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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 716
9/2/14 5:30 P

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Hang in there everybody, like i tell myself it has to get better.

Congrats on the new job and house. I can understand the money issue with all the other stuff. Moving and starting a new job is not easy. Pat yourself on the back it sounds like you deserve it. WTG !!

The ex sounds like a real handful. I don't understand why they act the way they do or why it seems like they always get away with it. I have repeatedly call the law on my ex and they never did anything. I quit calling them. And warned him that i soon would be armed and hopefully dangerous. I have finally made arrangements to do my conceal and carry classes.

Over ate tonight, i was so hungry. had a heaping helping of spaghetti AND a piece of garlic bread, the bad thing is i wanted more. Instead i am having a super sized glass of water. I had almost a full glass before i ate also. I ate so fast i wonder if i even tasted it. I am using the fact that i am back to not sleeping as an excuse, even though i know that might be part of the problem but the other part is i just wanted to eat that much. I have been doing so well to. Tomorrow is new day. I get to start with a clean slate, and it is up to me what i put on it, good or bad it is all me. So hopeflly tomorrow will be better.

Hang in there everybody. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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MARIENOW's Photo MARIENOW SparkPoints: (2,928)
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9/1/14 4:54 P

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It's been a while for me too. Just checking in. I was on a roll and then found out the man I was interested in was sending another woman gifts and stuff. So I cancelled the trip we were planning and that I was so excited about. I don't know why but that just killed any motivation I had going. I've struggled for a few months. Not even struggled, it was more that I didn't care so I ate what I wanted. I gained a lot of weight back. I am hoping to get back on track.

Good luck to everyone!

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9/1/14 3:11 P

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Hello team, its been ages since I posted in this room. Loads of changes with me. New job and new home. Still finding the money side of things difficult, never seem to have enough to make ends meet but still managing to eat and drive. God is helping me!!! Love and blessings to you all. XX

My God loves me, he shelters me from harm.
SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 SparkPoints: (7,239)
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8/31/14 8:12 P

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Hi, I'm back. I'm still struggling some. My ex is still acting like a weirdo. A few times he has waited a block or two from my house, then followed me on the freeway, making a point of making eye contact, cutting me off, etc. I call the police to document it every time. Last time the cop told me To just call 911 right away while I drive so they can get him. This whole time I've been afraid of getting a ticket for using my phone while driving! I sort of kick myself for not thinking of calling 911.

I've been having trouble getting a doctors appointment to get back on meds or at least get a thyroid test. I am very concerned about how my mental state is affecting my kids. I'm even more worried that my eldest is always saying she is tired, and sometimes cries, but won't tell me what she is crying about. Part of this is puberty, I think... I know she's going through a growth spurt because her hands and feet suddenly seem huge...but I suspect at least part of this is a feeling of disloyalty to her father. My younger girl seems to think that eventually we will make up and Daddy will be around a few times a week again. When I say that he and I can not talk to each other, but that we both still love her, she says "But you won't leave me alone with him, right?" That is a really heartbreaking thing to hear.

I really need to understand the balance between being strong for your kids and letting them know it's okay to express their emotions, because I think I'm not doing it very well. Part of this is because depression seems to dull all my emotions, like they are all frozen within me. It's like my body and my emotions are completely disconnected.

On a positive note, I have allowed myself not to track at this time, or beat myself up for any weight gain. I am simply trying to eat healthfully without getting too carried away (I don't want to use obsessing about food to avoid dealing with my problems). So I try to treat myself gently, until I can get my emotions into the normal range.

Thank you so much for listening to me ramble.

Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 8/31/2014 (20:13)
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 716
8/31/14 4:25 P

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Thank you so much Rachel, it is hard sometimes to try to remain positive, but i keep telling myself that i DO have alot to be thankful for. I just need to remind myself of that fact constantly.

After 3 weeks of waiting on a response from the urgent care doctor i went to when my doctor went on vacation, i got the call today. On a sunday no less.. I went about a month ago for a kidney or bladder infection. My regular doctor said i had it bad and prescribed me meds to take, and said if i was still showing symptoms to call back monday and she would call in another weeks worth of med. She failed to mention that she was leaving to go on vacation. So that is how i ended up in urgent care. Well finally got the call back, and when i reviewed my messages and tried to call back i got no answer. I had just figured that everything must have been o.k. since i didn't hear anything, and now am back to wondering again and waiting to be able to call them back tomorrow. My kidney still hurts and seems to need to go to bathroom all the time. I do drink lots of lots of water so determining whether i am going more is sometimes difficult. But now waiting to be able to call them in the morning before work to see what the result of the tests were. the doctor told me 2 to 3 days and has been 3 weeks. for crying out loud.

Finally getting some rain, but our spring is not building back up. So as usual we are rationing our water. With school starting back and 2 people showering 3 times a week at the least i am hoping we will continue to have water. We already pack it in to drink and cook with, I just can't seem to catch a break this year. One thing after another.

Did finally get a message from the ex BF, on yahoo no less. Not very nice message and then before i could respond or not he clicked off .. I just love cowards.

Spent most of the day cleaning, so at least i have a somewhat cleaner house for a change. A clean house has a way of making my day.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday weekend. I also hope everyone has a good week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that i do to. Hang in there everyone, you are all in my prayers and thoughts.

