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8/6/14 5:59 P

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What a wonderful story and thanks for sharing it with us.

"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
~William Shakespeare


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CHISAMISAITUO's Photo CHISAMISAITUO Posts: 15
8/6/14 5:52 P

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Well I didn't really come out as a Pansexual it just sort of.. was a thing. I do however have an coming out story about coming out as a transexual.

So I was certain I was a girl at heart since I was nine, but my major caretaker at the time (my godmother) was always telling me to be a strong manly man and yelled at me anytime I was even slightly effeminate so I just sort of buried it and only let it out as my online persona. Flash forward to 3 months ago my friend beings speaking to me about their gender identity and they confided in me because and I quote "You've always done your own thing and I think that's awesome". I felt such a weight lift off my shoulders my closest friends knew I didn't identify as a guy already but I guess just knowing I wasn't that weird or odd was the confidence boost I needed, I let my closest friends know that I was tired of living a lie and they gave me amazing support a little over 2 months ago I came out on facebook caused quite an uproar, now here I am living as a female full time and I've never once been happier with my life

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2/28/14 12:02 P

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Wow, 16 years is a long time and I'm sorry that she ended it. It's her loss. I loved your coming out story and how it ended up happening. I bet until you called you were on pins and needles. I'm glad you and your Mom ended up getting closer. Thanks for sharing your story.

"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
~William Shakespeare


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2/25/14 4:52 A

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My Coming Out Story is kind of funny., I think.

From Birth I was a total tomboy. I have never owned a doll in my life. Give me baseballs, kickballs, footballs and a bike as a kid and I was as happy as I could be. My oldest brother recently told me that I was the best athlete of everyone in my family including the boys.

Anyway, I dated guys throughout H.S. and College and I had 3 marriage proposals and I said "no" to each because none of them felt right. I had no concept of gay what so ever at that time. Never ever occured to me. Didn't know it existed.

One day, I asked my Dad, "How can I tell if I am IN LOVE?" He answered, "When you are, you won't have the question!"

I was in bush Alaska at the time and Oh! F**K. It happened with a woman! It took me 6 months to swallow that one!

Anyway, this all happened at a time when GAY was completely unacceptable.

I ended up in a closeted committed relationship for 16 years. I had a roommate emoticon

After 16 years, my partner left me and I was totally heartbroken. So I called my twin and asked her for a favor.

Please out me to Mom and then tell her I'm in the middle of a divorce and I hurt bad??!! Call me after you've done this. She agreed.

Three weeks went by and no word from her. I called her. She hadn't told Mom yet because she was reading a book from the library that was telling her how come out! emoticon

A day later Mom called and told me she loved me no matter what.

Mom and I became best friends but as long as she lived, she still could never say that "L" word.



Keep Going! We can all do it!


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2/25/14 4:11 A

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Good, Good for You All!

Edited by: XANADU123 at: 2/25/2014 (04:11)
Keep Going! We can all do it!


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12/30/13 6:40 P

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Wow! What an incredible AHA moment. Sorry the experience with your Mom wasn't a super positive one but the one with your Dad was very positive. Thank you for sharing your AHA moment with us.

"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
~William Shakespeare


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12/30/13 12:16 P

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I did the "Ah-ha" moment post quite a long time ago, but I haven't done this one. I had two distinct coming out experiences, and then I have been pretty open since then.

I was 16, and it was shortly after I realized and started spending a lot of time with this girl I had a major crush on, I decided to tell my mom. I told her that I had been asked to prom by a senior. My mom got all excited and asked when she would get to meet the guy. I said, "No, mom. I was asked by a girl. I'm bisexual." She froze and got completely quiet, as if she was processing, and then she suddenly went back to cleaning, and all she said was, "Okay. Just don't kiss any girls in front of me. I'm not ready for that." And that was that.

My parents are divorced, have been as long as I can remember, and I rarely got to see my father. I made a trip out to California for my cousin's wedding when I was about 19, and my dad and I just went on a drive around San Diego to different places I used to live because I wanted to see them. San Diego is such a beautiful place, and being in the desert since I was a teen, I really appreciate it. So, we were driving, and I say, "Dad, there is something I want to tell you." And he nods and says okay, go ahead, and I tell him I am bisexual. Never taking his eyes off the road, he is silent for a minute, and then says, "Well, I guess you do take after your dad in some ways."

BAM! Didn't see that one coming.

