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3/14/12 9:28 P

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We aught to move the party over here as there is more activity..... but then Popeye would have to go into a corner! Those are some good ones!



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3/14/12 9:19 P

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The only things constant in life are death and taxes - and change.

I'm not yet 70, but a number of my granddaughter's friends call me Grandpa. Two have even called me in the middle of the night when they were somewhere that turned into more than they naively thought.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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3/14/12 8:51 P

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Ahhhh, how things change...


You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever You are hot and sweaty.. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit: shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes. Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Walmart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age, you might do the following:

In your 20s : Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know -- you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30s: Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick, so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40s: Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brut is almost empty, so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age, and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50s: Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror, and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming, and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60s: Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog sh*t off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50s. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out of the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on, so you are not sure.

In your 70s: Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog sh*t on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80s : Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart.. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for. You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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3/14/12 8:19 P

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Ah Geez Popeye, that is another groaner!

Debby


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3/14/12 5:59 P

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This is truly a groaner!


Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store. The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer.

"Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail."

"Good grief," says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?"

"You're right. I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar.

This is obviously the work of
a cereal killer."

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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3/14/12 12:11 P

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LOL Buddy!

Debby


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GARDENCHRIS's Photo GARDENCHRIS SparkPoints: (184,711)
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3/14/12 7:37 A

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ok ... so I guess I was one of those that went "huh" LOL



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3/13/12 11:10 P

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Buddy, emoticon

That one is definitely challenging, however, I think this should qualify for our team.


Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their fields, and waited.

After a while, sure enough, there came the cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both jumped up and shot it at the same time. They couldn't tell whose
bullet had taken the cougar's life!

They decided to share the credit, and also to have the cougar stuffed. They decided to take turns keeping the stuffed cougar. However, this arrangement turned out not to be to their liking. Instead, they decided to divide the stuffed cougar in two, and flip a coin for who would get which end.

Bill lost, and ended up with a mounted trophy of the cougar's rear. So, even though shooting the cougar was a great sporting victory, Bill thought, it was nothing but a catastrophe.



If you didn't get it, go back and read the last sentence - S L O W L Y, and the last word
S L O W E R still.

If this joke makes you want to throw something, be forewarned. This joke recently scored a 9 out of 10 at the World Finals Shaggy Dog Convention and came in third place.

The first time through, fully 70% of the crowd responded with some variation of, "Huh?" I enjoyed it for more than one reason, not the least of which, it made so many conventioneers look like ignorant ..... ground worms.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
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3/13/12 4:53 P

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A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, but serious-looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of he boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replies,"I work for the IRS."


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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3/12/12 10:44 P

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Bring it on!!! emoticon

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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3/12/12 7:30 P

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Popeye I laughed out loud almost chocked on my tea!

Buddy I think you have some competition!!



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3/12/12 7:11 P

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I am truly impressed with your concept of humor. However, I wonder if they are truly for a person who is a member of Sarcastics Unlimited.

I offer up this alternatively based selection:

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

"Don't you have a cell phone?", the psychiatrist asked?

The blonde answered, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

"Uh ... How's that working?"

"Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet", said the blonde.

"And why do you think that is?"

"I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."


May I have a groan, please.

Actually, I laughed at your jokes - sometimes so hard my stomach ached. I'm going to use that as my conditioning for today.

"A government big enough to give everything you want is also big enough to take everything you have."
-Ronald Reagan

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3/4/12 5:19 P

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Oh yea....that would be me!



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3/4/12 4:26 P

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A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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3/1/12 7:20 P

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emoticon



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3/1/12 7:09 P

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/29/12 7:11 A

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emoticon cute

Edited by: GARDENCHRIS at: 2/29/2012 (07:11)


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2/28/12 10:44 P

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A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the
"Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded
cast-iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot
rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for
it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around
before it slams down.

Sputtering in a fit of pique, he calls the waiter over, describes what
is happening, and demands an explanation!

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck."


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/25/12 9:51 A

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emoticon



Nothing changes unless something changes.

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2/24/12 9:09 P

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A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,

"Not anymore! ... He is!"


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/23/12 8:39 P

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You've got to see/hear this. I almost fell off my chair! Love it!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlM85h3MZF4



P.S. There are some naughty words in it...so skip if you're sensitive to that.

Edited by: BUDDYSMYFRIEND at: 2/23/2012 (20:41)
If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/21/12 9:48 P

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I do like # 4!!!



Nothing changes unless something changes.

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2/21/12 9:14 P

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Five Rules To Remember In Life

1. Money does not buy happiness, but it's a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemies -- but make sure you remember their names.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble ...and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many (again many) people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems. But then again, neither does milk.

and...

6. Anytime you say there is a specific number of Rules In Life, someone will instantly come up with another one.


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/20/12 4:14 P

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emoticon emoticon lol



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2/20/12 3:14 P

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Funny! Next time we have a thunderstorm I'll think of that joke!

Debby


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2/20/12 3:09 P

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When the grave-side service had no more than just finished, there
was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning
bolt and more rumbling thunder, and more lightning.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,

"Well, she's there."



If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/17/12 10:13 P

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I am so glad you joined ....to keep us laughing!



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2/17/12 10:11 P

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Q. Why don't stupid people eat Jello?




A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/16/12 8:38 P

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The Warning Signs of Insanity...

Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.

You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.

You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.

You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.

You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbour for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.

People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.

Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.

Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your little illusion.

You collect dead windowsill flies.

Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

You like cats. Especially with mayo.

You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island because they weren't rescued.

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

Melba toast excites you.

When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him because "the napkins have ears."

You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)

People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

You despise the voices in your head, especially the ones that don't speak English.

You see migrating flocks of ducks in the fall and only your attachment to the toaster keeps you from joining them.

