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FLOJOBEFIT's Photo FLOJOBEFIT SparkPoints: (980)
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11/24/14 4:56 P

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I know it doesn't help a lot but I see if things get too much for me. I slow down and try to do it one step at a time. Then I can oversee everything better. And then you have satisfaction on step at a time, you enjoy you victory intenser. Keep on trying MommyRX!! You inspire us all.

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11/24/14 4:28 P

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MommyRX You're doing great. You got the good court decision. And remember you are going through something- the operative word here is going through. It has an ending. Just keep on truckin!

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11/24/14 11:52 A

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I need support today.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/23/14 4:56 P

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I feel depressed but I am not giving in. I did good today; I volunteered giving out Thanksgiving baskets next store at the church and I went on a bus ride around a beautiful neighborhood. I kept my mind on the ride instead of my problems. So why am I depressed?
I don't know I'm at home in it. But I am not going to go along with it!

FLOJOBEFIT's Photo FLOJOBEFIT SparkPoints: (980)
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11/22/14 3:03 P

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When I read how much difficulty others have, mine are so small. I do believe God is helping you. All the best to you and your family. Keep hoping for the best outcome. You inspire me also to not give up hope no matter how hard the challenges in life.!! emoticon

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11/19/14 12:43 P

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Reading through the posts, I remembered a positive affirmations book I used years ago. One I kept going back to was Stop, Breath, Feel. The breathing part was difficult because I tend to be very hard on myself. I think that is part of why the holidays are difficult. I can never do enough (to satisfy some imaginary person in my head). When I stop and think of small things I can do and focus on one of those at a time. It is not so overwhelming. I will not have a decorated house, I may not even get a tree up. Yet small items can make the difference. If I give a gift to someone each day, that too can make a difference. GIFT? no not necessarily an item (though cooked gifts work) Better is the gift of a kind word, smile, or just not griping in the first 10 minutes after my DH gets home. Yikes that's hard. It is still a gift and I can celebrate that! Today I am doing well and still not feeling SAD. Got to go walking....

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11/19/14 10:26 A

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Went to Court on Monday and we have until New Year's Eve to vacate the property. All debt forgiven and the eviction is not being put on our credit report!

I did have 1 day of relapse into depression once I got the verdict. The stress of having to move and the fear of being homeless for the holidays all of it just hit and I slept for almost 20 hours. Broken sleep but it was still very unlike the norm. Not sure if it was depression or my cycle. My cycle has been so messed up never know when it's coming and never know how hard it will hit.

Either way, feeling very positive today! I wrote in my blog today that there is a possibility that we may be able to go 'home'. Our house was foreclosed on back in 2010 and we had to move back to our home state where our families are. It was such a heartbreaking experience. But our realtor found a house for rent in that same town where our original house was! At first we were afraid to go back there. Didn't want to be shamed for losing our house but after reflecting on things I realized that this house for rent might soften the eviction blow for my kids, cause they would get to go 'home' where there friends were.

Really feeling the Hand of God in my life right now. Feels like this is just meant to be. The street has the word Bloom in it! lol Can't miss that message....

Time to go home so that we can bloom where we are planted.

Crossing my fingers and praying a ton that this House will be the one for us.

Edited by: MOMMY_RX at: 11/19/2014 (10:27)
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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PINKMEOWCAT's Photo PINKMEOWCAT SparkPoints: (15,927)
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11/18/14 9:32 P

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I did well with my stepdads surgery! I got anxious in the waiting room because it was so full of people, but otherwise I did well!

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11/18/14 9:59 A

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I've been struggling as well. I'm still adjusting to my meds after coming out of the hospital. Ive been overeating as well. It's very frustrating. Today, I didn't take my steroids, instead I'm going to take them this evening and see how that works out.
Hope everyone stays strong today : ) we can do it!

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HEALTH4LIFE2012's Photo HEALTH4LIFE2012 SparkPoints: (16,907)
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11/18/14 9:31 A

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i am struggling this past week. i am switching medicines and the new one makes me not feel full and i have been craving chocolate/sugar all week. i have over eat all most every day and have gained 5-8 pounds. i am hoping that it will calm down because i hate feeling so full you feel sick but then still wanting to eat. my depression feels good and i haven't been feeling it coming back.

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11/17/14 4:52 P

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I agree with Janzdiet- you have to look to your higher power. I struggle to do that but feel if I could only do that it would solve a lot of my problems.
Today was ok. I did have a certain degree of depression. Not knowing if I should turn to my higher power or to depend on myself is a big sticking point with me. Some times I am successful and sometimes I fail miserablty But I just don't know

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11/17/14 2:48 P

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I haven't been in here for a while and have been doing very well. But we are back in the holiday season and it is cold. I am uncomfortable this year and so very tired from working two jobs. It is now taking it toll on me and I can feel it.
We are suppose to be celebrating what we are thankful for and I am struggling because of others attitudes of what they expect of me. I have opened my home to family and friends out of the kindness of my heart and wanting to see them all again. But someone does not like the menu or want to watch the big ball games and I do not have tv (I cant afford it). I am doing the best I can and have found out that I have to work Thanksgiving day. I am not thankful right now for very much because I can not afford anything extra and I just feel that some folks who have so much more feel that I am not trying my best or that I am not as good as they are.
I know I should be thankful for the things I do have and that I have a nice place to call home and I do have two jobs when so many are out of work, but why do the holidays have to bring out the worst in people. I hate the stress of what I dream of being able to do for those I love and the fact that I don't have enough money to even pay for my dental needs or the new glasses I should get.
I know I am not on any kind of assistance so I should be thankful for that but many who have less get help and I am in the area of the void. My life could be worse and I keep telling myself this, but it isn't helping right now. I do not want to have to go back on meds but if it gets any worse I will probably have to.
I used to love the holidays and now they just mean more stress and greed for those around me.
I know I may offend someone but I hate Black Friday and Thanksgiving shoppers, their greed is astounding to me. What happened to family time and homemade Christmas' with lots of love? Now it is who can afford to get the most expensive gifts. Money isn't everything folks and you can't buy happiness, but love is free and so easily accepted!

