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ANGELIQUENZ SparkPoints: (270)
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9/30/14 6:11 P

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Thank you all for your kind thoughts, it does help to know there's someone out there that understands and supports me even if my family don't.

Angelique

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403LYN's Photo 403LYN Posts: 5
9/30/14 5:59 P

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Angelique, I have felt this way many times over the years and I can totally relate.
Two important things - you recognize how you feel and you have reached out.
The third important point - you are not alone and we acknowledge and respect where you are at.
Get through today, one step at a time. Get some rest, knowing that tomorrow can be a better day.


SKINNYMELISA's Photo SKINNYMELISA SparkPoints: (2,085)
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9/30/14 4:48 P

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Thanks for the article. I was lucky because today is the day I see my therapist. She always makes me day seem better.

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AKA_GAMERMOM's Photo AKA_GAMERMOM SparkPoints: (13,055)
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9/30/14 3:49 P

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www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellness_arti
cles.asp?id=1557


"ReginaMary, you're not always right...but you're never wrong." ~ Daddy

EST - Upstate NY


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JF4009 Posts: 7
9/30/14 2:42 P

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For those of you having a rough day - hang in there! Then, take one small step and do one positive, small thing today. Sometimes that's all a person can do. Here is an article that I have saved on Spark People and I refer to it often.

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/well
ness_articles.asp?id=1557


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SKINNYMELISA's Photo SKINNYMELISA SparkPoints: (2,085)
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9/30/14 10:57 A

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Hi Team- I'm having a hard time today trying to stay focused and motivated. I feel like I can sleep my life away today, I'm feeling lonely. Yesterday was a completely different story; I actually got out of the house and done a few errands, I eat within my calories,and even got some excise in. Why can't everyday be like yesterday?


Anelique- I totally feel your pain today. I'm in the same boat, but I know things will get better for you.

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ANGELIQUENZ SparkPoints: (270)
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9/29/14 9:20 P

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Hi All

I'm having a really low day, the total opposite of yesterday. The high before the low.
Thoughts of ending it and updating my will have occupied my thoughts today.
Making things worse is I have no family or friends for support. I'm totally alone with everything all the time. While I see other ppl out there enjoying life and family. Whats the point of being here?

Angelique

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JF4009 Posts: 7
9/29/14 4:57 P

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Hang in there! Just make one positive step at a time. Sometimes baby steps is all we can take. emoticon

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403LYN's Photo 403LYN Posts: 5
9/29/14 12:55 P

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There are good doctors out there so keep looking. It took me a long time to find my gem.

SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 338
9/28/14 2:42 A

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I am back on Zoloft, but it gives me insomnia, at least until my system is used to it again. But I have energy again, and I'm definately a better Mom when I'm on it.

My doctor was a jerk, but at least I can try to call the insurance company and get someone else.

MAKING-PROGESS I am glad you have an appointment with a therapist. I hope that you will find something to look forward to again.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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MAKING-PROGRESS's Photo MAKING-PROGRESS SparkPoints: (13,680)
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9/22/14 11:35 P

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This is not a good Monday. emoticon I took on too much over the week-end and now my house is a wreck, I am exhausted, and things just went all sideways today. emoticon

I am loosing my motivation FAST. Too tired (and getting depressed) to exercise. Made a grilled cheese and two bean burrito's for lunch....Just all down hill. emoticon

Worst part is that I don't see where tomorrow will be any better. Why do I want to be healthier? What am I looking forward to? emoticon

My first appointment with a therapist can't get here soon enough!

Making Life a little better each day.
I am worth the effort, I CAN DO THIS!

I can not control what others do, I can only control how I choose to react.



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FATCRISMATIC's Photo FATCRISMATIC SparkPoints: (5,666)
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9/18/14 7:53 P

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People can be so cruel. I agree with the other responses. Hold your head high and think of your success.

Or you can fix him pork for 7 days straight. It would be a way he can eat his words. LOL

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon, smithsonian institute, eat lobster in Portland Maine, a train trip for two months down the east coast then rent a car to other states I have not been to in the South and have enough money to thoroughly enjoy Vegas or Atlantic City and I'm sure I will think of other adventures.


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MIMULUSBUG's Photo MIMULUSBUG Posts: 2,133
9/18/14 6:06 P

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Thanks so much for your uplifting & encouraging words!
emoticon




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PIXIEBURDS's Photo PIXIEBURDS Posts: 31
9/17/14 11:51 P

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Never believe someone who belittles you to make themselves feel more powerful. It is only a cowards way to keep the upper hand.

