Welcome back! You have no reason to be embarrassed or feel silly about your aversion to touching fish -- everyone has their "thing," and if you think about it, you are actually kind of lucky that yours is something that is changing your life for the better.
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." -Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
I was a vegetarian for a little over a year about 3 years ago. I fell off the wagon because my then boyfriend had been harassing me with bacon. I've considered going back many times, but because of my boyfriend of a little over a year, I never have (cooking vegetarian meals for myself and non-vegetarian meals for him was too difficult and expensive). Today was my last straw. A friend of my boyfriends took us out fishing. I really didn't want to go, because I don't want to hurt anything. And touching a fish is kind of a phobia of mine. It may seem stupid, but getting me to touch a live, uncleaned fish is like trying to get someone to touch a wire that they know is live. Anyway, they had caught a few fish and had me reel one in. They wanted me to take it off the hook, and no matter how much I wanted to and wanted to toss it back, I couldn't touch it. Eventually the friend took it off the hook and threw it back when he saw how upset I was. They caught another another and took it off the hook and tossed it on the bridge to save for bait. My boyfriend said I could toss it back, but I had to do it. And I couldn't. I was trying not to cry because it was obvious if I didn't do anything, it would suffocate. My boyfriend asked if I was going to throw it back or let it die, and I just started crying. It sounds stupid, but it's a phobia. Eventually he picked it up and threw it back. He just didn't understand. So my mind is made up. I can't do it anymore. I'm going back to being a vegetarian. I can't see my life being worth any more than some poor animal's. I need some support to keep going. Not now, but in a week or a month. Sooner or later. Please no comments on the boyfriend. I know he was being a jerk. This is the only time he's ever been this insensitive.
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