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9/2/13 2:22 P

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Thanks for sharing your story with us. Being that young, it can be a confusing time during the "coming of age" phase in life. I bet is was awkward to have someone tell you before you figured it out yourself. Thanks again for taking the time to write your coming out story and I'm glad that you're very well supported.

"How far that little candle throws its beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world."
~William Shakespeare


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AMINO_WELLNESS's Photo AMINO_WELLNESS Posts: 3,249
9/2/13 4:49 A

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My Comming out Story:

At age 5 for christmas that year My parents got my My Little Pony... Hahahaha Funny RIght! i was never the transformer/GI Joe kinda boy... Didnt really like sports to much until 7th grade when i did volleyball and basketball to try and fit in! I loved Power Rangers as kid and always thought of the Red Ranger as a big brother and that id end up marrying the pink ranger as i thought she was cute back then!

Jr. High I knew i was straight. I had crushes on girls and tried to win then over I even had a girlfriend in 10th grade when i was 15. Nothing happened... Towards the end of 10th grade though i became friends with this cool guy ( we dont talk any more after i left jr high he was a year behind)... and we used to hang out.. We acutally i didnt know i was gay but we ended up hanging out at my house sometimes and we would go to private places and fool around. touching etc...when we stopped contact after the summer was over... he moved away and i went to SR. High school... i kept thinking i was straight. At this point our school was starting to open up a GSA (gay straight aliance) only one other guy joined and i didnt really like him that much... nothing happened during sr. high...

After leaving high school i kinda thought i was gay because i was looking back at Jr. High and thinking about my Science Teacher in 10th Grade! (He was a really musclular sexy youung teacher so good looking and well sized downstairs lol)... and also was thinking about the other cute boys that i went to school with that i wish were into me... But still wasnt sure what was going on...

It wasnt until i was 19 and spend an evening over at my best friends place... she lived with her folks... Her parents were out of town for the night and younger brother (serverly autistic) had his Worker staying at the house to care for him was around while me and my best friend were minding our own business... We ended up all 4 of us eating dinner together and were just chatting and all of a sudden her brothers caregiver says to me so john when are you going to come out to your family... it sounds like you havent told them yet...

I was in shock and stunned and speachless... She says really!!!! John the minute you walked in the door and i met you i could smell the gay a mile away! Dont be fooling me... she said its okay im a lesbian... my best friend turned to me and said its fine if u are i and your other friends would 1000% support you... I kinda knew i was but just hadnt really asured myself thats what i was it was a werid feeling like your trying so hard to be straight to wanna feel accepted but secretly you know your gay or bi or something else!

SO i fianlly by the end of that night knew that this was who i was and there was no denying it anymore and going home that night and thinking about what had happened it made everything else in my past that confused me... Make complete sense. All the thinking of cute boys in my classes and my science teacher and the girly stuff my parents gave me as gifts when others were playing with boy toys...

I never really had to tell my parents cause i think they always knew... Most of my extended family knows and supports me Only person that doesnt know and will never know is my Grandma (Grandpa past away last year). Shes very old and has Dementia and we dont want to put so much on her mind so since shes getting really old we've decided she doesnt need to know...and probably wont remember if we tell her anyway!

All my close friends support me now and love the fact that i can be who i am!

i think thats about it!

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7/9/13 1:28 P

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My first hint that I was bisexual was that I was attracted to females before males. I remember being in middle school and being attracted to one of my best friends. My parents were very supportive of the gay community, but they never thought it would happen in their own house hold. When I came out to my Mom in my sophomore year of high school, she was convinced I was just curious, that it was a phase I would pass through. My brothers were less supportive. Being gay was a disgrace to them. As I was one of the youngest, they dismissed a whole part of me. After my first girlfriend however, most of my brothers embraced my sexuality and it hasn't been a problem since.

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7/4/13 4:17 P

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I've always had an interest with females. My first crush was in kindergarten on this girl in my class. I didn't know what sexuality was, but that all changed my 8th/9th grade year of school. This is when I met my best friend and my first relationship with a girl and just period. I remember I couldn't use my phone because I had gotten into trouble. Since I couldn't use the phone I emailed my girlfriend. One day I get a call from my older brother, he's gay. "Daddy knows you have a girlfriend." ,he says. I'm confused and in shock. I started to cry because I didn't know what to say or how to react. He found out from snooping through my computer, but till this day I still don't know how he got into my email. After that they didn't confront me about it. They just knew that I knew that they knew.