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CZESTES's Photo CZESTES Posts: 207
9/17/14 11:14 A

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I agree with CYN5200.
My ex is an ex for multiple reasons... Cheating, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and draining the bank accounts. Regardless of those reasons, I took the verbal abuse and believed what he said. DO NOT fall for that BS. Know that you are a beautiful person and don't let others determine your worth. You are you and worth just as much, if not more, as other people.

Hold your head high and know you are beautiful. A butterfly!
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CZESTES's Photo CZESTES Posts: 207
9/17/14 11:09 A

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Karma comes back. In my case, I had to wait a touch over 20 years. My ex cheated on 3 wives, in his attempt to make the 4th marriage work, she cheated on him. Worse than he did on his 3, she flaunts it in his face.
Be happy in knowing that Karma comes around eventually, and that there are good people out there.

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CYN5200's Photo CYN5200 SparkPoints: (7,125)
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9/17/14 11:07 A

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And what gave your husband the right to tell you that you are a pig? I could go on and on about how mean your husband is, but there is no point to lowering ourselves to his level. You are a beautiful person and God put you on this earth for a purpose that only you can fulfill. Your husband is to be pitied for his need to hurt people. Perhaps you need to reevaluate this relationship. Is it hurting you? In the meantime, focus on your beauty, hold your head high and live life as only you can do it!

"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn now to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." John Steinbeck


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MIMULUSBUG's Photo MIMULUSBUG Posts: 2,133
9/17/14 9:54 A

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This morning my husband told me I was a pig.






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FATCRISMATIC's Photo FATCRISMATIC SparkPoints: (5,666)
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9/16/14 11:31 A

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Hi Making Progress,

Oh how I can relate. I have many self help books I go back to occationally just to browse through since I already read them as reminders on how to move on in life.

Perhaps you can go to a second hand book shop and browse the self help books. Looking through some will be more help than having some suggest one.There are plenty out there to choose from and just paging through scanning a page or two might be the best thing.

You are not alone! I've been there and currently the same old feelings are coming back. That's what brought me to this team.

So, HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY! three times several times a day will get you laughing often. Try it!

Let me know how it worked!
Chris

Building my bucket list and enjoying the ones I've accomplished!!! I quit smoking and have visited 34 out of 50 states. But I want to see the grand canyon, smithsonian institute, eat lobster in Portland Maine, a train trip for two months down the east coast then rent a car to other states I have not been to in the South and have enough money to thoroughly enjoy Vegas or Atlantic City and I'm sure I will think of other adventures.


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SOFT_VAL67's Photo SOFT_VAL67 Posts: 2,454
9/14/14 10:12 A

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Salam, I feel your pain, literally.
While I have a pretty good doctor, a younger, but not too young, woman.
I try to stick to only women doctors. I consider myself open minded and not at all shy, but when it comes to discussing my woman parts or the function of said parts, I just prefer someone who understands this first hand.
But with my recent foot issues, I was sent to have NCV and muscle tests.
The neurologist wouldnt discuss this with me, as she said she wasnt my doctor.
She seemed almost angry about that fact and that she had nothing to say to me to explain the tests.
My own doctor not being skilled in neurology could only read the report to me. Not explain what it meant or give me any idea of what I needed to do next.
And the ortho wanted no part of it because I was asking questions about the possibilty that the foot damage was a result of a broken bone left to heal on its own and he says it has healed fully.
I have often questioned if it really has.
So, I suppose if I ever really want to find out what the tests mean and what there is I might be able to do about it, I will have no choice but to make an appointment with the neurologist who did the tests.
And I also feel your pain about the depression.
I havent gone to counseling in about 3 years, since the woman counselor I had, left the clinic.
So, I depend only on SP and my wellbutrin and diet and exercise and trying to have some semblelance of a social life to get me thru the worst of my depression.
But it is sad when you are with a friend or loved one and you feel so alone.
Dread feels my evenings.
I dread winter more than ever because where I currently live is in a very rural area whose roads are last on the to do list of the county salt trucks.
So, as I try to pop my pills, which I hate with a passion, I also try to find something to fill up my long days and nights.
I dont know the situation, but I suggest you search around until you find a doctor who isnt so clueless or uncaring.
That is hard to do I know. But there has to be one out there with a little better bed side manner.
Good luck.

CDNALTA's Photo CDNALTA Posts: 69
9/14/14 2:54 A

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So those people who cheat and do the wrong things seem to be the one who won. I'm fed up, who bother to do anything nice, you just get your face slapped, so to speak, and then you get totally ignored, even here

Edited by: CDNALTA at: 9/22/2014 (23:10)
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
9/13/14 7:43 P

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Lot of work done today. I just hope i did enough to wear me out so i can sleep.