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RACHELSUSANNAH's Photo RACHELSUSANNAH Posts: 864
8/31/14 9:45 A

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Hello SAMESTUFF,
I am sorry that your job is such a source of stress right now. I think you've got a great attitude in that you are telling yourself that it will get better. Having the ability to do that, to have hope for better things to come, is tremendous. Congratulate yourself for that and know that it does get better.
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 716
8/29/14 6:41 P

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Hello room, came in to log my food and drink for the day so far. So far today so good. I hope i can continue to do fairly well with my eating, but more importantly i need to start exercising regularly, so far that part is pretty sporatic. A work in progress.

Work today was a little bit better then usual, i will take it how ever i can get it. The office on the other hand is really testing my patience. They did not pay me again for all the hours i worked and for our inservices they did not pay the regular wages, and only got paid for 1 of the 3 hours was there for testing, And then had the nerve to ask me if i wanted to pick up my weekend lady. So far have worked for her every other weekend for like 4 or 5 months now. She is a 4 hour shift, and im suppose to be getting 10.00 an hr, they only been paying me for 2 hours of the 4. So after she asked i looked at my paycheck, looked at her, looked back at my paycheck and said NO. It sucks cause i am willing to work just not to work and not get paid. Am actively searching for a new job, and i cannot wait to tell them i quit !! When i tried to talk to the girl in office she acted like she didn't have time for me and turned her attention back to another girl who was in there picking up clients. I told her good luck.. and left.

Anyway, i am glad i have a job but..... come on already. So this weekend will be picking up more applications and filling them out.

No word at all from the guy i broke up with, he didn't take the cell phone he gave me or turn off netflix yet.. so keep thinking i might have to deal with him at least one more time, but maybe not. Am sad in a way that i am alone again, but alone beats dealing with a man child or someone who needs to be center of attention all the time. I don't know, feel bad but also relieved.

Anyway, waiting for it to cool off lil bit more then out for my walk with my dog.. my girl.

Every one have a safe and fun holiday weekend. Hang in there it has to get better or at least that is what i keep telling myself.

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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 716
8/28/14 6:32 P

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Thank you Loesch.
I have so many things to be thankful for.. :
A job, a home, food on my table, my family, a vehicle, my bills are paid ( barely ), and to a point my health. So many people are homeless jobless, have no family, etc..

Today was not so as bad as yesterday, but am still glad to be home and away from my client. Watching my birds in the feeders.. they make me so happy, it takes so little.

Still wondering what the future holds for me, and trying not to worry about it. I am asking the Lord for guidance and i hope i do the right thing. and not have another failure, but i guess without the failures our successes would not be as sweet.

Anyway, getting ready to go out for my walk, it has cooled off enough i think, if not that is what cool showers are for . It's me and my dog time..

As always you are all in my prayers.

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LOESCHFAMILY's Photo LOESCHFAMILY Posts: 120
8/27/14 7:46 P

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SAMESTUFDIFDAY,
I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time. The Lord does answer prayer, just not always the way we would like. Keep the faith. You are in my prayers.

Edited by: LOESCHFAMILY at: 8/27/2014 (19:48)
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 716
8/27/14 7:38 P

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Hello room, i can't believe how long it has been since i been in here. Though i am not in here as often as i would like i want you all to know that you are always in my prayers.
So much happening to so many people, sometimes it is so hard to keep my faith. but without it i am nothing.

Am kinda feeling that way anyway. Am just back from what could have been a wonderful vacation. And it turned out awful. My BF, well EX BF now, just behaved so badly. We had a talk almost a month ago about his behavior and from there things just went down hill. He knows most of the history with my ex husband and i just can't believe that he would behave like that. What is it with men these days that they either want a mommy or a hooker or worse yet both at the same time. I have been wanting to break up for a little while now, and thought just hang in there a little while longer, surely something has to give. Well that something turned out to be me. I just can't live with or be with someone who wants to act like they are 1 or 2 yrs old. I am waiting for that final talk or whatever it will be, then i am done. Destined to spend the rest of my life alone. I was married for 23 yrs. He was great when i first met him, over the years he fell into the drink, and it became the most important thing in his life. then became very violent and abusive.. finally had to say enough was enough, spent 5 yrs alone, met someone, he wanted to get married, i did not. that ended, spent 3 yrs alone, this one i knew in school and hung out with him and his girlfriend who i also knew in school.. he was never so childish then, i thought give it a try.. well now that is done to. So thinking 3 strikes is enough for me. Im done, finished with it all.

Work is same old same old, working with the elderly is very difficult. And i am thinking it is time for new job, I just don't know if i could spend 8 to 10 hrs a day on my feet, while on vacation i spent a lot of time walking and standing and my feet and legs swelled up like water balloons. Afraid to quit one job to try another for fear i won't be able to do it.

This is my boys last year of school, and he is already telling me that he wants out of Ohio, he hates it here. So in less then a year i will be facing empty nest syndrome.

I just feel like such a loser. I def don't have the midas touch, everything i touch withers and dies, or so it seems. Am getting to the point i just don't care about anything any more. Tired of being at the end of the line, bottom of the totem pole, scraping the bottom of the barrel, or any other saying i can think of.

Just needed to vent a little bit, i have talked to the Lord, but no one else. And as we know he is not answering prayers and maybe not even listening anymore. I can't lose or give up my faith and i am trying hard not to.

On an almost good note since coming home from vacation i have lost 6 lbs, but am sure that it is mostly water weight since legs and feet was so swollen, but am trying to get back on track and work some of my frustration and fear out with exercise. Just rented my walk away the pounds vid from the library as well as a beginners zumba, plus if the weather cools down some i will be out walking again.

