Hi folks. I'm Carrie - Alaskanmomof2.
My family of origin has been in a whirlwind for awhile. Two years ago, on July 8th, my son was out walking with my dad. They'd gotten a couple houses away from my house when my dad fell. Hard. My son, 7 at the time, tried to wake him up and get him up, then ran back to the house. He was unconscious for at least 2.5 minutes, was throwing up once he woke up, had been losing his balance before that...
It was a hard visit. They'd only been here a few days. As he went home, they forgot (somehow!) that he shouldn't be driving, so he took himself to his two appointments, but had an accident in between. He ended up in a rehabilitation hospital/living center. That was in August. He came back to their apartment from mid December to mid January. Hasn't been "home" since. My mom moved to a smaller space and moved his files and books to his living center room.
Fast forwarding past the strokes, cancer med side effects, "nigeria scam" for health care centers...we made a plan to visit. Two tickets were free, and the rental car for 10 days was free due to accumulated points on a credit card plan. We were going to spend 10 days together!
We arrived two weeks ago. July 7th. When we got to his room, it was clear he was in a ton of pain. I encouraged the kids to hug him, and while my son was more hesitant, they both did. He seemed to know we were there, though he also seemed to be talking in Italian or French. We know English and Spanish. :/
We left for supper, being encouraged by the Hospice nurse to come back the next day. We got a call within a few hours that he had passed away. It's still a shock...yet it isn't. We knew. Our visit became our time to say goodbye. It's not lost on me, either, that he died almost two years after the really harsh fall.
The car was the size of a clown car with all our gear. I had wanted a slightly larger one, but my hubby said it was more than we needed. I couldn't find the words to explain that I'd wanted to drive my mom around. Anxiety moments came up several times during the week because of this, because of my mom's obsession with needing things to be "just so", because my daughter is wonderful, yet irritates my mom...
It's been an adventure in breathing - in letting go. In remembering so many of the things we try to work on here.
As I got back, I had set up a therapy appointment for myself. This is an cranial-sacral therapist who looks at all kinds of issues, including spine alignment but also energy issues. There were no stuck emotions, which meant, to me, I'd stayed honest with myself during my time away. That's huge!
I had one particularly hard day when I felt smushed between what my husband wanted and what my mom wanted. While I was trying to find words, my phone rang. A great friend was on the phone, and she'd just felt the urge to call. It was an incredible moment for her to call. Speaking words of frustration and confusion out loud made a difference.
Little things like that kept happening. There were plenty of scattered moments, but overall, it's been a positive learning experience. I just wanted to share to say that working through and "dealing with anxiety", even in really, really hard times, becomes a touch easier with practice. It's not easy, it's not what we may want, but we can utilize these tools to help our lives get easier.
Oh, and yes, I DID call my health care person and have a prescription sent to Colorado while I was there. The script was written wrong, I took what I believed she intended, and was helped by that too. ;) Knowledge is power!
I hope this helps someone. It feels like it helped to write it out in a safe space.
Hugs if you need one. Even a pinkie hug.
Edited by: ALASKANMOMOF2 at: 7/22/2013 (03:53)
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team
It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.
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