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KMBJBB's Photo KMBJBB Posts: 1,140
3/29/13 11:46 A

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Oh my, where do I start with all that's been happening?

Okay - was not able to get to the training session yesterday since I had a crappy night Wednesday night due to these 2 new cats (Holy Terrors!). Then last night was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back". Now, I know I should give them time to get used to the house and such, but when they wreak havoc with my Service Dog in Training or the other dog we have or the other cat we had, then there's h3ll to pay. It's bad enough that they are hissing and slapping Sammy (our cat) around. It's bad enough that they have now scratched Buddy (daughter's dog) across the face, but it's gone too far when they use Deacon's (my SDIT) crate for their litter box. They know where the litter box is. They have used it. They have gone through son's room (hubby left the door open) and broke one of my son's dragons (he collects china and porcelain dragons), they've gone through my mother's room and broken one the glass on a picture and also knocked a radio to the floor. But to pee and poop in a dog crate is just too much.

Just got a FB message from the friend that I got them from and she is offering to take them back.

On the weight loss front, I am down another 2 pounds and have begun working with my resistance bands and light weights, but my favorite part of my exercise program is my "Twist" dance at the kitchen counter. I look demented when I do it, but even Deacon gets into it.


Kristina

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read." - Mark Twain


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BLUEROSE73's Photo BLUEROSE73 SparkPoints: (116,800)
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3/29/13 11:44 A

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"Him" ? I think I'm missing something here, and it doesn't sound good. Prayers are with you. You can get through this weekend. Heck, you might even find a way to actually enjoy some of it. You get to spend time with your kids.

Katrina
Saskatchewan Time Zone

You can not change yesterday - it's done.
You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it GREAT

Go little Turtle Go!


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ONEMONSTERSMOM's Photo ONEMONSTERSMOM SparkPoints: (34,845)
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3/29/13 11:38 A

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Hugs Caroline!
First try breathing as slow and deep as you can for 5 breaths. I am with you in Spirit as I have been through that before, it is not a fun situation I know. What about taking the kids outside?
Marilyn emoticon

Life is what you make of it. Choose to be happy about something Now! Choose to make your life an adventure.


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LATINRITELADY79's Photo LATINRITELADY79 SparkPoints: (17,010)
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3/29/13 11:35 A

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I'm having a STRESS induced freak out moment... The Jerk has a 3 Day weekend and I'm feeling the pressure of his rules already and I've been awake an hour... My heart is racing, I'm having trouble breathing, I'm nauseated (gagging), and I'm shaking... My eyes are starting to water up and I'm fighting back the tears.... All the result of children acting like NORMAL children during a time when COMPLETE silence is REQUIRED while HE SLEEPS (which he informed me will be till at least 11:30 today)... UGH!!! Is it Monday yet?!?!?!?!?! For those who believe and pray... PRAY!!! I really wanted to enjoy my oldest birthday... He turns 13 today and is coming to visit for his party and presents... He hasn't been able to visit here since Thanksgiving because he broke two bones in his leg and our house isn't wheel chair friendly... Thanks for listening...
emoticon

PS: I'm using a Mt. Dew to self medicate...

Edited by: LATINRITELADY79 at: 3/29/2013 (11:41)
Caroline

Mama to 6:
Boy 14, Boy 11, Girl 8.5, Boy 6, Boys 3.5 & 3.5 (yes TWINS!)

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FPU - Baby Step #2

1 of 52 lbs Lost!

“If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.”
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"If you have too much to do, with God's help you will find time to do it all." St. Peter Canisius


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ONICAM's Photo ONICAM Posts: 11,498
3/29/13 10:59 A

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I have ate breakfast today. I am constantly doing stuff today for sure. I am making myself do stuff since I do not feel like doing anything at all except to go to bed.

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BLUEROSE73's Photo BLUEROSE73 SparkPoints: (116,800)
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3/29/13 10:08 A

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I know how much it hurts - feeling like you did something that hurt your children, even if it was beyond your control. It sucks. I hope you are able to come to terms with that feeling, and still be able to do what is best for you and your health.

Katrina
Saskatchewan Time Zone

You can not change yesterday - it's done.
You can only dream of tomorrow.
The only day you can change is today.
What are you going to do today to reach your goals of tomorrow?

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it GREAT

Go little Turtle Go!


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STAYPRESENT's Photo STAYPRESENT Posts: 3,531
3/29/13 9:47 A

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Hi, got meeting place early.

Miller - my oldest seems quite depressed. He smokes pot to escape. My next son just turned 19 and has been in mental hospital 3 or 4 times. Without becoming morose I accept that I have caused much pain in there lives. I plan to spend the rest of my life in a living amends.

Peace Out,

Terri


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STAYPRESENT's Photo STAYPRESENT Posts: 3,531
3/29/13 9:04 A

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Linnea - didn’t see post earlier. So happy muse showed. Sorry about hair situation.

