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2/17/13 2:52 P

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There are some great discipline programs out there. 1,2,3 Magic, Love and Logic Parenting, and others. The bottom line is to be able to discipline without yelling.

One thing to think about is, what are you having to yell at your child about? What does your child want or need from you? Many times our kids are wanting attention and they get used to negative attention, which is better than no attention. So, if you can find ways to give your child positive attention, it might help. Also, are there behaviors you can ignore? Its picking and choosing your battles.

I do a form of therapy with younger children that is called Parent Child Interactive Therapy that is very effective. You learn skills to interacting with your child. If your child is 2-8 years old, you might want to find a therapist in your area that does the therapy.
Cindi


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2/12/13 9:08 A

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I wish our district let us do that! But the teacher really doesn't want the parents in the classroom because it is "distracting" ...... yet another reason why I'm wanting to change her into a private school.

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3/15/12 11:12 P

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I'd love to get ideas as to how to get my kids to listen without me yelling. They don't listen then either :-)

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4/6/11 3:00 P

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I have 3 kids with ADHD. My eldest who is in 8th grade watched me attend school with my boy for 6 month and I attended her school a few times. 2 of my kids know I am serious; they both know I may show up any day to their school without notice and sit with them. I have not done this in 2 years however, they are still on guard.

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4/6/11 2:55 P

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I usually don't need to yell in order to get stuff through. It is a real challenge though. What drives my kids crazy is to sit still ! If I need to punish them I stand them in a corner or make them sit in their room without doing anything. I do stand over them to do this. (checking in on them every few min) If I want them to do something, I stand over them til it is done. This does work. I have done this for years and now I only have to check on them periodically. I do notice them periodically doing drifting off however, when they see me they get right back on task. With schooling I had to attend school with my bot for 6 months. If his teacher calls me I tell him I will go visit his school or his teacher tells him I will go in; this usually straitens him up. This hasn't cured him of ADHD however, it has made dealing with issues much easier on me.

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2/15/10 12:26 A

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As a middle school teacher, yes pre-teens act wacky!!! It gets worse half way throu 7th for about a year but then then 'start' to get out of it!!

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1/15/10 7:47 P

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We've figured out how we are going to handle it so I am not so upset but she is grounded for a week. She actually excepted it pretty well. Took me by surprise. I was more calm today but she was acting wacky this morning, do preteens do that all the time?
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1/15/10 7:05 A

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Oh Andi, I'm so sorry to hear this.


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1/14/10 11:33 P

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Andi, I'm sorry! Hang in there, and take it day by day, and take care of yourself! My son has been suspended from school twice...once in 2nd grade and once in 4th.

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
Dennis Waitley


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1/14/10 8:07 P

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I did much better today but I had 8 1/2 hours of sleep that may be the reason. She has gotten suspended from aftercare. I just can't believe it.
Andi

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1/13/10 8:38 P

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Oh, Andi! I totally understand! Yelling doesn't really work, but when we're exhausted sometimes it's all we seem to have the energy to do. I'm sorry! I know it's tough and frustrating and takes all of your patience.

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
Dennis Waitley


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1/13/10 8:16 P

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I completely lost it this morning. She woke me at 3 am and wouldn't let me sleep. I need my sleep I have epilepsy and right now I am at that time where I might have seizure. I begged her to be quiet and let me sleep for about 40 or 50 minutes. When I finally got up to go to the living room to sleep on the couch she said something, can't remember and I just started yelling at the top my lungs. Decided I was justified.
Andi

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1/12/10 10:50 P

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I yelled at my son last night. I hate doing that. He always has to have the last word and play the blame game. I was asking him to be nicer to his brother, and of course, he started in on how his brother isn't nice to him, etc. I told him I didn't want to get in to whose fault it was, and asked him to focus on what I was saying. He just kept talking, like I hadn't even said anything. I stopped him again, and he continued. I finally yelled and...he still continued. It really upsets me when he does that. I've tried just letting him continue his track, but he can go on and on, and I just didn't have time to listen to why his brother was at fault for him not being nicer.