Wish me luck and thanks for letting me vent.

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8/26/14 10:33 A

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I'm SO sorry to hear this! I went to an Alzheimer's conference 2 weeks ago and it was heartbreaking but also provided a lot of hope. Please give yourself the support and love YOU need so that you can give support and love to your husband! The speaker has this website and I got a copy of their book - it was very helpful to me:http://www.caregiversunited.com/

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8/25/14 5:02 P

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Salem, I hear you and understand, yes it is frustrating,, I have not read all the post, i too, have had a history of abuse, and you are right to worry and be concern. my ex was mainly verbal and manipulative, plz find where the abuse shelter or hotline is, they can help even if nothing is helping at this time, keep everything documented and have a backup plan, go with your gut feelings, i am telling you this because i never thought things would esculate but they did one day, so stay safe, have a safe plan, who is doing the supervision? ask if the county can do this, and not somebody of his choosing, praying you and all are safe, hugs and it took me 16 years to get out safe and it was hard, letting the kids visit was hard, also make sure the kids know safe plans too, i made sure mine knew where to go if they had to


LOESCHFAMILY's Photo LOESCHFAMILY Posts: 120
8/25/14 9:01 A

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I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will keep you in prayer. Perhaps you could look into getting help caring for your husband.

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PIXIEBURDS's Photo PIXIEBURDS Posts: 30
8/24/14 3:09 A

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Today was such a frustrating day. My husband, the love of my life has beginning stages of Alzheimer's and he is moody and critical and he repeats himself endlessly. He has always been obsessive-compulsive, but it seems worse now. I find myself getting snappish and angry and we have stupid arguments and he blames me for "taking that tone of voice". It feels like I am losing control of myself. I am a nurse and I have worked with Alzheimer's patients, so I understand what is going on, but it is different when you can go home after 8 hours and it is not someone you love. There was a reason I chose to not work on the Alzheimer's unit when I worked in the nursing home. Now I find myself having to deal with it every day and I am afraid I won't be able to be patient and kind to this man I love so much. I am afraid that between his dementia and his physical limitations, (he is in a wheelchair) I will have to retire sooner than I want to so I can take care of him. I know that my situation will not change except for the worse, and it makes me feel so sad. Thank you for letting me vent. Hopefully tomorrow will be less frustrating.

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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 SparkPoints: (7,239)
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8/23/14 1:43 A

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Thank you all so much for your support. I realized today that his manipulations are working, in that I am snapping at everybody, and generally short tempered. Just hearing that others know what this is like, to feel so helpless, was reassuring. I may be depressed, but I am not crazy.

I did some research on this actually, and found that this was a big part of the reason that most stalking victims do not report to the police...no witnesses to verify that the victim isn't making things up.

I find it rather comforting to know that my abuser is following a common set of behaviors, as it makes it easier to judge what his next move is. Somehow, that gives me back my power.

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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,838
8/21/14 1:22 P

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Congratulations Jamie. I am working on a similar refocusing of my mind, but still needing medication. Keep up the good work.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

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JCH628's Photo JCH628 SparkPoints: (1,321)
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8/19/14 1:42 P

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Thanking God today for vast improvements. The depression I have struggled with most of my life has decreased, The times when a depressive episode does show up, the severity is less and it doesn't last as long. Truly putting God first and allowing him to direct and heal has made all the difference. I haven't been on medication for over three years.

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8/17/14 7:03 A

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Hello, Salam...I wish I had something useful to offer. My ex was stupendously abusive and manipulative, and while there was intermittent violence, it was minor. No injuries, nothing really painful.

People would offer advice, but really, there was nothing I could do. I did go to the sheriff's office on several occasions, but I knew that without witnesses there was nothing they could or would do. What I was doing was just reporting, but not asking for action.

And then election time came around, and the sheriff was up for re-election. It turned out - we read it in the newspaper - that the sheriff himself was guilty of wife-beating.

And even so he was re-elected! Which tells me that to many people it simply wasn't important.

I was in a battered women's support group, and one woman said there was no sense in her going to the cops. Her abuser was a cop himself, and they stick together. One lies and the other swears to it, she said.

The only thing that was useful at all was to be able to talk with other women who were going through the same thing, and to know that I wasn't crazy or making it all up.

Edited by: LAURANCE at: 8/17/2014 (07:05)
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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,838
8/16/14 9:40 P

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SALAM4545,

Sending you a hug. I really don't know what to say, but please continue to post, it is not only important for your health but that of your children. Continue to be the best mother you can and when you need help from friends or neighbors to help with the girls just ask them.

I want to wish you the best. The whole SP team is here to cheer you on through this difficult time.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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8/16/14 9:16 P

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I want to reply, even though I have nothing useful to offer.

All I can say is that I was there. I know what it is to be abused but unable to do anything effective about it.

All I can say is that I hear you and I validate you.

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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 SparkPoints: (7,239)
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8/16/14 9:11 P

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Okay, I am reaching out because until I can get to the dr. to renew my prescription I have got to white knuckle things, and life has been sucker-punching me lately.

My ex was a narcissistic abuser. He recently went through a bad spell, enough that I had to get a restraining order. He has continuously tried to intimidate me. Although he is in supervised visitation with the girls, he has managed to use the kids to send messages to me, and charmed the supervisor into thinking that since English is not his first language, he misunderstood the rules.

With every incident I have called the police. But there are no witnesses besides my kids, and it is his word against mine. The D.A. is having a hard time building a case because there is always some excuse for why he did something. The cops really want to arrest him, every time there is an incident they tell "Don't worry, we are going to get him."