Miller - Thanks. The last night of month we do shavasana at yoga. Last night was 34 minutes of guided meditation. So nice. Thank you so much for sharing in depth your convo with pdoc. I’m amazed that the pdoc takes so much time with you. The last time I went though a “losing my mind” experience it was so very scary. It was the middle of the night and I thought I could hear miles away. The fear was terrible. Some things that help me with fear are to remember - there is nothing to fear, but fear itself; Face Everything And Recover; False Evidence Appearing Real.

I just went through a time of wondering how John could feel so that he is “perfect”. The only thing I can see is that it is very difficult to look at ones character defects. You have such compassion for having done so. I’m grateful for that.

Your daughter is very fortunate to have you as her mother. Always remember that. Pour all the insights you have learned into her and trust she will not have to experience all we did.

Llama - It takes courage to question our beliefs. Keep up the good work.

Faith - Welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Dolly - Welcome

Marilyn - Good luck with med change. Great job on the trio.

Kris - Good sleep!

Sleepy - Hi

Onicam - Good to hear. Please eat breakfast.

Phyllis - Yahoo on the sleep.

Have to run get ready for hike. TTyl


Peace Out,

Terri


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MISSCUS's Photo MISSCUS Posts: 3,921
3/29/13 8:50 A

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Hi ALL,
Last night, sleeping alone, it felt funny when going to bed. BUT for the first night in 6 years, I slept for 8 hours 56 min uninterrupted!! I feel a lot better this morning. I haven't had this feeling in years!! DH is still sleeping in guest room. I didnt get woken up at 2am as usual when he gets up!! I am amazed.

DH was kind and decent last night after work. Very respectful. I know it is an adjustment period for him, and a storm could break loose at any time. But it was quite nice to have a amiable peaceful evening, and then A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP!!



Phyllis
It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.


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ONICAM's Photo ONICAM Posts: 11,498
3/29/13 8:04 A

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I have been making it through, but in the morning for the past few days I have not been in the mood for breakfast. I am not sure what is going on here.

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SLEEPYPANDA85's Photo SLEEPYPANDA85 SparkPoints: (823)
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3/29/13 2:42 A

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Pitter6,

I'm glad you had such a positive day :) I've never gone to Bible Study classes before and I'm a little curious. I have felt for sometime that I need to improve my relationship with God, and I also would like to branch out socially. Can you share some of your experiences and how it has enriched your life?


Linnea,

You mentioned that you were having a very productive day writing. What do you like to write? Stories? If so what is your favorite genre? Also is Sugar and Spice two puppies or 2 kitties? :)

Llama,

It's totally understandable that you were taken aback by your therapist's reply. But you need to understand that you did nothing wrong in sharing your feelings and what you have been going through. I would have probably reacted the same way with embarrassment and feeling hurt because I too tend to overanalyze and internalize, and that's something I need to work on. And just as Miller said, it's better to send too much than too little. Besides, how could you possible overshare? Your therapist is there to help and guide you. Maybe you should let her know how you reacted to her email.

I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone.

--Henry Rollins
SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (126,062)
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3/28/13 11:59 P

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Llama - I don't see anything wrong with your having e-mailed your posts to your Therapist. It would do her good to know how you share here, and would actually give her something to work on with you.

I woke briefly at 0800hrs because Scruffy decided she needed breakfast, and so did the 2 cats. I got up, fed them, and because I was really tired still, went back to bed. I fell asleep straight away and never woke until MIDDAY :-) I felt TONS better, and obviously needed it. My family came out for 3-4 hours - to pick up my g/son, but they are coming back out tomorrow and getting me a birthday lunch.

Kris


Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=30225


Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=17464


I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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ONEMONSTERSMOM's Photo ONEMONSTERSMOM SparkPoints: (34,845)
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3/28/13 11:40 P

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Almost forgot my trio streak is now at 9 weeks and counting.

Life is what you make of it. Choose to be happy about something Now! Choose to make your life an adventure.


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ONEMONSTERSMOM's Photo ONEMONSTERSMOM SparkPoints: (34,845)
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3/28/13 11:37 P

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Hi, I'm back. Been a long, emotional and draining day. Still sorting through the feelings of the diagnosis change and my roommates leaving. Didn't do much purging today, but did spend 1/2 hour with N sorting through books and movies to keep and donate. She is thrilled to be signed up for auditions in Annie. When I told her my meds are changing again she almost cried and said she doesn't like that because it makes me cranky. Poor kid. So explained as best I could that its been the wrong kinds of meds. Will have to watch how I interact with her. I'm actually tired before 1am. Lol
Goodnight all.
Marilyn

Life is what you make of it. Choose to be happy about something Now! Choose to make your life an adventure.


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 10:41 P

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CONNIE, I'm so sorry to hear that times are so hard for you right now. I knew you were having health problems, but I'm sorry to hear about the family and financial problems, as well. I will pray for you right now as soon as I post this message and you'll be in my thoughts, too. Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

God bless you and your family and grant you everything you need.

Miller emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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DOLLYBABE57's Photo DOLLYBABE57 Posts: 2,919
3/28/13 10:23 P

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I am haveing a real hard time hear of late. Health issue and family troubles and now a financial proble. Need pray and support. Ty all for being her for me

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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 10:13 P

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Hi IWEARBGPANTIES! I just love your profile picture!

