry about these things because I should be relying on God. Period!

I still have a problem walking away from unhealthy foods so it is hard for me to relate walking away from these thoughts and feelings because I don't walk away from them either, I usually wallow in them and feel bad for myself. I guess I feel like I can't do this because I feel like it does benefit me in some way to worry about it, when it really doesn't. It's a viscous cycle. I know deep in my heart it is not beneficial to worry so much about everything and let negative thoughts and things people say get to me but then I feel in another part of me that I am benefiting myself by worrying about these things. I need to realize that I CAN do this but I need to let God help me and not try to handle it on my own so much.

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MOGENEO's Photo MOGENEO Posts: 326
4/3/11 9:31 A

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self defeating thoughts or hurtful comments from others that routinely run through my mind when it comes to food and my weight?

i am obese.

all other thoughts and statements have nothing to do with my food or my weight. but they affect how i eat. they affect how i feel about myself. and i use those statements to beat myself up.

when i first started on this journey, it was true that i was obese.
is this beneficial? no. it was not necessary. it was not an eye opener to me. and it was said merely to hurt me, because that person hated me at the time... maybe she still does. (shrug).

this chapter, i loved. this #5 question, i just retyped after i had answered the others. i want to take many parts of this chapter and go back over and over them again. i am glad i own this book.

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i have gone back over these questions, and i have nothing more to answer about this question.

Edited by: MOGENEO at: 4/3/2011 (09:33)
"so whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 cor 10:31

"therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that so easily entangles, and let us run w/perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews


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BARBIE567's Photo BARBIE567 SparkPoints: (61,907)
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4/1/11 10:16 A

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What "identity-crusher" thought or hurtful comment - about your size or weight - bumps around in your heart and causes damage?

You are mobidly obese.

What insights do you gain when you scrutinize this thought or comment with these questions:

Is this thought/comment true?

Yes

Is this thought/comment beneficial?

No

Is this thought/comment necessary?

Although this comment is true, it will not help me to dwell on it.

Do you feel you can choose to walk away from this thought or comment in the same way you can choose to walk away from unhealthy foods?
Why or why not

I can choose to swell on the fact that I am trying to change and have hope for that the future will be different.

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SERENEMOM71 SparkPoints: (40,664)
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3/31/11 1:48 P

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I used to be "one of those people who could eat anything and not gain an ounce!" And then I became 40 years old, became disabled because of RA, nerve damage, OA, degenerative arthritis, serious GERD, COPD, and etc., etc. My activity slowed down consideribly but my eating didn't. I also started to remember some very difficult childhood abuse that knocked me to my knees. Menopause and I had to start on steroids and my weight went up to almost 200 pounds. I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I went to a new rheumatologist who decided I didn't have RA, took me off all medications, and my feet twisted inward so badly that I needed surgery on both of them so I could wear shoes and walk! I lost all the weight but I couldn't walk! I gradually gained 30 pounds back and here I sit. I have since lost 10 pounds soooo slow it has been painful.

Back to the comments. My family doesn't say much about my weight - especially my husband as he is overweight himself. My daughters comment when I lose weight and are encouraging, but otherwise they are kind. The comments that I struggle with are from my childhood. Their intent was to "program" me so that I would do whatever they wished me to do (and believe me it wasn't pretty), I was so stubborn, I was physically and otherwise abused a lot. Anyway, they told me all they time I was unloved, worthless, bad, hated, awful - well I am putting what they said in nicer terms. They tried to form my "core beliefs" so that I would be molded into what they wanted me to be. They were partially successful.
Those messages still come up today and I have to counter them with positive messages and Bibles verses.

Beckanafo, I do understand how all those negantive comments can really hurt and "stick." I'm sorry that your MIL and your husband were so hurtful. Sometimes you have to go through the actual process of writing them down, declaring them "not true (or whatever words work for you), and destroying the printed word. I burned the messages! That really helped me! It didn't get rid of them (as mine were put into my head for years and years but it did start the healing process for me and it helped take the words power away) but it might do the trick for you. Or @ least really help? I did it with a therapist, but it was my own idea.

Anytime we can actually talk, write, paint, sculpt, or do anything else to get our feelings/messages out, we help ourselves on our journey of healing. I think that this exercise was helpful for me, anyway. Thanks everyone for sharing.

Edited by: SERENEMOM71 at: 3/31/2011 (13:50)
I can do ALL things through Christ whom strengthens me.


