DH & I went through that "being cut out" thing, and it's a heartbreaker. We took care of my ex-stepson's daughter a few times a week for over a year (from when she was 6 months to almost 2 years old). Then, shortly after he didn't need us to babysit anymore, he literally cut off all contact without a word of explanation. After my calls weren't returned, I even wrote and apologized for whatever I might have done!
However, my DD & DS, who continued to have contact with them, told me that my positive influence remained, and was ALL too evident as the years passed - she's a smart, sweet, good-tempered, caring little girl. Plus, they told me the positive parenting style of my ex-SS mirrors my own, though he'd never admit it. (I was his stepmom for 13 years.) It hurt, but I forgave him in my heart, and that helped.
You know, I've read the Cherokee "Wolves" parable several times, but THIS time was the FIRST time I truly understood it... Maybe I'm having that "with age comes wisdom" thingy too!
That is great Irene, I know it must be difficult, my sister is facing the same problem - new dil is expecting their first (due in June), she is doing her best to cut my sister out of their lives. My poor sister's heart is broken but she will have to just bear it for her son's and new grandchild's sake. Such a pity........but I saw it coming two years ago when they got married, so immature...do they ever change....don't think so.
Yes we do learn self protection as time goes by and shut off things. My Dil aviods us like the plague so I never see her. I have learned now to say "thats her problem, I don't have to worry over her imaginary slights."
Irene in Nottinghamshire UK
Fitness Minutes: (62,495) Posts: 6,774 5/3/12 4:43 A
So True I know someone who is so bitter and twisted over everything She makes herself ill with the stress of holding grudges and seeking revenge. What a wasted life Unfoturtunaly she is one of my dils! Irene
Irene in Nottinghamshire UK
Fitness Minutes: (62,495) Posts: 6,774 5/3/12 3:34 A
"One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?' The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'"
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