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3/6/13 2:57 P

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I've been out for more than 30 years, but i can still recall when i first told my parents back around 1983. I was in a good place in my life at the time, a steady boyfriend, good job, etc. Not bad for a 21 year old. I'd invited my parents to come down to Morgantown, WV where I was living. My best friend from high school, who had also been my college roommate the semester before (and who is straight, so far as I know) insisted on being present as my moral support.

Once Mom & Dad arrived, I sat them down, hemmed & hawed for a bit then started by telling them how much I loved them and how I'd been keeping something secret from them for the past several years. I launched into how keeping that secret from them and everyone had been hard and that I didn't want to keep it from them (or anyone else) any more. After I went on describing how keeping my secret had affected me emotionally for the past few years, I finally just took my mom's hand and said, "I'm gay."

While I had been talking, tears had begun rolling down my mom's face (and mine, truth to tell) and my dad looked kind of distressed as well. Once I'd said it, there was a pause and my mom said, "Well, we've had our suspicions." My dad said, "You be careful, there are a lot of strange people in that lifestyle," to which my mom said, "Joe, there are strange people in every walk of life." He then said, "Well, that's true. What were you so afraid of? That we would disinherit you and you wouldn't get the cat?" He meant to be funny, and we all did chuckle.

I think my friend Jim then said a few things to them, though I can't recall what. All turned out well. Well, except for the boyfriend - that didn't work out, LOL.

A few years later I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving and had brought along the partner I'd met the preceding year. He was black and my family is about as lily white as you can get. As we sat down to dinner and my mom turned to us to pass the platter of turkey, she said, "Now, there's white meat and dark meat." She immediately got a brittle look on her face, thinking that she may have said something that could be taken the wrong way. Instead, I calmly took the platter, put some dark meat on my plate and handed the platter to my partner, who then took some white meat. The whole time we were kicking each other under the table and trying not to laugh since it would have mortified my mom.

Pretty much from that time on my family took to referring to us as "the boys." Whenever we were back in my hometown, one of my aunts always would insist on taking "the boys" out for lunch.

Just last year I discovered that Jon, the son of my cousin Janet, is gay. He's about 12 years younger than me and he said that when he came out to his mother when he was a teenager, she accepted him without hesitation and then told him about me being gay too. I'd always thought that even though my mom was accepting to my face, it wasn't something she'd be open about with our extended family. But it turns out that she's been open with them for years and has made it clear to them all that she's proud of me and won't allow anyone to bad-mouth me because I'm gay.

So that's just one of my coming out stories.

Edited by: CORRALES_SCOTT at: 3/6/2013 (15:01)
"Never, never rest contented with any circle of ideas, but always be certain that a wider one is still possible." ~ Pearl Bailey


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2/7/13 5:08 P

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My coming outs were a bit scattered due to peoples' locations, but the first time was the most meaningful for me so I'll just stick to that story.

At the beginning of 2012, I began hormone replacement therapy and started my transitioning from male to female. By April, the urge to come out started building up and the fears associated with it started really affecting my daily life in negative ways. As a grad student, I told myself that I'd hold out until the semester was over to finally do it.

Near the end of April, I was to be a groomsman at the wedding between two of my best friends. By then, the urge to come out had been eating me up. The night before the bachelor party, I was up until 6am having panic attacks, but I resolved to keep it together and not do anything to ruin my friends' moment. Caffeine and copious amounts of alcohol got me through the next couple days, but as soon as I got back to my apartment after the wedding ceremony, I emailed my dad telling him that I needed to come home urgently. He called that evening and said that he was there for me and that I could come home any time. He didn't pry or ask any questions.

The next day, I made the 800 mile drive back home, hugged him, and promptly went to sleep. The following morning, I was still too nervous to tell him, so he suggested we go to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch to cheer me up and calm me down. After that, we went back home, I collected myself for an hour, and then finally sat down and had the talk with him. I came out in a pretty nerdy way, drawing a flow chart to keep organized as I talked. By the end, we were both crying and he just hugged me tight and kept whispering "it's okay... it's okay."

From that moment, he's been there for me every step of the way, taking me on my first shopping trips, going with me to my name-change hearing, etc.

In all, I've come out to my family, friends, department at school, and miscellaneous others and have been met with widespread support and encouragement, something I had never anticipated. Hopefully it is a big sign of the changing times, although I know that most trans-persons are much less fortunate with their coming out experiences.