I tell myself not to worry, because he has never yet been directly physically violent (he likes to throw stuff, but he doesn't hit). But I DO worry, because he is manipulative, and I believe he will use my history of depression against me.

One thing I have figured out over the last few weeks...I can't let my depression stop me from posting, or I will be turning away from help when I need it most.

P.S. Perimenopause is NOT helping with this process! Perimenopause just sucks!

Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 8/16/2014 (21:15)
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8/14/14 9:12 P

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I haven't been posting here lately because I've been busy on the Caregivers Support team. I have to say that constant caregiving can sure be depressing.

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PIXIEBURDS's Photo PIXIEBURDS Posts: 30
8/7/14 7:18 P

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For BeachGal84,, so glad you are having a better day today. We are here for you.

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8/5/14 1:48 P

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Ah, it was very cathartic to get everything out yesterday. I'm not a 10 by any means but at least I don't feel like a weepy mess today. Thank you so much PNPEARCE for reading, responding but not belittling what I feel or think. Makes a world of difference just to have someone listen and not pass judgment, wow not sure about that spell check could have sworn it had an e in it. Here's to better and better days.

Laurie
I will make it and I'll accept help.

"If someone doesn't want you for who YOU ARE, there are plenty of others that will love you for you." DONT FORCE YOURSELF ON SOMEONE who truly doesn't want to be with you. YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! Envision what you want your life to be like and chase after that...but don't change who you are for anyone but yourself!



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8/5/14 7:22 A

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You are welcome. I hope things are better. Best wishes to you.

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8/4/14 5:53 P

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thank you. I have a list like yours too and a lot of its the same. One reason I started reading Spark People is I was looking for people who understood what I was going thru. Giving myself slack is a work in progress and many moons ago I was told you've probably been this way since you were a child, gee thanks. Back when I was a child, depression as a medical condition didn't really exist, it was pull up your boot straps and get over yourself. I tried and I tried and I tried until I started thinking of hurting myself and the only thing that stopped me was I did not want my husband to come home to it. I would / couldn't do that to him, he deserved better. I had been to counseling but I had never taken the step to actually go on meds. Wow, it was like night and day. Unfortunately meds destroy things too and sometimes you wonder if the give and take are worth it, and then you have a week or month like recently and you go yes the meds are worth it, but I still struggle. Thanks again for replying.

Laurie
I will make it and I'll accept help.

"If someone doesn't want you for who YOU ARE, there are plenty of others that will love you for you." DONT FORCE YOURSELF ON SOMEONE who truly doesn't want to be with you. YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! Envision what you want your life to be like and chase after that...but don't change who you are for anyone but yourself!



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8/4/14 4:06 P

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You definately didn't bring me down! I am sorry you are having a tough day. I've had days like that too - sometimes weeks or months. Working closely with your doctor is key - we have a chronic condition (being sad for no reason) - and that means we have to stay in touch the MD, be honest and speak up even if it feels like it won't seem to matter. It does!

Everyone has a different experience of Depression, and while I don't know what it is like for you, I've kept a list in my head for a long time of Reasons Why I Don't Feel Better:

1. I was made this way. Don't know why, but I was. So I gotta give myself a little slack.
2. Dieting is harder when I am depressed. In fact, its impossible. Work on the sadness first, then go after the weight goals.
3. Am I Taking care of myself, really? Am I practicing healthy habits? Am I drinking too much? Am I getting the right kind of nutrition? Spending too much time inside the house?
4. The Vortex of Guilt is something I can beat! It is just another reflection of my illness. It is NOT a reflection of me, my character or what other people think about me.
5. Am I taking my meds right? Jeez, that's easy to screw up. Especially when my body decides to change how it absorbs chemicals without warning.
6. Sometimes I do everything right and still feel terrible. It sucks, but I know I'm not alone in this.

Just one more thing - you're sense of humor shines through in your post. Give yourself some credit and thanks for posting!

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8/4/14 3:23 P

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Was reading thru the posts and went well I just found my group. Last 2 to 3 days, just awful.
All I want to do is cry and for nothing. I eat real food not some dehydrated diet yuck and gain 3 lbs. great, that is what I wanted. take my measurements, they go up, great, just the direction I wanted. I see a pill doctor, lets subscribe more that will work. I'm taking 5 anti-depressants, I don't think they are working. My life is good, my husband loves me, why the hell can't I be happy. I don't have any problems, I have a nice house, I have a job, why isn't it enough? Why am I crying while I write this? I'd even do electrical shock, I've become desperate. I have no friends close, 1 in Oregon, a sister in Frostproof, FL but they both have good lives why do I want to bring them down. My husband tries but he doesn't understand. He's seen when its been bad, it scares him. I've started exercising, hoping for the natural high, haven't found it yet. Get so sore I can't move without grimacing. I'm starting to lose my memories, good and bad, short and long term. And I know it and that just makes it harder. and it is even better when my husband says but I just told you don't you remember? I want to say to him stop saying why don't you remember, it ain't helping. Assume I don't remember and just tell me again. I've got to stop for now, maybe tomorrow will be better. Sorry if I brought you down, this is why I don't share.

Laurie
I will make it and I'll accept help.

"If someone doesn't want you for who YOU ARE, there are plenty of others that will love you for you." DONT FORCE YOURSELF ON SOMEONE who truly doesn't want to be with you. YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU ARE ENOUGH! Envision what you want your life to be like and chase after that...but don't change who you are for anyone but yourself!



