You know about the colors, yes I have Charles Benonts Syndrome full time, however the greatness of God's grace, love and mercy, I don't see the colors all the time. It is only through his grace through. A doctor will tell you that it is impossible to stop the colors without medication. It is like when you go to work yet you are still sick. You don't feel as sick because you are keeping busy. or whatever. That is the best way I can describe it. I have the condition, but God takes it away from me 98% of the time. God is amazing and He is ALWAYS taking care of me!
Fitness Minutes: (53,207) Posts: 9,813 5/18/11 3:01 P
Shelly I actualy did read it when I first came here. I read it again and it blesses me again. You are such a beautiful child of our Most High Father, you have the sight only He can give one. You see where others can not. He blesses you with colors where others see darkness. You are a true light in Him.
My Blessings to you sweet sister in Christ Jesus. I just love you!
Walk through your journey with a loving open heart and as well mind. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Laugh, if at nothing else yourself.
Pounds lost: 105.0
Fitness Minutes: (51,159) Posts: 7,388 5/18/11 1:16 P
Shelly, when I read your spark page when I first came to sparkpeople is when I felt so close to you just like a sister or even like a mom towards you, anyway, I just felt so close to you because of your obstacles and how the Lord and you have gotten so close.
You have become one with the Lord and the body of Chirst and so you and I are one because we are of the same Spirit, Holy Spirit.
I wrote this (below) on my Spark page a few years ago. I have kept it on my spark page because so many people have written to me and told me that I wrote about has helped them so much. I have not read my words in some time. As I read through the paragraphs just a few minutes ago tears filled my eyes, and I began to cry. Such an emotional time it was back then. God took my through so much and it HAS MADE ME.
I think about how my life has changed since then. It has changed in every way except that I am still serving him in many different ways than I was before. At the time I was going through so much. I felt as through there was no way I could grow any closer to God than I already was, yet as the years have passed I have become so intimate with God it just blows me away! I read my own words and I they inspired me, I say in the most humble way. I do not know why, but I just felt led to copy and post what I have on my Spark page, here on this team.
I know my post is long, but I hope in some way someone is helped by what i have written about.
This post is very long, but those of you who need to be "fed" will "eat" it. I have writte about my walk with Jesus and where He has taken me, and also included a poem I wrote about my relationship with God. It is written on my Spark page but I felt led to post it here.
We never want to go through pain, long suffering, sorrow, and devastation, but it is in those very times in our lives that we can become stronger though Christ, and become so intimate with God. Think about a time when you become closer to your spouse or a loved one during an awful time in your life. You depended on a person and as a result you become closer to them. It is the same thing with God. God wants us to rely on Him more than we rely on people. He wants to be the first one you turn to.
I had severer vision problems for 11 yrs. I was twenty-eight when I found out I had uveitis. (as of Jan. '10 I am 41 yrs. old) It is a condition that can lead to blindness. By the time I found out I had it I was legally blind in one eye already. I went through many things to treat this. I have had three shots in my eye balls (while awake) and four surgeries on my eyes. I took a steroid that caused me to gain thirty pounds two different times in my life. I prayed for Goad to help me lose the weight and through Him I was able to lose what I gained, once when I was twenty-eight and also in May of '08. In May of '08 I had my last surgery. However both times I had to take this dreadful steroid due to my vision problems. After my first eye surgery I gradually lost my vision to the point that I could no longer see the tip of my nose, and under my arm pit while I shaved. I Couldn’t drive, paint my nails, read, and I could not cook without assistance (couldn’t see the numbers on the measuring spoons & cups, and the numbers on the stove). I also needed help from my husband to put my make-up on. I could not see the birds in the sky, the tip of a branch on a tree; I could not do or see many other things. My life as I knew it had completely changed.
I was born with perfect vision; however, by the age of twenty-seven I had cataracts in both eyes due to having uveitis. My uveitis Specialist, Dr. Opremcak removed them and preformed several other eye surgeries, and I was able to see better, but I still could not see that well. Also, I still had uveitis which meant I was still slowly losing more of my vision. In many ways it was a total nightmare. But in many, many other ways it was the best thing that has EVER happened to me!!! You see I believe in God- and that has made all the difference!!!!! God was holding me the entire time, I felt His love and protection on a daily basis. I don't know if I could have survived without my faith and that is the truth.