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1/16/13 8:56 P

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Mine is different because i have never told my parents because i dont have a close relationship with them. I feel like they pretty much know, but I have never told them.
I did tell two people, 1st was a women who has been a mother figure to me for 10 years. I was living out of state from my home town and sent her this message on facebook:

"So, you know how i have had a lot of time to think? I came to terms with something you probably already know. erg... its like hard to even type it out to tell you... im bi. woot woot! go me for getting it out! feels good to get that off my chest. but i know either way you will still love me cause you always told me that."
she wrote
Right, Knew that!!! WOOT WOOT

hahaha, it was funny even since she has not treated me any different and has constantly shown me love.

the second person i told was my oldest sister, but that one was not from choice.... hahaha She wouldnt leave me alone about a status i posted on facebook saying i has a new crush at the restaurant down the street, When she visited me she kept quizzing me until i told her and she said she knew.

My brother was a little worry-some since he is a youth minister with the christian church and constantly uses the phrase "thats gay" It was more of a question answer period for him. he asked me questions and i answered them truthfully. He seemed to talk it well

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12/26/12 10:33 A

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Hey all...I've just been reading through a couple of threads after joining the team...I am a late bloomer, I guess. I met my husband when I was 18 and felt like I better get married...25 years later, through marriage counseling, I've discovered within myself that I'm a lesbian...we are now getting a divorce and I have met a wonderful woman I've been spending as much time with as possible...she is amazing and I'm looking forward to see where my journey takes me.

I am still accepting this within myself and have only begun to tell others...my husband was first, our counselor next, my daughter has been great...I haven't told my son and his wife yet...not sure how it will go over. We haven't even told them we are getting divorced yet, let alone about my sexuality...since they weren't here for the holidays, we decided to tell them afterwards...so, that will be happening shortly...

It's funny how at 43, I am looking back and seeing all kinds of things that should have pointed this part of myself out, but I was stuck in society's views and pushed the clues away as soon as they popped up...even though I have been facinated by lesbian women all my life...now I realize why...after being with my girlfriend for a month now, I am home...

Nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels.

Love begins within.

Namaste

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


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FAVORITEAUNT84's Photo FAVORITEAUNT84 Posts: 719
11/17/12 3:21 P

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Thanks Kelly! emoticon I love the fantastic reaction I got from her. I knew she was awesome before, but even more now!

One day at a time.

"A mind without anger is cool, fresh, and sane. The absence of anger is the basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion." ~Thich Nat Hanh


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KELLY122581's Photo KELLY122581 Posts: 614
11/17/12 12:58 P

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FAVORITEAUNT84 - nice! Congrats on being able to be out at work!! Those are the best reactions.... when people are like "why would that be shocking to me?" Seems to be happening more and more as folks get used to us being in their families and social circles.

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FAVORITEAUNT84's Photo FAVORITEAUNT84 Posts: 719
11/16/12 5:54 P

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So, I came out to my boss today. We were having a lighthearted conversation and then *SURPRISE* I was shocked when I said it. She totally wasn't. I was like, "Oh my God, I'm sorry for that impromptu announcement!" (not apologizing for being Bi, but for the way I kind of blurted it AT her instead of to her)

Her response was amazing. She said, "That's not something you need to apologize for!" Her brother is gay and she has several lesbian friends.

It was pretty awesome. emoticon

One day at a time.

"A mind without anger is cool, fresh, and sane. The absence of anger is the basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion." ~Thich Nat Hanh


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KELLY122581's Photo KELLY122581 Posts: 614
10/28/12 11:33 A

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MMEEAAGGX3 - Oh man. I'm so sorry you got bullied! What a crazy comment that girl made! Reminds me of politicians trying to twist words. Glad you made it to an accepting school in the end! And awesome that your parents are so cool!!!

Debbie - I hear that, it is like a weight is lifted when you finally come out! Hilarious that you can use it to make jokes with your family members now :-) No one ever tried to set me up with men, but my little sister identifies as asexual, and they are constantly trying to fix her up with guys - it is SO uncomfortable to watch!! I can't imagine what it is like to go through!

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10/28/12 10:57 A

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My mother was furious to say the least. It took years before she accepted the fact that I was a lesbian. Now I joke about it. When she complains about my father I tell her " see you should have married a female". Or when my relatives complain about men I say "and you wonder why I'm gay", Coming out was one of the hardest things I ever did but believe me, I am so glad I did. It was horrible growing up and having people trying to match me up with guys.


