That's a tough one. This is becoming a more and more common problem because of the increased availability of the internet and social networking sites. It puts us, as adoptive parents, in a very tough place. I've been trying to be very aware of my feelings about contact with my daughter's birth mom and how it may impact the way I talk about it with my daughter. If I'm going to be brutally honest with myself, I'd like the birth mother to disappear from the face of the earth and never have any contact at all with my (and her) daughter. If I engage my brain and not just my heart, I know that the opportunity for contact with her birth mother will be beneficial to her in the long run and will short-circuit some of the "what-ifs" that are likely to crop up over the years. I also know that an effort by the birth mom to contact her will say something to her about how important she is to her birth mom, and that will impact the way she feels about herself. I know I'm rambling, but it's such a complicated issue! Good luck with this one, and please keep us posted.
Mistakes are the portals of discovery. - James Joyce
They are from Nicaragua. I would guess that an internet cafe sprung up in their town because the girls have also had contact with a couple of cousins. I guess the world is getting smaller all the time.
Just saw your post. I'm so sorry your daughters feel so uncomfortable about this but at least you showed them how to block. I'm wondering what country your daughters are from that the BirthMom found them on FB.
ML in CA
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Oh, for pete's sake is how I feel about this. On Sunday, my oldest was checking her Facebook page. She said, "mom, how do you block somebody on Facebook?" I told her and offered to show her. She said, "Andrea is on here" with a disgusted look on her face. She promptly blocked her. I then told my other daughter that her birth mom is on fb and that it is completely her decision whether she blocks her or friends her. She got very nervous, but didn't want to talk about it. She hasn't gotten on fb since.
Now, their birth mom is illiterate, so someone else must have signed her up, and they don't have regular access to a computer, so it is not like she can do much damage. I think my girls were just shocked that she found this way to try and get back in their lives. My oldest wants nothing to do with her due to the past abuse. My other daughter has chosen to have no contact with her birth mom since she came home with us 3 years ago. When I have talked to her about it, she has said that her birth mom is just going to make her feel guilty or ask her for money, and I can't argue with that. I have left it up to her. It is obvious though that she has some mixed feelings about it and probably feels guilty for thinking about blocking her.
I wish the woman would just leave it up to the girls to decide what they want to do, but she is not that mature. Poor kiddos.
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