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LAWOLF2's Photo LAWOLF2 Posts: 471
3/29/11 10:50 P

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I started answering this question and ended up with a rambling answer that when I went back and read it I realized it should go in my journal and I should try answering the question again from what I journaled.

What I found was that most of the comments that are my “identity-crushers” are a result of relating my size to people who weigh more than I do. I still see myself as weighing over 200 pounds and I haven’t weighed 200 pounds. I got close at 190 but I saw myself as weighing more because that is what my sisters weighed and I was always given a rough time for trying to be better than they were so I started seeing myself like they were so I wouldn’t be better than them.

So when people make comments about other people who are heavier and don’t stop to think about who they might offend, I tend to think they are talking about me. If I start looking at these comments with these question, it will help me put them aside and dwell on the important things. God loves me.

I read earlier something on Lysa TeKeurst’s blog, “My feelings should be an indicator of my situation but never a dictator of my reaction.” If I can remember this statement and choose to walk away from the comment and replace it with God’s words, I will be happier and a more fruitful person.

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BECKAFANO's Photo BECKAFANO SparkPoints: (22,836)
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3/28/11 9:03 P

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I felt a huge wall while I was reading it. I guess I was trying to find the 'thoughts' or 'comments' people have said to me about my weight and there have certainly been many, but for me the comments that bounce around in my head and heart like an out of control bouncy ball are really the other ones; like...

when my step-mom told me that living with me was like walking on egg shells and I was so difficult to live with if she could afford it, she would pay for me to live somewhere else

when my husband said that if he had to do it all over again he wouldn't get married because being married to me has been so difficult

when my husband said that he wanted kids, but not 'with me'

when my husband told me that he believed God was not allowing me to have kids because I would be a bad mom

.....the list is endless and lasts for days. I hate it, but have yet to find a way to make it go away. The biggest part that is hard to ignore is that so many people seem to have said the same thing that I can't help, but believe it must be true. I have never thought of applying any of those questions to them and I guess I should.

In fact this is an issue of my life that has haunted me for many of the past few years. Although I have been able to talk to my husband and things are different now, I have a hard time knowing what to do with the things that can't be changed. I once read a book that said I can't control what others say or do, but any emotion I feel as a result of it is my responsibility. That is where I'm stuck and I have been stuck for the last few years. Sorry, I think I'm whining.

Edited by: BECKAFANO at: 3/28/2011 (21:09)
Never mistake failure as final

They call it a diet, but it's really my life.

Deciding what you want your life to be like is not hard. Deciding what you are willing to do and give up to get it, is the hard part.

I will do what I need to do in order to do what I want to do.

What you do and say is a reflection of who you are, so decide who you want to be and do it.

Rebecka


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RICKENICKEY's Photo RICKENICKEY SparkPoints: (5,011)
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3/28/11 2:25 P

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God was speaking to me loud and clear in this chapter. This past week when my doctor made her comment about noticing I had gained weight broke my heart. This chapter helped me to try to remember that God loves me no matter what I weight; that He wants me to be healthy, he doesn't care about the number on the scales. He wants me to treat the temple I was given with love and care (no matter what the weight is for the day).

I'm really going to try and let this one sink in, as it seems the worse I feel about myself, the less I am able to commit to my eating and exercise plans. Thank you God for speaking to me today through MTC!

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SERENEMOM71 SparkPoints: (40,664)
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3/28/11 11:24 A

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God nudged me to choose this one!

'That day in the gym, I could have let the words, "I can hardly believe it. She must weigh like 150 pounds" bump around and cause great damage. Instead, I took that comment and held it up to the truths the Holy Spirit was whispering...I had a choice to make. I could feed that comment and let it grow into an identity crusher; or I could see it for what it was, a careless comment. Just like i can make the choice to leave the cookies in the bakery case and the chips on the grocery store shelf, I could make the choice to walk away from that remark. Made to Crave, pages 74-75.
What "identity-crusher" thought or hurtful comment - about your size or weight - bumps around in your heart and causes damage?
What insights do you gain when you scrutinize this thought or comment with these questions:
Is this thought/comment true?
Is this thought/comment beneficial?
Is this thought/comment necessary?
Do you feel you can choose to walk away from this thought or comment in the same way you can choose to walk away from unhealthy foods?
Why or why not?

I can do ALL things through Christ whom strengthens me.


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