MMEEAAGGX3- that is so funny emoticon

Edited by: PEBBLES706 at: 10/28/2012 (10:58)
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10/28/12 6:23 A

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This is a cool group, I'm glad I found it. :) I've got a sort of funny coming out story lol...I came out very young, I was probably about 13. I got bullied A LOT for it. One thing that stands out to me, is I remember being made fun of by this one catty girl who said to me (And I quote), "How can you like women? That's disgusting." At only 13 I tried to explain it by saying, "It's like being born with brown hair. You can try to hide it by changing it and covering it up, but it's still there, it's still a part of you." Her response? "So you're saying you hate people with brown hair?" emoticon It was that moment I realized that I was up against complete idiots. emoticon Just kidding lol...(Kind of). Anywho, I ended up transferring to an awesome new school where everybody was totally accepting. I also have really down to earth parents which I am eternally grateful for. emoticon

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10/28/12 2:29 A

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Wow Debbie, that sounds like the setup to a movie! That must have been a pretty awkward day! How did your mother take the news?

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10/27/12 11:11 P

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My girlfriend at the time (1976) wrote me a love letter and instead of putting the letter in my jacket, she stuck it in my mothers. SURPRISE

Debbie aka Pebbles706


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10/18/12 11:22 P

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Hey Favoriteaunt84! LOL, my momma tells people all the time, people at work, her friends, people I don't know when she's out of state training...the list is long, very long all based on who asks or if there is someone who is gay in the group she's with. And it's not like she's just announcing it to the world, but if anyone asks, she tells them. I'm very grateful because when I came out at 16 as a bisexual, then a few years later, full lesbian...she thought it was just a phase for years and years. But she eventually realized that it wasn't a phase and going to go away and was extremely supportive...except for my taste in women...she says I have the worst taste ever, lol... emoticon emoticon

I think you are right, it should be your choice, but keep in mind, once you open that door to the closet and let people in and know the whole you, people want to show their support in different ways. I would recommend you talk to her and explain what you need from her. I would be sincere and straightforward so she understands what this means to you. Set your boundaries. And yes it sounds like she does it in the spirit of love! emoticon emoticon

Sparkyrobert, I'm sorry your momma outed you. Mine didn't have a clue. But I find that a lot of times people can surprise you, both good and bad. emoticon

Hugs to you both!
Jenna

"Nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain't how hard you can hit. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. It's how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning's done." ~Rocky Balboa


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9/28/12 1:04 P

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I'm in a 12-step program and in doing my 4th/5th steps with my sponsor (who is gay) I came out as bisexual. He was the first person in the whole world that I had said it out loud to. After that I worked up the courage to start telling my sisters. I'm close to them both and for some reason I was afraid that my coming out would change that. Thus far I've had very positive responses with the people that I've chosen to share with.

My 'problem' now is that my younger sister (who has boundary issues...) keeps outing me to other people. Even some that I don't even know. It isn't really that I'm afraid for people to find out, it's more that it should be my choice (control issues?) not hers, just because she thinks it's 'cool'.

I suppose I should be grateful that she does it in the spirit of love. emoticon

One day at a time.

"A mind without anger is cool, fresh, and sane. The absence of anger is the basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion." ~Thich Nat Hanh


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7/25/12 5:13 P

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My mother outed me. It was more traumatic for me than it was for family & friends.

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7/22/12 8:35 P

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Thanks for sharing your story Addy... I bet when you came out, like many of us who have already experienced this, you felt a huge weight being released from your shoulders. I'm glad to hear that your experience is mostly positive and that you have a lot of love and support around you.

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“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” John Burroughs

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7/22/12 12:23 P

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Thanks! Yeah, I do have to come out to people in the community a lot. Many people just assume I'm straight. I'm of the opinion that the term bisexual conforms too much to the gender binary. Initially I accepted that term, but now I've broken away from it because of that. Our family is truly unique and incredibly diverse.

~~Addy~~


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7/22/12 12:15 P

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I think yours is a really interesting coming out story. I'm guessing that even with gay and lesbian folk you might have to come out repeatedly because a lot of us are like, "Well you are with a guy longterm, so you are straight who is attracted to women also, so you are bi right?" And then there is the whole point of view that there is no such thing as truly bi that I've heard. It's all very complicated and queer isn't it?
But it's interesting, the diversity within our own community I think.

This time it's forever.


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7/22/12 9:03 A

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My story is actually quite recent. I think I had known that I was queer for quite some time, but I was (and still am) dating a man since I was a junior in high school, so I never really saw the point in going through the confusion and difficulty of coming out.

