We have to keep working on this! My husband and I have been married 30+ years and have 3 kids. We have struggled to keep our 'spark' going over the years, especially when the children were very young. It is a bit easier now, since they can be on their own more and look out for each other. Also, oldest does not live at home anymore.
I think you keep your spark going by making a daily effort. Be kind, polite, and thoughtful to one another. This may seem obvious, but NOT doing it damages your relationship. Unfortunately, I speak from experience.
Do small acts of kindness for one another--regardless of how minor it may seem. I have done everything from clearing my husband's plate from the table to all his laundry to detailing his car. And he surprises me with little gifts (including food, sometimes!), making dinner, or putting surprises in my car for me to find the next day. This week, he bought me a cookbook that I really liked when I borrowed it from the library. I put it on my Christmas 'wish list', but he didn't wait for Christmas!
Communicate in any way you can. We talk, text, email, use the phone, leave notes, and so on. He will often call on his way home from work knowing that the kids will usually leave us alone when we're on the phone, but not when we are all at home together.
Date one another. Have a corps of babysitters that you can call on. We did not do this when our kids were young and have paid a big price for it. We are still working to re-establish a better relationship (both physical and emotional) after years of neglect.
Good luck to you and yours !
"You cannot accept another with a hateful heart. You cannot hear the other with a closed mind. You cannot embrace with closed arms. You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist."
--Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi
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