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
Dennis Waitley


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1/12/10 9:02 P

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I hate to say it but there are times that it feels like nothing works except yelling. She is giving me such teenage attitude and yells at me sometimes, guess she's learning by my example not good.
Andi

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1/12/10 11:10 A

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LOL!
I already blew it this morning - shouted my kiddo's name out as he sprayed milk all over the table by flicking his straw. Sigh. On both accounts.

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1/11/10 11:20 P

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Did better today though my husband thought I was yelling at him and he's ADHD, does he count as kid? LOL.
Andi

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1/10/10 9:16 P

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Good news though it did get better when I had a cup of coffee.
Andi

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1/10/10 9:15 P

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Some days, we have more patience than others.

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
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1/10/10 10:54 A

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I've been doing pretty good since her meds seem to be working properly until today. Oh well, it happens I just don't have the patience today.
Andi

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1/10/10 9:46 A

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Oh I HATE that - I have a very, very hard time not losing it when I'm being phsycially hurt, whether it's a tantrum or just the standard ADHD "out of control" arms and legs. I feel your struggle.

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1/8/10 9:22 P

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The day on vacation I lost it I wish it had been yelling that caused me to do so. She jumped on my back and started to hit and kick me so I lost it. Reminded me of a two year old tantrum. I am not using that as an excuse I still shouldn't have yelled. I can't say I make the goal of 7 days a week. I wish I could but the most I seem to do is 4 days a week.

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1/4/10 11:24 P

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I read somewhere that if the rules have already been established, there's no point in trying to reason...just keep repeating the rule or command..."It's time to take a bath." Eventually, it seems to work, but some nights I just don't have as much patience as other nights, so I try to cajole and reason. This makes him think he has the power, so it's even harder the next night. Consistency is the key, but it takes a lot of energy and concentration!

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
Dennis Waitley


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1/4/10 6:54 A

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You are so right, that sometimes its when we stop talking that our kids stop yelling or arguing. Sometimes we talk and reason too much with our kids which frustrate them as much as our yelling at them.
Cindi

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1/3/10 11:57 P

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I go back and forth on this. I don't think I yell everyday. I'll start paying more attention. Most of the time, I try logic and reason. There are times when he's mad and yelling at me that I eventually start yelling in order to be heard. I've noticed though then when I stop talking eventually he stops yelling.

Gale
Failures do what is tension relieving,
while winners do what is goal achieving.
Dennis Waitley


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1/3/10 7:15 P

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Since the psychiatrist changed Ally's meds and she has adjusted to them, first week was heck. The yelling has almost stopped. Though I did lose it once on vacation. We discussed it later and I haven't lost it yet. She doesn't like the solution though. I go and get her daddy before I lose it. Just threatening that worked wonders a couple of times. I also remind her of turtle before "The Angry Gorilla" comes out. That's how she describes it when she loses it.
Andi

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1/1/10 9:13 P

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Love and logic Parenting is very good. There are books and in some areas classes based on it.
Cindi

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AHARONA's Photo AHARONA Posts: 1,016
1/1/10 9:00 P

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Thanks Joruneii. I haven't read that book yet but I've heard a lot of good things about it.

Anyone else still working this one with me?

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12/16/09 6:43 A

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Hi everyone,

I'm new to the group. I was a very big yeller but I started using love and logic and that has really made a difference in my parenting.

I used to spank and yell and I have not done that for about 5 months. L&L focuses and letting the child make choices in order to empower themselves.



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12/13/09 2:01 P

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I don't know what's going on with Ally but she is having a tough time on Sundays. Tomorrow she goes to the Psychiatrist for the first time. We almost had to hold her down to get her dressed she was refusing to get dressed. I'm sorry to say I yelled.
Andi

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12/11/09 9:19 A

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Sounds good.
Cindi

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11/30/09 9:31 P

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Sorry, I've been absent a while my internet didn't work. My husband got me a new computer yesterday. I will recommit to doing it more often. I have found my WII Fit helps me not yell. Also, not blogging really made it harder so I've recommitted myself to blogging even when I can't log on. I am so glad to be back.
ANdi

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11/9/09 9:06 P

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Thanks Cindi! Off to re-enter my daily entries back to November 1st!

