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MARGIE100%PURE's Photo MARGIE100%PURE Posts: 1,514
4/29/10 2:51 P

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You cannot protect self from your own negative energy. It is your own creation.
--James Van Praagh--


The greatest love story is your own.
If you miss out of life to the fullest; they win.
You are the happiness master of your own mind.
Thought is an active dynamic energy to harmonize and corrolate good.
Clear all paths to love thru forgiveness.
I may not recognize the significance until some time later.
Is my resistance to change really that strong?
Impatience does not provide the time to learn the lesson;
Awaken new ways to approach the dissolving of a problem;
KJEANNE's Photo KJEANNE SparkPoints: (39,464)
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4/28/10 11:22 A

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ARAH117
Welcome to the club!! I am very good at giving up or talking myself out of pushing through when it gets tough. I have to fill my mind with good things – I do that be reading books on positive change, on nutrition and exercise. I spend time on Sparkpeople. I stay away from people who can push my buttons – I know they don’t mean to do that it’s just a weakness on my part. It takes real work to overcome the negative thoughts in my mind. I am reprogramming my computer – that is my mind – not an easy thing to do, but it can be done.


Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb


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ILLINITEACHER52 Posts: 7,257
4/28/10 8:52 A

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You are on your way!

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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/28/10 8:44 A

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Thanks again everyone, for taking the time to reply! I truly appreciate your advice and am going to implement your suggestions.

This subject came about in the first place because I am really trying to do things differently this time, so I have a positive result, instead of giving up, like I had done in the past.

One of the things I wanted to do was figure out what my stumbling blocks had been before and try to fix those as they popped up. I need to be conscious of my stumbling blocks!

I just realized this area, of negative feedback is one of the major ones for me. I tend to let myself off the hook if things get too hard...and it all starts with a 'suggestion' that things are too hard.

I want to nip these things in the bud, before I can internalize them and let them grow.

So, from now on, I have a 'safe place' to go and vent if I need to, instead of shying away from my decisions to get healthy. I believe that will help a lot!

Thanks again for helping me to work through this first hurdle! :)

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DJ4HEALTH's Photo DJ4HEALTH Posts: 40,876
4/27/10 10:12 P

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You don't have to say anything about what you are doing to your body just let her see what is happening because she will see the difference in what is happening to you. That will speak more to her that anything that you can say. If she starts to say anything negative just tell her that she can eat what she wants and you will eat what you want and leave it at that.

Dorothy

If you tell God no because He won't explain the reason He wants you to do something, you are actually hindering His blessing. But when you say yes to Him, all of heaven opens to pour out His goodness and reward your obedience. What matters more than material blessings are the things He is teaching us in our spirit.
Charles Stanley



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KJEANNE's Photo KJEANNE SparkPoints: (39,464)
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4/27/10 10:02 P

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Good points! I am a raw vegan who lives in a home with 3 other adults: One carnivore who loves candy and junk food, one vegetarian and one kinda in between those two. Not the best environment to stay a raw vegan. Not the best environment to even make the decision to become a raw vegan. There is the temptation of cooked food all around me. If I am going to stay focused on this lifestyle it has to come from within me.

I have stayed focused on my raw vegan lifestyle for 2 years. Have I eaten cooked foods? Sure but I have stayed at least 75% raw vegan for those two years. I haven’t eaten any meat or meat products for those two years. Not an easy thing to do – I used to love steak!! But I love being pain-free more.



Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb


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ILLINITEACHER52 Posts: 7,257
4/27/10 9:47 P

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Maybe it would help to have post-its around with the reasons that you are going gf on them for you to see. Remind yourself that you are doing this to feel better and it doesn't matter what other people think. They have a right to express their opinions but that is where it stops. You are in charge of what you do. Here's to a healthier happier YOU!

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KJEANNE's Photo KJEANNE SparkPoints: (39,464)
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4/27/10 7:02 P

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ARAH117

There are a few ways to handle your friend’s negative stuff:
Change your view of her comments: decide that she is there to help you built your convictions

Look for the truth in what she is saying: I agree with her comment: that it is hard to stick to the change you are making. Acknowledge that truth in what she is saying.

Come to SP for the support you’re looking for
Avoid her. If her comments bring you down so much, spend less time with her.