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GIMMESPARK's Photo GIMMESPARK Posts: 100
8/2/14 6:39 A

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I hope what I posted didn't sound like I thought you should just fake it, get up and walk. It's hard to tell if what you type has the same message in the reader's brain as it did when you typed it, you know?

If you don't have anyone you can talk to, maybe keeping a journal could help? I've had times in my life when I couldn't see a therapist or anyone for financial or other reasons and keeping a diary was maybe the only way I kept going. When you feel like you have to be in control on the outside all the time (e.g., can't start bawling at work or driving the kids somewhere), having a safe place to get it all out was really helpful to me.

You also always have the folks here to "talk" to. If you go through people's spark pages, you see how many people have physical, financial, etc. issues they're struggling with. It's not a question of whose got the hardest circumstances; it's "we're all on this journey together."

I know it's hard not to be able to exercise. If all you can do is feel the sun on your face and breathe deeply for now, do that. Also, check with your pain management doctor about if there's anything over the counter that you can take to help you sleep. It's definitely harder to feel better--physically or emotionally--without sleep. Just getting some sleep would give you a step forward.

Please take care of yourself however you can and know that people really do care.

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8/1/14 11:15 P

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I fake it on a daily basis. I'm on meds- that usually keep me pretty even keeled- and I really don't have anyone to talk to about things. I can barely afford the meds so therapy is out. I don't want to burden my family. I really don't think my meds are working too well these days. I just had sinus surgery so I'm on steroids and pain pills. I've got back issues too so the pain management Dr has me taking cortisone shots every 3 weeks or so and I just feel like crap in general. I want to be healthy and live a normal life. I can't exercise, I can't sleep. My life just seems like such a cluster !@*#! Two steps forward ten steps back. My options always seem to be the lesser of the two evils. There's this feeling of the never ending cycle of bad days and circumstances. My whole life has been this way. Getting up and walking just isn't enough anymore. I need to see improvement and change that stays put, not disappears ten fold. Thanks for listening to me whine and caring to reply. I really am trying and I really do appreciate your input. Thank You.

PIXIEBURDS's Photo PIXIEBURDS Posts: 30
7/31/14 9:30 P

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Sometimes the depression is situational. I have been on medications for several years now. I raised a disabled child by myself, and now my husband has signs of dementia and is in a wheelchair. My mother lives with me and has dementia and has had several mini-strokes and two bigger strokes. I can't change my situation, but I know that with medication I can cope. Coming to a site like this can help with days that just seem so hopeless. For me it hits me at unexpected times. I know I am in trouble when I cry over commercials or songs at church put me in tears. Most days I do well, but there are times when you need to reach out to others who can understand where you are coming from.

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7/31/14 9:17 P

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MANDIV27, Sorry to hear that you have been having such a bad time. I hope that you will be able to find healing & comfort among us. Some on this page do sound vert happy, but v that just means that there is hope.

I also would encourage you to talk to a counseler or doctor. Therapy and or medications have made it possible for some of us to live near normal lives.

I only want the best for you. Hugs of comfort and understanding.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,838
7/31/14 9:15 P

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MANDIV27, Sorry to hear that you have been having such a bad time. I hope that you will be able to find healing & comfort among us. Some on this page do sound vert happy, but v that just means that there is hope.

I also would encourage you to talk to a counseler or doctor. Therapy and or medications have made it possible for some of us to live near normal lives.

I only want the best for you. Hugs of comfort and understanding.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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GIMMESPARK's Photo GIMMESPARK Posts: 100
7/31/14 8:38 P

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MANDIV27, you are not alone. I can't speak for everyone on this forum, but I've had more than one day like that this week--even blogged last weekend about how dealing with depression is the number 1 team in "Other Medical Conditions," which means crying all day is a sadly popular condition on SparkPeople.

Do you have anyone to talk to? Have you seen a doctor or therapist?

I wish I knew what to type here to help you feel better. I'm just faking it 'til I make it... Making myself move and keep breathing, doing what I can to get through each day. I can tell you that if I can get up the energy to get walking, it seems to help.

Please know that people care.

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7/31/14 8:21 P

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Maybe I haven't read far enough down, but y'all seem too happy to be "having a bad day". I have been crying all day. Can't seem to stop.


CHEWYSMOMMA's Photo CHEWYSMOMMA SparkPoints: (2,310)
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7/29/14 6:49 P

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Good answers thanks..


New at this chatting with peeps I don't kno...It's Monday and after 2 weeks i'm still eating healthy and measuring food..that's a great accomplishment for me.


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7/28/14 9:02 P

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To ArtisticJen, Sounds like you are going through a really rough period. Health concerns can be so frustrating. Please know that you are not alone. Try to make some positive steps for yourself so you can have some control in your life. Even making a choice to drink water instead of a soda this time is control. Good luck to you.

Edited by: PIXIEBURDS at: 7/28/2014 (21:07)
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7/27/14 11:25 A

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The days of the coffee clatch may be gone, but we can gather here and support one another.

I think "back in the day" we also had the "mother's little helper" that the Rolling Stones sang about. Sometimes I wonder if I'd do better emotionally with whatever they prescribed back then, or if I'd just be a zombie?

Of course, zombies are really popular these days, along with the vampires ;)

Anyway, just wanted anyone in pain to know you're not alone. I've been applying the humor and fake-it-til-you-make-it approach to the point of exhaustion. Hope tomorrow will be a better day, somehow, for you all.

