My "testimony" gift from God, and reason i can speak again. TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED!
.by Sam Norton on Thursday, May 26, 2011 at 8:23pm.
I was schizophrenic, manic-depressive, bi-polar- drug addict, self-loather, cuter,big into mutilation, prostitute, stripper and hated God and all He was trying to do for me. Hated life, lived in constant sin, and wanted out. Of all of it. I spent ALL of my years from 10-17.9 in rehabs/instituitions to keep me from killing myself. At a little older than 17 i get let out and run back to the streets w/ open arms, that was the worst half of my life.In school, all i know is you were considered "lucky" for me to have talked with you. I was Manic depressesed and had been diagnosed with "schizo-effective " disorder. Halluciniating all the time, and just thought the other students had some ulterior motive for talking to me.That was my paranoid delusionial thinking before i met Christ.My brother Stark was the only person or being i trusted. I had been placed on every anti depressant and every anti-psychotic out there to EVERY milligram, and every combiniation you could think of by 17. None of them worked.
fair warning, this is unedited, i will be working on it and plan on becoming a minister to teenagers, and youths around the world, to let them know there is always hope, so long as you have breath in your body, even then, my God is a God of miracles!
On my last suicide attempt, at 19 i was coming down from some extreme drugs and a friend invited me to go to a mission trip, where i was in the back and hating the preacher, and all the teens around me. Suddenly what the preacher was saying hit my heart, God gave.(John 3:16) HIS Son. To me.! It became personal then. Who was i that He would even consider me before time began? But i thanked Him that He did. I get home with so much drive, and had to get my parents and brother to hear what i just learned. They took it in eventually, but Stark, who i loved before Jesus, had to just be given th Him, and lifted up. i wanted to go to the world and "jam" jesus down their throats. Because i had yet to discover the acutual POWER in the BLOOD of JESUS and how far love could take me it terms of gently pointing the way to those who asked first, I was freshly saved and thought i could save the world by shoving the word on people which i know now derived from the angry spirit that i stil had. I was"self-rightous" and on my fast track away from God through that. i call it going sideways, it wasnt the wrong direction, just one that only did me good..or just put on hold the blessings Jesus was waiting to give me.
Even when I had Jesus in my heart however i was breaking some spiritual laws by laying claim on the fact that i was going to die before i was 21, even specified a crar wreck would be the reason for it... and whaddaya' know? the wreck was 2-3 months before i turned 21.
I had a chance to go to haiti, to which God was telling me "not yet", being me the usual to take control from Him( i am doing a great job having faith in whatever He asks of me now though, praise God!) l, told God I can do this. Basically to just let me do this for Him. Two weeks away from it, and two days before I was going to cut my hair and donate it, I get in a devastating car wreck.
A few hours before it however, God gave me a vision of muscle ripping off of bone, (funny story) i tell my mother about it. and she of course didnt want me to go out.
On the night of Aug18, 2006, i was on my way to go dancing with a fellow christian girlfriend of mine, had an uneasyfeeling and preceded to just turn up my Spice Girls Cd a little louder. Then i wake up w/ my steering wheel in my lap with an angel named Amber James (now my sister) telling me to stay awake, asking if i was in pain, and so on. All i could tell her was i couldn't breathe. i didnt know if i was in pain or not. from what it looked like , yes, but i could'nt feel anything. She said the paramedics were on their way. Then i get a ride in a helicopter where another lady in said helicoptor was telling me to "stay with her".Henceforth Finding Nemo has wonderful reason to be my favorite movie now, no need for embaressment there.=)
This is the minister who was sent to meet my parents, Ben Simms, a wonderful man of God.