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11/8/09 10:38 P

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Okay, done. I've upped the ante on all the goals. The way the program is set up I had to delete the goals and start over. So, now you will need to redo all your goals. Click that you want to be part of the goal/challenge and then go back in your goals and recreate everything for the past couple of weeks. I know its a pain, but that's the way its set up. Not the most efficient. I made them a 7 day a week goal.
Cindi

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11/8/09 10:06 P

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I've been away for a while but am recommitting to not yelling at my kids. Why? 1) My husband yells, a lot, and it does not do any good. In fact, it just makes the kids say they hate him. 2) At the pumpkin patch yesterday, I saw a dad with a wailing 4 or 5-year-old girl in his arms. He was screaming at her and had her face in his hand and was pinching hard. He sat her down and started yelling at her about how it was not okay to scream. My 12-year-old said, "Wow, that's hypocritical." Hard to watch, but even harder because I know I've been there- though maybe not to that level of intensity.

I did not yell at anyone today:)

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11/6/09 12:07 P

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I'll see what I can do this weekend.
Cindi

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11/1/09 9:27 P

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Cindi, would you be able to "up the ante" on the Team Goals? I'm thinking for November, let's make it 4x a week instad of 1x a week, if others are up for it - I think there are only 5 of us who have joined this goal. What say ye, fellow reforming yellers?

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11/1/09 10:13 A

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Good to hear that you are a little more self-aware.

Last night leaving a Halloween event I saw a reason to learn not to not to yell at our kids. There was a mother and teen (high school) having a confrontation. The mother was yelling. You could hear her from our car and the teen looked very uncomfortable and even had his hand up trying to shield his face from others recognizing him. There were other teens at the door of the place who were looking very uncomfortable also, so not sure what had happened before or what it was about. But I think it illustrated why we need other ways of dealing with our children.
Cindi


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11/1/09 7:13 A

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How'd it go for everyone? I had some decent streaks in there, but slipped up every once in a whil. This challenge definitely helped me be more self aware.

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10/29/09 11:36 P

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Her doctor said she is too young to take something for the PMS but if she isn't able to regulate her emotions he will consider something later.

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10/24/09 3:46 P

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I am just happy to make it a few hours thru the day without yelling or raising my voice. I don't know who will get yelled at the most, my son with ADHD or my 13-year old daughter.

Today, I haven't yelled ....yet.

Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay, hold back the tears and just walk away.

The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not.
Thomas Jefferson

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10/23/09 3:33 P

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If she is having trouble with PMS, what do you do to get through PMS? I know when I was having trouble with PMS, I had to take something to help me function. Is it time to consider something to help her deal with the symptoms of PMS?
Cindi

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10/22/09 11:44 P

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Please let the PMS attitude go away. She is even more nerve racking then normal during this time. Wish I could figure a way to deal.
Andi

I had a slip tonight too!

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10/21/09 8:55 P

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We were on high annoyance factor tonight here too, and I had a "slip."

Went to an ADHD parent support group earlier this week - what a great thing to be in a room of others in the same boat who can totally relate.

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10/21/09 7:24 A

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Ally has 1 2 3 Magic on ignore right now. Love her to death but she sure can be nerve racking.

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10/19/09 8:55 P

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A couple of times this week I left and went for a walk when Ally got me real mad. Walking is a great stress reliever and it keeps me from yelling. As long as there is another adult around I can do that. So I've done pretty good.
Andi

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10/11/09 8:50 P

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1-2-3 Magic is our parenting staple. Some days the emotion just gets away from me, though. Like today. Streak over. New streak starts tomorrow.

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10/11/09 1:06 P

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Thankd for the support and the book idea. My mom likes to tell me stories about me at the same age. Which is actually kind of funny but not how I remember it. Though hers is probably the more accurate. I know we will get through this stage. Right now the emotions are out of control. She is crying at the drop of a hat and I'm not sure what to do about it I am trying to comfort her. I don't want to belittle her tears, I want her to be able to cry.

