I am married with two daughters, ages 17 and 9. My husband is very supportive of my weight loss journey as are my daughters. However, they aren't always the most supportive when it comes to my vegan meal plan. My oldest complains when I don't cook meat products every night for them to eat and feels like she has to have it. My husband still eats meat and always tries to offer me some, and on his nights that he cooks dinner the vegan options are not a balanced meal, so I end up cooking anyway. It is really tough!
I did have a breakthrough last night though. My husband decided to cook some bacon for a snack and offered me some. I turned him down easily. Just the smell of the bacon cooking made me a little sick to my stomach. I don't think I will be having any problems turning down meat products now.
Edited by: SILENTRAVEN1 at: 7/14/2013 (11:31)
"Health is a relationship between you and your body."--Terri Guillemets
August Minutes: 1,280
Fitness Minutes: (379) Posts: 21 7/13/13 10:45 P
My husband is pretty supportive but he loves junk food and he's a string bean that can eat anything and doesn't gain weight. Every few days he decides to go to the shops for "a treat" except the treat ends up being several treats and I end up joining in. I wish he would just accept that it's not good for either of us to be eating this way and it makes it really difficult for me if he wants to eat that way. I think, until he's on board, it's going to be impossible for me to lose weight.
If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
When I first joined in 2007, I was with a great guy who was incredibly supportive. I told him what I was doing and he was great. He chose not to change his eating habits or sign up, even though he needed to lose maybe 40 pounds but that was his choice. When we ate together, we ate what I needed and sometimes we ate separate meals. He was very complimentary as the weight dropped off and was genuinely impressed.
Skip forward 6 years. All the weight I lost unfortunately went back on in 6 weeks (!) due to my thyroid crashing completely so I was back where I started but no longer with the guy. I'm single but I share a flat now with a guy who also needs to lose weight. This time, it's a very different story. He eats a lot of junk food, processed cr*p and barely any vegetables. He's an omnivore and I'm veggie. I have asked him time and time again not to offer me extra food and not to buy me stuff but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. He eats at least one whole pack of biscuits a day and always offers them to me. When I say "No thank you" (which I always do), he says things like "But they're biscuits! They're good for you. They're so tasty" etc. I have learnt to ignore it but it still gets to me sometimes. Also, usually when he goes shopping he comes back with a "treat" for us both - invariably a chocolate bar or a packet of crisps. He hands mine over very proudly and then I end up feeling guilty when I say "Well, thanks, but you realise that means that I now have to change what I'm having for dinner to take into account this "snack" ". I keep pointing out to him that every time he gives me something to eat, that's something else later in the day that I now can't have. He just doesn't get it! He doesn't believe in slow, steady weight loss. He tells me that when he decides it's time for him to lose weight, he will do it in a really short space of time, using masses of exercise and a very low-calorie diet. He says that works for him and that he's not prepared to "waste six months" waiting for it to come off.
Sigh! Still, I've lost 11 pounds so far and, to be honest, the more he pushes against it, the more determined I become so maybe he's doing me a favour!
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it - Mahatma Gandhi
current weight: 163.0
Fitness Minutes: (27,169) Posts: 3,909 7/5/13 2:19 P
I have a great SO and yes, he knows about my weight loss journey. He is on it with me. We've been together for two years and not only have I got him on the journey, he is now pretty much vegetarian. He is very happy with his results.
Success consists of getting up once oftener than you fall down. ANON.
Do you have a partner (gf/bf, husband/wife)? If yes: Yes I have a SO and he is pretty wonderful, kind & caring! He tells me I am sexy and beautiful quite a few times a week. He tells me he can see and feel I love him so it makes him want to be a better man for me.
1) Did you tell them about your weight loss goal/efforts? I have never been obese or overweight. I had joined SP because I wanted to make exercise, nutrition and overall health a priority in my life. I noticed as an adult a few pounds would creep on a year and I didn't want to wake up one day needing to lose, say, 20-40 pounds so I took action. I talked with my SO about this and he understood and said to me that I didn't need to lose any weight. I said I don't want to wake up one day needing to lose a lot of weight or not feel like I don't have energy and strength. He understood because my sister is fairly overweight. He thought about it and figured any benefit I gained personally he would receive it by extension. Plus he does his best to work out and stay in shape. I monitor his diet a fair amount because in his family diabetes and high blood pressure run on both sides. Anyhow, he was on board and he says as long as I didn't exercise to excess then it was okay. (I'm known as a taking certain things to an extreme. He wanted to be sure I wasn't going to look anorexic, I got that!)