Fast forward to last year...I joined the Queer and Allied Student Union on my college campus. I learned so much from all of the wonderful people in the group. I learned that sexual orientation can be/is so much more than just who you sleep with/have a relationship with. It can be a huge part of your identity. The very essence of who you are. During this time, my boyfriend and I were really struggling with some major issues while I was struggling with this identity issue (in addition to what I call my "end-of-education life crisis" in which I changed my career path entirely, months before I was to graduate). I started coming out during that time. Maybe not the best planning on my part, but I was called straight by one of my queer friends, so I decided to start coming out to people right then and there.

My boyfriend handled it very well. He was upset that I hadn't told him sooner. He has absolutely no problem with it now. We worked out our major issues, and has become one of the best allies in the community. He wore the rainbow tassel with me to my graduation ceremony and everything (we graduated together).

Coming out to my parents was interesting. I had just come out that week to some close friends and was grappling with how to tell the parents. I went home for a bachelorette party for one of my best friends from high school, and I was making the requisite penis-shaped cake. I was pretty mortified and disgusted by it. I still don't understand that cultural practice haha. My mom laughed at my response to all of it. The next day, she sat me down and asked, "Would you consider yourself heterosexual?" Completely and utterly taken aback, I told her the truth. I said that I am attracted to the person, not gender or biological sex. She was pretty devastated at first, I think. Her first thought was, "I really wanted to be a grandmother." I told her that being a mother is one of my top priorities going into the next part of my life, so she will be a grandmother one way or another. I think that calmed her fears a bit.

She asked me not to tell my grandmother or grandfather. They're in their mid-80's, and she thinks it would just cause too much stress for them. I tend to agree. My mom told my dad (she also outed me to my brother. She's not real savvy on what is and is not okay with all of that, and I understand that.) She came back to me and reported that they both love me very much and that my dad just doesn't want to hear about it. So overall, the process has gone pretty well. Like someone said before me, we don't have just one coming out experience because we're always having to come out to people.

~~Addy~~


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7/1/12 8:47 P

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Plus it's such a different world now than it was then. Now they've had years of seeing portrayals (both good and bad) of people like their son. I would think for parents who are my age it would be much easier to accept their gay kid.

This time it's forever.


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7/1/12 8:15 P

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Thanks for sharing your story Gilbert and I'm glad that it ended up on a positive note. I know some folks who decide to stay in the closet and they cut their family from their lives completely and others, come out and face extreme hate. The hate coming from their upbringing and from what they don't understand.

Very happy that you guys are tight and give you the love and support that is as it should be.

“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” John Burroughs

~Kelly


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7/1/12 6:01 P

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Oh gosh! It's so long ago but let me recount to the best of my memory.

I come from a Catholic background, very close-knit Beaver Cleaver kind of suburban family only working class, lower middle income. As soon as I was out of high school I moved out on my own, out of the burbs, to beautiful liberal-minded downtown Minneapolis MN. I met my first partner David through a gay social network advertised in the alternative press. He had just left the seminary because he couldn't reconcile being gay with being a catholic priest. We had a lesbian relationship (meaning second date show up with a U-Haul) and since we were moving in together I knew I had to tell the folks.

They were devastated. No clue. Had me to the kitchen table to explain that if I chose this lifestyle I would end up a drunk on skid row because that's where sick people like that ended up. I tried to support them with pamphlets from PFLAG and a book So Your Child is a Homosexual but they had no interest. They would pray for me.

Now you have to realize this was way back in the dark ages of the gay rights movement, like 1976 so the average suburbanite had just no information and my parents are the product of their upbringing in the 50's.
They kept casual contact, saw them at holidays by myself. They came to our condo maybe once. When the opportunity came for us to move to Arizona I jumped on it, figuring it would be easier all the way around.

Let me tell you, absence does make the heart grow fonder. My relationship of 8 years ended and my folks and sister started coming to AZ for extended visits. Mom and Dad got to know my friends and realized, hey, we like these people. They've gotten to know my current partner of 20 years quite well over the years. They will never be, "Yay! My son is gay!", but they are loving and supportive in their own way. I think they still tell their friends that their son is a "lifetime bachelor". LOL. I get it. I love them.

This time it's forever.


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6/30/12 12:35 P

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DTERMINED2012 -

Thank you for sharing your story. My favorite part was when you said:

"It was like we were the only 2 people in the room when she walked in."

Such an amazing feeling when this experience happens, it's like time stands still and the heart gets to racing.

