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6/25/16 10:55 A

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6/24/16 5:40 P

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Linda


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6/24/16 11:38 A

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6/24/16 10:42 A

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6/23/16 4:12 P

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SG, I was in foster home until 4 yrs old. There was an outhouse. In the dead of the winter all 11 foster kids had their own pots indoors. LOL!!!

Linda


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6/23/16 4:09 P

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6/23/16 4:08 P

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Amen Granny... I have the same this I posted... I love the Clampets..She was a real character.. I can remember going to this house and we had a meeting for our Group.. I asked if I could use the bathroom.. I was amazed they had four.. I still remember the Out House.. In His Love and Grace Just me..

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6/23/16 3:41 P

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6/23/16 8:35 A

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During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!"

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6/22/16 11:35 P

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southerngrit....hope your hubby had a happy day.
your joke was super funny and a little emoticon

feralauntie...loved the Irish wedding.

keep them coming ladies!

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/22/16 8:44 P

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emoticon and emoticon emoticon to that hubby of yours!

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/22/16 6:14 P

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Thanks for the laugh... That was a good one... My Hubby's birthday was today.. He didn't care for my joke... Lord help me...

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6/22/16 5:04 P

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Linda


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6/22/16 2:22 P

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

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6/21/16 4:48 P

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Lots of emoticon moments!

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/21/16 1:11 P

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6/21/16 11:14 A

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Caught on Camera Horsing around...



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6/20/16 3:47 P

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6/20/16 12:02 P

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"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

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6/19/16 5:45 P

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6/19/16 10:47 A

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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

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6/18/16 5:29 P

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6/18/16 5:11 P

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6/18/16 7:24 A

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Three guys are sitting in a sauna: a Mexican, an Asian, and a white guy. The Mexican and white guy are showing off their new tech gadgets. The white guy says, "Hey, look what I got: the new Google Glass!" The Mexican & Asian say, "Wow, that's nice, man." Then the Mexican guy says, "Check out my new cellphone; it's a watch!" The white guy and Asian say, "Very cool, dude." The Asian guy has nothing to show these guys, so he gets up and walks away naked to to the bathroom. Then he comes back 5 minutes later from the bathroom still naked with paper hanging out of his butt crack. The Mexican and white guy say, "Hey, you have something hanging out of your ass." The Asian guy says, "Oh look, I'm receiving a Fax!"

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6/17/16 5:22 P

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Linda


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6/17/16 4:40 P

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emoticon emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/17/16 12:32 P

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A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, "It's my husband, you have to leave!" The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something. He goes back to the house and says to the woman, "Wait, I'm your husband!" She replies giving him a dirty look, "So why did you run?"

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6/16/16 6:28 P

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A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, "I'd like to sthee its teeth." So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its ears." Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." "Excuse me?" says the farmer. The midget says, "I'd like to sthee its twat." So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse's twat. The midget's legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, "I think I'll rephrase that, I'd like to sthee it run."

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6/15/16 6:38 P

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Linda


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6/15/16 10:23 A

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A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

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6/14/16 5:57 P

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SG, LMAO!!!!

Linda


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6/14/16 4:14 P

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Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''

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6/14/16 4:03 P

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6/13/16 11:22 P

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more good ones ladies.

FeralAuntie...there also is a Dick's sporting store in the big city about 30 minutes from where i live.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/13/16 8:55 P

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emoticon Ladies! emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/13/16 7:11 P

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Out of the Park.. The Medical Store ... Do they have their Motto on the sign in front..? What a Hoot.. Love you guys... and I got my team back... Yea...

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6/13/16 6:38 P

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Pandabear, in Wash/Balt area we have a store just called DICKS It is a sporting goods store. I feel that I am a good sport. LOL!!!


Linda


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6/13/16 12:13 P

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Southerngrit...that is funny.

Linda...i'm still laughing about going to Dicks... we have a medical equipment store here in Pa. that is called Dicks Home Care and the commercial was on. i can't see that commercial without remembering your joke.

emoticon according to your joke we have a Dicks that comes to you home!

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/13/16 10:14 A

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A mother went to pick up her daughter from elementary school and found her doing handstands against the wall. When they got into the car, the mother said, "Darling, I wish you wouldn't do that because the boys can see your panties." "Okay, mommy," the little girl replied. The next day, the mother noticed her little girls hands looked dirty, so she asked, "You haven't been doing handstands again and letting those boys see your panties, have you?" "Oh no, mummy," the daughter replied. "Honestly! I took them off first."