The first day I found out I had uvetis all I could think about was that I might go blind. That day I told God that I accepted His will, and if I did go blind I would become the best blind person I knew how to be. On that day He told me that He healed me. I knew that He did it right after He said it, but I didn't know how long it would take. That day I told my husband, my friends and family that God healed me. I told other people as time went by. I know that our time is not God's time. It took three years before the physical healing surfaced; but every day I was comforted by knowing that God had healed me. He made me strong through His grace and love. People were amazed how at peace I was during my pain. I told them that through my relationship with God He has given me His grace. During the course of those three years it was a beautiful spiritual journey, yet painful at times.
There were many times when I told God," I am not as strong as you think I am, God I can't do this!" Tears would run down my checks. I felt so weak. I told him," I am at the end of my rope God, and I am hanging on a thin thread." When I was done talking to him He held me. Each time He gave me His strength and renewed me. There were times I was going to my specialist to have a shot in my eye ball. I would cry at times thinking about the pain I would endure. God wiped my tears away and gave me comfort, peace, and His love.
As I sought God He brought joy into my life. I experienced so many blessings, where do I begin? My husband was my best medicine through it all. He supported me in every way possible. He told me I was brave when I was weak. Sometimes I felt like I could not endure the physiological pain which at times hurt so badly and my husband would hold me and tell me that God was taking care of me. The surgeries, shots, and medicine helped my eyes through God, but my husband healed my heart, and kept me healthy through his love!
One day while I still had uveitis I heard thousands of people praying for me. It was the most amazing thing, a true blessing from God! I have been put in situations where God used me to help people who were blind or visually impaired while I was dealing with my visual problems. I become part of their lifves for a long time. Nothing can take the place of giving love to people in need. My life was blessed, and I am grateful I was able to help them. My life was enriched by helping people who were suffering far worse than I was.
After three years passed God's healing sufaced. It was one of the happiness days of my life!!! Those three years I went on a spiritual journey that changed my life. My journey with God deepened to a point I never knew could exist.
As time went by I experienced additional pain and set backs as the result of having uveitis, which was why I had my last surgery in May '08. I depended even more on God and developed a close intimacy with Him. From the result of having uveitis a portion of my vision was taken away from me. I now have something called Charles Bonsais syndrome. I see colors all the time. I lost so much vision that my brain fills the areas I can not see with color. I am able to do everything I did before. But I can't see all the things I used to see as well. Everything has lost it's clearirty. However, God has given me his perfect vision for my life, he leads me through my life, and has taken me on a path that never ends!
This poem I wrote is the best way to descsribe my walk with Jesus:
WALKING WITH JESUS BY MY SIDE
My Lord leads me through the woods Taking my hand as we pass the dark shadows within the forest
He holds me when the cold wind threatens me
My God runs ahead and challenges me to use what he has given me To conquer my fears, doubts, and pain
He takes me to a mountain top To claim the victories we have won together
My God allows the dense clouds to fall from the sky blocking our path Telling me when the devil blinds your way remember though the storm threatens To defeat you My almighty power delivers you
Along the way my God reminds me of my past When I learned to walk I first knew how to crawl
It was through getting back up That I learned how to use my balance
And so as with my life My walk with Jesus
I was brought into this world Crawling to God for help
I stumbled Before I fell
The lord picked me up Making me strong again
I have learned to walk in His ways abiding in Him THE STORMS OF LIFE CAN NOT BLOW ME DOWN! For I do not walk cautiously looking for black ice I walk in VICTORY following His voice within me!
I know this is very long, I just want to add one more thing! LOL!
When I was in my misery I experienced His grace, in pain I sought after His peace, and in long years of suffering I found patience. My God will always be there for me. Many remarkable mini miracles happened those three years. I have become the person I am today due to those three years of my life. Many years which followed I experienced more vision problems. I would not have experienced the things I did if this situation would not have occurred. I also would not have met the people I met. God used my experience to show others the miraculous ways He works. Beauty can be created from painful situations. God will be there for you. Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you.
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