I'm also happy that your family is so supportive. You're very lucky indeed.

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“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” John Burroughs

~Kelly


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6/29/12 7:55 P

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I didn't fully come out until I was 26. I had always had an interest in women, but mostly dated and had relationships with men. Not for any other reason than that was what was 'normal'. So, oddly enough, I got married at 25 to a man I thought was my 'soulmate'. We had the same interests, similar values, same sense of humor, everything you want in a partner. Then I met my ex at a college function. It was like we were the only 2 people in the room when she walked in. We were both immediately smitten.

I had to break this to my then husband, after only a year of marriage. That was extremely hard. I loved him, but it was really just a friendship. We weren't really intimate often. He had a bit of a nervous breakdown because of it, and I was completely heartbroken because of what I had done. But I had to be true to myself.

Now, my parents are extremely liberal and open-minded people, so it definitely wasn't a problem telling them anything. They just want me to be happy. So when I told them, they were sad that their SIL wasn't going to be part of the family, but happy that I was happier.

My ex and I were together for 6 years. 4 years into our relationship 'she' realized she was transgender and, with my support, began taking steps to become male. Unfortunately, our relationship was also more of a friendship than real love. We still talk all the time and I love that he is happier with himself now.

I am now in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman. I'm happier than I've ever been before because she shows me what real love is supposed to be.

Coming out was hard, but I had a great support system. I know many others in the GLBT community don't have the same. I'm glad this team is on SP, so that they can be supported through it.



To keep the body in good health is a duty...otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha


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6/7/12 9:34 P

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CHERRYTARTE and Kelly, thank you for taking the time to share your "Coming Out" stories, and I'm happy to learn that both of you had a very positive coming out experience and that your families are very supportive. It's as it should be.

It is awkward when people start asking you personal questions about what "gay" people do. I remember my cousin asking me when I hear a love song on the radio, do I replace the word her with him? Really? lol

After being diagnosed with HIV, I became very involved with the Tri-Cities AIDS project in Johnson City, TN and was asked if I would mind giving a speech to a class at ETSU, the University, on HIV/AIDS. While discussing my story, they had more questions about me being gay than on HIV. I could tell that the teacher was getting nervous, she kept grabbing and rubbing her throat since we were getting off topic...

Kelly, you were definitely put on the spot by getting in front of your whole school at such a young age to discuss being a lesbian. A very proud and awkward moment. A teen-TV plot dramatic indeed.

Cherry, I bet when you blurted out that you were bi it felt like time stood still waiting for their reaction. It's cool that they were so nonchalant about it.


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“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” John Burroughs

~Kelly


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6/7/12 6:19 P

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So for me, in middle school I accidentally came out to a good friend of mine, in a fit of being angry with our German teacher for a bigoted comment she made. I kind of blurted it out to my friend during my irritated rage, and she looked me blankly in the face and just when I started to panic, she blurted out "me too".... it's the stuff teenage TV dramas are made of! lol. We are still great friends, she also lives in Europe, so we get together pretty frequently. Over the next few years, a few other close friends knew, but I was still pretty closeted.

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm in 11th grade, and the head cheerleader came to my study hall and pulled me into the hallway and said "Someone that I know.... who .... uh.... also knows you..... uhhh...... said that huhhhh.....well.... I mean, don't be mad if you're not.... but uhhh.... they said that you were like maybe a uhh.... lesbian? And I mean, I don't want to be rude or anything, but if that is the case, could you, uh, maybe be on a panel interview that my group is organizing for the Journalism class? It is this afternoon and the other girl that was going to do it can't make it." I still have no idea who outed me, or if it was just a rumor going around, but I admitted it and said I would help her with her project. LITTLE DID I KNOW... that the panel discussion was going to be a school assembly on "minorities" there was also the panel of racial minorities and religious minorities and students with disabilities. So, I essentially had just signed up to come out to the entire school!!!!

When I got onto stage, shaking and sweaty, the journalism students started asking me the most personal and sensitive questions along the lines of "how do lesbians have sex?" - and expected me to answer for the whole school. I did the best I could to answer from my theoretical perspective (at that point, I had kissed girls....but I mean, I was only 16 or something).

A-mazingly, I had absolutely zero fallout from doing this. I was truly lucky and never experienced any bullying in school. The other gay kids (more came out after my panel discussion) teased me more for "looking too straight" than anyone else. I think the students respected me for being so daring and answering the questions frankly and honestly.