When she says something negative say “when you say that, I feel down! Or my feelings are hurt” Remember – negative is in the ear of the listener.

Two people can hear the same thing and have different reactions. So maybe her comments aren’t negative – but they do seem to hurt your feelings.



Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb


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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/27/10 6:33 P

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Well...I just got another e-mail from my friend. Sounds to me like she knows she needs a dietary change too and said she will be doing something for herself at some point soon, but just isn't ready, which is probably why she came off as so negative in her initial response to me.

However, she got in another jab and said 'it's the sticking to it that's the tricky part.' I know that but I don't want to dwell on that on my second day of making a positive change for myself!

As far as us being a support for each other...I realize she may not be able to be there for me in a positive way, but my initial question and or vent was asking how to handle negative comments when they are made. I know the topic is going to come up in our conversations from time to time and I can't 'make' her change, so how do I handle it and not get discouraged when/if she/others makes negative comments? This has been a mental stumbling block for me in the past, with this friend when she points out the negatives about any plan I may be on.

Thanks for reading again! :)

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KJEANNE's Photo KJEANNE SparkPoints: (39,464)
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4/27/10 4:45 P

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ARAH117

It’s great that you can support your friend in her life decisions, but be careful not to expect the same from her: she may not be able to give that to you.

Have you tried asking her for her support & telling her what that means (and looks like) to you? It’s obvious that you value her friendship!



Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb


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JENCORINNE's Photo JENCORINNE Posts: 1,933
4/27/10 3:31 P

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Before going to Trader Joe's if it's a bit of a drive I'd call and see what GF they carry. Each store sells what sells at that store. I live in a TJ heavy area and there's some things I'll find at some stores but not others - it's total hit and miss.

Or go the website and find things you want to try and put in a request at the store if they don't carry it.

I can usually find in any store and like - Brown Rice Tortilla, Brown Rice Pasta - Penne and Spiral, Brownie mix, Pancake Mix.
Sometimes I can find - TJ GF Bread - didn't like, boxed GF Mac & Cheese - ok but too expensive. Theres more but blanking now.
Then there's all the good healthy food that is naturally GF you can find at TJ's.

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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/27/10 3:01 P

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Thanks Greykat!

Yep, I am going to have to learn when to hold my tongue at times I suppose...it's hard when I am excited about something though!

And thanks for the Trader Joe's suggestion...we don't have one close, but may have to make a trip just to see what they have to offer. :)

I am going to try to focus on the fruits and veges too! And my hubby has agreed to try this out. He felt better off wheat too (had done low carb before) and is willing to try this with me!

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GREYKAT Posts: 25
4/27/10 2:15 P

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I hate getting into those GF pro vs. con discussions and so try to avoid them altogether. They get old fast. In restaurants I order as low key as possible and steer the conversation elsewhere. (Luckily most people I know are picky eaters or vegetarians and few question special requests.) Thank goodness for this forum--it offers so much support and knowledgable information!

I also highly recommend Trader Joe's for inexpensive gluten-free products, and try to eat naturally gluten-free products--lots of fruits and veggies!

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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/27/10 12:57 P

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Thanks for the further replies! :)

Yes, I can see where she may be concerned about me being a gf evangelist! LOL! However, I really am not looking for her to agree with me 100% (yes, it sounds like that from my post, but I was providing background info on her POV vs. my POV).

I don't need her to agree with me, or to go on a gf diet herslef, but what upset me is that she tried to bring me down a notch, with her negativity, instead of being supportive of me. Does that make sense?

She and I see eye to eye on most things, which is nice, but in others things we agree to disagree...and that is fine too. But even when I don't agree with her, I don't poo-poo her plans or whatever, if it's something I don't agree with. (like South Beach for instance, I couldn't do that plan, but support her when she's on it).

Hope that's understood.

And I do hope I can be a great example this time and not mess it up! ;)

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KJEANNE's Photo KJEANNE SparkPoints: (39,464)
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4/27/10 12:44 P

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ARAH117
I read your post and I think maybe your friend is reacting to your desire for her to agree with you. She can be your friend and not agree with what you are doing.

My advice? Share what you are doing and what you are learning. Don’t spend your time explaining, convincing or persuading her. Accept that she has the freedom to live her life the way she wants to, without judgment.