It sounds like you've had some ups and downs with medications and doctors the way some of the rest of us have. It's really hard to find just the right doctor and just the right medication sometimes.

Maybe your introduction did get lost because I haven't seen your intro before. This is the first time I remember seeing it. But we're very glad to have you here!! You're right, this is a very supportive team and the folks on this thread, in particular, are just so kind and encouraging.

Llama might be able to tell you about the church she goes to. I'm not sure if it's Unitarian or something else, but I think it might be a church that accepts all different types of believers. I was reared as a Southern Baptist, but I don't go there anymore. I'm a lot more liberal in my thinking than most Southern Baptists I know, so I'm not sure what church to go to, either.

My daughter went to a Lutheran school that she liked. They preached more about grace and God's love than anything else and that's what we both need since we suffer from OCD scrupulosity.

I'm glad you posted again. Please keep in touch!

Miller emoticon emoticon emoticon

PS - is your name "Faith"?

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (23:02)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 10:03 P

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LLAMA, another Sparker pointed out to me that some other religions don't believe Jesus is a deity, but they do respect him as a prophet. Maybe that's more the way you look at him - as a teacher or prophet? Of course, to me he'll always be the Son of God, but that's just me. I'm counting on him to be there when I "cross over." There's this song they used to sing in a country church. It was called, "I won't have to cross Jordan alone." I really loved that song. It comforted me.

I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't look like most of the pictures that people have drawn and painted of him, though. In pictures, he looks likes he's from England or somewhere - not the Middle East. Some of the newer artists have tried to make him look more realistic, but I still don't think they have it right. But since there were no cameras, I guess there's no way to know!!!

I really don't believe you need to feel shame for over-sharing. It was her choice to give you her email address. I've never had a therapist, counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist do that for me and I was a bit surprised when you first told us that she gave you her email address. If anyone feels bad about it, I think it should be her. You were acting in good faith and just doing what you thought you should do as a patient. I don't think you have anything to feel ashamed about - and as I said before, I'll bet she hasn't given it another thought - so please don't spend your weekend worrying about something that she's almost certainly already forgotten about. I've wasted so much time over the years worrying about things like that and I wish I hadn't.

Regarding the "mirror" insights - I think my psychiatrist believes that if I "stay with it" and don't run away from the feelings of being two people, that I'll be able to realize that the two Miller's really are just one. Or that I will at least be able to identify what it is about the "old" Miller that I feel I've "left behind." I don't share her confidence, but I'm willing to try it - I just hope I don't freak out completely! It is so scary.

I wish I knew what it felt like to be in the mind of someone who treats themselves kindly. It must be like being in a whole other world - like being in another dimension or something. I look at people sometimes and I long to be normal and I long for my daughter to be normal. It doesn't seem like too much to ask, but then again, it could be SO much worse. When I think of it that way, I'm grateful it's no worse than it is.

Anyway, I hope you have a good weekend. I think we're going to have some sunshine in NC.

Miller emoticon emoticon



"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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IWEARBGPANTIES's Photo IWEARBGPANTIES Posts: 756
3/28/13 9:48 P

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I introduced myself to the team and told part of my story, but now I cant even find it. I have such a long story

First I went for 2 years without the right meds went to a stress unit they put me back on them soon as I got out the new doc took me off again. I finally got a new doc last month so far so good.

I have been in SP before and this has always been a very supportive team that is why I wonder if my introduction got lost or something, cause I have not heard much.

I read the post I can relate to all of you and have been there also I am also looking into finding a church to go to I believe in god but have lots of issues with organized relgion but I am going to try and see if I can find one that I like.
That's all for now Faith.

On Day At A Time

Acceptance is the Key for Me.


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LLAMAINGALOSHES's Photo LLAMAINGALOSHES Posts: 1,037
3/28/13 9:25 P

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I'm pondering religion right now trying to figure where exactly my beliefs fit. I'm not exactly a Christian because I don't believe in any deities and I think that's probably important to Christianity, but I also find Jesus compelling and try to follow his example. Church holidays force me to try and sort these things out. I just came from a Maundy Thursday service where I sang and rang handbells, so it's fresh on my mind. Not necessarily looking for any answers by writing, but just writing out what I'm thinking!

Miller, you're right-I am worrying that I over-shared and what she's thinking. I tell myself that she can learn more by hearing and observing me sharing things than she can reading them. But I still feel a lot of shame. I won't let it ruin my break-I have therapy Monday where we'll talk about this, so the worst it can do is ruin my weekend. :P My therapist also said we can talk about meeting more often than once a week. I find that hard to believe, considering the only time she can see me is during the school day!

Your "mirror" experience sounds very interesting. I wonder what insight you could gain by letting it happen.

I also find myself frustrated when others can't see their own flaws. I think that I'm so used to picking on everything that could potentially be a flaw that I can't understand how others don't also do this. I wonder what it's like in the minds of people who treats themselves kindly.

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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 9:25 P

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When I had indoor cats (years ago before I developed allergies), one would lie across the top of my recliner just above my head and the other would lie in my lap. They were like little heating pads in the winter and when they'd purr, I would almost fall asleep. There's something very relaxing about a purring cat.

