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COSMICWATCHER's Photo COSMICWATCHER Posts: 911
5/3/14 12:13 A

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NOLE0105
It's great that you now work somewhere new. You are now Free to create a new "Social persona" for yourself. People there don't know you, don't know what you're facing. You're just another normal person to them, and if you ponder on it, that's a lot of freedom for you. Relax and be yourself, I'm sure they'll love you if you let them.
If you know of a cool or new place that few people know of in your city, maybe you could use that to get together with those who Live faraway. Like a new, whole foods restaurant maybe? emoticon A peculiar bistrot/pub? Some cool park unknown to many?

And find an activity that you enjoy to do, and then do it in a class. Painting perhaps? Pilates? Acting? Do something you love and meet like-minded people while you're on it. There's more chances you'll stick with those kinds of people. Even if you don't, you'll get more relaxed around people, you'll see. It's a win-win! emoticon
There's a good chance you can take such classes in your local district, for a really low price. That's how I do my ballet, it's 35 euros per month and you can go as many as 4 times a week. There's also an arts class, music class, choir etc.

Volunteering is another great thing to do. And I guess other volunteers would also be more understanding to fellow people, or they just wouldn't get in all that trouble. You could go in an animal shelter, soup kitchen, green/eco campaigns... Just ask around if you're interested.

Just be out there and make an effort to open-up. There will be other newbies too, what a great way to connect; an equal among equals!

I'm doing a 21 days no binge streak. FOR ME, it's been TREMENDOUSLY helpful to be accountable to other people and to compete against myself. Please join us if you think it'll work for you too: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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Joanne


'If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.'

Happiness is a form of courage.



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COSMICWATCHER's Photo COSMICWATCHER Posts: 911
5/2/14 11:52 P

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Volunteering is another great thing; thank you for the thought LAFROGGIE.
I think that those of us who have sufficient Social skills and can handle being around people; even with some effort, should try to be out there, WITH PEOPLE as much as they can endure. And no pressure guys! Noone's pushing you to make friends with people out of nowhere, I'm talking about some simple Human interaction. It can help you more than you'd like to admit. TRUST me on that.
LAFROGGIE, I'm so sorry for the difficulties you face. You mentioned having at least a daughter, do your kids Live nearby? You could socialise with them for starters, after church maybe, if they're also frequent goers? If your church is one of these where one can ask for a personal prayer in public, do so. Ask the parish to join you while you're trying to heal yourself, to love you and the people around you. Share as much as you feel comfortable sharing. Just make a gesture saying "HEy guys, you see me? I'm there, I'm a worthy person and I'd love to be even better; but I need your help with that right now".
Maybe the pastor(?) can suggest one or two members who'd be more understanding than others to your situation. More open-minded/Free spirited/compassionate/easy to talk to. I once met a very friendly minister who knew well his whole parish and cared a great deal for every one of them. If that's your case too, maybe he could help with the arranging of the getting-together. give you some ideas.


I'm doing a 21 days no binge streak. FOR ME, it's been TREMENDOUSLY helpful to be accountable to other people and to compete against myself. Please join us if you think it'll work for you too: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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Joanne


'If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.'

Happiness is a form of courage.



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5/1/14 10:42 P

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I rent a room in my half-sister's home so throwing a party would be out of the question for me. I'm also disabled and do not work. I just volunteer through my church. Doing that I have contact with pretty fair amount of people. But I think I still enjoy my friends here better, for now anyways.

God gives me every day and I am thankful. I hop to my goals daily.


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NOLE0105's Photo NOLE0105 SparkPoints: (3,714)
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5/1/14 10:32 P

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Those are some good ideas COSMICWATCHER. I have thought about having some of my co-workers over but we all live kinda far from each other...I just started working at a new location about 2 weeks ago, so there is opportunity for me to make friends there. I just can't let myself get in my own way! It's hard for me to interact with new people, but I'm trying. It will just take time.

I don't have any kids...that is my niece with me in my profile picture, btw. She lives an hour away, so I don't see her that often :(.

How is everyone doing today?


"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." - David Viscott


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LADYBUGSY's Photo LADYBUGSY Posts: 241
4/30/14 2:40 P

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Well said LAFROGGIE!