Sorry!

Vana

If you have the choice to sit it out or dance: I hope you'll dance!!

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11/17/14 1:49 P

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I am doing well so far. Tomorrow I will be in the hospital while my stepdad has surgery. We will see how that goes and how I handle it.

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL SparkPoints: (94,125)
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11/16/14 7:08 P

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After the wind, cold and ice of earlier this week, I am looking forward to much warmer temperatures this next week. Of course, along with the warmer temps comes the gray days and the rain, but my light box will help out with that. So far it has been a really pleasant month. I'm actually looking forward to Thanksgiving this year, since we are having it here at my house. Sending out positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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MELLYBEANS0919's Photo MELLYBEANS0919 SparkPoints: (23,263)
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11/16/14 11:33 A

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I think my Seasonal Affective Disorder may be back this winter. One of the tell-tale signs is sleep and the past few days I have been getting ample sleep (8-9 hrs) and still needing that extra more and feeling tired earlier in the evening. I may need to pull out my light box. I am hoping to keep the eating in check by eating more nutritiously this year.

"Don't let perfection be the enemy of good enough!"


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11/15/14 4:21 P

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Today was pretty good. Mostly I goofed off. But I did do 2 good things. I included a woman I really don't like into the conversation and I went to visit an elderly friend.
I had pizza and ice cream for lunch but I limited myself to one piece and ate light at dinner.
MY symptoms were relatively minor today

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11/15/14 9:29 A

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Read some of the previous posts and can truly RELATE - a few years ago I lost my job and experienced grave financial difficulties.

What worked for me: having faith in a Power Greater Than Myself; consistent MEDITATION; allowing myself to GRIEVE the loss of my job; being GENTLE w/ myself; group & individual THERAPY; and, a mild, doctor prescribed, ANTI-DEPRESSANT.

I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J. D. Salinger


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11/15/14 9:19 A

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The last few days at work have been BRUTAL!!! Thank goodness for weekends!!! emoticon

I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - J. D. Salinger


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PINKMEOWCAT's Photo PINKMEOWCAT SparkPoints: (15,927)
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11/14/14 9:31 P

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Today was a good day.

emoticon emoticon

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11/13/14 12:01 P

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Still up and down. I haven't felt bad just kinda in limbo for a while, which I guess is OK. Better than the alternative.

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11/12/14 7:22 P

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My job was outsourced to India over 2 and a half years ago and still no job so I know what it is like to worry about not having a roof over your head. I meditate every day and try to exercise daily. I also make up signs to put on my refrigerator. The one I have up now says "Even a small step forward is better than doing nothing at all".

Good luck to all and don't give up!

Chris

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MOMMY_RX's Photo MOMMY_RX SparkPoints: (612)
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11/12/14 12:38 P

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Dreamed- I am sorry to hear you are in similar financial distress. I know it can be so disheartening.

You know what I think really helped me start to come out of the CLOUD, was the passing of time. I saw kids I had diapered suddenly graduating high school, and supportive family members suddenly greying around the edges and I realized I was starting to miss out. Then I started becoming really aware of the dire straits my life had ended up in due to the depression, and instead of getting depressed, I got ANGRY and I started fighting back. That fight propels me to keep trying, to keep moving forward, and to keep reaching out.

Something has to give. And the fastest way to get anywhere is to TRY. So I do and I am. And we shall see where it gets me. All I know is I am not going to give up! I have lost the desire to sit in my misery and collect regrets and disappointments on my sleeve.

emoticon

Edited by: MOMMY_RX at: 11/12/2014 (12:44)
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/12/14 12:19 P

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MommieRX your telling of your recovery from depression was so inspirational.! And with all you've got going on too! I may be in a similar situation as the place I am now I have just so much money for. Infact when I get out of here I will have no place to live. I applied to housing about 3 months ago but haven't heard yet.
Well also today I asserted myself and I feel so good about it. I was supposed to go to this meeting but I didn't want to go . I want to go to the library instead. So though I was difficult for me I bowed out of the meeting. My day is good so far.

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11/12/14 9:49 A

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Talamar-Don't jump to the depression diagnosis just yet! I thought it was my depression too. But my doc looked in my throat and said "You have Sleep Apnea." I guess they can tell if our throat lining is thin....apparently a product of snoring. I was told that Sleep Apnea is a very common affliction for overweight people and that it can cause exhaustion and that all over achy feeling can be due to the lack of sleep. My suggestion would be that you contact your doctor. It can't hurt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's funny you know, I suffered from depression for 15 years. I slept 20 plus hours a day, sometimes even a couple days straight without waking. I had difficulty interacting socially, I had no drive, and felt down. Like severely down.

And what's odd is that even though I have MORE reasons now to be depressed than I ever did, I sleep my 8 hours. I get up and deal. I am sociable. And I am full of drive. I just don't get it.

