I've been fighting with my fiance and it's just getting worse. My uncle almost committed suicide. I have a huge crush on my fiance's friend. My room is a complete mess. I have no way to relieve stress and I don't want to bother my friends. And I feel that I'm not putting enough effort in anything.
Mike has an unknown illness that has been going on for 12 years. He has a lot of anxiety and it's getting worse.
So what should I do? Last night Mike and I had a big fight. We almost broke up because of it. My night of feeling so happy dropped in a matter of seconds and my confidence went with it. I know people like my art but his opinion really matters to me. He doesn't say anything bad about my art. He says the complete opposite.
I trash talk about him quite a bit and somehow I feel better doing that. It's bad because I made it seem like I can't get past what happened then.
When something bad happens to me, I don't like the attention I get because I feel weak and I hate that. I fainted at church one time. Mike looked after me like a hawk for a couple weeks afterwards. Asking me questions.....It made me feel uncomfortable. And when my uncle almost committed suicide, Mike wanted to talk about it. It helps I know.... and I knew that he was going to be okay. Somehow I find myself announcing things. Not about my uncle so much because that's not something to announce really. I feel bad enough that I'm typing it. I'm worried that he'll read this and would be mad at me.
Mike said that I knew nothing about anxiety when in fact I really do. I suffered it during high school and still do a little bit. I was a huge joke when I went to school. I worry about when people look at my art then and now I worry about how I look.
And now I have a huge crush on Mike's friend and that's getting worse. I keep telling myself not to think of him like that because he's just a friend. I told myself that I wanted him to be happy and that's the most important part. Even though we're not dating.
One of the biggest stress that I deal with is that I'm not in my hometown. Visiting it doesn't help either. When I first moved to Maryland, I knew that I was going to be there for a long while. I didn't have friends, family, or anybody. I do have that now but I'm freakishly afraid to move away from here.
That's all I have to say.I feel a little better and I will try to get better from here.
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But
| Pounds lost: 9.0