No work today as i told the office i was not going to continue to work if they was not going to pay me for ALL my hours. Am still waiting on my back pay and getting real tired of getting the run around and one excuse after another.

the weather is turning cooler and i am not liking it. I am not ready for the snow and cold. But i guess there is nothing i can do about it. But i still don't like it.

Sorry to hear that you doctor is not a good one. And that you are not getting any help. I hope enough people sign the petition and get another one in there soon. Depression is serious and any and all help to deal with it is greatly appreciated. Good luck and i will remember you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care everyone, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Off to watch a movie and relax.

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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,911
9/12/14 5:20 P

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Sorry your different doc is not working for you. It sounds like you might want to look around and find one that is more compatible for you & is more understanding of people with depression.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 338
9/12/14 4:42 P

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I am needing some support. After trying for a month to get in I finally saw a doctor (my old one retired). This VERY Deaf man comes in and shouts "SO YOU NEED YOUR ZOLOFT?" You know your confidentiality is blown when you see the nurses at the admitting desk cringe (he had left the door open). I asked about getting my thyroid tested as well, but he shouted "YOU HAD IT TESTED A YEAR AND A HALF AGO YOU'RE FINE. DO YOU WANT THE ZOLOFT OR NOT?" I then tried to talk to him about the plantar fascitis. "YOU JUST NEED MOTRIN!" By this time I am giving up. I take the perscription and stop to sign out, when I see there are no refills. I have to go back in a month. I did ask if there was a petition to get the old doctor back. Apparently, there is, so I signed it.

I hate it when doctors don't take depression seriously, or look for root causes.

And I am still really sad.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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RASCALANDSUE SparkPoints: (302)
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9/10/14 11:10 P

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Your kids love you or they wouldn't need you! You are important to them and everyone who needs you in their lives! Just can't see it through day to day task! I bet if you go away to visit a friend for a weekend you would see how much you were missed! This message was in response to Making Progress and it posted on here! I am new! But really sometimes we feel unloved because we get stuck doing the same things over and over! Maybe we need to take a break once in awhile and do something different!

Edited by: RASCALANDSUE at: 9/10/2014 (23:14)
ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,911
9/10/14 10:43 A

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I do believe that you need to continue with counseling with someone, but only you know who that needs to be or the type of person that works best with you.

I personally would be concerned regard working as a receptionist for either therapist if I was seeing one of them as a client related to the possibility of patient/client conflict of intererst type things, especially with you being seen pro bono.

I don't have all or even any of the answers in this situation, but it does seem to be a situation where sitting down and talking to the therapist hiring you needs to happen to sort out the details.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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SMARTBUTBROKEN's Photo SMARTBUTBROKEN SparkPoints: (950)
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9/10/14 10:08 A

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About two months ago I was diagnosed with Severe Depression and PTSD. Then my counselor offered me a job as receptionist and I accepted. Then when i showed up to work, she informed me it was patient/client conflict and i wouldn't be able to work. I missed 2 weeks of counseling because of that, and then the ending of the next week, i was re-offered the job again. This time, she asked me if i felt like i was being taken advantage of because she was going to change me from seeing her to seeing a different therapist whom she had just hired. I didn't see the harm in it, so I answered with "NO, i didn't feel disadvantaged."... i met twice with the new therapist and started the job. I was only there for one week, when I developed an severe stomach virus. I was out of work the following week and then my counselor/boss let me go(with the intent that i could come back) after they get their CARF Accreditation fixed and approved. She gave me my check for working the one full week and said she would call me to setup counseling with her again, instead of the new counselor, because the boss/owner of the clinic was doing my case Pro-Bono. That was August 29th. I feel like i should be going to counseling. Or am i just overReacting?
Thanks 4 your Help ~ and ideas ... emoticon Naomi

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THEWARRIOR4's Photo THEWARRIOR4 Posts: 4
9/8/14 4:24 P

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emoticon

Edited by: THEWARRIOR4 at: 9/8/2014 (22:54)
Slow and steady wins the race-tortoise


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9/7/14 5:33 P

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Hello, I'm new as of today. I read your post and it was like listening to the thoughts in my head. I understand it's like your trapped with No way out. I could tell you what I hear all the time smile, it will get better but you've heard those. I know I have until I want to strangle the next person who says something like that. So if it helps I do understand. Like me you've raised two wonderful children who can take care of themselves. You know they love you but you have an empty spot. I often wish I could go back to those days when it was mom this and mom that. But we cannot. What we can do is take care of our selves. Have you tried exercise, keeping a journal or volunteering with a local group? I know it probably sounds like a mountain to climb. If you need therapy find your local community services board or a support group. Email me if this helps or not. Know there is one person who hopes you'll find your way out of the fog. I'm here

MAKING-PROGRESS's Photo MAKING-PROGRESS SparkPoints: (13,680)
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9/7/14 11:58 A

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Hi Guys, I need some help. Somedays I find myself inconsolable. I just can't find a reason for being on this planet much less for caring how I look or feel. I do not have the time or the money to see a therapist but I know I need help on these down days (they can be very destructive). Do any of you now of a self-help book or website that can help me find my reason for being? I don' mean the usual fluff, I mean a way to really fight back the hopelessness and find something to hold up as a reason to wake in the morning.

