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PLATINUM755's Photo PLATINUM755 SparkPoints: (266,904)
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11/9/13 10:26 P

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Venting is so often like flicking the switch in a poorly lit room...At first the brighter light may hurt the eyes, but oh, does it make everything so much clearer to see and address. emoticon

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

Don't be afraid to give your best at what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.


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WOWEETOO's Photo WOWEETOO SparkPoints: (170,971)
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11/5/13 4:05 P

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if i may can i recommend you walk over to the diabetic diet site on sparkpeople they can give you ideas for detting that portion control and greak food into your life..it's a great place to go even if you are not diabetic and you will feel so much better maybe not tomorrow but surely in a week..i agree you probably are depressed and this is the place to come when you are having questions and you need to think of a therapist also if you do not have insurance there are places that see you on a sliding scale and some even free ask at your hospital and the american diabetes groups have meetings once a month even without diabetes you can go and see how others deal with this all the time i sleep a lot at present my vitamin d is in the pits down at the bottom and i can hardly stay awake but it is getting better but it sure is slow i have chronic kidney disease to go with that so my diet is further restricted for sure..i will say this it took 5 years to go from 378 to 105 and i have maintained over 4 years now i have been with spark people over 6 years and i know it will work for you also find something to move some and they have a whole slew of teams that and groups that do chair excercises..i had to lose a 100 pounds before i could exercise out of a chair anyway we are here 24/7 to listen to everything
the lady mary

TODAY IS LIFE THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL

there is no cause when there is no effect km

i can do that, but not on a tuesday
for that is my day of thrust in the opposite direction -
off the starboard bow
over the hurdles,
and down the shute.

last is just the slowest winner. c.hunter boyd

people often say that motivation doesn't last. well neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. zig ziglar

if i stitch fast enough do


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LADYBUGSY's Photo LADYBUGSY Posts: 239
11/4/13 4:16 P

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I completely understand your eating habits. I can eat pies and cakes. Several boxes of cereal. 20 candy bars. Its so hard to control my thoughts when I'm in the middle of it. I hope you're able to paint and get some peace from that.

Lesley
Emmaus PA
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (126,340)
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11/3/13 9:42 P

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As far as yoghurt is concerned, I can't give you ideas from what I like because I live in New Zealand - different brands/recipes.

Fruit juice CAN be o.k. - it is certainly a fluid, and it does have nutrients, but it also has a fairly high sugar %. Vegetable Juice would be a better option, BUT there is no reason why you cant have the fruit juice - try watering it down a little.

Without wanting to sound TOO personal, have you checked the colour of your Urine? If it is pale yellow, then generally you are drinking enough. It MAY be that you are getting more fluid from some of the other foods that you are eating.

The only beans I eat that DON'T come in a can are the green beans. I eat either fresh ones or frozen. ALL others are canned. Just look for the lower sodium and lower sugar content. Also, I compare the % of beans in the tin re price comparison when finances are a particular issue because apart from baked beans, I tend to drain some of the dressing off OR in the case of kidney and cannelini beans, I rinse the brine off totally.

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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ANNWILLWALK's Photo ANNWILLWALK Posts: 103
11/3/13 9:33 P

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Thanks Kris. Can the beans be canned? Also, I drink 2 cups of coffee and the 2 cups of water but thats it. I've heard some fruits are good for their liquid content. I only go to the bathroom 2-3 times a day. Even the doctor told me that wasn't good but all he said was increase my fluid intake and I've heard fruit juice isn't good for you. I drink skim milk sometimes. Would that count? As for the yogurt, I've never tried greek, do you have a favorite? Sorry to be such a bother.

I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter.
Ann ~ Radiant Crimson Buddies Team


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ANNWILLWALK's Photo ANNWILLWALK Posts: 103
11/3/13 9:21 P

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LESLIE~ I don't care anymore and I really don't know how to get that back. For example: I baked and ate a whole batch of Hershey's decadent brownies and I already am morbidly obese. I am over 90 lbs over weight and my BMI is something like 48-49. My triglycerides were 318 when last checked. I refused medicine. I'm already taking 23 meds a day.A lot of which are killing my liver and statins we know target it. So I take fish oil and garlic supplements. I do like to paint. Maybe I will take your suggestion and get my art kit back out try putting my feelings on canvas. Thank you for the idea. You're not rambling and I do need some peace. Thank you for that too.

I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter.
Ann ~ Radiant Crimson Buddies Team


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (126,340)
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11/3/13 9:14 P

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Have you got a tray or basket with your walker? If so, perhaps you could put some laundry or groceries away one at a time. It doesn't have to be done all in one hit, but even doing putting away 2-3 things and then having a break for a while will increase your mobility.

