For some time, years unfortunately, it has felt like I was inside a snowglobe. Just as it would seem all the little details were "settling" Woosh! We'd be dealing with details again.
Got a call from a collection agency today. I let a bill completely slip under the radar. I have no idea how. Right now, the desk is the pit of despair and trying to start dealing with it brought on a panic attack. How did I deal with it? I'm trying to breathe and I'm writing it out in a safe place.
We had about two months where we were "between" coverage last summer. It was supposed to be seemless, of course, and it wasn't. They jacked the premiums up over 100%. I can't remember the numbers. We went back to the previous company, and all of a sudden, all the invoiced that had been denied were accepted. In their system, it looks like nothing happened. Somehow, this bill ended up being part of the deductible even though it was already covered for this part of the year. I know I have to do more research. I know I need to find the actual bills if we still have them (found the insurance page claiming it went to deductible already.
I don't have the emotional energy to deal with this. I already dealt with a different agency this week, and while they acknowledged it was *their* oversight, and were apologetic, and while this gal was nice, I just don't feel I have the ability, today, to do anything but sputter, freeze and eventually throw-up. I won't. I won't let it get that bad, but that is the feeling I'm fighting. She asked if I could pay today, and I was upfront. I said "absolutely not" and then backtracked and said I needed to look into it more. She seemed to understand I'm going to look into it and I will.
I also need to mail girl scout cookies. I need to go get my son right now. I need to rest. I need to find meds that will help me through the next few hours, 'cause I can tell I'm going to crash after writing due to adrenal issues.
For today, I will take the non-family box of cookies to the airport and stand in line. I will go get the supplies for the fish tank. I will try to remember to breathe, and if that means tears are falling, they're falling. I can only do what I can do in this moment. Right now, that included writing.
Thanks for reading. I'm grateful to have this space as a space to write.
Co-Leader of Dealing with Anxiety Team
It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.
| December SparkPoints: 310