SWEETPEA1399's Photo SWEETPEA1399 SparkPoints: (6,050)
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7/26/14 2:55 P

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Exactly!! Some people look like they have it all together but they really don't and that is sad. I at times look at people and think I would love to live in their shoes for a day, but in reality, my life isn't so bad at all.

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7/26/14 12:36 P

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When I read the past few comments, it made me think of the reality shows of the various cities. Like Orange County, New Jersey, Atlanta. All these women have money and act like high school drama. On one show a wife and husband are in trouble with the law for fraud on taxes, loans, and a few other issues. It's oh this poor family! Yet the house has not been sold with its gold chairs and other over priced items, not counting the wardrobe. I believe family should stick together, but this couple put themselves in this mess by not being honest. Unfortunately the victims turns out to be the three children. But the aunts and uncles are stepping up to the plate. But the poor me drives me nuts! Jail time along with selling off or the IRS confiscating there stuff including the mercedes is justifiable.
Would like to be a fly on the wall when the cameras are not taping. MMMMMMMMMMM-I would have alot to talk about at a coffee clutch. LOL

I guess my depression isn't as bad as I thought. I have gone through my solitude, now it's time to get back to life. emoticon

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon.


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7/25/14 9:16 A

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Made my day as well!!!

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7/18/14 8:51 A

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This is our coffee clatch. My mother belonged to a card club, met once a month, all women on the block. Oh the things they said.

My mom also had coffee with her best friend down the street almost every night, Always at our house, cause my mom was a widow, so Aunt Marian liked to get out of the house and chat. My mother worked during the day.

Thanks for bringing up the coffee clatch --- makes my day

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7/18/14 2:33 A

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Ladies,
I just read a lort of the posts. Ya know what we need which is not a medical doctor of the mental issues. The old fashioned coffee clutches of the 50's. Talking to one another in the old neighborhood about our families. The mental doctors came about in the 80's when the good old neighborhoods did not exist. Neighborhoods stopped existing. So what kind of local clubs can we create to vent about husbands, lovers, boyfriends, family, children and local neighbors. Really Think about it. The past is not always nostolgiac, but perhaps a necesity of this day.
Silly me, in the past with the old coffee clutches.
Chris

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon.


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7/18/14 2:20 A

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OMG!
Are you people angels waiting for me to relate to you? Or are you all heaven sent?

I checked out of SparkPeople because of a computer problem. At the same time I was having a time in my life that was very disturbing. I thougnt I had a handle on it all but two issues bombarded me. Wooo as mi! Boo! Hoo! I can handle this. I'm 62 Yrs. Young. Oh! I can do this.

Not true. I did have computer problem for 5+ days. But I hid. I do want to face reality and what my youngest is bestowing on me. Did I really work my life or living my life to bring me to this? So different from my mother and she was a good mother yet so different and the same. Wow! reality hurts.

I will continue to move forward, but I have to say it hurts and I worked so hard for things to be differently only to learn that with all my efforts nothing changed.

I thank all of you for reading this and yes in my personal life I will move forward but I carry with this effort much shame.
Hugs,
Chris

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon.


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,981
7/17/14 3:43 P

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I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. I know from personal experience that everything is harder when you can't sleep. It might be a good idea to check in with your doctor to see if he (or she) can do something to help you through this particularly stressful time.

One thing that might help is to not try to make too many changes regarding your diet and exercise all at once. Baby steps is the what SparkPeople recommends. That might mean just drinking more water each day. Or replacing one unhealthy snack with a fruit or veggie. As far as exercise, just try doing something for 10 minutes a day - walking or marching in place or dancing to some music. Or you could just try to get more rest during this time of high stress.

Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it helps to remind myself that I only have to take things one at a time and I only have to face one day at a time, or even one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time.

Everything will work out and things will get better. Just hang in there until they do and please consider contacting your medical doctor or psychiatrist (if you have one) to get help in the meantime.

emoticon emoticon



"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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INUYASHA44's Photo INUYASHA44 SparkPoints: (3,640)
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7/17/14 2:18 A

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I've been up for the past 48 hrs. I am so depressed I can't sleep. I am so stressed about life, school, trying for SSI and dieting with exercising. How am I going to get through.

God bless and have a great day.


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7/16/14 7:11 P

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FROMNSIDE, I was recently told I have PTSD issues, too, and I'm seeing a counselor who specializes in it. It was a surprise to me. I don't have flashbacks, but I am hyper-vigilant and always on the look-out for danger. I have definitely suffered from depression and OCD for years and the doctor said one reason I may not have made more lasting progress with the OCD treatment is because of the trauma in my past. I guess it won't hurt to be treated for the stuff I've been carrying around all these year, and it might very well do a lot of good.

I hope your treatment does you a lot of good, too. Sending you lots of hugs!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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FROMNSIDE's Photo FROMNSIDE SparkPoints: (1,755)
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7/15/14 9:39 P

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emoticon ~ i don't call it a Bad day just different.
last Tuesday, i went to a new clinic and the assessment lady assessed me with having Severe Depression. Today, Tuesday, was my 2nd appt and i met with the Therapist one-on-one. She upgraded my Major Depression to Moderate, but added PTSD. I suppose I already knew that. But, when she was asking me the questions and talking about the DSM requirements it was emoticon to think about all the Muck I've been carrying with me for years. emoticon

Edited by: FROMNSIDE at: 7/15/2014 (21:40)
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7/13/14 7:46 P

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ARTISTICJEN, I'm sorry to hear about your depression and health problems. I wish you could get a new therapist, but the wait does sound really long. I hope things get better for you soon.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,981
7/13/14 7:40 P

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JXNCHICORY, I'm sorry your table and chairs were stolen - that's really mean of whoever did it. Sometimes I just don't understand people at all. Sending you hugs.

emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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ARTISTICJEN's Photo ARTISTICJEN Posts: 24
7/13/14 12:43 A

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Ug.

