Well, I probably don't deserve it any more than any of the rest. But I feel that I have pushed through some major issues and in the process, for the very first time, did not take it out on my body, on my self. When I got engaged a handful of years ago, I decided to try a weight loss program. I promised myself that if I could take it off, keep it off for a year, then I would consider a gastric procedure to give me a jump start. I was over 520 pounds at the time. I lost 60 lbs and kept it off. This was while my fiance had been hospitalized with the flu. Two weeks later, it was our wedding day, he was still hospitalized and we found out the morning of our wedding that he was literally dying of Lymphoma. He had very little time left.
I married him anyway. I walked with him through chemo, through a bone marrow transplant, and recovery. After which I had realized that I had kept the weight off.
Once Joseph, my husband was better, I signed up to attend the gastric surgery classes. I didn't want the drastic bypass surgery, but rather something less intense that would just help me with a boost. I knew that I would have to learn how to do some things--a Lot of things in a really different way for this all to work.
I am now at 350 lbs from over 520 lbs, almost 2 years later. I have struggled these last few months as I have not lost a single pound. I am now working towards small goals, and staring them down each day. Determined to win, I realize that this is a lifelong change and a lifelong battle that does not have to overtake me. That realization in and of itself is absolutely the best thing that has probably happened to me in my weight loss journey.
Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. I no longer have clothes to really choose from. The economy sucks, so though my husband has wanted to treat me by replacing the clothes I have gotten rid of, he has been unable to do so. He feels awful about it. I get by on a pair of jeans and a couple of shirts. I am also a performer-- a singer/songwriter. So I have a reserve black shirt that's long sleeved that I use for concerts. But for the most part, I have no wardrobe and literally little to almost no clothes. This was actually the part of weight loss that I was looking forward to. The new clothes...no more frump girl, but someone who could really enjoy being her true self and dressing just as spunky on the outside as I am on the inside. I don't know... it's really not all bad. I mean, I am happily married, my husband is healthy. So really, I'm good. More importantly, I could have given up and focused just on my husband and coped by eating and throwing caution to the wind. But I was newly married, I was in love and I was wanting to be at my best for my husband when he was finally able to come home. I was shocked at how I was able to sustain the weight loss.
I am doing my best to remind myself of that same determination and draw on that for my current experiences to help me get through and to pick up where the surgery results have left off!
Edited by: MENDY72 at: 7/19/2010 (23:18)
"There's a GRACE that leads us to forgiveness."
| current weight: 362.0