Lesley
Emmaus PA
COSMICWATCHER's Photo COSMICWATCHER Posts: 911
4/30/14 10:26 A

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Same here, I am 21 years old and I've never had much of a social life. It used to be other people's fault, then it became my fault and now I just don't care anymore.
I've learnt to be independent. I enjoy myself's company and I try to fill my free time doing things that a social life would prevent me from doing due to lack of time- I used to learn German and Russian, but I've recently took a break to work on my body- taking up yoga, classical and contemporary ballet; all of that while being a full time university student.
I have my family to count on too, but I rarely call. I realise I need some human contact too, but seeing my classmates and professors every day, receiving the occassional call from my kins is enough for me.
You know you may not realise it, but you do have a social circle to be. Those coworkers of yours, you could invite over, the one or two you like the most for starters. Offer to buy them a coffee (we do that a lot in Greece), or convince that woman who takes yoga classes all the time to take you to one of her sessions so that you can see if it works for you to.
Those people must like you. We who've been fat for a long time, are used to never lay our defenses. You have a lot of acquaintances, you just won't dare to take it to the next level.
If a colleague of yours has kids the age of your kid(s), you could maybe arrange a playdate. You could take your kids to the playground/amusement park together or something and get to know each other better while your little ones have fun.
Host a healthy potluck dinner maybe... Just make that extra move to convert that acquiatance into friendship. :)
And no you're not alone. I realise I'll have social issues my whole life. I realise that could give me big trouble when I'm older... But we have to make do with what we're given... Fight through with what we're given and maybe find ourselves in the process... I just wish. I do, I fall, I break and then I do again. But I always wish. And I always do.

I'm doing a 21 days no binge streak. FOR ME, it's been TREMENDOUSLY helpful to be accountable to other people and to compete against myself. Please join us if you think it'll work for you too: www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/team_mes
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Joanne


'If a little dreaming is dangerous, the cure for it is not to dream less but to dream more, to dream all the time.'

Happiness is a form of courage.



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4/30/14 10:19 A

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Well, we all have a monkey by the same name, "Depression". But you know what, we all have said we don't have friends. But I am about to prove that we all have 11 friends each.
ARTIATICJEN
NOLE0105
FINEARTMIRO
MAJONES1225
MILLERISHEALTHY
IAMAGEMLOVER
BBB302
JMORRIS85
SUMMARAH
BEACHGIRL328 &
LADYBUGSY
we are all in the same friendship boat paddling each day towards that little sliver of light that helps us make it through each day. If we each lean on each other, WE WILL MAKE IT!
I am calling ya'll my friends!

God gives me every day and I am thankful. I hop to my goals daily.


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ARTISTICJEN's Photo ARTISTICJEN Posts: 25
4/29/14 10:30 P

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Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

It's always been extremely hard for me to make friends also. The only people i talk to right now are my 2 sisters and my dad, I have no one else. And if I don't have a doc appointment or anything, I sometimes won't talk to them for a week or more, they all have a lot going on. And I can't try to go out and make friends on my own, I can't drive.

I'm in therapy, but hate my therapist and I'm not willing to wait another year for a new one. I can't take meds, because of health issues, So I have to just try to make due.

Been spending a lot of time just sitting and crying lately because at 41, I have no life.

Anywho, I've decided to try and refocus on my health and not all those other icky things. Getting healthy IS something I can do something about right now.

Besides, if I'm suppose to have friends, we'll meet each other. Could be at the doctor's office or the grocery store, if it's meant to be, it'll be.

Wow, you've already made a bunch of friends in this thread. See? We pop up in the strangest of places when you least expect us. Kinda like Ninja Friends I guess. emoticon

If you need to talk, just drop me a line. I spend most of my time online. And I'm so much better at helping other people, just not myself very much.

Nice to meet you. emoticon

Jen



NOLE0105's Photo NOLE0105 SparkPoints: (3,714)
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4/29/14 10:04 P

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Wow! Thank you all for the support. It's comforting to know that I am not alone. Surrounding myself with people who actually understand what I am going through might just be exactly what I needed.

I have not looked into other counseling, mainly because I can't afford anything right now. No matter how low the sliding scale goes. I think I will start to look for other alternatives, though. Talking to you all seems like it will be very theraputic in itself!

BEACHGIRL, I am by no means giving up...quite the opposite,actually. I'm so ready for a new chapter in my life. I want to lose the weight and get healthy and enjoy everything life has to offer! I AM READY TO LIVE, not just exist!!!