Yes I am married, but we are more like room mates or friends now. Sometimes I feel we would be better off without one another and that we are just here together because neither one of us has a way to change it. In fact, sometimes seeing people my age who are still in love makes me a bit sad that I don't have that in my life.

I have two daughters. They are wonderful children and are both very self sufficient. They do not need me, they love be "just cuz I'm the mom". I don't see where I make any meaningful contributions to their lives anymore.

Making Life a little better each day.
I am worth the effort, I CAN DO THIS!

I can not control what others do, I can only control how I choose to react.



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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
9/6/14 3:30 P

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Well poo, i just told my brother and niece we wasn't going to go. Boy don't feel like walking all over the malls, and i don't have the money to spend on stuff anyway. If the office had paid me i woulda, i better stay here and get some work done.

Anyway thanks again for listening. I hope to do better from now on.

Am off to log my subway veggie sub .. and my morning coffee.. and hopefully that is all for the day. Should get lots of exercise while mowing my yard so will log that later.

Same

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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
9/6/14 3:21 P

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Thank you Needstobeslim.. i really appreciate it.
Against my better judgement i went into work today. I am being denied payment for hours i have work since winter. After confronting the office about it again a month ago, I actually had the girls in the office talk to me yesterday. And to date they have done nothing to resolve this problem. And i am sure i will not get any of the pay. If i had another job in the works i would have just quit. Well today i did everything right, filled out 2 time sheets, and did all kinds of work for my lady as she has not had anyone in her home for 3 weekends now. And obviously the girl who was there yesterday did nothing while she was there. Her apartment was a mess. Poo all over the bathroom, laundry piled up almost as tall as me, kitchen was a wreck, her poor birds had not been fed watered or cleaned for gosh knows how long. I cleaned her apartment from top to bottom and she just cried. I took care of her birds, fixed her 3 different things that she can now just grab out of fridge. I did the right thing by going there today and at least she was thankful. And thanks to her i now have the phone number for the corporate office and the complaints dept. And you can bet i will call both first thing monday morning. Enough is enough. If they keep backing me into a corner i will also contact area agency on aging, and if that don't work i will go above their heads to. If they want to play dirty i guess it is time to get down into the mud and poo with them and fight.

Is to hot outside at the moment to go out and mow grass, and knowing my luck by the time it cools off some it will start raining. It feels like it could at any moment. I guess if i get it done i do and if it rains i guess it will wait for another day. Only so much i can do.
So once i finish my ranting and raving in here am going to log my food and then start cleaning my house.

It is just a little after 3 p.m. here and i am already worn out. Still so much to do. I hope i can at least put a dent in it.

Just got a text from my niece wanting me and my boy to go running with them. Honestly i am to tired, but ..... i love to spend time with her and my brother. they would surely cheer me up..
I guess i need to go change my clothes again. out of comfy back into presentable one.

Thanks for listening to me guys. I will try to be more positive the next time i am in here.
I hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable weekend.
As always you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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NEEDTOBESLIM3's Photo NEEDTOBESLIM3 SparkPoints: (10,946)
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9/5/14 3:49 P

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Sending you big hugs Same - keep your chin up, you are doing great. Blessings, Dee. XX

My God loves me, he shelters me from harm.
SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
9/4/14 6:52 A

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Hello room. Another near sleepless night thanks to the b.i.l. well ex b.i.l. who decided to come up last night and just dump on me for over 3 hours. I would like to know why everyone thinks i can work miracles, or have all the answers or that i am willing to do all their work for them for not even a thank you. I cannot do it all for everybody. They seem to think because i have a couple of hours a day to do nothing that i live a wonderful life. For 3 hours last night i got to listen to the same 3 things being said. over and over and over again. It is over my ex m.i.l. who has done nothing over the years to help herself. She wants everyone to do everything for her. Then will sit and boo hoo that she wishes she would get better. Seriously i do not understand how sitting up, drinking water, and gosh forbid getting a little exercise is going to kill her. She has been to the best doctors again and again, they all say the same thing, sit up after your meds, drink water, and exercise a little bit. Wear you apnea mask at night. Well the b.i.l. is not wanting to do it anymore and thinks i should step up to the plate and do it all for him. He does not clean house, he does not cook everyday, he does not do laundry, etc.... and i guess he expects me to start doing it again. He claims they are now broke but yet he continues to eat and drink out almost everyday, he continues to buy antiques and what ever else he wants.. but when it comes time to pay the bills he claims they are broke. He attacked my boy last night saying they could not afford to buy him a new car.. and that he should not expect them to. Well my boy does NOT expect them to, he hasn't asked them to, they are the ones who continue to bring it up and promise them that are going to.