One of them was so funny - he knew he wasn't supposed to jump up on the kitchen table, so he would jump onto a chair instead and then just put one of his front paws on the table. Then he would put the other front paw on the table. Then, very, very slowly he would inch his way across the table until only one toe of one of his hind paws was still in the chair. I really believe he thought that as long as one little toe was still in the chair, that he was "technically" obeying the rule about not getting on the table! emoticon Cats are too funny! emoticon

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (21:25)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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PITTER6's Photo PITTER6 SparkPoints: (54,465)
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3/28/13 9:16 P

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Cleopatra likes to set up on the back of my chair and watch me on the computer. King Tut and Ace are on the bed sleeping. It's hard to have a bad day with my 3 little love buckets around.

Lord, bless my diet buddies and help me met my 2014 weight goals of 60 pounds.
Co-Leader "Keep it Simple"


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LADYDUO's Photo LADYDUO Posts: 1,830
3/28/13 9:13 P

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konbanwa minna.

Miller- Sugar and Spice have spent the whole day in my room. Though Spice was just up here for some attention. But now he's done and is off to do what ever it is he does.



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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 9:04 P

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LINNEA, I hope your sister follows through with making the appointment soon. I'm sorry you broke down and cried when you couldn't reach your mom. Don't be hard on yourself, though. You had an expectation that you would get to talk to her and when that didn't happen, you just got upset. You were probably feeling lonely, too. Maybe Sugar and Spice will snuggle up with you and keep you company. emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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LADYDUO's Photo LADYDUO Posts: 1,830
3/28/13 7:22 P

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Miller- I reminded my sister this morning. And on Monday and three times last week and well I keep reminding her so I know it not that.

So I called my mom twice and she didn't answer. Do you know what I did? I broke down and cried. I was crying and kept telling myself there was a perfectly good reason why mom didn't answer my call. It didn't help. Mom finally called me and it turns out her phone never rang. Now I feel like an idiot.



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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 6:37 P

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I finally saw my psychiatrist today and told her about the "mirror" event where I felt like there were two of me and that I had to look away and cover my face with my hands and repeat my husband's name over and over again to get "re-grounded." We had a long talk about it and she was trying to decide what caused it and what to do about it. Ultimately, her suggestion was that next time it happens, I shouldn't look away from the mirror - I should trying staying there and letting the "two Miller's" be there in my mind and see what happens. She said I might gain some valuable information and insight from doing that. I told her how scary it is and how I feel like I'm losing my mind when it happens, but I also told her that I'm willing to "give it a shot" and see what happens. It's going to be real scary, but like she said, it might help me get some info that will help me in the future.

I also told her about my total break with my favorite sister and she said that while she hates to see family members completely cut someone off, that it is sometimes necessary and she said my situation sounded like it was necessary especially since it's affecting the quality of my own individual family.

We also talked about how I have a hard time understanding why my mother and siblings can't see any flaws in themselves. As I've said before - my sister basically called me a "crazy bitch." The difference between me and my sister is that I know and acknowledge that I can be a "crazy bitch" sometimes. But my sister can too, and she doesn't see that about herself.

My psychiatrist said it is very interesting that I'm feeling "two Miller's" in the mirror and that no one else in my extended family can clearly see themselves in a "mirror" (their possible flaws and responsibility for bad things that have happened). She said she thinks I'm more mature in my thinking because I know I'm not perfect and that I can't be and that's okay. But for my extended family, they HAVE to feel they're always right, or they can't feel okay about themselves. My husband says the reason I can see my flaws is because I've done so much therapy and introspection that I've had to learn to look within myself.

One other thing - my daughter's been doing pretty well - but she just came to the living room where I am and was crying because she says she's not doing things well enough. She's not doing well socially, or academically, or with "bossing back" her OCD. I reminded her that trying to be perfect was a huge contributing factor to her illness last fall and that she's supposed to be "shooting" for "good enough" - not perfection. She is right that she has no social life, but her grades are still great. She's probably not working on her OCD like she should, but I don't work on mine like I should either.

It distresses me so much when she cries. When she left the room, I went straight to the kitchen and got a bunch of chocolate Easter eggs and ate them. I love her more than anyone on this earth, but sometimes I get so tired of her not being more "normal." Hell, I wasn't normal, either, and neither was my eldest sister, so my mother had to contend with both of us plus two other kids. If I don't give myself a good "talking to" right now, I'm liable to succumb to despair - but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to do something in the house that needs to be done so I'll feel a sense of accomplishment and then I'm going to watch something I like on TV.

Blessings to all,

Miller emoticon

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (18:56)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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MILLERISHEALTHY's Photo MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 5,974
3/28/13 6:20 P

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TERRI, enjoy your yoga! I'm so glad you slept 8 hours again last night! That's emoticon

Miller emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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3/28/13 6:17 P

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LINNEA, Kudos to you for writing! emoticon
I'm so glad you enjoyed writing so much that you almost forgot to walk - you must have been really immersed in it! Time flies when you're in a writing "groove" like that.