2) How do they support you? The SO is supportive by not bringing a lot of junk food in the house and not giving me grief when I am working out and he wants me to attend to his needs. He also is helpful by letting me know of functions we are to attend ahead of time so I can get exercise and nutrition in order for the day so we don't have him run behind late for functions. He appreciates that I am not so cranky or moody after exercise and taking care of my spiritual needs. He cooks for me sometimes the way I cook for myself which was a little rough at first since I don't eat meat pretty much and he loves his fish and lean meats.
3) Do you ever feel like they don't support you? The SO is pretty supportive overall but once every so often when he needs me and I decline I can see he is disappointed so I make him a priority at most other times. He says I need to take a few more cheat days here and there but I don't want to lose my motivation. On our anniversary or some holidays I relax a little but when he met me he knew I wasn't into sweets and most meat and dairy so that part wasn't a surprise for him.
4) If you've shared your goal, does this make you feel more accountable or more stressed? I'm not stressed by the SO and I'm really only accountable to myself. He knows if I feel well and I am healthy it means more time and effort given to him. Yes, in the short term there is a little give and take but he hasn't thrown a tantrum or tried to undermine my efforts. I am lucky in that regard!
Edited by: MYAKAYAH at: 7/4/2013 (09:42)
"If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay."
"Your happiness is up to you. Whatever happened in your life to make you who you are up until this point is irrelevant. It is your responsibility now to take control and change your life to be what you want it to be. Energy and persistence conquer all things. Make time, not excuses."
1) Did you tell them about your weight loss goal/efforts?
I did, as soon as I figured out it was needed.
2) How do they support you?
He joined in, actually, so we support each other, by reminding each other of our goals, by asking where the other one is at for the day, and of course, cooking healthy food for each other.
3) Do you ever feel like they don't support you?
Occasionally. I am much more of an active type than he is, so the answer to "let's go for a walk!" can sometimes be "but this book is so good" or "I don't really feel up to it". Then again, that's small stuff, and I don't really mind walking and biking on my own.
4) IF you've shared your goal, does this make you feel more accountable or more stressed?
Both. Mostly the first, though. I think keeping a secret like that would have stressed me out way more than letting him (and others) know could ever do.
If you are irritated by every rub, How will you get polished? - Rumi
I have a fabulous husband who knows all about my weight struggle and he encourages me all the way. He knows that at times I will eat wrong or not exercise but he also knows that if I can achieve 90% on the diet and allow myself 10% leeway over the yearI will have achieved my goals. He is also proud of the changes we have made over the time that, when Dr Oz says something is a good product or idea to use - we are already doing it!
current weight: 186.0
Fitness Minutes: (8,815) Posts: 631 4/20/13 8:19 P
I didn't tell anyone at first, not even my husband. After a while, he could figure it out by my actions. He didn't say much, but was happy. He's pretty quiet about everything. He supports me by not tempting me with goodies and not saying anything about my being a vegetarian, even though he's a hunter. We don't have big conversations, but after 35 years, we don't need to. I don't share my goal so I don't feel more stressed. Anything would be a positive, but I think it will go far beyond what anyone thinks at this point.
"Your inner athlete is dying to play!" - Cory Everson
Change doesn't happen without struggle.
Pounds lost: 15.0
Fitness Minutes: (58,826) Posts: 5,335 4/20/13 8:03 P
When I joined SP over 3 years ago, I told my husband about it. He didn't have much of a reaction. As I started to lose weight, he never complimented me. Other people noticed and mentioned how great I looked....but not my husband. When I asked him why he never talked about it, he just said "I thought you looked great before you started losing weight". I guess that's "sweet" but would a compliment have killed him? He never had a negative comment about my weight, though, so that is a plus. From time to time he would try to get me to eat something he knew would undermine my goals - not sure what that was about.
I think partners can feel a bit threatened when we try to change - insecure maybe. Just try to get your partner as involved as they seem willing to be. Do you go for walks together? Are they interested in what you're eating - might they want to help out preparing a meal?
Sharing my goal helped me to stay accountable - I told just about everyone within listening distance that I wanted to lose 30 pounds and I got there. I have read posts of other members that said their families were very skeptical of their attempts "this time" because they've tried to lose in the past and didn't succeed.
I know it's hard but we have to try to block out the negative talk. Be honest with your partner and let it be known you need to hear pep talk, not negative talk.
I believe in myself, I am a strong woman. I will reach my goals, NOTHING & NOBODY will hold me down. I will live my life with integrity and intention. I will set a good example for my daughters and my son. I will be a woman that makes my grand children proud when they look at pictures of me long after I've left this earth.
Fitness Minutes: (0) Posts: 61 4/20/13 6:27 P
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