I was doing so good, getting my head together after a break up, i have been picking up applications to try to find a better job so i can do more for myself and boy, mainly getting him a car so he can drive himself to school, and get a job.

ex BF is calling again and thinks we are getting back together, and again for the most part he was o.k. I just don't think i want to go backwards. I want to move forward with my life and if the people i invite into my life can't behave i don't have time or patience for them. I have enough stress in my life without asking for more.

Anyway, thank you for letting me vent my frustrations this morning, A decent night sleep would have helped alot. One more day before my big blow up with my office over not paying me the hours i worked. So have been stressing over that all week, a good night sleep would be very welcome..

Any way, am going outside to do some exercises. I have been using my front porch steps as a exercise station. I will do 10 to 20 step exercises, then will walk around the house 5 times, then back to steps for another 10 or 20, then will do some jogging in place or jump rope, then some lunges.. then marching in place or walk around the house a few more times.. I am trying, i guess just not hard enough.

Have a great day everyone, as always you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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NEEDTOBESLIM3's Photo NEEDTOBESLIM3 SparkPoints: (10,946)
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9/3/14 3:13 P

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Thanks Same, sorry to hear that you are having a tough time at the moment. Don't worry, there will be a perfect man for you when the time is right. Meanwhile you are doing a great job with your family and job. Well done you!!

Still keeping busy, need to get more stuff unpacked and passed on to others as we have been living with about a third of the house unpacked. The rest is surplus apart from winter clothes and shoes. I'm going to do a few car boot sales and give the rest to charity. Once the room is clear its going to be a sitting room for my daughter. All in good time though as I've got to save up to get back to where I was. God is helping me though because I love this village and house. It is so old fashioned and quaint. All we need is a wee bit more money to live on and we will be grand.

Sending love and prayers to you all team, look after yourselves and be as kind as you can. Blessings. XX

My God loves me, he shelters me from harm.
SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
9/2/14 5:30 P

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Hang in there everybody, like i tell myself it has to get better.

Congrats on the new job and house. I can understand the money issue with all the other stuff. Moving and starting a new job is not easy. Pat yourself on the back it sounds like you deserve it. WTG !!

The ex sounds like a real handful. I don't understand why they act the way they do or why it seems like they always get away with it. I have repeatedly call the law on my ex and they never did anything. I quit calling them. And warned him that i soon would be armed and hopefully dangerous. I have finally made arrangements to do my conceal and carry classes.

Over ate tonight, i was so hungry. had a heaping helping of spaghetti AND a piece of garlic bread, the bad thing is i wanted more. Instead i am having a super sized glass of water. I had almost a full glass before i ate also. I ate so fast i wonder if i even tasted it. I am using the fact that i am back to not sleeping as an excuse, even though i know that might be part of the problem but the other part is i just wanted to eat that much. I have been doing so well to. Tomorrow is new day. I get to start with a clean slate, and it is up to me what i put on it, good or bad it is all me. So hopeflly tomorrow will be better.

Hang in there everybody. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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9/1/14 4:54 P

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It's been a while for me too. Just checking in. I was on a roll and then found out the man I was interested in was sending another woman gifts and stuff. So I cancelled the trip we were planning and that I was so excited about. I don't know why but that just killed any motivation I had going. I've struggled for a few months. Not even struggled, it was more that I didn't care so I ate what I wanted. I gained a lot of weight back. I am hoping to get back on track.

Good luck to everyone!

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9/1/14 3:11 P

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Hello team, its been ages since I posted in this room. Loads of changes with me. New job and new home. Still finding the money side of things difficult, never seem to have enough to make ends meet but still managing to eat and drive. God is helping me!!! Love and blessings to you all. XX

My God loves me, he shelters me from harm.
SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 338
8/31/14 8:12 P

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Hi, I'm back. I'm still struggling some. My ex is still acting like a weirdo. A few times he has waited a block or two from my house, then followed me on the freeway, making a point of making eye contact, cutting me off, etc. I call the police to document it every time. Last time the cop told me To just call 911 right away while I drive so they can get him. This whole time I've been afraid of getting a ticket for using my phone while driving! I sort of kick myself for not thinking of calling 911.