As far as protein is concerned, excellent sources of protein is lean meat, chicken with the skin removed and fish. Egg, particularly the white of an egg, is excellent, and there is good protein in things like peas, lentils, split peas, beans such as baked beans, red kidney beans, cannelini beans, quinoa, low fat yoghurt (Greek yoghurt is fantastic), low fat milk, but if you use milk substitutes, make sure that it is protein rich, and some are Vitamin D enriched, too.

IF the total fluid intake is 2 cups in total, including tea/coffee/juice/water, AND if you are NOT on a fluid restricted diet, then gradually increasing it (doesn't HAVE to be water) would be a good idea. You can also increase it by incorporating or increasing soups and casseroles into your diet.

Have you applied for some form of assistance in your house or to take you shopping and/or to your appointments? A lot of places provide this when there is a significant health issue such as yours. Your Dr and/or a Social Worker will be able to tell you if you might qualify. This would also take a lot of stress off your husband, as well as opening up your world.

Good luck,
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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ANNWILLWALK's Photo ANNWILLWALK Posts: 103
11/3/13 9:05 P

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Kimberly, you sound so much like me. I take strong pain meds and muscle relaxants that ofcourse bring me down but I couldn't do any exercise w/o those meds blocking the pain. Because you're right, once you're done the pain is so much worse. I don't know who you have taking care of you but my husband is all I've got. We've been married 30 yrs and I am so scared that this is tearing us apart. We don't talk anymore. I cry alot and he gets so tired of it. Which make me thinks he doesn't care. We hardly ever hug. He slept from 8pm last night til 6pm tonight, stayed up an hour and is gone to sleep on the couch now. I think he is getting depressed because he lost his life when mine changed. As for a gratitude journal, my therapist had me start one. I was to write 5 things that I was greatful for at the end of each day. I soon realized it was the same 5 things: my husband; my children; my children's health; a roof over my head; and an AC to keep me cool in the summer. My heater went out 10 yrs ago and we've never afforded to have it replaced. My husband is very stupid when it comes to handling money. Anyway, I got tired of writing the same things down and there are no new ones. I can't even be greatful for waking up every morning in this condition. I'm not suicidal. I'd just like to not wake up in pain. Infact, sleep and food are my escapes. Thank you for friending me. I would love to be your friend.

I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter.
Ann ~ Radiant Crimson Buddies Team


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ANNWILLWALK's Photo ANNWILLWALK Posts: 103
11/3/13 8:42 P

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All of you answered so beautifully. I want to respond to each of you. I will try to make this short.
KRIS - I am low in vitamin D & B12. I take 100mg of Zoloft and was seeing a therapist until I know longer have a ride. Its very hard to ask someone to take 2 hrs out of their day while I'm in group therapy. I need to drink more water, and eat more protein and dairy but I don't know how to even start. I've triend researching whats a healthy protein but I don't find anything. I've tried these but I just don't like soy, tofu, or seafood. I drink about 2 cups of water a day. I don't drink alot so thats all I get down. As for walking, I use a walker and we live out in the country where there are some big dogs running loose and could easily hurt me. My husband won't let me. As for work, I'm disabled and not able to take care of myself, I rely on my husband alot. I know its frustrating for him. His life changed when mine basically ended

I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter.
Ann ~ Radiant Crimson Buddies Team


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MAJONES1225's Photo MAJONES1225 Posts: 5,547
11/3/13 3:39 P

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I have to agree with Ann and Laurie, we have to love our selves no matter what. I want to welcome to a great team. You have came this far and you will go further. I know here in Chicago we have a serves call Pace bus where you can call and they will take where you need to go and they will come back and pick you up. I don't think that they charge anything either. Maybe you could see if they have a service like that where you live and then you can get out the house more and not depend so much on husband who is not so helpful. emoticon

"Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still."


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SYLPHINPROGRESS's Photo SYLPHINPROGRESS Posts: 13,461
11/3/13 11:59 A

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To all of you, I haven't the attention span these days to read your notes closely, never mind compose responses of value, but I want you to know I care about how you're feeling and functioning.

Ann's signature line caught my eye. It bears repeating as a reminder:

"I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter."

Each of us must remember that the feelings rise and fall. On the darkest days we must recall feeling light. We may not believe it at the moment, but what matters most is knowing we've felt it.

Laurie

LAURIE, NYC
No one said it would be easy, but it can be easier.


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LADYBUGSY's Photo LADYBUGSY Posts: 239
11/3/13 7:04 A

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* if you're worried about doctor or therapists being covered by insurance try going to a clinic. I had to change my PCP because of insurance issues and I get great care there.

* I've had a good two weeks so I'm not doing this at the moment but there have been many times that I couldn't get out of bed for days. I slept all day. I hated myself. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I never felt suicidal but I used to think I'd like to go somewhere safe where I could sleep and not feel any pain or stress then come back to reality feeling refreshed.