The person you always talk to is invisible to everyone but you.

You like reading lists like this. emoticon

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/16/12 7:21 A

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emoticon

I believe I am this

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people. Yep that is me!



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2/15/12 9:45 P

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Glad you're being entertained. Where do I find them? Wherever I can. I really do believe that laughter is a great medicine. So....here's one for today...


Definitions Not in the Dictionary

ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. I have character lines.


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/15/12 8:10 P

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I know!!! Right!!!



Nothing changes unless something changes.

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2/15/12 8:05 P

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OMG LMAO!!!

Debby


1 Days until:  Missoula Half Marathon
 
50
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25
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2/15/12 7:16 A

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here is proof that you are the only one qualified to lead this thread!

OMG where do you find stuff like this?!?!? emoticon emoticon emoticon



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2/14/12 8:32 P

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HERE'S PROOF THE WORLD IS NUTS.....

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but
the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)



In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals,
but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)



Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This
also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)



The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")



There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the
privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam
law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in
the world that even comes close to this?)



In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her
adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The
husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner
desired.
(Ah! Justice!)



Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in
tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)



In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to
witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)



In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a
woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)



In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines
with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)



Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)



The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of...?) (Did the govt. pay for this research??)



Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)



Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)



And, the best for last.... Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(Do you think they have bad breath?)


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/12/12 9:10 P

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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blond joke?"

In a hushed voice , the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"Our bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond. I'm 6' tall, 200lbs and a black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blond. Think about it, Mister. Do you really wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says,"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/12/12 9:14 A

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that would have been priceless to see~ A good routine for Smile your on Candid Camera!



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2/11/12 10:29 P

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THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:


Everyone should start carrying $2 bills!
I am STILL laughing!! I think we need to quit saving
our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger
generation doesn't even know they exist.

STORY:
On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill.

I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'
Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'
Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
Manager : 'No. A what?'
Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.'
Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
Server: 'Yeah, thought so.' He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'
Me : 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?'
Server: 'I don't know.'
Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
Server: 'Yeah.'
Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.'

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'

Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change
Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
Server: 'What should I do?'
Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
Server : 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
Manager: 'Just tell him.'
Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.

The manager approaches me and says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'

Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
Me: 'Why not?'
Manager: 'I think you know why.'
Me: 'No really, tell me why.'
Manager : 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me: 'Excuse me?'
Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me: 'What on earth for?'
Manager: 'Please, sir.'
Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
Me: 'No.'
Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'
Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner.

I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'
Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'
Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager : 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
Guard: 'Yeah.'

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
Me: 'Uh, no.'
Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
Me: 'Why?'
Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'

At this point I am ready to say, ' Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say , 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'

Manager: 'It's fake.'
Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
Guard: 'Yeah? '
Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot .

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too.

Just think...those two will be voting soon

....YIKES!!!

Too late, we already have a nation full of them.




If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/10/12 10:02 P

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Ok you are the official jokster! I did not have anything in my mouth that time!



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2/10/12 9:32 P

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man goes to social security office to apply for ss benefits.
lady worker asks him for his ID
he says he left his drivers license at home.
lady asks him to take off his shirt, she could guess his age that way.
he does.
when he gets home wife asks how everything went.
he tells her he had to take his shirt off to get the ss benefits.
wife tells him if he had taken his pants off he would had gotten disability too!


If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/10/12 8:32 P

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Forgetabotit.... No prob... Was cute tho... emoticon



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2/10/12 3:17 P

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emoticon

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/10/12 7:35 A

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Well those were also good! Now the joke is on you Chris is a Women. hear me ROAR emoticon emoticon Really check out my page!



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2/10/12 12:19 A

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Thanks for the Goodie. I'm beside myself. emoticon emoticon

OK, now this is another couple of jokes, so I need Chris to empty his mouth and his bladder before reading...

WHAT DO RETIRED FOLKS DO ALL DAY??

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make
their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and
went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we
came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a
senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket

I called him a Dumbazz. He glared at me and started writing another
ticket for having worn tires.

So Mary called him a sh*thead. He finished the second ticket and put
it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third
ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to
have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our
age.
----------------------------------------
--------------------------------------
----------------------------

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he comes up with a suggestion.

'If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds'.

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

'How long will this take?' I asked.

'They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'

Without missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'

He's still alive .... and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.




Edited by: BUDDYSMYFRIEND at: 2/10/2012 (00:28)
If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/9/12 8:19 P

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ok I just gave you a prize on your page! You need to get on over to the party thread spread some life over there!



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2/9/12 8:16 P

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emoticon OMG YOU DID IT AGAIN!!!

I think we are going to put you in charge of keeping us laughing!



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2/9/12 8:13 P

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Sheesh! It's not my responsibility to worry about when I post my jokes, or when you read them, or whether you can eat and laugh at the same time! Man-Up dude!




emoticon It's my first time being a brat here. Do I win a prize?

If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore



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2/9/12 7:22 A

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you should not do that when people are eating breakfast....... we could choke .... from laughing at the same time!



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2/8/12 10:36 P

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I just shot my tea through my nose!

Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible and suddenly you will be doing the impossible -- St Francis of Assisi

Rock 'n' Roll Dublin Half Marathon, Dublin, Ireland, 8/5/2013
ie.competitor.com/dublin/


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Bubba and Earl are at the University of GA football game, enjoying a beautiful day. At halftime the GA mascot, Uga (a white English bulldog) walks out to the 50 yard line and proceeds to lick himself.

Bubba nudges Earl, "look at that! Man, I wish I could do that!"

Earl replies, "Bubba! That dog would bite you!"



If you want to win anything- a race, yourself, your life- you have to go a little berserk. George Sheehan

"You can't cross a sea by merely standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore




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