Congrats on stopping to take your walk emoticon

I'm sorry your sister hasn't gotten you the hair appointment, yet. Have you reminded her about it lately? It may have slipped her mind. Definitely don't rip it out - 'cause you're right - that would hurt a lot!!!

Take care, emoticon

Miller emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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3/28/13 6:16 P

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Miller - thanks for letting SBHTrack know I practice yoga and meditation. I always like to help.

Phyllis - Oh my. I'm so glad you came here. I haven't found any instant answers, however when I was willing to take some tough steps I found what I was looking for. There is no excuse for your husbands behavior, you are right about that. I totally relate to the horrible lifestyle you have described. I have been in a few abused women's shelters and learned some things about the cycle of abuse. The hardest thing for me was see my part. It wasn't until I was 47 and realized I had become an alcoholic that I started to do that. I had been in treatment for depression, however didn't see what I was doing to myself. In 2007 I started in AA to deal with the alcoholism. In working their 12 step program I began to see myself. At suggestion of my AA sponsor I started going to Alanon, too. I'm now married to an alcoholic in recovery and my son is still using drugs. Alanon has also helped me to see that no matter how bad things get I have choices. Both programs have given me strength and courage to grow spiritually. I hope you can find peace in the midst of the storm.

Kristina - you do have a bit much to deal with. Sounds exciting, though. Glad you got to see your friend.

Llama - I "over-share" all the time. Don't feel bad. You are working so hard to open up to your therapist. That is commendable.

Kris - glad it is cooling off. Today I saw them putting out a small fire near town. It is so dry here, too.

Pitter - good to hear you had a good day.

Marta - oh please send me some Polish food....LOL

Linnea - venting is allowed.

Marilyn - change is stressful.

Need to run off to yoga. Slept 8 hrs again last night.

Peace Out,

Terri


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3/28/13 6:11 P

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LLAMA, try to not to worry (listen to me - that's like the pot calling the kettle black!). But seriously, try not to worry. She's the one that gave you her email address in the first place and said you could contact her that way. And I say it's better to have sent her too much rather than too little. She can't say you haven't tried to keep in contact with her and connect with her. Maybe since "connecting" with others has been a significant issue that you and she have been discussing in therapy, she just wants you to get more practice connecting in person.

If you're like me, you'll worry that you over-shared and you'll worry about what she's thinking. But she probably has lots of patients and won't give it a second thought. She's probably thinking about what she's going to do over the weekend. Don't let it spoil your break - you've worked too long and too hard not to enjoy it. I hope you can relax and do something good for yourself. emoticon

Miller emoticon

"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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3/28/13 5:59 P

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MARILYN, I am so proud of you that I'm about to get teary-eyed! Sorting through your feelings and thoughts as you did was simply incredible. It took a great amount of maturity and self-awareness to do that. Those were some very tough "waters" you were navigating through. For you to take the negative cognitive distortions that you were having and then examine them and put them in their proper perspectives is nothing short of amazing to me. Not that I expected any less from you - you've always been very intelligent and self-aware! I just can't give you enough praise! You are an inspiration for us all!!! You rock!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


Miller emoticon emoticon

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (18:00)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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3/28/13 5:58 P

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konnichiwa minna. Well I was writing today and almost forgot to walk. Unfortunately I had to break my writing spree to go walk. I'm very sad about that. I was rather enjoying myself. So anyways I went and took my walk like a good girl. It started out cold and then I got hot and then it cooled off. And by the time I got home I was warm.

I'm a little annoyed with my sister. I love her lots, but I asked her to do one thing for me. Get me a hair appointment. She hasn't done it yet. Its been two months now and I'm still waiting. I'd have mom doing but I don't know the lady's name. I'd go to someone else but they never cut my hair short enough. I'd call but I'm terrified of the phone! My hair is bothering me so much. My c-pap mask doesn't want to stay in place. My hair is always in my face. And I'm almost to the point where I just want to rip it out. Unfortunately that would hurt a lot.



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3/28/13 5:24 P

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CANDICE, it’s great to hear from you! I’m sorry things are so difficult right now. It sounds like you’ve got several challenges, but they all seem connected. Your job isn’t what you’d like it to be and I assume it’s not paying as much as you’d like to make. Your credit has gotten messed up, too, and you’d like to have a family someday.

The only course of action that occurs to me is for you and your BF to get full-time jobs that pay as much as possible and then also have part-time jobs, too, if your health permits. Then cut back on spending (take advantage of all the free entertainment opportunities you can find through your City Parks & Recreation Dept, etc.) and then try to put every extra cent toward paying off your credit debt. Then once that’s paid off, save up and get your own place, so you don’t have to deal with your MIL anymore, and then have a family.

I know that’s a TALL order I’m suggesting and that it wouldn’t be easy at all, but when you have a family, you’re going to want to know how live within your means. If your BF and MIL have ruined your credit, then they should pay off the debt, but I realize they might not be willing to do that. The other alternative is to stay in your MIL’s basement and go ahead and have a family in your MIL’s house (where she gets to make the rules) and be saddled with debt at the same time you’re trying to raise kids. That’s going to be really hard.

