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4/10/12 6:45 A

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different for in the sense that my daughter ignores me but no less hurtful

BAMAJAM Posts: 2,224
4/9/12 5:31 P

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This is a heartbreaking subject--- being a shunned Grandparent. My husband and I ache to be part of our grandchildrens' lives. How sad that the relationship is not nurtured by the parents. I think that often the paternal grandparents are "slighted" the most. The daughter-in-law frequently resents 'his" side of the family. It happens for no real reason, sadly! My grown son and his wife place no importance on us as grandparents, and this hurts deeply. There is absolutely no way for us to change this, --- my son knows our sorrow.
Reading these comments, we are not alone. Grandparents ignored could be a support group.
Bless you all!

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4/7/12 8:25 P

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Its hard to know what to do

AMBERZADE's Photo AMBERZADE Posts: 1,493
4/7/12 11:31 A

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I know it's frustrating and hurtful to not have your family visit. One thing I've noticed is that I feel better if I understand that when something occurs, or how people respond to me, isn't completely out of my control. In other words, how I am treated is related to how I treat others in any given situation. It isn't about right or wrong, fair or unfair, or blame in any way. It's about understanding that if I want to make a situation better, I can. Not through demands or expectations about how others should behave. In other words, what I am saying is that you can feel better about this, and create a better situation, totally independent of your family. You do this by changing your mind and asking yourself what you can do to make it better. Because the first thing you have to do when someone isn't treating you with the respect that you expect or deserve is to take your power back. Empower yourself by understanding that your attitude and response to this situation will determine how future interactions go.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven, and all else shall be added unto you. [Mathew]

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4/7/12 3:53 A

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very true

WORKOUTWITHPAM's Photo WORKOUTWITHPAM Posts: 133,005
4/6/12 2:53 P

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Seems like there is not much middle ground. Grandparents either are expected to put their lives on hold to help care for the grandchildren, or in the other situation, the grandparents do not get to see their grandchildren at all. Either way, it is hard on the grandparents. Those who have a good relationship with their grown children are very blessed.

HUGS
Pam

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4/6/12 6:21 A

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reading Pam's post made me sad cant figure this out have something similar one daughter goes out of her way to fimd out if am fit & the other cant care less

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4/5/12 10:32 P

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I am so sorry that your son is behaving disrespectful to you and your husband. Are you sure that you want to 'uninvite' them for Easter? Would they come if they were invited? I think I would keep the invitation open if there was any hope that they would come.

My sister is in the same situation with her son, and no one in our family can understand why. He drives right past her house without even looking her way (she is disabled and spends many hours sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair) to stop two doors down at the home of his EX-mother in law. He has his daughter and her son with him, and my sister is not allowed to see either of them. She has not seen them in two years. She is 75 years old, and this is breaking her heart. His daughter's son is 4 and spends many nights with the other great grandma (the one who lives two doors down from my sister), and she is not allowed to bring him to my sister's house. My view on this is if she is baby sitting him for free (so that his mom (age 21) can party and go out on dates), she should be able to take him wherever she wants to take him. But she is afraid she will lose her 'visiting rights.' This is nonsense since they depend on her to baby sit him so often.

So I know how you feel, and I am sorry about it. I don't know what can be done about it though. We've tried everything to get my sister's son to have a change of heart and allow my sister to see her great grandson. Her son doesn't answer any phone calls or letters that have been written to him by anyone in our family. My sister's son is her only child, and he has only one child, and she has the little boy. No one in our family is permitted to see any of them. None of us knows why. He has just grown so distant over the years, and two years ago the other grandma was instructed by him to NOT let his mom see the little boy. There was no blow up or confrontation...that is how it happened.

I hope that you will one day get to see your son and grandson. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

HUGS
Pam



Edited by: WORKOUTWITHPAM at: 4/5/2012 (22:32)
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"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
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4/4/12 10:53 P

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Its but what to do????

TEENYSMOM's Photo TEENYSMOM Posts: 4,188
4/4/12 11:30 A

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Sorry, I accidently clicked the send button before I was finished typing.

Anyway.....your son sounds very similar to my son & daughter. We have 8 grand children between two of our kids. But only 2 of those 8 grand children do we get to see on a regular basis. All of them live within an hour drive from us, except the oldest, who lives 4 states away. We have not seen that one since he was 2 weeks. He is 13 years old now. The two that we do get to see on a regular basis is only about once every 4 to 8 weeks. And that is only when our son wants a free babysitter.

More often then not, our son will say that he is coming over to visit then not come. Last weekend he told us for a week that he would be over on Saturday. He never showed up. DH finaly texted him Saturday afternoon asking him if he was coming over or not. He said that he got busy and that they would be over Sunday. He never showed up on Sunday either. No call, no text, no e-mail...just did not show up. A total lack of disrespect, let alone care for myself & DH. Finally at 10:00 Sunday night he texts DH (after we were in bed and close to sleep) says that he was too busy to come over. I am really mad about it, but what do you do?

We have not had a Christmas or Thanksgiving with any of our grand children since the youngest (he is 5 years old) was a baby.

I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel about the way your son is treating you. And what do you say when your grand child asks you why they never get to see you? I have been asked that question more then once. Maybe I should not, but I put it back on the parent. I tell them that their mom/dad is just too busy to come over a lot. But that I love them very, very much even though I don't get to see them more often.

Please, feel free to send me SP mail any time you feel like "crying on someone's shoulder". I am here for you my friend.

hugz,
~~Starr~~

HAPPY 2014. MAKE IT A FUN & HEALTHY YEAR!

"RIP MY SWEETIE, I LOVE & MISS YOU." MARCH 3rd 2014


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TEENYSMOM's Photo TEENYSMOM Posts: 4,188
4/4/12 11:15 A

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Squingile,

I am SO, SO, SO sorry about the way your son is treating you & your DH. It is NOT RIGHT or FAIR!!

HAPPY 2014. MAKE IT A FUN & HEALTHY YEAR!

"RIP MY SWEETIE, I LOVE & MISS YOU." MARCH 3rd 2014


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SQUINGILE's Photo SQUINGILE Posts: 367
4/4/12 4:54 A

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I'm sitting here at 4:00 am feeling very depressed over my son. He was supposed to come to my house today & sleep over with my only Grandson who will be 4 on Sat while they are down visiting from NJ. I haven't seeen them for 2 years now! Instead he doesn;'t have time to visit with me & stay over my house. Instead they're busy going to Disney with the other Grandmother.& sister. I wasn't even invited. And they are having a big party for my Grandsons Birthday this Sat. Were me & my husband invited? Your guess is as good as mine. NO!

So, they were supposed to come today & now they've dissed me & my husband. So, I uninvited them for Easter. This is after I went out & spent alot of $ on an Easter basket & birtdhday gift for my Grandson.

So, I doubt I'll get to see them this time. Perhaps if he begins to act like a loving, caring son we'll see him in July when we go up to NJ for a road trip.

But for now, i'm just sitting here feeling depressed & left out once again. As always...
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