I won't say that I am cured. But I will say that whatever was going on with me, I am thankful it has chosen NOW to hide cause I really need to be ON right now.

Next Monday, we go to court for the eviction. Our landlord had offered us a deal. They said be out by November 30th and you don't have to pay us a dime. But it doesn't look like that is going to be possible. We can't find a doable apartment in the area we need to be in within the parameters of their time frame. So we will fight in court and hopefully the judge will allow our family to stay here until we can find a place. It is so hard finding an apartment with hardwood floors (for my daughter's asthma), on the first floor (cause my husband will be in a wheelchair after his surgery), that allows dogs (cause my son is SO attached to our Basset Hound) that is in our price range and not in the ghettos....Something has to give. And sadly it looks like it is going to have to be the dog. How do you take a boy's only friend away?

Anyway, off to a bad start with food choices. Had 5 oreos for breakfast. Don't really have food for lunch gonna have to eat whatever I can find. Supper has to wait for hubby to get home. Will try to squeeze in a workout today atleast and push my water.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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TALAMAR's Photo TALAMAR SparkPoints: (25,836)
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11/11/14 7:01 P

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I have had a time change, but that's never been a problem before. I'm sleeping for 12 hours which is very unusual for me. I am also feeling very sluggish like I haven't had enough sleep.

Patience. Balance. Moderation.

"Fly on the wings of Despair!" --Kamelot


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11/11/14 5:47 P

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Have you had a time change this fall? I find that I'm up and down for a few weeks until I adjust to that change. Just one hour makes a difference in our internal clock.

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11/11/14 1:59 P

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I'm worried because I have been sleeping longer than normal. I'm scared that a depression might be coming.

Patience. Balance. Moderation.

"Fly on the wings of Despair!" --Kamelot


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11/11/14 1:55 P

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I have been a little up and down lately. Mostly good, but something about the weather and time change has gotten to me a little.

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11/11/14 2:13 A

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Many of us suffer from seasonal affective disorder, as if the rest of the year is any better. emoticon Not to make light of it, but as we push forward, we will get better at dealing with those kinds of issues. We know ahead of time that the season is coming, so each year we look for and find new ways of dealing with it. Thank the Good Lord that we have such a knowledgeable and helpful team to encourage and support our difficult days. There is so much good advice on this page, that we can use to help ourselves and eachother to keep pushing forward. thanks everybody for the information, advice and encouragement. You are the BEST!! emoticon

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11/10/14 4:34 P

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Today I had another pretty good day. I went to CVS. When we got on the bus a woman that I don't really like talking to sat next to me. So I maneuvered a way that I didn't have to sit next to her on the way home. It's a small thing but it's one of the ways my therapist told me to assert myself. She also said look for little victories and I'm calling that one.
I did pretty good diet wise. The only thing I went over was an extra cup of coffee(wit h milk and sugar. And I walked this morning even a little extra

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11/10/14 2:44 P

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Hello all,

I have been recently diagnosed with Fibro. I am presently on Cymbalta for focus and depression as well as Neurontin for nerve pain. The Cymbalta really works well with my focus and depression but it kills my sleep. The Neurontin handles my pain but does nothing for my focus. Together they work great but have to settle on sleeping only 4 to 5 hours a night.

I am doing good and seeing my doctors regularly. I take things one day at a time and that really helps. Journaling about my feelings really helps me as well.

Hope you all are doing well

Sandy

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11/10/14 11:04 A

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Hi Mommy_RX. Thanks for the advice.

I got back from Dad's yesterday and I am up 4 pounds. Few people were showing up for the moving sale and the sewer was backing up during the sale. When my brother went downstairs to get something there was about 2" of sewer water on the whole floor.
Dad is doing OK at his new home and chasing the pretty women as fast as he can move at 93 years old!
Now I need to get back to my own issues and find time to work on some crafts and get out and walk.

Chris

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11/8/14 2:03 P

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Struggling with food today...Our pantry is just about empty and can't afford to get more. We laughed that we actually have more dog food in the house than we do people food and that is only because someone gifted it to us.

Had 2 donuts for breakfast and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Lunch we are having hot dogs. Snack I ate a handful of candy. I am already over calories for the day and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. No milk, no bread, just canned vegetables, corn muffins and bread.

Sigh....this is just ridiculous.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/8/14 12:29 P

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to Debdeveltah I intend to apply all the advice you give Warrior. It is a good breakdown of what we all should do. I have been getting in to eating better and I don't usually think of that as a way that could affect my depression but I read that it does.
I am having a good day. I am trying to change my basic negative attitude which is really the basis for all my problems. It's such a simple thing but it is the little thing that makes a big difference.

DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL SparkPoints: (94,125)
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11/7/14 2:52 P

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Hi THEWARRIOR4, I am so very sorry that you are having such difficulties and are facing so many challenges right now. Have you spoken to your doctor about having a medication review if you are on meds or the possibility of being put on meds should you need them? Do you have a therapist? Have you gone in for a check up recently to be sure that there isn't something physical that might be exacerbating your physical symptoms? This time of year it is very uncomfortable for a lot of us. Trying to get out of the house for a simple walk around the block for some fresh air or to stretch your legs might help you break your housebound habit. I am agoraphobic too. I have found that the combination of medication and therapy has worked wonders for me the past couple of years. Certainly paying close attention to your nutrition is an important part of being able to function well. I agree with Mommy_Rx there. She has given you some other good ideas as well. I hope that you are getting adequate rest along with proper hydration. All of these things factor into how we feel on a daily basis. I am sending you some positive energy and hugs to help you through your day. Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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11/7/14 9:42 A

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TheWarrior4- If I lived close by I would come over and help with the girls so that you can get some rest. Are you drinking enough water? Are you forcing yourself to eat fresh fruits and veggies? You won't believe how much those simple steps can help lift you up. Also there is a vitamin water (the brand) that has potassium and b-vitamins in it, it's a purple-ish pink color. It's called Revive. When I get like how you are describing I grab a huge one of those and drink it down. It helps.

