Saturday I started a kettlebell class. I was really excited to have my fiance and best friend go with me and was pleased that I could do most of the exercises. Being morbidly obese puts a huge barrier in things - not only do I clearly not have the same amount of energy and stamina as most people but I also have physical barriers. Despite being incredibly flexible, there are a lot of stretches and moves I can't do either because of my heavy weight or my actual size makes it impossible (having a large belly in the way, for example).
Today was our first class (saturday was an intro) and so I sat in a room with 5 other strangers, all beautifully fit and despite having a great support system, I felt like I shouldn't have been there. Before I arrived I was secretly calculating all the reasons why I shouldn't go: Feel out of place, to be embarrassed, cost, no energy today, bad weather, etc..
I know what I was doing, secretly reasoning with myself. I've done it so often to justify one serving of this or "the weather's too poor to walk today" that I knew what I was doing. I was negotiating with myself and the person I don't want to be always wins.
It didn't this time. I still went. I ended up injuring myself (I broke a butt cheek! Aka, pulled a muscle) and if any of you are familiar with Kettlebell training.. you need that muscle! So yet again I spent another class not up to par with everyone else - in fact doing worse than the week before, but I tried my best despite my injury.
Tomorrow, I'll try something different to get some fitness time in, I suppose.