I've been having trouble getting a doctors appointment to get back on meds or at least get a thyroid test. I am very concerned about how my mental state is affecting my kids. I'm even more worried that my eldest is always saying she is tired, and sometimes cries, but won't tell me what she is crying about. Part of this is puberty, I think... I know she's going through a growth spurt because her hands and feet suddenly seem huge...but I suspect at least part of this is a feeling of disloyalty to her father. My younger girl seems to think that eventually we will make up and Daddy will be around a few times a week again. When I say that he and I can not talk to each other, but that we both still love her, she says "But you won't leave me alone with him, right?" That is a really heartbreaking thing to hear.

I really need to understand the balance between being strong for your kids and letting them know it's okay to express their emotions, because I think I'm not doing it very well. Part of this is because depression seems to dull all my emotions, like they are all frozen within me. It's like my body and my emotions are completely disconnected.

On a positive note, I have allowed myself not to track at this time, or beat myself up for any weight gain. I am simply trying to eat healthfully without getting too carried away (I don't want to use obsessing about food to avoid dealing with my problems). So I try to treat myself gently, until I can get my emotions into the normal range.

Thank you so much for listening to me ramble.

Edited by: SALAM4545 at: 8/31/2014 (20:13)
What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
8/31/14 4:25 P

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Thank you so much Rachel, it is hard sometimes to try to remain positive, but i keep telling myself that i DO have alot to be thankful for. I just need to remind myself of that fact constantly.

After 3 weeks of waiting on a response from the urgent care doctor i went to when my doctor went on vacation, i got the call today. On a sunday no less.. I went about a month ago for a kidney or bladder infection. My regular doctor said i had it bad and prescribed me meds to take, and said if i was still showing symptoms to call back monday and she would call in another weeks worth of med. She failed to mention that she was leaving to go on vacation. So that is how i ended up in urgent care. Well finally got the call back, and when i reviewed my messages and tried to call back i got no answer. I had just figured that everything must have been o.k. since i didn't hear anything, and now am back to wondering again and waiting to be able to call them back tomorrow. My kidney still hurts and seems to need to go to bathroom all the time. I do drink lots of lots of water so determining whether i am going more is sometimes difficult. But now waiting to be able to call them in the morning before work to see what the result of the tests were. the doctor told me 2 to 3 days and has been 3 weeks. for crying out loud.

Finally getting some rain, but our spring is not building back up. So as usual we are rationing our water. With school starting back and 2 people showering 3 times a week at the least i am hoping we will continue to have water. We already pack it in to drink and cook with, I just can't seem to catch a break this year. One thing after another.

Did finally get a message from the ex BF, on yahoo no less. Not very nice message and then before i could respond or not he clicked off .. I just love cowards.

Spent most of the day cleaning, so at least i have a somewhat cleaner house for a change. A clean house has a way of making my day.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday weekend. I also hope everyone has a good week. I am keeping my fingers crossed that i do to. Hang in there everyone, you are all in my prayers and thoughts.

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RACHELSUSANNAH's Photo RACHELSUSANNAH Posts: 1,280
8/31/14 9:45 A

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Hello SAMESTUFF,
I am sorry that your job is such a source of stress right now. I think you've got a great attitude in that you are telling yourself that it will get better. Having the ability to do that, to have hope for better things to come, is tremendous. Congratulate yourself for that and know that it does get better.
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
8/29/14 6:41 P

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Hello room, came in to log my food and drink for the day so far. So far today so good. I hope i can continue to do fairly well with my eating, but more importantly i need to start exercising regularly, so far that part is pretty sporatic. A work in progress.

Work today was a little bit better then usual, i will take it how ever i can get it. The office on the other hand is really testing my patience. They did not pay me again for all the hours i worked and for our inservices they did not pay the regular wages, and only got paid for 1 of the 3 hours was there for testing, And then had the nerve to ask me if i wanted to pick up my weekend lady. So far have worked for her every other weekend for like 4 or 5 months now. She is a 4 hour shift, and im suppose to be getting 10.00 an hr, they only been paying me for 2 hours of the 4. So after she asked i looked at my paycheck, looked at her, looked back at my paycheck and said NO. It sucks cause i am willing to work just not to work and not get paid. Am actively searching for a new job, and i cannot wait to tell them i quit !! When i tried to talk to the girl in office she acted like she didn't have time for me and turned her attention back to another girl who was in there picking up clients. I told her good luck.. and left.

Anyway, i am glad i have a job but..... come on already. So this weekend will be picking up more applications and filling them out.