My therapist is useless. Want another one, but the system is always backed up, so a new one would take a year to get and I'd be without anyone in the mean time. Right now, she's the closest to social activity I get.

My health issues are creeping up on me again. I'm scared that my liver is going to get worse because I can't get my stuff together. I'm not eating right so I'm gaining fluid again.

I have no prospects for the future. I sleep, I get up, I sit here in pain, eating everything I shouldn't. Lather.Rinse.Repeat.

I got some happy/crushing news. I could take some pills and cure one ailment in order to do something I probably shouldn't. But it may be my last chance. Not sure what I'll do, probably nothing.

Everything is just feeding the depression. Usually, I just let myself feel the depression and not fight it. In my case I've realized it passes quicker when I just go with it. But right now, there's just too much going on, too many stresses.

Sorry for the vagueness, Not real excited to air my personal dirty laundry, at least not certain things. Just had to vent some of this out.

You can read a little bit more in my blog if you're curious.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Jen



Edited by: ARTISTICJEN at: 7/13/2014 (00:44)
JXNCHICORY's Photo JXNCHICORY Posts: 2,712
7/11/14 12:29 P

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And now, last night while I was volunteering at our neighborhood PEACE camp for kids (where we have about 50-some kids attending for the month), someone stole the table and chairs from my front porch. They were just plastic, but nice looking, resembling wrought iron. I'd had them for about 12 years. So very sad. And, yes, it feels like another straw ....
emoticon

Edited by: JXNCHICORY at: 7/11/2014 (12:31)
If we are to go on living together on this Earth, we must all be responsible for it.
~ Kofi Annan

To cherish what remains of the Earth and to foster its renewal is our only legitimate hope of survival.
~ Wendell Barry

Nancy in Michigan


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7/10/14 10:26 P

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Yes, it's fine for you to post here - welcome!
emoticon
Hoping tomorrow is better and brighter for you.
emoticon emoticon emoticon


"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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YOUNGNSMYLIE's Photo YOUNGNSMYLIE SparkPoints: (8,574)
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7/10/14 10:10 P

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I guess it's ok for me to post here--not tech savvy and still learning how message boards work lol. It wasn't a bad day in the sense that I woke up and decided to make the most of it, but I just feel isolated in my new city. I'm angry, too, because right before I left my old home, I started developing a deeper relationship with someone I love, and I have an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness--we'll never get a chance at something great now that I've moved. In the scheme of things, it's small, right? But when you are depressed, it's the small things that are the straws that break the camel's back. I'm trying to hope and trust that tomorrow I will see things more clearly.

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7/10/14 10:02 P

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emoticon emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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7/10/14 8:15 P

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Bad day for me, too. No real emergencies. Just a long week, trying to do too much as a volunteer, tired, and discouraged. Sorry.
emoticon

Edited by: JXNCHICORY at: 7/10/2014 (20:18)
If we are to go on living together on this Earth, we must all be responsible for it.
~ Kofi Annan

To cherish what remains of the Earth and to foster its renewal is our only legitimate hope of survival.
~ Wendell Barry

Nancy in Michigan


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QWAVIE's Photo QWAVIE Posts: 124
7/10/14 11:16 A

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Praying for you and your family. May the Lord lift you out of the darkness that is around you. May He lighten your load and heal you and your family body, mind, and spirit. May He surround you with HIs heavenly angels to guide and protect you . I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen emoticon

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7/2/14 2:43 P

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PHATCRYSSY, I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I hope everything gets better soon. Take care and hang in there.

emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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7/1/14 10:10 A

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This is whats going on in my life this past couple weeks. Hence my depression is throught the roof.

We are still going through a bunch of mess. Sunday we had to rush my father in law to the hospital by ambulance. he came home from mowing a lawn and went straight to bed, got up 30 minutes later with sever leg cramps that mad him scream. then he quit breathing, he turned grey and we got him to breath again but it was shallow and raspy, he couldnt focus his thoughts or see us. could not make a sentence. then his left started to droop, and his right arm tensed up and contorted. and he passed out.

he has been in the hospital on fluids and they have started him on insulin, they are making an appointment for him to see a neurologist . he is coming home today, but has appointments the rest of the week. Final diagnosis, SEVERE dehydration, and altered mental state. Mom is freaking out because she can afford to take any time off work. But dad wants her to be in his sight at all time. Dad has been crying and depressed all day. My husband and I are cleaning all day today in the house. those house jobs no one likes doing ( cleaning carpets washing all the bed linens, mopping the tile). Just continue to pray.

My Husband had to be reseed at the e.r. on thursday, his bronchitis was no better so they gave home more steroids and STRONG antibiotics.

Edited by: PHATCRYSSY at: 7/1/2014 (10:11)
“NEVER!! discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.”
~~Plato~~


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6/29/14 7:07 P

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Thanks, Bridget, it's good to know the MRI techs will work with patients to help them through it. Even though I made it through these MRI's, when they were over I promised myself I wouldn't have another unless I was given some medication first. I really thought I wasn't going to make it through the one on my neck. I prayed, focused on my breathing, and listened to the music they had coning through the headphones. Even with all that, I felt so panicky at one point that I wasn't sure I could stay in there.