As far as the house goes do what you can do. Lower your expectations. Give yourself a break. And just do what you can do. I keep clorox wipes in the bathroom and wipe down as I get out of the shower or after I use the facilities. Dishes when I feel like how you are describing I tell myself to just wash 5. Then I give myself a break then I make myself go wash 5 more.

Get outside just to sit and enjoy the fresh air. It helps it revitalizes. Take a nice slow leisurely walk. I used to struggle with agoraphobia too, but over time it lessened in to a fear of bugs and then it finally went away. The trick is to keep facing your fear! DO not let it have control!

Is there family you could call who could come help for a little while? Or are you affiliated with a church or something? Or maybe even a social worker who you could talk to? Ok no you said you don't have family near by. Try to get to know other parents...the kids friends. They can help with carpooling and things and its just nice to know someone who you can call up and be like hey can you grab me a gallon of milk when you go to the store? THERE are resources out there for people in your situation but you have to ask. In our area there is a place called Abbey House for mothers with children...they give all kinds of support. REACH out to your community. Find the resources you need. It's hard but worth it.

As far as your work goes, do you have FMLA? Family Medical Leave Act....you may be able to get your doctor to sign off on it so when you can't make it in your work can't fire you over it or give your position away.

I am here if you need to talk feel free to sparkmail me.

Edited by: MOMMY_RX at: 11/7/2014 (09:52)
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/6/14 1:03 P

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Hi everyone, I need to reach out today because I have been in a downward spiral for a while now, I have missed two shifts at my job this week b/c of my depression and anxiety. I am sole provider for my 3 daughters and I have been truly so exhausted, I just crawl in bed and sleep or try to. I keep saying, I need to get up and clean the house, but I do and by the time I get to the bathroom and go to start, I am so tired I need to lay down. I haven't excercised in over a month, I am losing all interest in everything. I am scared of everything. I am having a hard time getting out of the house b.c of agoraphobia. It seems to get worse this time of the year. I worry about everythng and I feel lost alone, like a stranger to myself. I am forgetting what it is to be normal, like structured, It feels out of control. I have no car. I do walk to work, I am single, seperated for 6 years with no family here. I am ashamed of myself and don't want anyone to see how far I have let myself go (weight and depression) I feel like noone wants to be around that negativity. My girls are getting all and any energy I have, they are doing well in school, I feel like at least we are doing that, and the fact that I can't do more, haunts me b/c i dont have a car and can't drive them to extra things, financially, I make enough to pay rent lights phone water, and internet. Very tight budget and when I do spend more then i should, the guilt is overwhelming. I am scared i am not doing all i need to do. if i am so exhausted and go around in circles in my head, how am i a good role model for them. i love them so much, that is all that keeps me going. I am having a hard time starting over because it all runs together. I NEED HELP!
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11/6/14 8:45 A

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Krill- I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I know it is very hard. I used to take care of an elder and the changes can be so disheartening to witness. Enjoy the time you can with him. And kudos that he is going to assisted living! That is SO good for him.

I found the only way to remain upbeat in the elder situation, was to spend quality time. Gramma (my husband's Gramma) was basically shut away to just die...no visits, and not the best care. I was the only one who would put Gramma in her wheelchair and take her for a walk. LOL I pushed her all the way up a hill to the farm so she could watch the horses. She had been doing nothing but watching tv for years. She giggled like a school girl. And the owner of the farm saw us out by the road and brought a horse for Gramma to pet and feed. OMG if she could have remembered it I think it would have been one of her favorite memories. It was for me anyway.

Find small ways to interact with your Dad in ways that share who you are and bring out memories that are special to him. And take exceptional care of yourself because any parent's ultimate wish for us is that we have a long healthy life.

As for the piano, could you ask if maybe you could donate it somewhere of your choosing. Perhaps that will make you feel better to be giving it to others who may enjoy it. Perhaps a school where children would have the joy of playing with it also.

I hope you ATLEAST have a keyboard at home so you do not lose your skills. Music is food for the soul!


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Edited by: MOMMY_RX at: 11/6/2014 (08:47)
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/6/14 8:22 A

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This weekend I am up at my Dad's house to have an estate sale and open house. We had moved him into assisted living and it is so much work. I called him yesterday to let him know I would be by today to take him out to lunch and he said he can barely walk now.
Then I went to play the piano I bought 40 years ago and there was a sold sign on it. I understand that it needs to be sold since I don't have room for it at my place but I wasn't told it was being sold and it blindsided me. That led to me overeating.
I hope today is a better day and that I can get back on track but I don't know what I will find when I go to visit Dad.

I don't know what the solution is to deal with all this and still keep upbeat and busy but I'll do my best!

Hope everyone has a nice day!

