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JEANNETTE59 SparkPoints: (294,929)
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5/2/16 8:27 P

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If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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5/2/16 11:02 A

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Linda


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4/30/16 5:56 P

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So cute Linda!

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/30/16 1:05 P

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Panda, no that's not Garfy (looks just like him, but face is American Shorthair, Garfy is British shorthair. Face is flatter) But that is one of his many silly poses. I just don't know how to write subtitles on his pics. LOL!!

Linda


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4/29/16 11:22 P

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is that your Garfy Linda? he is cute laying on his back.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/29/16 6:56 P

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Linda


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4/28/16 6:16 P

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Great Ladies emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/28/16 5:46 P

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Very funny about the parrot.

Linda


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4/28/16 3:58 P

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A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot in the window and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, she was incredibly ticked now. The next day see saw the same parrot and the parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager said, "That's not good." and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store after work the parrot said to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" and the bird said, "You know."

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4/27/16 5:51 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/27/16 4:53 P

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Linda


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4/27/16 11:00 A

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emoticon naughty little ducks!

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/27/16 8:42 A

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This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks, one in each hand, and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced, and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" He says to the first duck. "Huey" replies the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says, "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is Puddles, and don't ask about my day."

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4/26/16 4:49 P

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Naughty Kitty Day emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/26/16 3:32 P

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oops, i think we goofed. that is funny Linda.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/26/16 7:01 A

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Linda


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4/25/16 9:03 P

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Don't ask questions...

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4/25/16 6:34 P

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Linda....I recognize that look! emoticon

Funeral Dog, I sure didn't see that coming emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/25/16 5:51 P

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Idg, loved the dog joke!


Linda


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4/25/16 11:42 A

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Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. At the head was the casket, behind was a man walking a very large dog and behind him were 300 people. Tom walks over to the guy with the dog and asks who’s funeral is this? The man answers, “My mother-in-law’s.” Tom wishes his condolences and asks, “She must of been a very important person, but what’s with the dog?” He answers, “This is the dog that killed her!” So Tom asks, “can I borrow the dog for an hour?” He responds, “Get on line!”

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4/24/16 6:50 P

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I don't know how I missed so many of these. They are all great and I needed to emoticon

emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/24/16 6:25 P

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Linda


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4/24/16 12:49 P

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I have to do something to pay my way through College...

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4/23/16 11:25 A

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4/23/16 10:26 A

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Linda


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4/23/16 9:06 A

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Late Night Lecture
An elderly man driving erratically was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replied, "That would be my wife."


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4/22/16 6:03 P

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Thanks I am little so I understand Leprechaun


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4/22/16 5:39 P

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Loved the dog in the bar!!

Linda


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4/22/16 9:05 A

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A dog walks into a pub, and takes a seat. He says to the barman, "Can I have a pint of lager and a packet of crisps please". The barman says, "Wow, that's amazing! You should join the circus!" The dog replies, "Why? Do they need electricians?"

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4/21/16 11:33 P

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IDG1IODA...yep, it would be nice to have maybe 4 men, but one is plenty to clean up after.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/21/16 8:32 P

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emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/21/16 6:32 P

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Really Now.. Now we leave for a few and put a sign on out of my mind be back in 15...

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4/21/16 6:22 P

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Linda


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4/21/16 2:45 P

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Q: What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom and an ass to pay for it all.

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4/20/16 11:09 P

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oh my goodness Linda...that is so funny with the kitty and the chicken in the container.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/20/16 5:54 P

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emoticon emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/20/16 5:50 P

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Linda


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4/19/16 10:14 P

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OH,...i guess i was later in reading the joke.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/19/16 5:08 P

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Panda, Jane went back in to edit before you saw it. It was funny.

Linda


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4/19/16 4:51 P

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emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/19/16 1:21 P

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Linda...the bear and the rabbit was complete. with all 3 wishes the bear asked for all the bears in the world to be female and the bear wishing is a male. the rabbit had asked for a helmet and a motorcycle (so he could move faster than the bear) and the third wish for the rabbit was that the bear was gay. so there is all these female bears and no males and having a gay bear not interested in the females...get it now? emoticon

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/19/16 11:42 A

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Jane, Your last joke was not complete. Sounded like it would be funny. The Bear and the rabbit.