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6/12/16 6:03 P

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I know one who I'd love to help into that position! Linda it is a definite emoticon

Jane, I don't know where you find them, but don't ever stop emoticon emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/12/16 4:48 P

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Love it.. emoticon emoticon

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6/12/16 3:22 P

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SG, all you have given us is GOOD!!!!!!!

(This is a pic of a politician with his head where the sun don't shine)

Edited by: FERALAUNTIE at: 6/12/2016 (15:34)
Linda


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6/12/16 2:26 P

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A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"

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6/12/16 9:38 A

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A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"



Yes it is Sunday and Yes I said ass.. but I couldn't help myself... emoticon

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6/11/16 10:52 P

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ladies i can't stop laughing. it took me a couple of readings to understand about the Mexican, but i got it and well, staples and Dicks...oh, my...that's hilarious!!!
Thank you for the emoticon emoticon emoticon

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/11/16 7:31 P

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You crack me up... LOL emoticon
Now were of to BJ'S

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6/11/16 5:45 P

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emoticon emoticon but I emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/11/16 5:22 P

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6/11/16 10:53 A

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Q: What do an old person, a Mexican man, and a high school student close to graduation have in common?
A: They're all seniors.

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6/10/16 6:27 P

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emoticon emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/10/16 6:12 P

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Lord help this woman.... I just stopped laughing..

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6/10/16 5:17 P

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SG, LMAO---


Linda


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6/10/16 11:22 A

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Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."



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6/9/16 6:44 P

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emoticon emoticon 2 great ones!

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/9/16 6:28 P

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Love it girl Missed you so.. emoticon emoticon

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6/9/16 2:41 P

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Linda


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6/9/16 2:37 P

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A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

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6/7/16 4:41 P

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There all great emoticon

emoticon I have been MIA emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/7/16 4:11 P

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Linda


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6/6/16 10:27 P

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Good One... emoticon emoticon

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6/6/16 7:06 P

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Linda


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6/6/16 2:56 P

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The cat is looking for candy or cat treats..? what do you think..?

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6/6/16 2:50 P

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They're boasting about race records

Panda Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

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6/5/16 1:59 P

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SG, LOL!!!!!


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6/5/16 1:55 P

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6/5/16 1:54 P

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There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

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6/5/16 1:48 P

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Linda


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6/4/16 10:26 P

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good ones ladies. loved my evening chuckle!

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/4/16 9:09 P

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Good one... emoticon emoticon

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6/4/16 5:54 P

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Linda


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6/4/16 2:08 P

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I just swallowed a whole box of scrabble pieces...
My next poop could spell disaster

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6/3/16 2:19 P

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NO WORDS NECESSARY!!

Linda


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6/3/16 1:26 P

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A man in a butcher shop: "I would like bull testicles please"
-
Butcher: "Me too"




Edited by: SOUTHERNGRITS55 at: 6/3/2016 (18:58)
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6/2/16 3:36 P

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oh my goodness you 2...i laughed my tail off at those, just wished it was pounds.

you both deserve emoticon emoticon

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/2/16 3:33 P

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SG, LMAO!!!!!!!


Linda


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6/2/16 3:26 P

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I had to catch my Breath... Try this one on for size...



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6/2/16 3:13 P

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Good one SG!!!

Linda


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6/2/16 11:07 A

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A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party. Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replies the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor is shocked, but agrees to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepares the bills. When he goes to place them in his mailbox, he finds a bill from the lawyer.

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6/1/16 11:30 P

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oh my goodness Linda i sure had a big laugh emoticon that's what a person would be doing if they didn't have a paddle.

southerngrits yours was funny also.

the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. Colossians 3:14-15a


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6/1/16 7:02 P

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Good Going... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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6/1/16 5:29 P

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emoticon ones ladies, thanks for the emoticon and emoticon

If you have the right to freedom of speech, then use your voice to speak out for those who do not.



What would you want to be doing if you were going to meet God today, then do it everyday.


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6/1/16 4:48 P

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6/1/16 9:41 A

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At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

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5/31/16 5:45 P

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5/31/16 11:12 A

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A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too." The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650." "$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man. "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."

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5/30/16 4:12 P

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Good one.. emoticon

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5/30/16 4:04 P

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5/30/16 10:44 A

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A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

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