Chris

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11/5/14 4:36 P

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I had a good day.I kept busy and went to the library. I had no especially trying moments. Well there was this one time but I handled it well. I am getting better a little at a time.
That's good but challenging too. But I am doing it!
I was good on food too. I also walked this morning and to the library.

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11/4/14 9:36 A

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Hi all,

Just another rainy day here. Getting people up and around for work and school. It's all very ordinary and boring.

TAISIAKAT, I agree with Mommy_Rx. The job market is hard to crack at this point and time even with temporary seasonal jobs opening up and the economy is even worse. If you are selling your work at fairs, then you must be very good indeed. You are very strong to put yourself and your work out there every day. I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hopefully you will find a rainbow at the end of your personal struggle soon. Until then sending you positive energy and hugs, Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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11/4/14 8:36 A

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TAISIAKAT- You are so strong my dear. The job market is hard. Cost of living is higher than ever. But look at you being creative in the midst of the chaos! That takes courage and FAITH. Medication will dull your senses for sure but if you need it you need it.

I function without it. Been over a year since I was on meds. I find focusing on the positives helps a ton! Maybe your day has no positives to it. I have been there. But focusing on what positive step forward you can take can really help keep you from hiding under the blankets and sleeping away the chaos. All it takes is one step. If life is overwhelming in big chunks, break it down to what you can handle and just do one positive thing at a time.

What type of craft do you do? I would love to hear more about your fairs. I craft too. It's healing.

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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11/4/14 2:19 A

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Today was a very hard day. Still no luck finding any work, so we are now borrowing money from family members. This sucks.

I have two fairs this week that I am trying to stay positive about, but I am starting to feel like the world is collapsing, and I am finding myself saying to myself I hate my world, I hate my life I hate this.... I stop and do my think of something happy, something positive, find something grateful for, but it is feeling more and more like I'm kidding myself.

I don't want to go back on medication to get through this, because it just ruins my creativity.

But it was a hard day.

Breathe - Live - Love
I am Imperfect and I am enough. I am worthy of love.

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11/3/14 6:31 P

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Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get a well-deserved break from all the stress. I'm proud of you that you keep on pushing long after most people would have just given up. But you are strong for your family and the children depend on your strength. emoticon

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11/3/14 9:43 A

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Dreamed-Thank you for your kind words.

Not sure if I mentioned it or not but my husband and I have our own store. We are in the beginning phases of an online business. We have been running it for about 6 months. Business was really good the first few months but sales have sort of tanked due to lack of inventory.

My family thinks I have completely lost my marbles. It's absurd to them that I would be willing to stay home and run this business while he goes to work. They are certain this store is destined to fail and that I am just following yet another pipe dream.

The difference between this dream and every other one I have had is my husband is completely behind it and a part of it. It's success is our future.

It's hard being misunderstood and underestimated all the time. I hate hearing that I "was meant for more". I always think to myself "ya I know and we are working towards it.."

They are always standing on the outside looking in waiting for me to slip up so they can step in to the rescue if needed and although that is great sometimes they step over the line by pumping the kids for information or threatening to call social services...

Many businesses struggle in the beginning. I have heard of so many successful companies that have started on a dime and the owners have had to live in make shift abodes while continuing to work towards success.... I wonder if they had intrusive families waiting to pounce...

I dunno just really struggle with outside criticism. This is my life. I will live it the way I think is best.

Anyone else struggle with outside criticism?

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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10/30/14 2:39 P

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Not one of my better days. Think I need a quick walk.

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10/30/14 12:20 P

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To Mommy RX. I know it's very difficult but hang in there no matter what things get better.
I think someone recently quoted Win ston Churchill as saying " when you're going through hell keep going"
I am challenged at the moment but I have handled it well. At least that is the way I am going to see it. I tend to be negative and I am actually doing well but don't see it that way. But "when you're going through hell keep going!

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10/30/14 9:22 A

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Thank you for your kindness.

I am not sure what I need. Or should I say what don't I need....We are in a bad way.

Because of the kids always being sick we struggle financially. It is hard to hold a job. They aren't sick enough to be on disability. And the Family Medical Leave Act is supposed to protect families in our situation but all we have had is retaliation from having to use it.

Or home was foreclosed on in 2010. We went to live with my mother in law where we spent the next 3 years. The only requirement was I needed to care for her mother as I described below. When I had my meltdown and refused to watch her anymore because the workload had become too much, we lost our support system. We moved out. Got our own apartment and everything has been so devastatingly difficult since. We couldn't afford a washer/dryer or even to go to the laundromat so I had to wash all of our clothes by hand and hang them to dry on our enclosed porch where it took 5 days for the clothes to dry enough to be worn. We applied for state aid but they required me to work community service which seriously I had just no time for. We only had state aid for 2 months before they took it away cause my husband supposedly made too much money. We lost our car. We then had to walk 3 miles to get groceries. Walk 2 miles to the bus to go to job interviews. The bus only comes every 2 hours so we couldn't rely on the transportation to get us to work. I had to walk 12 miles home one night with my bad back.

That was it I just couldn't work anymore with our situation. So my husband carried the load until he just snapped mentally. He then quit his job so we could start our own online business. That was doing really well for awhile. Then we started slipping financially again. So he went back to work and I have been running the online business myself. But it was too late. We got a letter of eviction a couple weeks ago.

I seriously do not know what we are going to do. The apartments are all too expensive. The waiting lists for financial help are several years long. His training is finally over but they placed him in a new facility that is out of state which means I have to take my kids out of the schools they love, away from their friends, the doctors that know them.....