"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." - David Viscott


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LAFROGGIE's Photo LAFROGGIE SparkPoints: (9,145)
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4/29/14 9:45 P

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Just checking in on everyone. Hoping everyone's Tuesday was uneventful! Good night and God bless! emoticon

God gives me every day and I am thankful. I hop to my goals daily.


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FINEARTMIRO's Photo FINEARTMIRO SparkPoints: (8,635)
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4/29/14 9:22 P

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Believe me! You are not alone. Stay focused on your goals.

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MAJONES1225's Photo MAJONES1225 Posts: 5,891
4/29/14 8:18 P

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emoticon You have us now

"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 6,078
4/28/14 2:11 P

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Hi and welcome to the team. I don't have friends in "real life", either, and most of the time I'm fine with that because I'm so depressed that I don't have the energy to maintain friendships. I've always felt like an outsider and some of my loneliest times were when I was in a room full of people.

I'm glad you've found medication(s) that will help - that's really good news. And I hope you're able to resume counseling via a low-cost or sliding scale option.

Just know that you're not alone - there are many of us who understand.

Miller emoticon


"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 24,169
4/28/14 1:00 P

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H. Welcome to the team. I don't have any friends. I have lots of spark friends but someone to do things with, I have no one. My best friend is my Mom. We go on trips together and that is who I go places with. Otherwise, I do everything by myself. I can't remember the last time I went shopping with a girlfriend, it has been at least 20 years. I don't go to movies, shopping or even out for a cup of coffee. I go to the gym, and to my Mom's house and to Dr. appointments. I said this was the year that was going to change, but so many things have gotten in the way. Now that spring is here, I will work on changing it.

Welcome to a caring, supportive team. We care, and are always here to give a helping hand.

I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie






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BBB302's Photo BBB302 Posts: 48
4/28/14 12:41 A

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Hi and nice to meet you. You are so right that people shouldn't judge us who suffer because I think millions of people suffer in silence and or because they are ridiculed or afraid of the stigma associated with it. most people who lack understand also lack compassion. They feel that we are weak, lazy or just can't or don't want to deal with life on life's terms, but they are sooooo wrong.

Finally motivated.
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still." (MaJones)

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. (Platinum)


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LAFROGGIE's Photo LAFROGGIE SparkPoints: (9,145)
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4/28/14 12:15 A

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Depression is a sneaky, horrible disease for anyone to suffer with. I have been battling it for to many year to admit. *giggles* Ever since the birth of my youngest daughter in 1985. It's gotten better and boy has it gotten worse! But right now, I am in control with the correct meds and good counseling.But I am disabled so I do not even had the "co-workers" to "associate" with. Even now I attend church regularly but feel as though I could be "Casper the Friendly Ghost" in the room cause no one talks to me unless I screw something up. If someone has never suffered from depression, they really shouldn't judge those of us who suffer daily, mostly alone and in silence. Stay here and keep talking. If you would like my email, just shoot me a private message and we can exchange. My prayers will be with you as with all my new friends here. Have a blessed evening.

God gives me every day and I am thankful. I hop to my goals daily.


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JMORRIS85's Photo JMORRIS85 SparkPoints: (61,199)
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4/28/14 12:05 A

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Hi and welcome to the team!!! If you feel the need of a therapist and can not afford one, you probably could get help through your local Community Mental Health. Of course, the members of this team are here for your 24/7.

emoticon

Jackie

Co-Leader of Fighting Depression with Movement http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_
individual.asp?gid=56426

Until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.--Ivania Vanzant.

Life is short, live it; Love is rare, grab it; Anger is bad, let it go; Fear is a mind killer, face it; Memories are sweet, cherish them. www.atti-tude.com


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SUMMARAH's Photo SUMMARAH Posts: 2,522
4/27/14 11:33 P

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Well you have a lot going on there, huh? First of all, let me say that what you're feeling and going through may or may not be the norm, but you certainly are not alone. What I find is that it really doesn't matter who calls whom first or whatever. You never know what is going on in another person's life; whether they've thought about calling or texting you, but something urgent came up or they just can't squeeze in the time to contact you; but that doesn't mean they're not thinking about you. One thing I learned from my mother is to always give people the benefit of the doubt. Whenever I feel myself getting upset with someone for something they did or didn't do, I try to imagine what would be keeping them from doing what I want or need; I try to put myself in their shoes. Finally, I ask myself if the results of my actions are things that I want. Do I enjoy hanging out with this person? Do I want to see my house clean? If so, I have to do whatever needs to be done to make that happen. I am responsible for my own happiness. My pastor says "Pride is what keeps a person from reaching out first." It doesn't really matter that you're the one doing it all the time. What if that person really appreciates you calling them because they needed to take a break and you called at just the right moment?