Linda


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4/19/16 11:24 A

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Good maybe I can get a job...
My real mom is 6 ft under... so if it up for grabs.. Where is it.. you know I am short right??



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4/19/16 11:14 A

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Linda


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4/19/16 10:05 A

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A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female." The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!" Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, "I wish the bear was gay."


Edited by: IDG1IODA at: 4/19/2016 (11:47)
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4/18/16 6:37 P

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Jane, sorry, you kept saying "HE". Cows are female, Bulls are males. I think we just took it literally. Anyway, it was funny!!

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4/18/16 6:35 P

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It was a cow... Not a bull...

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4/18/16 6:05 P

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Jeannette, I also wondered all through the joke why the man was trying to milk a bull. LOL!!
Jane, poor seeing eye dog, I think he was trying to get even with a mean owner.

The OJ defense!!!LOL!!

Linda


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4/18/16 3:50 P

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emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/18/16 9:04 A

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A blind man with an assistance dog was getting ready to cross the street. When the dog took him across he almost got ran over by the traffic and the cars where sliding everywhere to avoid hitting him. When he got to the other side, he took out a treat to give to the dog. A spectator who saw what happened couldn't believe his eyes. He ran over to the blind man and said, "Sir, why are you rewarding that dog, he almost got you killed?" The blind man replied, "I'm trying to find his head so I can kick his ass!"

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4/17/16 5:56 P

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Jane, as I read this all I could think is why is he trying to milk a steer? emoticon

Linda, love it!



If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/17/16 2:36 P

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A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed. His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, "Some things you just can't explain. This morning I was outside milking a cow. As soon as the bucket was full the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left foot to a pole. I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right foot to a pole too. As soon as I finished milking the cow again he knocked down the bucket with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt. As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can't explain."

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4/17/16 11:21 A

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Linda


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4/16/16 10:36 P

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Good ones ladies....Oh, Jane the nuns really had me laughing.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/16/16 7:01 P

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I bet they will kick me off soon...

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4/16/16 5:30 P

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Jane, loved the nuns!!!!!

Edited by: FERALAUNTIE at: 4/16/2016 (17:30)
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4/16/16 1:33 P

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Two nuns from Ireland come to tour New York City. Before they come, they hear that Americans eat dogs, so they both agree to try it when they arrive. As they're walking around New York, they hear, "Hot Dogs! Get your hot dogs!" They rush over to get one! As the first nun opens hers, her face turns white and she gasps, "What part did you get?!"

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4/15/16 5:52 P

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emoticon emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/15/16 1:38 P

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See I do like cats...

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4/15/16 11:09 A

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Linda


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4/15/16 7:04 A

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A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?" The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the bloody wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart you don't eat it all at once!"

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4/14/16 5:03 P

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Jane, I'm Mother Bear around this house! Grrrrrrr!

We call Jack's tail the Flag of His People!

thanks for the emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/14/16 4:56 P

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4/14/16 1:45 A

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It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the porridge yet!"

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4/13/16 4:20 P

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I had to catch up on the emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon and emoticon

Thanks Jane and Linda, you never disappoint!

emoticon
Dottie

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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4/13/16 12:25 P

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4/12/16 1:01 P

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You are right but here is really a song to show what not to say....


Things you don't say to your wife
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4/12/16 10:21 A

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Loved your last one Jane!!

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4/12/16 8:51 A

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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.” They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one.” The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

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4/11/16 8:07 P

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Jane, with the OJ thing on TV the LAPD has gotten a lot of bad press. That is funny!!


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4/11/16 1:01 P

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Catch The Rabbit


The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

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4/9/16 12:20 P

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Oh Jane!!!!!
Thank you PandaBear for the nice comments. Jane and I are just a little twisted and keep them coming to stay out of trouble.


Linda


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4/9/16 11:11 A

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didn't see that coming Jane...that is so funny.

Linda yours is very funny....

thank you ladies for the chuckles...Keep them coming!!!

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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4/9/16 9:44 A

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In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another. But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order. So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did… After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband… The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!" The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation. “You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah “I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”

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