I am just heart sick with all of it. I have to pack some more today. I don't even know where to start. I have to still keep the business going. My hope is because it is the holiday season it will pick up enough that we can afford a security deposit for an apartment. Our food stamps were cancelled. The toilet here in this apartment broke. The tail pipe fell off the car.

OMG I just feel like there is some evil force against us. As you can imagine this is putting enormous weight on our marriage. He is getting very close to giving up. AND then what? How do I do all of this by myself?!?!?!?!?!?! With no job, a bad back, no place to live, no car, the kids always sick. I am doing SO good not hiding in bed or crying even. I have not let the depression consume me but I feel it biting at my heals.



"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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10/29/14 10:15 P

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You came to the right place for encouragement and support. Please let us know how we can help. You have so much courage and what you do is for love. Love yourself, too. We care about your journey and we're here for you. Thank you for joining our Team. We look forward to your friendship.

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10/29/14 12:12 P

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Hi MOMMY_RX emoticon emoticon !! I can see that you have many challenges and are stressed to the max. Adopting a healthier lifestyle and adding structured activity to your days may help you out a lot.You really must carve out some "you" time. I know that it may sound impossible to do, but you must have a way of deescalating so that you are a more effective caregiver. Being a 24/7 caregiver is one of the hardest jobs in the world to do. I take care of my 3 year old, autistic son for my single, working parent daughter and that is hard enough. Jeni works almost always seven days a week, 12 hours a day and I live in the home with her and Micah. I had a hard time finding "me" time and getting adequate rest until Micah went to Headstart in September. You have three chronically ill children, so I can imagine what an energy drainer that must be. Since you have been here before, you know that the program is all about good nutrition, portion control, and becoming more physically fit. Since you have trouble with your back, can you do some of the chair fitness videos to help increase your physical activity? It sounds as if you do nothing but run around taking care of others while ignoring your own needs. My heart goes out to you. You have the toughest job in the world. No wonder you had a meltdown. Please do lean on us when you need to talk or vent. We are here to offer you support and encouragement when we can. I am glad that you have given up taking care of Grandma too. The tools here on site should be able to help you get back on track with proper nutrition and weighing and measuring your food should help you with your portion control. Have you checked with your doctor about exercising and what he/she recommends for you with your back problems? You sound as if you could really benefit from a fitness program. Getting adequate rest is another key element to the equation. Can you take 10 to 15 minutes a day to do some deep breathing and/or meditation? Can you take a long, hot, scented bubble bath or take a 15 minute walk around the block just to get out of the house and recharge?What about keeping a journal? I know that keeping a journal helps me keep it under control emotionally. I know that these sound like woefully inadequate solutions to your current problems, but they are a start in the right direction. Know that there are those of us out here who can identify with your current difficulties. Please stay in touch with us and let us assist you in any way that we can. Just let us know what we can do to help make your journey better. We are here for you, so stop by often with updates. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. We are really glad that you have decided to join us!! Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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10/29/14 9:19 A

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Hi I am Mommy_Rx otherwise known as Sleep Deprived Mother of 3 Chronically Ill children (well they are teens now but still chronically ill).
When everyone is healthy and I am actually able to sleep I can't. I struggle with emotional eating and choose fast food often cause I am just too exhausted and lazy to cook. The demands of my home are zapping my resources. I drink coffee like it flows from the tap just to keep me going. Drinking water almost hurts it is so foreign to me.

I occasionally have to walk my daughter to school (1 mile) and it is physically challenging for me. I end up red in the face, short on breath and in pain (due to past back injuries).

I know changing my lifestyle has to happen in order for me to continue to provide quality care to my family. I was a successful sparker years ago but I have forgotten how to take care of myself or maybe I just chose to not take care of myself. Perhaps I am looking for pity from above. Like hello I need care too SEE!

For the last 15 years, ER visits, inpatient stays and doctors/specialist appointments have been my life. I always feel on the brink of a melt down. I always feel unprepared, stressed and just maxed out. I can't seem to get ahead of it enough to be one of those prepared for anything types of moms. Instead I am always late on refilling meds, tapping my foot at the pharmacy wondering when my last meal was anxious to get home to clean up the house, administer the meds and deal with the next crisis.

One of the stupidest decisions I ever made was choosing to help care for my mother in laws Mom. She had dementia, diabetes and was overweight. Caring for her was physically and mentally challenging on top of taking care of my 3 ER hopping maniacs. I maxed myself out so bad that I mindlessly ran out onto a wet deck and fell down a flight of wet wooden stairs. My back hasn't been the same since. Thankfully it was a wake up call that made me slow down. I chose to not care for Gramma anymore and I put all specialist and non-essential medical appointments on hold for a year. I am passive aggressive. So when I say I chose what I really meant is I ran away from home caused a huge scene made everyone hate me but got the end result I was looking for but sadly lost my support system in the process.

Sigh I need change. I need a mentor/voice of reason to guide me on my journey. I am looking forward to getting to know you all.

(posted this on a couple other teams...hope it isn't repetitive to anyone...just trying to share me.)

Edited by: MOMMY_RX at: 10/29/2014 (13:03)
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."~Friedrich Nietzsche



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10/27/14 2:01 A

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The Steelers won, but that did not ease me out of that edgy mood. I just ... well, not to sure what I did. I played a couple word games on FB and slowly eased back into a better mood :-)

Tiffie :-)

I'd give you a reality check, but my account is overdrawn.