A minister not a doctor met my parents at the hospital, prepareing them for me to not not live, i live. I awake in the hospital with my mom by my side. On September 9, of the same year. She read to me the Bible, about my favorite person in the book(other than Jesus) Elijiah, i see now how big a blessing it is to have parents of great faith when the time comes for it.Praise God. I wouldnt ask for anything diffirent.A little after i woke up however, my mom had to leave for two hours to do an artshow she had in Dallas, when another woman came in to watch over me. It turns out she pulled my alarms out to turn them off and went to go do something else(?) My mother comes back and finds me waded up in my wires, perhaps from a nightmare, its even been said that i had a stroke, i don't know, but i REALLY backetracked after that.. Needless to say, my mother stayed with me the WHOLE time after that.
So basically what happened was hips, every rib, left femur, (even floating ribs) heart, and spleen "exploded"...(and exploded was the medical term used for the time being) inside me, so head injury too (i had a doctor compare my brain to apple sauce). BUT my God told me I have a sound mind and body. i say i was broken head to toe, had to re-learn everything in its own time from how to urinate, to sitting up, to walking and talking,re-learning to eat and drink was the worst part( i am a gal who loves her food and liquids, lol)! I had to wait 2 months after waking before i could acutually succeed at doing that, lol! my first chance i totally blew it, I was just so thirsty and hungry (about a month and a half in) i literally inhaled the sustanance, and it went straight to my lungs.Long story shortened. Then doctors tell them i will never wake from my coma.
Me in my coma, i wake. -after i woke from the coma btw, my mom and i see a small blurb about missionaries being massacred in Hait on the news, idk if that was the group i was to be with, but just my mom and i sat in amazement from that and give a shout-out to the families of fallen missionaries (Who i consider as soldiers of Christ)and soldiers themselves. Then doctors tell me I wont ever be coherent. i am. Then doctors tell me I will never walk again. LoL! My reply was "watch me". And they did. I had extra bone growth which happens to about one in a million of head injuries along with serious physical damage, had most of it removed but still some remaining that seemed to wrap itself around a main artery in my leg which is the only reason my leg is still attached(it was hanging on by the artery)While in the hospital I had to recieve an "acid bath" which was by far the most painful thing ive ever had to experience, focousing on Jesus and His loving glory (basically giving it to Him)at the time this was going on was how i was capable of feeling that. So therefore it was not me, but the spirit dwelling in me that let me smile while doing that and thanking the nurses that had to give it, because i know they wernt happy about giving it to me ..., i lost my voice due to being intubated for way too long, and was the first to go this experimental surgery, and have a voice again, praise God. In the horrors of all this hospital stay, ive never felt so comfortable in all my life, after waking from my coma, i just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had a purpouse for me to live through what He carried me through just to drop me. My parents knew this after knowing i was still alive.Thats how they could believe in God and what He said and not the doctors,surgeons, and emergency technicians. What did they know lol, they just went to years on end of school, and training. thats how i was so defiant about how they wanted me to be, I knew it wasnt going to be easy, but now that i look back at it, just sitting in my Dads arms and relaxing and knowing again i can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength, it was acutually fun.I woke up knowing everything was all right. Not going to be, but already was. As i was basking on the mountiantop however, i knew He did'nt let me live through that just for my sake, i knew i was ment to go down to the valleys and spread His love and word. It was never about me, but the hope of the unbelievers, and those youth who are losing /have lost hope.For the Christian people, as a whole, we should never feel hopeless. Remember 3 things will last forever, faith, hope, and love (and the greatest of these is love)When Stark, my brother who i idolised) found out i woke from my coma as he was at work, he fell to his knees, screaming "i believe" and crying, the sweetheart, he is in the marine corps, serving our country as we speak, he still needs prayer,(as we all do) he just got back from Afghanistan and God only knows what horrors he had to wittness there.
Amber James, the girl who saved me was looking in on this side and told me EVERY inch of me(body and face) was covored in blood, BUT my right Hand, even before knowing that, i would show these pictures and say this is the side Jesus was on! Cool, HUH?!
Then one day after leaving the hospital, i just couldn't stop throwing up for about 2.5 days straight, couldn't sleep,bathe,or eat or go an fifteen minuites without barfing.. it was hurting so bad, and the one thing that kept me from feeling sorry for myself was knowing Jesus went through worse than this willingly for me.