You may be able to find a free credit counseling agency through the government or United Way or something. BEWARE of “free” credit counseling that isn’t really free, though. There are a lot of scams out there from people who are pretending to want to help you but really just want your money. You could go online and see if your local county government has free credit counseling.

Some churches also have free classes by Dave Ramsey (Financial Peace University) and I believe maybe Caroline (LATINRITELADY) is using his principals to get out of debt. (Caroline – if I have you mixed up with someone else, please forgive me and set me straight.) Dave Ramsey’s program has helped LOTS of people get out of debt. He has a book you could get from the library and it has step-by-step ways to get out of debt and to build wealth. You’re young enough that it could really make a huge difference in the whole course of your life if you started getting on track with your finances now.

These are just suggestions - heaven knows I don't have all the answers (if I did, my house would have been paid off six years ago!) You have to do what you think is best for you. Sending big hugs your way!!! emoticon emoticon I've really missed you and I care about you. I hope things get better soon – please stay in touch!

Miller emoticon emoticon

Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (21:27)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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3/28/13 5:14 P

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SBHTRACK, It’s great that you worked out for 30 minutes on your treadmill. Great job!
emoticon


MARTA, I’m so sorry you were feeling so bad last night. I’m glad you were able to get lots of Polish foods and vegan foods. It sounds like you got some good buys. I hope you feel better today after a good night’s sleep.
emoticon emoticon


LINNEA, I’m sorry you were lonely after your Mom left. I’m glad that Sugar and Spice were with you. It’s okay to complain – that what this thread is for! Thank heavens there’s this thread where we can just come and be ourselves and tell each other how we really feel - always feel free to do that!
emoticon emoticon


PHYLLIS, I’m glad you had a fearless discussion with your husband and told him how things are and how you want them to be. I hope everything works out for the best. If you do move, $400 a month with free utilities, internet, cable & swimming pools is a fantastic deal!!! It’s good to know you have options.
emoticon


KRIS, sometimes I forget everything you’ve been through since the car accident. You are one strong lady. Do something nice and comforting for yourself – you deserve it!
emoticon emoticon


LLAMA, I hope you’re sinus problems are short-lived so you can really enjoy spring break. Get well soon!
emoticon


Miller emoticon


Edited by: MILLERISHEALTHY at: 3/28/2013 (17:33)
"The present is what slips by us while we’re pondering the past and worrying about the future. - Ziggy

"The groundwork of all happiness is health."
Leigh Hunt

"Comparison is the thief of joy."
Theodore Roosevelt


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LLAMAINGALOSHES's Photo LLAMAINGALOSHES Posts: 1,037
3/28/13 4:18 P

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I e-mailed my therapist with my crummy posts from the beginning of the week, and I got a response back that it would be better to not e-mail her so much stuff because it would build our relationship more for her to hear my thoughts and feelings instead of reading them. I guess there's some merit to that. I'm feeling embarrassed, like I over-shared... Or maybe I should have edited more. I guess I just thought that since it was so dark that it would be better to share it sooner rather than later...:P Oh well.

Edited by: LLAMAINGALOSHES at: 3/28/2013 (17:11)
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3/28/13 1:24 P

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Hi, sorry I haven't been posting so much or replying. It has been a big adjustment to get used to not being depressed. I know, that sound pretty stupid doesn't it. However, I think we all know that change, even good change is stressful. So I have been working very hard on a spring/annual/once in a life time like clean up and purge of my environment. It is likely going to end up being a very long term project and I hope I can stay on track until it is done. Had a rough evening last night though. I had asked my sister and ex-husband to do a quiz/assessment diagnostic thing to help determine if I am bipolar. My sister dropped it off at dinner time. It was hard to read some of the answers even though matched my own. So I was feeling a little hurt. Next I find out my room mates are leaving the country for several months. No not my fault. Lol. But they have been an amazing support for the last year. I'm not sure how I would have managed the deep depression without them and my daughter has also become very attached. As if that wasn't enough then I picked up the quiz thing from my ex and then felt very hurt upon reading it. I felt very unlovable actually. Then this morning got kids to school and off to my doc appointment. Started to kind of lose it in the car. Then thought that the crap going through my head sounded like if I read it here I would say, that's depression thinking. So I made myself sort through it all. I had been excited at first that if I have bipolar instead of major depression maybe we can finally get the meds right and I can feel better. I want so much to be healthy. And the answers that hurt are the same as I had given. Finally, it should be freeing to realize that this means I am bipolar. These aggressive and annoying behaviours of mine are not my fault, they are caused by an illness. I can get treatment for this illness and change the behaviours to ones I approve of. So, I have come out the other side of this feeling shaken but definitely not knocked out. I will continue to fight to become the healthy happy me I want do desperately to be. Oh, and I spend a month weaning off the antidepressants (mostly off) then I go on Lamictal. I am going to try to get back to cleaning. Will post again soon though.
Hugs to all. Have a great day,
Marilyn

Life is what you make of it. Choose to be happy about something Now! Choose to make your life an adventure.