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10/27/14 12:10 A

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Hi ARMOMMI2 a new jump rope sounds like a good idea to add to my little home gym tools. I understand that Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn's daughter swears by jump roping as great aerobic exercise. She says that is the way that she stays in shape. I saw her on The View one day talking about it. I did enjoy my shopping trip and picked up a Leslie Sansone Walking DVD too. I will get in shape with no excuses.

Hi TIFFANIEFAITH, I'm sorry that waking to an anixety attack has left you so irritable and edgy. I hope that your Steelers did well today to make your day a bit better. Maybe doing something really nice for you would help you lose those feelings of irritation. You might want to take a long bubble bath or to give yourself a pedicure or a manicure. Sometimes just the act of doing something nice for ourselves puts us in a much better frame of mind.

A big yeah to my New Orleans Saints. They beat the Green Bay Packers today! I didn't get to see the game because I have been messing with a tire that is going flat on my car today. I have to get it in first thing in the morning or I will be changing my tire by the side of the road. My windshield wipers went out on the car this morning too. That added insult to injury. They will have to addressed first thing Monday morning after the tire gets fixed. I guess when it rains it pours. I'm not going to let this stress me out. I'll just get them taken care of as quickly as I can on Monday morning. I hope that all of you are having a blessed Sunday. Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them! Take care and God bless, Deb



Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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10/26/14 10:34 P

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Hi Deb. I do most of my workouts at home with very little equipment, but I love shopping for fitness tools. I ordered a new jumprope from amazon.com and I love it. I haven't used a jump rope in over 60 years, but i started slow and worked up to 30 sec onds at a time, non-stop. I was surprised I could do it, but we all are learning that we can do anything we put our minds to. Enjoy your shopping trip. emoticon

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10/26/14 4:53 P

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Very edgy and irritable for some reason. Woke from a dream mid anxiety attack and just haven't settled down. Watching my Steelers and trying to relax.

Tiffie :-)

I'd give you a reality check, but my account is overdrawn.

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10/26/14 4:03 A

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It's going to be a wild and windy Saturday here. I'm glad to see that many are in decent space right now. The rains are supposed to come back tomorrow and that is depressing, but I have my light box to help out with those gray days. I am going to Walmart to get my new weights today and to get a new resistance band. Look out Sparkvideos here I come! With my new gym tools I hope to be able to get in some decent home strength training sessions. I hate to have to go out in inclement weather anymore than I have to. Sending positive energy and hugs to those that need them! Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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10/24/14 7:21 P

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It's Friday Daina ... Everyone should be great emoticon

I am doing pretty good. I hope everyone else is emoticon

Tiffie :-)

I'd give you a reality check, but my account is overdrawn.

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10/24/14 5:26 P

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Been a while since I have been on, How is everyone?

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10/24/14 12:29 A

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The angst from last weekend is easing. Just in time for a wonderful weekend.

Tiffie :-)

I'd give you a reality check, but my account is overdrawn.

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10/23/14 11:50 A

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I am having a good day. I exercised, played the flute and read and this afternoon I am going to a music thing. Tonight I am going to sing in the choir( a rehearsal) I had a light breakfast and a light lunch. I feel pretty good! ( and coming from me that means a lot)

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10/22/14 8:03 P

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Hi Pinkmeowcat
Congratulations on your wedding! I hope your stepdad is OK

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10/22/14 2:59 P

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Welcome back. You have been VERY busy with some of life's most stressful events happening all at once. You are strong, you are capable and you can get through this. When life comes crashing down, it's hard to listen to someone suggest that you take baby steps to get your life back in order, but small steps lead to big successes. Keep plugging along. Love and Hugs. We're here for you. emoticon

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10/22/14 2:38 P

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I haven't been here in a while. It's been crazy. I got married and had my reception this past weekend. I am so glad that's over with!

I was doing well until I got some unexpected news about my stepdad today. He will have to get surgery to remove spot on his pancreas. We don't know if it is cancer or not. So now I have that on my mind.

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10/20/14 11:09 P

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Congratulations on successes this week. Isn't it amazing how we all just keep pushing forward? I'm inspired by everyone's day to day efforts that contribute so much to each person's family. Thanks, everybody for the support you give us all and your hugs and encouragement. You are the best!!

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10/20/14 4:25 P

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Congratulations PASTOR_HEATHER on your good vibes and your weight loss. One pound a week is what is considered healthy losing.

Monday has dawned rainy and overcast here. I got out early and took my daughter to the laundromat, so that she could do her laundry. I have yet to get out and get in my walk for the day. I need to do that, but I am waiting for the weather to lift a bit. I should be making that trip around the neighborhood soon. Sending out positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Just take it one day at a time. Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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PASTOR_HEATHER's Photo PASTOR_HEATHER SparkPoints: (1,891)
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10/20/14 12:57 P

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This weekend was one of the best I've had recently, emotionally. The whole family was "in-sync" and happy. I'm still riding high on that, so Monday isn't bothering me much. :) Plus, I lost my first pound!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13


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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL SparkPoints: (94,125)
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10/14/14 1:41 A

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Today was pretty laid back and I got a lot accomplished. I was able to get one grandson to school and the other to his dental appointment. Other than getting family members where they need to go this week, I have little planned. I would like to get to the gym and do some work on the elliptical and the treadmill. We'll have to see how this week pans out with everyone else's schedule. At least I am breaking my sugar habit and am eating right again. Sending out positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb emoticon

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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ARMOMMI2 SparkPoints: (13,611)
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10/12/14 2:06 P

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I especially like Sundays. It truly is a day of rest. I've been anxious about returning to work this week after a 3-month medical leave. I know it will be fine once I get there because I have missed my friends and co-workers sooo much and I love my job. It gives me energy just walking into the building. This week's schedule also includes appts with PCP for release back to work and medication adjustments, results of colonoscopy, and apptment with Pain Mgmt to review medications. Altho the scale hasn't moved much, after 2.5 months of daily toning, exercise and toning, cardio and dance routines, (jump rope, too ) I will be able to squeeze into my uniform by Thursday. WooHoo!!

