Well good for you for being one of the awesome parents who supports their kids!!!! Yay! I wish all parents were like you! And PS - good on you for treating her like any other kid (re: not letting the girlfriend sleep over, etc - my parents were too nervous to talk to me about it in order to set firm rules).
Now on to your question - my advice is that you do neither of the things you suggest.
You should certainly NOT disclose your daughter's identity without her permission! If she asks you to be a messenger, that is one thing, but please don't share her personal identity without her knowledge and blessing.
And you should also not force her to 'come out' to them if she isn't ready.
I would recommend talking to your daughter and tell her that she can tell her grandparent's when she is ready (now or never), but that when she is ready, she should make her delivery in a responsible way (i.e. having an adult conversation with them, and not just showing up with a girl and making out in front of them).
I didn't come out to my grandparents until I was in my mid-20's, even though my parents knew in my mid-teens. If my parents had 'told' I would have been humiliated - I was still coming to terms with it myself, and deciding what it meant in my life, and I wasn't ready to talk to many people about it yet.
Hope that helps!
Thanks for reaching out to us to help your daughter! You are a great parent!
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