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10/11/09 9:10 A

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Sounds like pre-teen girl. Actually, it sounds like pre-teen in general. I was lucky that my boys weren't too bad. Now my oldest (soon to be 16) gets pretty oppositional, but I get oppositional back or ignore him depending on my mood. There is something about that pre-teen and early teen stage that they like to push the limits. Keep at it. There is a Love and Logic Parenting book specifically for the teen years. I got mine at Barnes and Noble. I also have learned to pick my battles with my sons. I have also had to figure out what battles are more about me and then deal with my own issues.
Cindi

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10/11/09 1:21 A

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Testing is a good word for it she is a preteen with a teen attitude. Loves to tell me how much she hates me. I also need to remember to pick my battles. I am also calling her Dr. Meds don't seem to be working as well since she's hit puberty.

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10/10/09 11:54 P

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Sounds like she may be testing you. Sometimes it seems like it gets worst before it gets better.
Cindi

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10/10/09 10:56 P

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I think part of the problem lately has been me not sleeping so I'm irritable and easy to get frustrated. Also, I'm trying the award approach right now. I am one of those who follows through. Last night was no reading together. She didn't seem to care though. At least not on the outside but I do know how much it means to her. I did much better today no yellng yeah!
Andi

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10/10/09 1:34 P

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What's the penalty for not doing something you have to keep asking her to do? Both natural and enforced? Also, check out 1-2-3 Magic. Another program is the Boys Town program for parents. Another one to check is Love and Logic Parenting. All three are good programs to help with discipline without having to yell at your children. Its having consequences and enforcing the consequences. And allowing your children to experience natural consequences.
Cindi

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10/9/09 11:28 P

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I am trying but I tell her to do something about 10 times and she doesn't do it I feel the only way she'll do it is if I yell. That's been going on the last couple of days.

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AHARONA's Photo AHARONA Posts: 1,016
10/9/09 4:44 P

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Doing better than I thought I would. Making this a daily goal has defnitely helped me stay conscious of my agitation level and how I use my voice.

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10/6/09 10:45 P

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Didn't do so good today. Though I didn't get as loud as usual and recognized when I was so I stopped. Progress not perfection, though I am a perfectionist.
Andi

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10/4/09 8:54 P

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Ally gets startled if touched and you haven't gotten her attention. Sometimes it feels like I have to yell to get her attention. The other time it's hard is when she keeps asking the same question over and over. Like what just happened. She doesn't seem to hear the answer. I didn't yell though.
Andi

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AHARONA's Photo AHARONA Posts: 1,016
10/4/09 8:47 P

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Aw, thanks Andi. This one is hard, but it's helping me to remain more conscious of what I'm doing. I had some close calls today where I felt my tension rising and my voice getting ready to get louder but I caught myself and took a deep breath.

Funny, when my son is yelling that makes it easier for me to keep calm. It's like I instinctively modulate my voice to be quieter and speak more slowly to set the tone for him to take it down a notch. My hardest times are when he isn't following directions - that instinct to get louder just kicks right in. Sometimes being louder does pay off becuase it gets his attention, but I can use more productive ways of getting his attention (i.e. 1-2-3 Magic or, if I think he's been off in la la land and hasn't heard me I can touch his shoulder as I speak to him).

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10/4/09 12:01 P

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This is going to be real hard but starting today I am in on this one. I really need to remember not to yell. Even when she yells at me. You always come up with great challenges.
Andi

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AHARONA's Photo AHARONA Posts: 1,016
9/29/09 12:20 P

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Thank you, Cindi! This will be really helpful!

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9/28/09 9:18 P

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Check out the team goals on the team page.
Cindi

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9/28/09 9:02 P

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This is a great challenge! The more we yell the more our kids will get so they don't even hear us. This challenge can change the way you parent. Try it, but if you yell a lot remember it takes a while for it to take effect. Take it one day at a time and make a conscious decision that your response to your kids won't be to yell. Post how things go. I'll try to log on to see your posts. Remember, louder you are, the louder your kids will be.
Cindi

Cindiļ

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AHARONA's Photo AHARONA Posts: 1,016
9/28/09 7:56 P

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ALLISONMOM just sparked my idea for this one. For the month of October, lets challenge ourselves to interact with our kids each day without yelling. See how many days you can put together. Honestly, right now I'd be happy to put together 2 in a row, but I'm hopng I can put together a decent streak by the end of the month.

Who's with me? And is it possible to get this tracked as a goal?

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