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DEBTEVELDAHL's Photo DEBTEVELDAHL SparkPoints: (94,125)
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10/11/14 9:14 P

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Today has been a pretty good day. I am fighting a head cold thanks to the change in the weather. October weather is now upon us. There has been intermittent rain from the wee hours to continue throughout the evening. Tomorrow is supposed to give us a break from the rain, but not from the clouds. Monday the real cold front will move in and the October monsoon will begin in earnest. I hope that this cold doesn't drag on and on. Sending out positive energy and hugs to all that need them. Take care and God bless, Deb

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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DREAMED1 SparkPoints: (7,458)
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10/11/14 7:16 P

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Today was a pretty good day. I went to the movies and had a good time ( I saw "Gone Girl" it was good) I felt challenged when I was at the movies but I persevered and now I feel good.
I also got out with someone my own age which my psychotherapist told me to do. ( I live in an assisted living residence.)

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10/9/14 4:10 A

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Today will be almost the end of the beautiful weather we have been having - very sunny and in the mid 70's. The rains will move in on Friday night/Saturday morning. I don't know how long it will rain this time. Several days I am sure. I have to take both my grandson's to school this morning which makes for an early day for me. Sending positive energy and hugs to all that need them today. Take care and God bless, Deb

HEALTH4LIFE2012, Congratulations on being able to negotiate through some heavy stress and still feel "with it" and able to take on anything that comes your way! Great attitude. I hope that you did get to bike to work today.

Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance - Samuel Johnson


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HEALTH4LIFE2012's Photo HEALTH4LIFE2012 SparkPoints: (16,907)
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10/8/14 8:35 P

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I am feeling some heavy stress lately and only a couple of times felt hopelessly stuck. I felt good enough to bike to work and I am feeling pretty positive today. I feel "with it" and able to take on anything that comes my way. I am even thinking of biking tomorrow to work since I didn't really exercise last week or bike to work.

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KRILL14's Photo KRILL14 SparkPoints: (16,528)
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10/7/14 8:06 P

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Congratulations, Pink!

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10/7/14 7:18 P

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Thank you everyone! I'm super excited because we are staying in the mountains over the weekend and will get to relax. I'll try to add pics this weekend and next after the reception.

emoticon

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10/7/14 3:44 P

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First let me say thank you skinnymelisa for your comments. Today wasn't bad (though last night was rough.I did my walk and practiced and read my bookclub book and went to Macy's. I didn't spend too much money and that was good too. My discomfort with people was survivable. I am getting better but it takes time and it's difficult. I tried to enjoy the day. One day at a time.

MAKING-PROGRESS's Photo MAKING-PROGRESS SparkPoints: (15,286)
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10/7/14 1:22 A

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Awesome news Pink! Would be lovely if you could post a pic or two. I love weddings :-)


Making Life a little better each day.

I can not control what others do, I can only control how I choose to react.



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10/6/14 12:27 P

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emoticon Pink!

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10/6/14 12:24 P

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I've been pretty lazy lately. I'm doing pretty good. I am getting married Friday and am shockingly not stressed about it.

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10/5/14 10:52 A

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emoticon DREAMED1! I often have the same problems. There will be days I don't leave the house because I'm afraid of the world around me. There are other days I won't get out of bed or shower. You've done something great!

Yesterday was a major lazy day for me. I didn't get off the couch and eat all day. I was telling myself that tomorrow will be better. So far so good. I have an appointment with my therapist today and it always makes me feel better.

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10/4/14 12:30 P

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I am having a good day. I walked, showered and practiced the flute this morning. Even doing these things is an accomplishment for me. I will also go to a movie. My problems with people ate ok today

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10/4/14 12:09 P

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Good Morning team!

I slept in this morning until 10 am. I must have really needed the sleep. I hope everyone has a wonderful relaxing Saturday.

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MAKING-PROGRESS's Photo MAKING-PROGRESS SparkPoints: (15,286)
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10/4/14 11:01 A

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You will learn a lot from "I Tried" and will have a lot of regrets with "If Only". Don't simply wish for a happy life. You must build it. -- Dodinsky.



Making Life a little better each day.

I can not control what others do, I can only control how I choose to react.



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10/3/14 1:32 P

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So glad it's Friday!

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10/3/14 1:30 P

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TGIF. Today started out as a dreary rainy day but I soon turned into a gorgeous day. I done a few errands this morning and I have few more to this afternoon. After going home, hubby called and wanted me to go redbox and get a few movies. Why couldn't he call me when I was out? It always happens!

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10/2/14 7:41 P

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Doing pretty well. Back to exercising and that always helps with things. Somehow, even posting onto this thread helps!

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10/1/14 9:45 A

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Today is going to be a little warmer than yesterday so I plan on a little walk. emoticon

Deb - That's great you got your new fridge. I couldn't image not having one int he house.

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