First goal for this year is to let go of the past and start a new beginning with a healthier and positive habits. I am moving to a new apartment and as I pack I have let go of a lot of stuff. I gave away a lot of stuff too and the feeling is liberating. I want to live a simpler life with no clutterness.
Second goal, I want to exercise everyday. My favorite exercise is Walking but I haven't done it in a long time and it is hard for me to get motivated. I am moving to downtown Sacramento and I gave my car to my son so now I have to walk and use my bicycle for transportation.
Third Goal, I am bipolar and my moods go up and down rapidly. I joined a psychiatric program in January and I learned to be more positive, to cope with my stinking thinking, and be more mindful in my daily life, like now I don't eat in front of the TV and I savor my food more.
Fourth goal, is to improve my relationships with my family and friends learning to communicate more effectively and so far I am doing much better than I have in my past. Due to my disability, I have lost many jobs, four marriages, and I have exposed my children to my crazy behavior. The hardest challenge is to repair my relationships with my children. I am very lucky that they all turned out to be wonderful and happy adults but I feel so guilty for exposing my children to my manic and depress episodes that I ask them for forgiveness all the time. My son says that I am a great mom and I just need to be more positive and mindful, my oldest daughter tells me that is ok and to move on with my life, my youngest daughter told me to stop asking for forgiveness and bringing up the past because she has moved on and so should I. I am very close to my children and they love me as I love them but the biggest challenge I have is forgiving my self.
And my final goal is to let go of the past, forgive myself for the errors I've done, let go of the loss of the love of my life (the divorced was so bad that all I wanted was to kill myself. For three years I still saw my exhausted once in a while and we had sex even though he lives with another woman. He is just a cheater and was using me but I just wanted to be close to him and I lived in hope of getting back with him someday. But this year, the fourth year since our divorce, I decided to stop seeing him because every time I saw him my heart broke all over again and I was an emotional mess. I haven't seen him for two months and it is getting better, I don't miss him as much but from time to time a song, a place I visit with him, his pictures and letters, or a romantic movie reminds me of him and I get very sad. My hope is that moving will help me forget him and move on. I got rid of the things I had that reminded me of him and I packed our wedding pictures where I can't see them.
Well, those are my goals and challenges this year.
| current weight: 205.0