* I binge and can get really depressed for days. I stop taking care of myself. Its a horrible hopeless place to be in. Its pure misery. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. If you watch tv try to get up during commercials and walk into another room. This sounds silly but get a coloring book and color away. My therapist suggested it and it really does work. It takes my mind off of everything else. Its blank just long enough to not feel depressed while I'm doing it. I also have a large drawing pad that has a bunch of pages with lots of hard scribbles all over them. I took one crayon and in a moment of anger scribbled on it til I broke the crayon.

I wish I could help take everyone's pain away but I can't. I hope I don't go into another tailspin and end up bed like that again. And I hope you can come out of yours for at least a few minutes just to have some peace inside yourself. I'm rambling. I have all these things to say but don't get my thoughts across to people because my mind is racing with ideas.



Lesley
Emmaus PA
ONBEACHSIDE's Photo ONBEACHSIDE SparkPoints: (54,630)
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11/3/13 1:25 A

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Ann, I bet you are not mean and heartless. I bet you, like me, are hurt. For reasons we can't understand of lives were destroyed by medical problems. I have intractable pain and am on a high morphine equivilant of opioids. I don't know what, if anything, you take for fibromyalgia, arthritis and the other things on your spark page. But if you take meds, they can make you tired. Yes, depression can make you tired as well.

I spend 22-23 hours a day lying down, not always in my bedroom, but a lot of time as I think of it. I go to bed at 9pm, I go to sleep on good nights btw 1-2 and I wake up between 10 - 11:30 am. I get up, have breakfast lying down, since sitting is painful. I go on my half hour walk which is 0..34 miles. Neighbors think it is cute Shen they make jokes about how slow I walk, but it hurts . I then get back in more pain, usually taking my first pain med of the day. I do PT exercises about 5 days a week, I have lunch, watch tv with my Mom and usually need to go back to bed for a 2-4 hour nap between 2-3. It isn't depression. It is what life I am now left with.

What is depression for me and I would guess you, is the loss of independence, I can't drive either, I can't cook, clean. My life s just what is above except I do get out for my walk sometimes to the grocery store, not just for the doctor. I lay in the back seat to travel and use my walker to walk. I think we have lost who we were and we are struggling to find out if there is a life left to be enjoyed. A spark member to this group, just wrote to me today on my introduction to try a gratitude journal. She said to write down five thinks that made you happy, maybe a cloud formation, a hug from a loved one, a joke on TV. I will give it a try. I don't know that it alone will be enough. Kris also recommended seeing a therapist. I am personally very torn with that because of a very bad experience I had in my 20's and I live in a transient own with what I don't think is the greatest healthcare, plus the issue of having to get there and do they take insurance. You may already have therapy, but if not Kris seemed to think it would help a lot. She is who posted before me.

Good luck. I'll friend you as it seems we have a lot in common. If you want to talk privately at all you can always send a private message.

Kimberly

Enjoy life when you can, as life changes when you least expect it!!!


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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (126,340)
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11/3/13 1:36 A

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Hi - it sounds like maybe there are a few things that need addressing. One is obviously depression and any co-existing condition that compounds it. Your Dr should be keeping up on that via bloods etc. and that includes for low iron, B12 and Vitamin D.

Ensure that you are eating healthy, and a good balance of food - i.e. NON-processed carbs, healthy fats and lean protein. Ensure that you are getting a few fruit/veges a day, too, concentrating on a rainbow of colour. By doing this you will help your depression.

Getting in some exercise is also helpful. Are you able to go for little walks during the day? Maybe down the road a little and back? Even a few 5 minutes in a day is a lot better than nothing. A you close to a Library you can walk to or catch a bus to? If so, that will get you out and about for a breather away from your own four walls.

Is there a community group you could belong to? There are many that can bring pleasure as well as some of them being ones that you may be helping others in the process - even if it is only a listening ear. At the same time, you are opening up your world because you will form friendships and some of them may be able to take you out for a spin to blow the cobwebs out.

Is there any way that you can earn a little money on the side? Perhaps babysit occasionally for a neighbour?

Good luck,
Kris




Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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ANNWILLWALK's Photo ANNWILLWALK Posts: 103
11/3/13 1:26 A

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I don't know who I am anymore. More importantly I don't know how to get back to who I used to be. I used to be a nice, sweet, person that liked people and tried to help everyone out. I still love to motivate others but I don't take my own advice. I am a mean person, cruel and heartless. Atleast, that's how I feel. I think I know when I changed. It was when everything in my life changed. The doctor took me out of work. I fell on hard times, had to give up my car, took me 2 years to get on disability. Now I have only enough money to survive and a husband that I can't rely on. What I think is the worst part of all is I don't have a life anymore. I feel like I am a waist of space.I can't drive. I have to rely on my husband and daughter and she shares one care with her bf to go anywhere. I only get out of the house once a month and thats to go to the doctor (that's so much fun!) I'm sorry. I just needed to vent. There is no hope for me.

I am my first love, my best friend, and my best supporter.
Ann ~ Radiant Crimson Buddies Team


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