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LORA316K SparkPoints: (1,757)
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6/3/12 12:55 A

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I will practice doing that. Thank you for the advice.

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (122,303)
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6/2/12 2:36 A

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Practice what you will say in your head, or in the privacy of the shower or somewhere. THEN when the situation arises, you will know WHAT you will say. You just need to remember to keep your voice calm - don't raise it, don't name-call or allow yourself to get into an argument about it. Unfortunately, a lot of negative situations arise because people don't have the emotional strength to voice their concerns, etc. but this only leads to more problems. It is better to take that step and address is now, rather than wait till later when things are ten times worse.

Good luck.
Kris

Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 6/3/2012 (01:06)
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6/2/12 1:15 A

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I am going to work on this. It's just I am not sure how to go about it, not that it's going to stop me from trying.

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6/1/12 6:25 P

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Are you able to tell her 'no' that you don't have the money to spare? It sounds like to a degree you are enabling her to be taking advantage of you.

Maybe you SHOULD start communicating your needs again - and re-enforce them when needed.

Kris

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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6/1/12 12:56 P

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I am not exactly sure at which point in my life I have lost touch with my family. Itís not that I stopped talking to them, itís just that I stopped communicating to them about my needs. The most complicated relationship however is with Susan. We never speak at all not unless she needs something and even then itís rare for her to tell me what she wants to my face she will do it through our mother. She only asks me for favors when she know that mother will not approve. She knows I will not say ďnoĒ to her and she uses it. Her request are always about money. She always barrows, but never gives anything back. To make our relationship even worse she criticizes everything from the programs I watch on TV to my sense of humor. This abuse has been going on for far to long. Itís time that I assert my needs, learn to say ďNoĒ, and to stand up for myself. I donít know if itís going to improve the relationship between me and Susan, but I do know that it will improve the way I relate to self.

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6/1/12 10:41 A

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According to her it's my fault because I didn't read enough reviews about it and didn't check out what else was out there. I think things that has flavor is a meter of personal taste and no amount of reviews is going to help.

I do not think that my mother will go for therapy as she doesn't thing there is anything wrong with her. Talking doesn't help ether as she isn't the one to listen. Sometimes I think she only cares about her point of view and considers it the only right one.

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5/22/12 7:57 P

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I'm not sure how a dog refusing to take something is YOUR fault! Anyway, good for you for phoning Revival Animal Health. Sounds like your MUM needs some therapy???? (NOT tongue in cheek but genuinely because she is up/down with her emotions in a negative way!)

Kris

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5/22/12 5:50 P

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A week ago I have ordered vitamins in the powder form for my dog. The dog has refused to take them. Somehow it ended up being my fault. I was blamed for buying wrong vitamins. My mother has decided to throw them away. I have decided to wait until she calmed down to explain to her that I am going to call the store before doing anything. I had called Revival Animal Health, after a few questions I was told that I am going to be refunded. It turned out to be such an easy problem to solve. I will wait a few days to check for the refund. I don't have to return the vitamins, so I am ether going to through them away or give them to someone I am not sure yet.

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5/21/12 11:36 P

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I do believe they have already they have forget about it. At least the topic was dropped fierily quickly.

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5/21/12 5:21 A

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Good for you for doing something constructive. Try not to worry about your Mother and Susan's comments about doing whatever wrong - at least you did it, and if they were so concerned, then they could have done it themselves, regardless of whose or what it was. ALSO good for you for rationalizing that it is better to say nothing than to say something you will regret. I daresay that in an hour or two they would have forgotten what it was you did wrong, anyway.

Kris

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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5/21/12 1:15 A

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Today no one was home. I have decided to continue unpacking things that where left over from yesterday as well as do laundry. Then my mother and Susan came home and found all kind of things that I did wrong. I have decided not to give in to this today and just didn't say anything to that. It seemed better then saying something that I later regret. Sometimes I think I am trying so hard that I overlook things that are important. I just have no idea what to do.

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5/19/12 7:03 P

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Susan, my sister, and my mother had left to wash the cat's today. I had been all alone in the house and just felt horrible about myself today. That's when I made a decision to do something constructive with all this energy. I have unpacked the boxes that I have procrastinated to unpack after the move. I am currently doing laundry and will be unpacking more boxes while I am waiting for laundry to get done.

Edited by: LORA316K at: 5/20/2012 (01:39)
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5/12/12 11:46 P

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I will try that. Thank you very much.

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CAROLJEAN64's Photo CAROLJEAN64 Posts: 11,340
5/12/12 10:19 P

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I am sure if the appointment were tomorrow, it would seem like an eternity. Whenever you get to feeling that way.... stop and take three deep breaths. When we are anxious, we tend to breath very shallow and high in our chests. This sends a message to our brain, that we are in danger and we prepare for flight, fight or freeze. When you interrupt that process with deep breathing... filling your lungs deeply and exhaling deeply, you change the message and the anxiety should lessen.