Just be a great example for her of living and thriving on a gf diet.


Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
African proverb


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NJORDGAL's Photo NJORDGAL Posts: 1,484
4/27/10 12:24 P

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If you eat together a lot, she may worry about how your diet plan will affect her eating. She may also be worried that you'll become a bit of an evangelist.

To address the first fear, be as flexible as you can. I eat out with a lot of friends at work - which means, I eat a lot of salads (careful about cheese and dressings) and watch them chow down on burgers or pizza!

As for the second fear, that's a lot harder, especially if she's got denial issues as well. I'm not sure what to tell you with that.

Vision without action is a daydream; action without vision is a nightmare -- Japanese Proverb


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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/27/10 11:58 A

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Thank you both for the replies!

I guess I am not as concerned about actually buying products, as I am also trying to get back to a low carb/fresh foods kind of plan, so the processed gf foods aren't a big deal to me, but my friend had used them as a negative example. I'm sure I'll want a 'treat' at some point and may try something in the future, but for now, going the fresh food approach! :)

And I can't ignore her altogether...despite this one area, we are best friends and e-mail every day. Which is why I told her about this in the first place. How can I keep such a big thing from someone I speak to on a daily basis?

I think part of it is that she may feel threatened by my new gf plan. If I start to get healthy and lose weight, then she may feel pressured to do something too...and we all know we have to be in the 'right place' to start...I don't think she's there yet.

I hope most people (other family) will be understanding! But since I have tried going gf and failed in the past, I hope they don't give me the 'eye roll' and here we go again attitude. Ugh.

Thanks for allowing me to voice this here, in a safe place where others understand! :)


Ara

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JENCORINNE's Photo JENCORINNE Posts: 1,933
4/27/10 11:41 A

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Depending on the person I either ignore them or inform them about what GF has done for me.

Last year was my 1st full year GF and when I did my taxes I figured that on average I spent an additional $15 a month from gluten filled versions. I'm single so I'm cooking for just me. I know I tried a lot of foods that I won't buy again that were too expensive so expect that to go down this year.

I prefer Trader Joe's Pasta over Tinkyada plus its cheaper. TJ's Brownies are the best GF I've had but just watch cooking times.

Edited by: JENCORINNE at: 4/27/2010 (11:42)
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BAILEYS7OF9's Photo BAILEYS7OF9 SparkPoints: (122,502)
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4/27/10 11:25 A

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I ignore them. I actually try to avoid negative nellies at all costs because they take your positive energy and leave you feeling drained.

GF replacement products can be more expensive, but then there are the naturally free of gluten products and I pretty much stick to those.

Bread, I buy now and then, but only have about once a week.

Pasta from Tinkiyada is not that expensive and tastes pretty good.

I have found everyone I have come across has been supportive as more and more people are becoming aware of this.





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ARAH117's Photo ARAH117 Posts: 29
4/27/10 11:05 A

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Hi everyone...


I am brand new to this forum...and although I have tried to go gf in the past (I have known for a long time that wheat is bad for my system and causes a lot of health issues) this is only my second official day of a very serious effort in going gf for good.

So, I told my best friend today what my new gf plan is (she also most likely has a gluten problem! but is in total denial) and she got fairly negative with me.

She said the gf products are too expensive to be a viable replacement for normal wheat foods and it's 'almost impossible' to avoid gluten, etc. and maybe I should just cut back on gluten instead.

I did my best to explain there is no value in 'cutting back' that even a small amount will cause a bad reaction. But I think it's clear to see she's not going to be the kind of support I need. She doesn't see how changing ones diet RADICALLY is of any real benefit. She's done South Beach and lost some weight in the past, but refuses to realize that wheat is a real health issue for some people (perhaps even including herself). She's more about dieting to lose weight, rather than really cutting to the core issue and admitting that sometimes people need to cut out certain foods to be healthier.

In the past, I kind of allowed myself to think that way too (again, after getting negative feedback from others)and never really stuck with the gf plan. I want to stick with it this time and not let what others say about gf living get to me, how hard it is, etc.

So, I guess perhaps venting here could help me in that area somewhat...but what are your strategies for dealing with Negative Nellies?

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