Anywhoo, I call an ambulance and they rush me to the emergency room where they were going to stick a catheter in me, i was delusional and hallucinating at the time and tell them to call my mother (i had extreme complications from being catheterised too long with incontinence and was JUSTfinially starting to get over them) they lied to me and i knew it, i wanted to hear from my mom and they wouldn't let me talk to her, then presume to try and hold me down and force me to get a catheter, where i was 117 pounds and fought 6 300+lbs men at once. I was going crazy again, and didn't know what to do other than fight because i thought they were making fun of me, lifting my clothes off my body and laughing at my scars ( they were not, i was hallucinating BAD) then a woman came up to me and asked if she could pray for me. I say please. She did, and i just miraculously felt so much better!
To say the least, i awoke again with the catheter in me, and it turns out i was dying of a bowel blockage from complications of the emergency spleenectomy i had in my wreck. My blood pressure went to 0/0 i find out later...and had to find out who that woman was.
I started asking about her immediately and was told there were no women on the floor at that time! So i came to the conclusion she was my angel of peace. Praise God!
I get the privilege of meeting my first angel in parkland and a few more times, but in the wreck she looked so much more different!
After all of this, it sounds like i should never be attacked by my depression or halluciniations again, right? Wrong. I did'nt find relief by knowing that i had a purpose (the selfishness of my flesh i guess) i went right back to my "crazy side after i started to have time to focous on "yo". And had to have a series of about 24 "zaps" of ECT which i didnt want to take at 14, fore some weird reason..the depression lifted ALOT from this, but it came badck down on me, harder and more ferverent this time. Then i took in the FULL effect of Galations 3:13, and realised He bore the crown of thorns for me, so the curse of the world could be lifted (and that includes genetic "curses too)Then the battle ended there with me for it, the word of God says to cast ALL your cares on Him for He cares for you.That just ment giving Jesus ALL of me, and letting Him work through me (and not to get my fat head in the way, lol!) I never told Him what i was capable if doing after that, the hairs on my head are numbered.His plans for me are far greater than what i could ever imagine, I am a new creation through Christ Jesus and just let His holy spirit work through and guide me. Have faith. If not in the blood, in the love of Christ Jesus. I found a "call to action" Because of how redeemed i am, I have been speaking with His love, better yet, i will just let Him do it for me. i cannot stress enough the anger and restentment i had to God, people, and now that im not being controlled by me, i just have nothing but love for ALL people, espacially teenagers, because i see hope and a precious life for all of you! No matter what you are in the middle of right now, my God can work through that, the first step for me was just giving Him cotrol.
Where I've been spending my time in church, there is a new set of pastors and the female pastor looks EXACTLY like the angel from my car wreck(Who i now know is my angel of protection)! I just told her that yesterday, and she told me she has had another person who was dying of cancer admit to having seen her before they met! I realize the fact that I am no longer a victim in Christ for I can do ALL things which strengthen me through Him, now I am a VICTOR!I am also running as much as possible(the girl who was promised to never walk again) as i am singing/screaing praises to my Lord and saviour(the same girl who was never suppose to talk on her own again) Now i am working on my financial testimony, where i do know God has paid the price for me to be blessed to be a blessing, and be a lender to many people/countries, and never a borrower, i am believing the same for you, and know Gods love and strength will work wonders for you!
God bless you all!
Me in my coma,
somehow i was in this side. The EMTs had to use the jaws of life to get me out from the other side.
My first steps! When the Doctors kept telling me it would never happen.
This was Olga, she kept my spirits up the whole time, and was a exceptional nurse
this was Trent, another nurse who was more than exceptional.
The girl who saved me was looking in on this side and told me EVERY inch of me(body and face) was covored in blood, BUT my right Hand, even before knowing that, i would show these pictures and say this is the side Jesus was on! Cool, HUH?!
Edited by: SPARK8PLUG at: 5/30/2011 (15:44)