Thanks again!

Miller emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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6/29/14 6:42 P

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MRIs are NO fun. I went in thinking it was no big deal. Really not understanding what it meant for me with my depression, anxiety, PTSD and OCD. The first day, I put on my brave face and tried to convince myself I had it. I promise you, I did not last 2 seconds. I could hear and not see. HUGE issue for me. I had an amazing tech who said, come back tomorrow and take your meds (double my script and since I normally only take 2.5 mg, 10 mg was a HUGE jump). Taking the extra meds caused even more anxiety. I thought they would have to put me to sleep. However, the tech, was very understanding, let me watch part of one, showed me how to escape, handed me a panic bulb. It got the the point the noise of the machine was comforting.

Anyway, I say all of this top say, do not be embarrassed to speak up about things. You would be surprised at what techs, doctors, and nurses are capable of when you say I have ...., so please do not.....

I do this ANY time I go to the ER (which, believe me is a LAST resort). I do not want them coming at me with me needles and shooting me up with stuff without telling me what it is, why I need it, what it will do, etc. Yeah part of my PTSD and such is I am a control freak. I am working on it. rofl

Glad to hear you got through it Miller! That is AWESOME!!

*~* Bridget *~*
I am a survivor, and I will continue to fight my daily struggles until I overcome them. :)


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JPAGGEO's Photo JPAGGEO Posts: 66
6/28/14 10:30 A

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Hi!

I read your post and just want to say - please don't fake it. It's really important to see someone when you are depressed or feeling down. Some professionals in the field of psychiatry and psychology are really good - it may take some shopping around, but I've found someone that I see for four years now and I've made GREAT progress with her.

I think you can make great progress too and feeling better about yourself will help you with your healthy lifestyle changes. I wish you the best. Julie

Julie from Glyfada, Athens, Greece
using Eastern Standard Time
All Things Greek SparkPage Administrator

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? Therefor, honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 8:19-20


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,981
6/26/14 3:33 P

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PHATCRYSSY, Wow - you have been going through a lot. I hope the stomach flu and bronchitis are gone now and stay gone. Sorry you're getting the blame for things - that doesn't seem fair. Hang in there!
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Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 6/28/2014 (10:52)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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PHATCRYSSY's Photo PHATCRYSSY Posts: 248
6/26/14 11:33 A

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Have not ben ignoring you my friends, Just going thru some mess. In the past couple weeks I have had the stomach flu, and turned 38, then my husband and mother in law got the stomach flu and my husband turned 35. Along with the stomach flu my husband got Bronchitis and we spent 7 hours in the emergency room on his biethday. I am getting less sleep, and less nutrition, less of everything. I am putting on a happy face so that i dont get blamed for all that is wrong but some days I get blames anyway.


“NEVER!! discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.”
~~Plato~~


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,981
6/24/14 6:49 P

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CHRIS, yes, my MRI's were this afternoon and I made it through them. I almost freaked out during the neck one (for some reason) but I hung in there and got through it and the lower back one, as well. Thanks for asking!


AKALIE, I'm glad today is going better and that you'll get to talk with your doctor about possibly going to a specialist. Take care and keep in touch!


Miller emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,838
6/24/14 1:18 P

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With depression, faking it until you make it only goes so far. I am glad you are seeking help & reached out to this supportive team also.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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AKALIE's Photo AKALIE SparkPoints: (4,993)
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6/24/14 10:49 A

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Today is going better. I had a friend who said I could send him whatever I needed to share yesterday. He didn't respond after that message but he didn't complain about my venting, either. And today I am talking to my doctor when I get home from work. It's only my primary care doctor, and she is only going to be going through a questionnaire to see if she should send me to a specialist, but it should be alright.
I know I could fake it and get through the damn thing, but I should probably stop doing that sort of thing.

Thank you, guys.

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FATCRISMATIC's Photo FATCRISMATIC SparkPoints: (3,922)
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6/24/14 12:40 A

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How was your MRI? I think I read today was the day. emoticon

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon.


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6/24/14 12:38 A

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Kudos to you Akalie! Realizing there s a problem is the first step to mental health. Plus you took another step in the right direction by contacting your doctor. Smile! Your doing great and should be proud of yourself.

I agree with others advice of meds, doctor, counseling whatever it takes. Earlier on this forum I wrote a trick I use. Read it over for a short time it might help. I also write in a journal once in a while. It was a great place for me to vent. Once on paper the problem didn't seem so bad afterall or I released it in thin air. Poof! gone. Not an easy task, but doable.

Please keep us informed. I'm here if you need me. emoticon

Oh! Grandpa said laughter is the best medicine. So fake laugh to get started. emoticon or just smile! emoticon

Chris

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon.


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,981
6/23/14 10:43 A

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AKALIE, don't give up. Keep talking to your doctor and pursue treatment for the depression. It's not uncommon, in my experience, to feel let down or sad when you finally admit you need help and you take steps to get it and those actions alone don't suddenly make you better. But the truth is, those actions are necessary, but that alone won't fix the problem. You're going to need treatment, just as if it were a physical disorder like a broken arm or diabetes.

Don't be afraid to do what your doctor recommends - medication, counseling, therapy or whatever. We've all been there and while it's hard sometimes, you can do it. And what do you have to lose? Just your depression - and we all want to lose our depression and feel better.

Take care and big, big hugs!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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