I don't quite understand myself. Today when I weighed in I have finally gotten close to my goal weight for Christmas. I ate healthy all day and then at 4p.m. I lost it. I binged on anything I had in the house and then some. I didn't even go to the gym today. Now I'm back to blaming and hating myself. I am talking myself into getting started again tomorrow. Anyone have ideas why I would do that to myself?
current weight: 102.0
Fitness Minutes: (121,250) Posts: 14,195 7/2/10 3:50 A
I hit a wall yesterday... seemed to lose all focus, and then I was right back to feeling out-of-control, as if I was literally floundering! But then I stopped and took a breath... Other than a peanut butter binge in the afternoon, I hadn't eaten all day... ...back to that "stuck" feeling - after a stumble! Then I realized, I'm NOT back to "zero" again: I can get right back to what I know is right for my body and my self. Of course, I've heard that a million times, and said it myself a thousand more...
... but this was different. It was MORE than a mental and emotional realization - I felt it physically! Just as I had felt like I was literally flailing, I regained a sense of calm and steadiness. I came on Spark, regrouped mentally, and then I was ready to face the rest of my "day."
I forget to recognize my positives - that which I HAVE completed and accomplished! I think about: I didn't start the laundry, or finish the kitchen, and I still have this stack of paperwork tasks I HAVE to finish... I realized today, I DID get a lot done last night - time to recognize that and stop being so hard on myself!
Today, once again, my "new" way of looking at food has taken the pressure off - at least, THAT pressure. NOT focusing on food has helped me make those better choices (last night and today), and the binge I thought would undo me was stopped in its tracks!
These past few weeks, I made a huge change in my attitude toward food. It's not meant to be a permanent way of life, but I needed a mental "reboot." I was focusing TOO much on what I was eating. Balancing daily nutrients and percentages is certainly a goal to work toward, but doing that became a negative process for me.
I start agonizing over cravings later in the day/evening, entering and reentering and finagling different food options to accommodate both what I wanted and my needs. Of course, the two were never the same! I was spending way too much time and mental energy manipulating amounts, without actually NOT including what I did eat.
I was feeling more and more out-of-control. Then I vowed to simply eat what I wanted - whatever and whenever I wanted - and enter it all AS EATEN on my tracker; no more trying to manipulate the amounts to make my totals balance and to be in range (which was mostly carrying-over calories to the next day, and the next day, and the next day...).
The basics I'd learned to stick to because of Spark - fruits & veggies, fiber & calcium - stayed intact and kept me basically on balance. I didn't want to BINGE, per se; I just didn't want to have the pressure and struggle of figuring it all out beforehand, feeling forced to eat what I didn't want, and deprived "all" the time.
Amazingly, my totals the 1st week were close to my "usual," but without the angst! The 2nd week, the totals were higher, but only slightly over my calorie needs, with proportionate ratios. The 3rd week, about the same calories; with less fat, and more protein, fiber and calcium. (I haven't weighed in, and I'm not going to for awhile.)
Now it's the beginning of the 4th week, and my cravings and anxiety have substantially subsided - that's why I think I can write about it now. I find myself easily looking ahead on the tracker, and planning what to eat. Overall, the out-of-control feelings are no longer present, even late at night when they're usually the worst.
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