No word at all from the guy i broke up with, he didn't take the cell phone he gave me or turn off netflix yet.. so keep thinking i might have to deal with him at least one more time, but maybe not. Am sad in a way that i am alone again, but alone beats dealing with a man child or someone who needs to be center of attention all the time. I don't know, feel bad but also relieved.

Anyway, waiting for it to cool off lil bit more then out for my walk with my dog.. my girl.

Every one have a safe and fun holiday weekend. Hang in there it has to get better or at least that is what i keep telling myself.

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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
8/28/14 6:32 P

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Thank you Loesch.
I have so many things to be thankful for.. :
A job, a home, food on my table, my family, a vehicle, my bills are paid ( barely ), and to a point my health. So many people are homeless jobless, have no family, etc..

Today was not so as bad as yesterday, but am still glad to be home and away from my client. Watching my birds in the feeders.. they make me so happy, it takes so little.

Still wondering what the future holds for me, and trying not to worry about it. I am asking the Lord for guidance and i hope i do the right thing. and not have another failure, but i guess without the failures our successes would not be as sweet.

Anyway, getting ready to go out for my walk, it has cooled off enough i think, if not that is what cool showers are for . It's me and my dog time..

As always you are all in my prayers.

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LOESCHFAMILY's Photo LOESCHFAMILY Posts: 151
8/27/14 7:46 P

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SAMESTUFDIFDAY,
I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time. The Lord does answer prayer, just not always the way we would like. Keep the faith. You are in my prayers.

Edited by: LOESCHFAMILY at: 8/27/2014 (19:48)
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SAMESTUFFDIFDAY Posts: 720
8/27/14 7:38 P

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Hello room, i can't believe how long it has been since i been in here. Though i am not in here as often as i would like i want you all to know that you are always in my prayers.
So much happening to so many people, sometimes it is so hard to keep my faith. but without it i am nothing.

Am kinda feeling that way anyway. Am just back from what could have been a wonderful vacation. And it turned out awful. My BF, well EX BF now, just behaved so badly. We had a talk almost a month ago about his behavior and from there things just went down hill. He knows most of the history with my ex husband and i just can't believe that he would behave like that. What is it with men these days that they either want a mommy or a hooker or worse yet both at the same time. I have been wanting to break up for a little while now, and thought just hang in there a little while longer, surely something has to give. Well that something turned out to be me. I just can't live with or be with someone who wants to act like they are 1 or 2 yrs old. I am waiting for that final talk or whatever it will be, then i am done. Destined to spend the rest of my life alone. I was married for 23 yrs. He was great when i first met him, over the years he fell into the drink, and it became the most important thing in his life. then became very violent and abusive.. finally had to say enough was enough, spent 5 yrs alone, met someone, he wanted to get married, i did not. that ended, spent 3 yrs alone, this one i knew in school and hung out with him and his girlfriend who i also knew in school.. he was never so childish then, i thought give it a try.. well now that is done to. So thinking 3 strikes is enough for me. Im done, finished with it all.

Work is same old same old, working with the elderly is very difficult. And i am thinking it is time for new job, I just don't know if i could spend 8 to 10 hrs a day on my feet, while on vacation i spent a lot of time walking and standing and my feet and legs swelled up like water balloons. Afraid to quit one job to try another for fear i won't be able to do it.

This is my boys last year of school, and he is already telling me that he wants out of Ohio, he hates it here. So in less then a year i will be facing empty nest syndrome.

I just feel like such a loser. I def don't have the midas touch, everything i touch withers and dies, or so it seems. Am getting to the point i just don't care about anything any more. Tired of being at the end of the line, bottom of the totem pole, scraping the bottom of the barrel, or any other saying i can think of.

Just needed to vent a little bit, i have talked to the Lord, but no one else. And as we know he is not answering prayers and maybe not even listening anymore. I can't lose or give up my faith and i am trying hard not to.

On an almost good note since coming home from vacation i have lost 6 lbs, but am sure that it is mostly water weight since legs and feet was so swollen, but am trying to get back on track and work some of my frustration and fear out with exercise. Just rented my walk away the pounds vid from the library as well as a beginners zumba, plus if the weather cools down some i will be out walking again.

Wish me luck and thanks for letting me vent.

