Hi! My name is Sallie and I'm new to this team. Most of my life I have dealt with stress, anxiety and even mild depression. I can remember having my first panic attack when I was 20. It landed me in the ER thinking I was having a heart attack. Heart palpitations became my constant companion for many years. Each time I would run to the doctor thinking this is it! Only to be told nothing is medically wrong, I only need to learn to relax.
My childhood was filled with stress brought on by molestation from an uncle, serious illness, a father and brother, both alcoholics who withdrew their love whenever they felt like it, my sister's drug addiction, my mother's early death and more. I grew up with no self esteem nor confidence.
I went from a size 7 to a 4X. In 2007 I weighed 340 lbs. I was unhappy and loaded down with health problems. My grandson was born that year and I credit him with prying my eyes open to what I was doing to myself and our future together. Since than I have taken the steps needed to eat healthier and exercise. I have lost 102 lbs so far.
My adult daughter and I have an unsettling relationship. I love her, she hates me, best describes it. In her eyes I will never be good enough despite the fact I have given her every ounce of my love, attention, loyalty, compassion and more since she was born. My husband and I have been married for nearly 29 years. He has never been kind when it comes to my weight issue and 2009/2010 found us battling his choice to be unfaithful. We are still together but it is not an easy alliance.
In November and December (2010) my blood pressure skyrocketed even though I was already on meds for it landing me in the ER. After many test docs determined it was extreme stress and anxiety. They upped my BP meds, told me to see a counselor and sent me home. I will be the first to say I am stressed and anxious to the max. These days I am easily frustrated, angered (not like me) and pushed to my limit. Over the last two years I have cried more than smiled. I have become scared of my own shadow. I obsess over EVERYTHING! I feel on edge most of the time. I am hanging in there with my eating and I am walking 5-7 days a week. I have way too many health problems and want to lose the rest of the weight too much to give up now. I am trying to use relaxation breathing and not react so much to stressful situations. My doctor has prescribed 10 mg of Lexapro to try and calm things down further to a point where my body can readjust, heal and hopefully my blood pressure will go down as well. The problem is I am scared to take it. I have heard and read horrible reports on anti depressants. I am fearful of the side effects, what I will be like on the med and what it will be like coming off of it eventually. Basically everything! My doctor trying to understand my fear has agreed to let me start at 2.5 mg a super low dose but even that scares me. I have never been paralyzed by the thought of taking a medication before in my life and I don't know what I can do to get over it. I feel like such a child! I need help!
Sorry this is so long.
Edited by: CHANGING4ME49 at: 1/18/2011 (11:34)
| current weight: 236.0