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DONTGOAWAYMAD's Photo DONTGOAWAYMAD Posts: 122
3/6/13 5:03 P

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Bi doesn't have to mean greedy or indecisive, just like being gay, lesbian, or straight doesn't have to mean cliquish, or anything else. I'm bi, and glad that I am because it's how I got to be with my soulmate. Had I liked only men/males, I might not have given her a chance. Had I only liked women/females, I might have had a problem with the fact that she's trans.

Am I still attracted to guys? Yeah. I slobber over pics of Vince Neil all the time.

Am I still attracted to other women? Not as often as before this relationship, but occasionally... I mean, Mila Kunis is really cute.

Does it offend me when people say, "Vince OR Mila, pick ONE."? Big time.

Would I cheat on my fiancee? HELL, NO!

I think of it like a pizza, as messed up as that sounds. Stay with me here, though. Some people like just pepperoni. That's OK. Some people only like chicken and BBQ sauce on theirs. Some of us want the Works or an all meat pie. It's OK!

Now assume that you are unable to eat one of the toppings you really like. For instance, I LOVE pepperoni, but alas, when I order a pizza, the pepperoni contains commercially farmed beef; the antibiotics used in the cows give me an anyphalactic reaction. I can still want pepperoni, and think about it without a trip to the E.R. But I'd be stupid to actually eat it, and just because I can't have pepperoni doesn't mean I don't love my green pepper/ham/mushroom pie.

The analogy in simpler terms: There are a lot of sexy people. We all like something different, and some of us have a wide range of likes while others don't. I can still be attracted to men without cheating on my fiancee. AND, it doesn't mean that I love her any less.

Cheaters are cheaters, mean people are mean, good is good, evil is evil, a spade is a spade, the sky is blue, water is wet, and the world is round. Oh, and bigotry is bigotry.




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KIERAE's Photo KIERAE SparkPoints: (177,730)
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2/5/13 8:52 P

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I don't think it is the matter of wanting to fit as much as being either ostracized by one subsection of the community or fantasized (unicorn anyone) by another. How darn hard is it to accept the fact that a person can genuinely attracted to both sexes and all shades of grey without being labeled as someone who can't make up their mind, are greedy and want it all, or generally incapable of having a solid relationship with either sex. Why shouldn't I assume that I would be accepted- no different than you?

Edited by: KIERAE at: 2/5/2013 (20:57)
I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. Agatha Christie
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LIZAPOPE's Photo LIZAPOPE Posts: 16
2/5/13 6:38 P

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Therein lies the rub. It's not about fitting in for me as much as it is being true to myself and having my world see that truth and honor it. Being asked to be silent and sometimes being asked to be absent, to have contributions to the community questioned, these are some of the reasons one might become "upset".

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BOOMALATTY's Photo BOOMALATTY Posts: 583
2/5/13 12:15 P

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.......and you label yourself as bi - so why try so hard to fit into lesbian or straight?! and why do you get so upset when we don't respond the way you want? That is what I don't get.

TTFN, Tina

"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself." Rita Mae Brown


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2/4/13 2:46 P

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Yup I did the same thing - I stepped away vs posting while irritated. Nobody likes to be pigeonholed into some category by another person. The only person who can label me...is ME. emoticon

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. Agatha Christie
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EUPHRATES's Photo EUPHRATES SparkPoints: (61,116)
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2/4/13 12:21 A

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Great article, and great responses folks (I found myself fairly offended at the the anti-bi sentiments and wanted to wait a few days before responding to make sure I wasn't responding in anger - y'all pretty much said everything I wanted to).



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LIZAPOPE's Photo LIZAPOPE Posts: 16
2/3/13 11:46 A

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Getting older means to many I have no sexuality at all or soon won't. Still if the subject comes up and I feel the need to define myself I say I am a bisexual lesbian. Paid my dues early and painfully as a lesbian and love those I love. What others make of this is only of concern to me if they want to learn. The world is divided enough.

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REGULARSHOW's Photo REGULARSHOW SparkPoints: (5,567)
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2/2/13 10:26 P

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I loved the article and i can understand both sides, I dont want to make it feel like im gaining up on any one but i do i agree with kelly. For the longest time i have identified with Bi. But my case is a little different.

I never have really looked at someone and found them attractive. The only time i have looked at someone and found the attractive was when i was in love with a girl. So i started saying i was a lesbian. But prior to that i was in a relationship with a man and was attracted to only him.

It took years to realize i am pansexaul. There is misunderstanding with what that is, so i normally say im bi, but then i feel like im lying.

URRRGGG! there is no way of being ANYTHING without anyone not liking you based upon it.

If you are a lesbian there will be some straight people who will be against it. If your bi at times you have both the gay and straight community, there is no pleasing anyone. sometimes you just have to wait for the right person who loves you regardless.

To keep yourself upbeat for now focus on the ones you have that love you for who you are.

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KELLY122581's Photo KELLY122581 Posts: 614
2/2/13 7:36 A

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Hmmmm... Tina.... I don't think that who you are dating defines who you are attracted to, or your innate sexuality. If you are in a committed relationship, do you still find yourself attracted to other people? Of course you do. You are human. In the same way, bisexual people in a committed monogamous relationship continue to be attracted to other people. They just happen to be attracted to both men and women. Why is that more threatening than your girlfriend being attracted to other women?

If your girlfriend says she loves you and is committed to you, that should be enough. Any other insecurities are simply the result of prejudices in your own mind.

I identify as about 95% lesbian (but I have a little bit of bi in me). I'm in a committed (married) relationship with a woman now. But my previous long term relationship was with a man (who my wife and I are still friends with). I am occasionally still attracted to men. My wife knows, and she is OK with it, because she knows I am committed enough to her that I wouldn't cheat (with a man OR woman).

I am a little offended that you feel you could define me based on what you perceive to be my orientation (through my current relationship). How could you attempt to know what my complex internal identity is?????

AJ - nice blog!!!!!!!!! I sent the article to a friend of mine via FB and she said it made her cry to read it, because your explanation voiced how she has been feeling for a very long time but didn't know how to express. Great article!!! :-)

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BOOMALATTY's Photo BOOMALATTY Posts: 583
2/1/13 2:37 P

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I don't know why this topic makes me so angry but it does. I'm gay and I get the whole inclusive thing, but when I read the things that Bi people complain about I don't get it. I didn't even read the whole blog because in the first paragrapth are the things that make me the angriest. If my girlfriend, my comitted girlfriend, if she continued to say she was bi, that would worry me. If you are in a relationship with the same sex, then that is what you are, period. No more options. Also, they complain of feeling left out off both groups?! Well, if you aren't that, and you say you aren't, stay in your own Bi group. You can't have it both ways, oh wait, I guess YOU can.

TTFN, Tina

"The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself." Rita Mae Brown


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2/1/13 11:59 A

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www.huffingtonpost.com/aj-walkley/bi
-t
he-bi-why-would-someone-not-want-to-R>identify-as-bisexual_b_2550896.html


Great article by one of our own - way to go AJ! emoticon

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. Agatha Christie
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