I hope this helps. God bless you.

Forgive yourself and move on.

"If you have (love), you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have." - Sir James M. Barrie

"God give me the courage to love with an open heart." - India.Arie


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BBB302's Photo BBB302 Posts: 48
4/27/14 11:19 P

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hello and pleased to meet you. as I was reading your post I kinda felt like you were talking about me. we have a similar life story of being without friends and socially awkward (for me) being the elephant in the room. by that I mean that your seen but not seen and spoken about but not spoken to. I too have depression but diagnosed just last year. I know now that I suffered for many years with no help. I now find myself liking / loving myself because after a very very VERY difficult year at work, I had to do something or I would have perished. I believe that God was not about to let that happen. my self esteem was did not surface until I was in my 49's. and it has gradually grown. my self confidence waivers due to as you know, outside sources such as People. You will find friends when you least expect it or don't realize it. We will talk, feel free to send me email. Juanita

Finally motivated.
"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still." (MaJones)

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery. (Platinum)


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BEACHGIRL328's Photo BEACHGIRL328 Posts: 2,020
4/27/14 11:13 P

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I am in a similar boat. I am 50 years old and I was thinking tonight how my depression is getting bad tonight because all weekend I spoke to one person and it was not a pleasant conversation.
I have friends but at this stage of my life all my friends are work friends, some I see socially but those are rare occasions so I have either spend my time at work or at home alone.
This is not how my life has always been but in the last 5-6 years my life has become more and more isolated and more and more difficult.
I too have a hard time making friends and my interests don't involve groups so making friends has been really hard. I have thought of volunteer work but I am so heavy I can't do a lot of physical things and because I work 10 hour days in a office I cannot bear the thought of sitting someplace else.
I know I have to change and luckily my job has insurance that covers mental health issues so I am able to get counseling.
Have you attempted looking for counseling elsewhere? some counselors offer sliding scales you might also try checking with the United Way or your church. I know here is south fla Catholic Charities offers counseling and you don't have to be a Catholic to get help.
Please don't give up life is too beautiful to miss out on.

LADYBUGSY's Photo LADYBUGSY Posts: 241
4/27/14 11:02 P

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I feel the same way you do. I don't have many friends, don't get invited anywhere, etc. I'm 42 and I've felt this way since I was a child. Sometimes I don't want to go out because I'm overweight and just plain feel like crap.

I do know that friends and people in general have a hard time understanding depression and I believe that really effects relationships.

Thank you for sharing. I'd be happy to exchange email addresses if you're interested. I would love to hear about your day etc.

Lesley
Emmaus PA
NOLE0105's Photo NOLE0105 SparkPoints: (3,714)
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4/27/14 9:32 P

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It has always been super hard for me to make friends. I have been shy an overweight my whole life. The few friends that I have been able to make, I have lost, due to various reasons, but mostly because of my lack of self-esteem\self-confidence and depression getting in the way. Now that I look back, I think I have suffered from social anxiety as well...sometimes, still do. I am finding it very lonely, frustrating and embarrassing that I am 31 years old and don't have any friends. I mean, I do have acquaintances and co-workers and my parents that I talk to and sometimes hang out with, but I don't have anyone to call and chat about my day or go shopping with or any of the girly stuff. Whenever I do go out, I'm ALWAYS the one who has to initiate the outing. I'm ALWAYS the one to text them first, just to see how things are going. They all have other friends and family to be with. I'm not a part of anyone's social circle. I usually don't get invited to things, I have to invite myself. I am just so tired of being alone!

A little background...I have been depressed for probably 16 years but only diagnosed for about 5 years. I am on medication, which for the most part, has done wonders for me. It took a bit to find the right meds and the right dosage but, right now, I'm feeling good. I still have bad days, but now, there are more good than bad. I did find a great therapist that I saw for about 3 months, but due to job circumstances, I can't afford therapy anymore. I am hoping to find some therapeutic relief by posting this and hearing from others. I don't necessarily need advice, I just want to know that I'm not as pathetic as I have made myself think I am. Although, if you have any ideas on how to help, I would appreciate it! Sometimes venting and talking things through is all the medicine you need!


"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." - David Viscott


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