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3/28/13 1:08 P

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Hello All,

Well I saw that a new thread had been created and I'm due for a post. The last couple of days have been very stressful. Monday I had a REALLY bad day at work. So I got home I was already in a bad mood and everybody just seemed to make it worse. Well long story short the night ended very badly with a huge fight with my boyfriend and a broken jewellery box. So i'm still recovering a bit from that my mood has not been very pleasant lately to say the least. Very irritable and cranky. However i'm trying to be too cranky and irritable in front of my boyfriend as it would just not be good. My boyfriend and my MIL basically crushed my dreams for my future of ever having a family basically because I messed my credit up and now it's all on me. Which is VERY VERY stressful. I have been wanting to write it down but I just can't seem to get myself to journal even though I want to. Plus, it also feels like my MIL is trying to guilt trip me because of my cats and she tells me she is SO allergic to them and she keeps going on about it sometimes I feel it would just be better if I wasn't around. It feels like I turn everything to crap... I just don't know anymore and my job is not helping as they have seemed to turn communist in my work place and say that everyone on my shift is constantly doing stuff wrong and that no one doesn't do anything which is not true in the least and that creates more stress for me. Then my boyfriend and MIL want me to find another job but they want me to do everything that they suggest and basically what I suggest goes out the window. I'm just getting really annoyed.

Well i'm sorry for the never ending rambling. I hope everyone is doing alright.

Hugs and positive energy to all.

Candice

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3/28/13 9:44 A

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KIWI,
Last night I took the lead, I had fearless discussion with DH. I told him we did not have a relationship for 3 years, I want no part of relationship with him. He now knows how I feel. I have avoided telling him these issues point blank for some time now. He promises not to rage at me, and he'll cut back on alcohol. Does not want to stop the mj though. He and I both know we need to get our home in shape, and ready to sell, and he states he cannot afford to do the fix up without my help with the living expenses. I agreed to stay here, pay what I have been paying but only as long as he does not rage at me, and we will continue to live as roommates and be very civil to each other. I showed him the shared homes I could move to very fast if he were to start being mean and drinking again. I assured him that I would move out right away if need be. He does only drink 4 or so days a week, and only 4 8oz cans. Not so much. But I think it still affects him, especially since he was angry the way our relationship had become.

I will see how things are before I actually make a move. I am weakened, and not really strong enough to do a move. I have been going to the gym lately to build myself up more. Some days I have the energy, other days I do not. It's a day by day thing.

I feel quite a bit stronger today after saying my peace. He did hear every word I said as I told him to put his hearing aid on and LISTEN to my every word. I know we need to sell our home before we split, and I am willing and able to do what needs to be done. But like I said, if things continue the way they were, I will move out right away. Most homes are only 400 a month here in AZ and that's with utilities free, also internet, cable tv, swimming pools etc. Very within my budget.

Life is still good.....

Phyllis
It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.


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3/28/13 6:59 A

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Mood is okay this morning, though I think I've got a sinus infection...can't catch a break when it comes to health, it seems! Only half a day of school today, then I'm on spring break!

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3/27/13 11:24 P

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Phyllis - I think that it is more than likely that your husband is using emotional blackmail and shifting the blame. He is a constant drinker - I know only too well what that is like because my late husband was an alcoholic who had many patches of not remember what he had said or had done while he was drinking. He could be very nasty mouthed, too, but then I started to tape him when he was like that, and when appropriate AND when he was sober, I would play it back to him. He was stunned because he hadn't believed that I was telling the truth about his behavior. Added to that your husband does dope regularly - a side effect of that is paranoia, too!

I had a very bad car accident nearly 10 years ago. I was in hospital for a week having been flown there in a life-threatening condition. I suffered multiple fractures and severe bruising. When I came out of hospital, I was still in severe pain and on morphine. I also started to suffer from depression as a sequale to the events. Anyway, a couple days after my discharge, hubby phoned my GP one night (he went to a different Medical Centre for his health issues), while intoxicated, and demanded that I be taken off the meds BECAUSE he had had bad car accidents but hadn't needed them, so I shouldn't need them either! About a month later he abused me uphill, down dale, because I was "f'd" in the head and he didn't know what to do any more. I was in tears because he was taking me from my Medical Centre after having an FNA done for breast lumps, and was on my way for my Physiotherapy. Quite a long time later when I talked to him about it, he apologized and said that he didn't know what else to do!!! My response was that abuse is NEVER the right thing to do, and learning to have some compassion would go a long way.

He ALSO had hearing issues, and ended up with hearing aids for both ears, (but often wouldn't wear them) but even then, like a typical man, would only listen to what he wanted to listen to, and the rest either shut off from it, and misinterpreted because he was only partly listening.

It sounds to me like as you find this situation very intolerable and you are walking on egg shells, you really WOULD be better looking for alternative living arrangements. Perhaps telling him until he sorts his sh*t out might make it easier on both of you!

BIG hugs,
Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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3/27/13 11:08 P

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konbanwa minna. Mom has left for the night and as usual the feelings of loneliness rear their ugly heads. However Sugar has decided to keep me company. And now Spice has joined me. I'm tired and hot. And not really ready for bed. And now I feel like I'm just complaining. Sorry.