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8/26/14 10:33 A

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I'm SO sorry to hear this! I went to an Alzheimer's conference 2 weeks ago and it was heartbreaking but also provided a lot of hope. Please give yourself the support and love YOU need so that you can give support and love to your husband! The speaker has this website and I got a copy of their book - it was very helpful to me:http://www.caregiversunited.com/

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8/25/14 5:02 P

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Salem, I hear you and understand, yes it is frustrating,, I have not read all the post, i too, have had a history of abuse, and you are right to worry and be concern. my ex was mainly verbal and manipulative, plz find where the abuse shelter or hotline is, they can help even if nothing is helping at this time, keep everything documented and have a backup plan, go with your gut feelings, i am telling you this because i never thought things would esculate but they did one day, so stay safe, have a safe plan, who is doing the supervision? ask if the county can do this, and not somebody of his choosing, praying you and all are safe, hugs and it took me 16 years to get out safe and it was hard, letting the kids visit was hard, also make sure the kids know safe plans too, i made sure mine knew where to go if they had to


LOESCHFAMILY's Photo LOESCHFAMILY Posts: 151
8/25/14 9:01 A

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I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I will keep you in prayer. Perhaps you could look into getting help caring for your husband.

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PIXIEBURDS's Photo PIXIEBURDS Posts: 31
8/24/14 3:09 A

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Today was such a frustrating day. My husband, the love of my life has beginning stages of Alzheimer's and he is moody and critical and he repeats himself endlessly. He has always been obsessive-compulsive, but it seems worse now. I find myself getting snappish and angry and we have stupid arguments and he blames me for "taking that tone of voice". It feels like I am losing control of myself. I am a nurse and I have worked with Alzheimer's patients, so I understand what is going on, but it is different when you can go home after 8 hours and it is not someone you love. There was a reason I chose to not work on the Alzheimer's unit when I worked in the nursing home. Now I find myself having to deal with it every day and I am afraid I won't be able to be patient and kind to this man I love so much. I am afraid that between his dementia and his physical limitations, (he is in a wheelchair) I will have to retire sooner than I want to so I can take care of him. I know that my situation will not change except for the worse, and it makes me feel so sad. Thank you for letting me vent. Hopefully tomorrow will be less frustrating.

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SALAM4545's Photo SALAM4545 Posts: 338
8/23/14 1:43 A

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Thank you all so much for your support. I realized today that his manipulations are working, in that I am snapping at everybody, and generally short tempered. Just hearing that others know what this is like, to feel so helpless, was reassuring. I may be depressed, but I am not crazy.

I did some research on this actually, and found that this was a big part of the reason that most stalking victims do not report to the police...no witnesses to verify that the victim isn't making things up.

I find it rather comforting to know that my abuser is following a common set of behaviors, as it makes it easier to judge what his next move is. Somehow, that gives me back my power.

What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals. Henry David Thoreau


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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,911
8/21/14 1:22 P

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Congratulations Jamie. I am working on a similar refocusing of my mind, but still needing medication. Keep up the good work.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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JCH628's Photo JCH628 SparkPoints: (1,421)
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8/19/14 1:42 P

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Thanking God today for vast improvements. The depression I have struggled with most of my life has decreased, The times when a depressive episode does show up, the severity is less and it doesn't last as long. Truly putting God first and allowing him to direct and heal has made all the difference. I haven't been on medication for over three years.

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8/17/14 7:03 A

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Hello, Salam...I wish I had something useful to offer. My ex was stupendously abusive and manipulative, and while there was intermittent violence, it was minor. No injuries, nothing really painful.

People would offer advice, but really, there was nothing I could do. I did go to the sheriff's office on several occasions, but I knew that without witnesses there was nothing they could or would do. What I was doing was just reporting, but not asking for action.

And then election time came around, and the sheriff was up for re-election. It turned out - we read it in the newspaper - that the sheriff himself was guilty of wife-beating.

And even so he was re-elected! Which tells me that to many people it simply wasn't important.

I was in a battered women's support group, and one woman said there was no sense in her going to the cops. Her abuser was a cop himself, and they stick together. One lies and the other swears to it, she said.

The only thing that was useful at all was to be able to talk with other women who were going through the same thing, and to know that I wasn't crazy or making it all up.

Edited by: LAURANCE at: 8/17/2014 (07:05)
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ARMATTHAEI's Photo ARMATTHAEI Posts: 1,911
8/16/14 9:40 P

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SALAM4545,

Sending you a hug. I really don't know what to say, but please continue to post, it is not only important for your health but that of your children. Continue to be the best mother you can and when you need help from friends or neighbors to help with the girls just ask them.

I want to wish you the best. The whole SP team is here to cheer you on through this difficult time.

Blessings,
Amanda, RN

Team Leader of Night Shift Nurses
Team Leader of Nurses Everywhere


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8/16/14 9:16 P

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I want to reply, even though I have nothing useful to offer.

All I can say is that I was there. I know what it is to be abused but unable to do anything effective about it.

All I can say is that I hear you and I validate you.

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