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5/12/12 8:30 P

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I know it's not that far off, but in my condition it feels like eternity.

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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (122,303)
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5/11/12 5:56 A

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Thanks for letting us know. June 4th isn't too far away!

Keep us updated!
Kris xx

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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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CAROLJEAN64's Photo CAROLJEAN64 Posts: 11,340
5/10/12 8:33 P

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I am so glad. Thanks for letting us know the actions you are taking.

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5/10/12 7:11 P

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I have made a doctor's appointment for June 4th.

Edited by: LORA316K at: 5/10/2012 (19:12)
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5/2/12 10:23 P

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Thank you to everyone who answered. There is a lot of things going on in my life right now. I have moved to a new place and still unpacking. My doctor has diagnosed me with sugar sensitivity, so I am going through sugar detox right now. There are also a lot of problems at work. I will most definitely make an appointment to my doctor he might refer me to a therapist if he sees it fit. Thank you again for your responses.

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TREATL's Photo TREATL Posts: 6,002
5/2/12 2:45 P

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I appreciate your insight into your behavior in the incident you reported to us. I would actually not call your anger "unprovoked." Your mother could have made her request in a more neutral manner, rather than shaming you ("you should have walked the dogs 2 hours ago.").

The degree of your angry response does appear to be out of proportion to what your mother said. Something important here is: what was your state of mind before that incident? Were you already feeling depressed, guilty, or angry? I agree with your team mates who have already posted: seeing a therapist might be a very useful plan for you. He/she can help you understand what is troubling you and help you discover the tools for making a better life for yourself.

Stay in touch, okay? Best wishes to you now and always.

Lynne



Co-Leader, Dealing with Depression Team

"When I say itís you I like, Iím talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.Ē Mr. Rogers


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CAROLJEAN64's Photo CAROLJEAN64 Posts: 11,340
5/2/12 1:20 P

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You have been given some great suggestions so far. In terms of breathing and counting to ten... instead take three deep belly breaths... in other words as you inhale, let your diaphragm lower and feel as if you are filling your belly, the mid chest, then upper chest with air. Exhale through your nose. To relax make your exhale longer than your inhale.

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HEATHER9360's Photo HEATHER9360 Posts: 434
5/2/12 12:03 P

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I usually tell myself to take a couple of breaths, or wait a few seconds before responding to anything if I feel that angry. Even take a few minutes to myself.

Why are you sleep deprived? I get sleep meds from my Dr but they don't always work, so I know the feeling of being so out of it I can't deal with things. I hope you feel better soon. I hope you can get some rest.

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IAMAGEMLOVER's Photo IAMAGEMLOVER Posts: 22,841
5/2/12 11:23 A

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Hi---Being tired is no excuse to attack someone like that. I give you a lot of credit for realizing that and wanting to do something about it. It sounds like you are very remorseful over the situation.

Like already mentioned there has to be a reason for the fatigue. See your Dr. please. Putting yourself in a timeout is a wonderful idea.

I have an acidic tongue. Some things that helped me were to count to 10 before saying anything. After counting to 10 sometimes I have decided it is best not to say anything and let the comment go over my head. Other times I will just say that was uncalled for or what ever is appropriate.

Stay in touch with the team and let us know how you are doing.

I love SparkPeople

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

My name is Bonnie






 
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SLIMMERKIWI's Photo SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (122,303)
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5/2/12 2:28 A

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Please make an appointment with your Doctor ASAP and talk with him/her about this. It may be that some bloods are done to see if there is something going on medically.

What is causing the fatigue? It appears that THAT is what needs to be addressed.

Do you have a Therapist? if so, talk with him/her to get some good practical tools to help you deal with your anger when tired. It might be something as simple as removing yourself from the room and saying that you will come back when you are in a better frame of mind - kind-of like putting yourself in time-out! Explain to your mother while you are both in a good space, and explain that this is what you are going to to because you don't like how you become at times. I am sure she will see sense in that.

That old gem - take a deep breath and count to 10 is also a very good piece of advice!!!

Kris



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I am not a Dr - please check with your qualified Health Professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan


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LORA316K SparkPoints: (1,757)
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5/2/12 2:13 A

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I have been on the computer looking for the good water filter when my mother came in to tell me that I was supposed to walk my dogs two hours ago. I didn't like the tone she has used while talking to me, so one thing led to another and I ended up throwing dog's leashes at her. I think that lack of sleep is making me loose my self-control which is scary to me as I am not a violent type of person. Does anyone has a method of dealing with mood swings caused by fatigue?

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