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3/27/13 11:04 P

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SBHTRACK-30 minutes on treadmill ssounds like a great workout. I hope I will do some walking tomorrow after breakfast.

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3/27/13 11:02 P

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Feeling sad, heavy, stiff and tense.
The day wasn't bad-we went shopping on Strip District in Pittsburgh which is always fun. We have a lot of Polish food for the holidays. We also got lots of vegan food for me at Asian market-everything so affordable. They had fresh made in store tofu 60 cents a piece while in the supermarket it's 2 dollars.
I know I will feel better tomorrow after good sleep. The kids have a school break so no alarm clock tomorrow morning.
Good night to everyone.

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3/27/13 10:55 P

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Posted earlier that I was having a bad stressful day: wanted to say I worked out for 30 min on my treadmill and feel like a bran new person: I'm grateful for this site that I have some where to go to talk, where people understand: yay

Decide, Commit and succeed. Life's to short not to like the person who is staring back at you in the mirror.


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3/27/13 10:52 P

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Okay I am learning how to use the blog still, Do I click on the one I want to chat in and reply: Do I have that right lol

Decide, Commit and succeed. Life's to short not to like the person who is staring back at you in the mirror.


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3/27/13 10:13 P

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I was wondering when a new one would be started... I wrote two more blog posts and finished my discussion of my goals... Everyone have a good night...

Caroline

Mama to 6:
Boy 14, Boy 11, Girl 8.5, Boy 6, Boys 3.5 & 3.5 (yes TWINS!)

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“If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.”
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3/27/13 10:01 P

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Miller, and KIWI,
thank you for your input. I will say more background info. 4 yrs ago I hurt my back, and had to endure the loss of my RN license due to a procedural error I made after taking the prescribed pain pills to dull the pain, it was the distraction of being in bad pain which caused me to make an error. So I went through a grieving process of the loss of my license, which took 7 and half years to get, and 149000 dollars, well, actually I surrendered my license due to my inability to work. SO. I began seeing my psychiatrist more frequently, and he put me on Geodon 4 years ago. The Geodon flattened my affect and mood so much, and side effect of total lack of desire for sex, and resultant decreased libido and inability for the big O. DH says I never told him about the side effects of the Geodon, and I KNOW I DID many times over the years because I am an RN and I teach people about meds, it's what RNs do, DH for the past year tells me things I have said to him over the years, I have no memory of saying those things, and I get angry about it. I am not a forgetful person, and when I say things, I say it with purpose, I am not the type to just flippantly say something and forget I said it. I don't drink, I've never had memory problems, yet he continues to bring up particular things he says I said. Also DH has a definite hearing problem, and I know from experience that he does not always hear what I really said, and he, like many deafened people, tends to fill in words, and it doesn't end up being near what I really said. He accuses me of taking so many pills, If anything I undertake my meds for pain, two pills a day, maybe 3 on a bad day. They don't make me forgetful or foggy headed either. They don't affect my memory either. They just dull the pain. My quality of life is much better with the pills than without, of when I am in utter pain and cannot function at all. I also take Klonopin for sleep, and Lamictal for the BiPolar. I have had more than enough therapy. I am normally a fairly happy and kind person.
I was looking online for a place to rent a room and found several that I could see myself living in comfortably for many years. I told DH tonight that our relationship is over, and that I want to move out and that I am tired of trying, and being raged at.. I also told him that I refuse to try anymore becuase I have basically given up. He has been drinking beer or wine almost daily, and has been smoking marijuana for the past 2 to 3 years daily, and usually all day, as well. I know, as a child of alcoholic parents, that you simply cannot deal with a person who is under the influence or drugs and alcohol..

DH said I was too upset, that he does not want me to move and decided we would stop talking for today. But the scales have already tipped to the side of me wanting more and more to move out so I can feel some normalcy again. And to give me a chance to feel more relaxed, less stress, and heal from such a broken lifestyle I have been trying to make work.

Phyllis
It turns out that an eerie type of chaos can lurk just behind a facade of order - and yet, deep inside the chaos lurks an even eerier type of order.


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3/27/13 9:34 P

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Kris - glad to see you around. Been missing you lately.

Got a message from trainer "S" and so Deacon and I will be meeting her at a Sporting Goods place called Gander Mountain for some training.

Kristina

"Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read." - Mark Twain


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3/27/13 9:30 P

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Hello! I am having a wonderful day, went to Bible Studies, spoke to friends on the phone and watched by diet, don't know if I lost any weight, but I stayed on the plan. Hope everyone has something happen today that made them Happy!

Lord, bless my diet buddies and help me met my 2014 weight goals of 60 pounds.
Co-Leader "Keep it Simple"


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3/27/13 9:20 P

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Welcome to the new thread for all those who are having a difficult/bad day. You can share your problems here, and get the support and often good problem-solving ideas, here!

Kris

Co-Moderator Dealing with Depression
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=953


Team Leader Essential Tremors :-) (Benign and Familial) www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
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Co-Leader Crohn's Can't Stop Me
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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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