I came home from school that day, and my mom asked me what I did in school, and I told her (it would have gotten to her soon enough now anyway), and she shot me a quizzical look and mentioned something about sexuality being a spectrum and left the room. It was vaguely supportive, and more than I had hoped for!

I never told my dad, though he knows now, and loves my partner (calls her his daughter-in-law and everything!). I don't know if my mom told him, or he figured it out on his own. I do remember once when I was about 16 that he asked me about some rainbow jewelery that I was wearing, and I deflected the question..... he said "those colorful aluminum rings you are wearing, do they have any special meaning or are they just decoration?" He obviously wanted me to tell him, but I was to say it out loud to him for some reason.

I guess my story was very positive in the end, and even a little teen-TV plot dramatic! It helps that I grew up in a pretty liberal town with pretty liberal parents. I mean, don't get me wrong.... we had our little bumps in the road (my mom refused to let me go to prom with my girlfriend "out of concerns for my safety" etc.... ) but while those felt like big deals to a teenager, they were minor compared to what some people have to endure to be themselves around their families.


But of course.... one's coming out story doesn't end there, does it? We have to continually come out throughout our lives! I'm in a career-change now, and working on getting my teaching license, and I just did my student teaching, and did the whole thing (the whole 3 months) completely closeted.... I wanted to make sure nothing stood in the way of my license.... but now that I am facing getting an actual job in a school, I am dreading the idea of coming out in that environment. So many parents are still afraid of us! One thing is sure though, I will HAVE to come out! 3 months of hiding my life from my colleagues was enough!




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6/7/12 12:55 P

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Mine was pretty scattered. I had told my ex while we were still together (and his brother), and most of my friends who weren't associated with my family. My mom suspected I was a lesbian when I was 16, but I denied it when she asked, and she didn't say anything after that.

Fast forward 5 years from that to last summer, August 2011. I was at a music festival with my mom, my uncle, and his best friend. As expected, we were all quite drunk, so everything was pretty relaxed. My uncle had gotten this bikini calendar from one of the vendors, and his friend and I were poring over it. At some point, I took full custody of the calendar and was drooling over one woman in particular.

My uncle raised an eyebrow and said something to the effect of, "If you're a lesbian, why are you engaged to Wayne?"

I replied, "I'm not a lesbian."
Uncle: "Then why are you looking at girls?"
Me, without missing a beat: "I'm bi!"

I don't remember what anyone said after that; I had surprised myself by saying it. I was too drunk to care about consequences, and sick of being closeted, but not drunk enough to NOT have that "Oh, $#!+" moment after I'd said it.

Nobody cared, really. And everyone's been cool now that I have a girlfriend and they've all met her.

I just wish I'd known what "pansexual" meant back then; it's a more accurate description of my orientation, I think.

My dad's family found out via my Facebook page, and they're accepting of me also. I don't think my dad found out himself, and I don't think anyone told him since he was estranged from his brothers and sisters the last two or three months he was alive, and had been estranged from me for the past eight years. He would have blown a gasket. He hated lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, cross-dressers, et al. So I guess I'm glad he never found out.

"Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady."
~Francois de La Rochefoucauld~
(1613 - 1680)


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6/6/12 6:43 A

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I want to thank one of our new members on creating a thread on sharing our coming out stories. The current sticky topic that we have in place is for when we realized that we were gay, not with our experience(s) in coming out. Thanks KELLY122581!

Ok, so I'll go first. First of all, my parents divorced when I was 4, so I had 2 different groups of family members to tell. When I had my AHA, I'm gay moment at 15, I had already made some gay friends, mostly lesbians in my high school. A good friend of mine told me that they came out to their family and they were very accepting, to the point of letting his boyfriend come over for family dinners. I think I told my cousins on my Dad's side of the family first and then I told my Aunt, my cousins mom about it. She was very supportive and accepting.

During my senior year in high school, in '89, I decided to tell my Mom. Her first words were "Well s#@$." She didn't judge me, but rather told me that I'm going to have a hard life. When I told my Dad, it was a rather horrific experience. It was a different time back then.

The following year, I was diagnosed being HIV+. At that time, I was told I would have 5 years to live and this diagnoses made my life a bit more complicated and added more strain on my Dad's side of the family, but that's another story. Ugh, I hate going back to those days.

So, for me, my coming out experience wasn't a great one, compared to others, nor was it the worst that I've heard.

Ok, so how about you? What's your coming out story?

“How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” John Burroughs

~Kelly


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