I agree with what everyone has said; professional help is so important, to have a 'live' outlet for venting your emotions.
One of my younger brothers died at 17 of a drug overdose, so I can understand the horror of how that feels. Anniversaries, and birthdays, will be tough for a number of years, maybe not as severely as for the first year, which is the very worst.
In addition to professional help, you could try journalling as well, and if you feel like crying, do so!
"Any idiot can face a crisis. It's the day-to-day living that wears you out."
| Pounds lost: 46.5