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4/15/13 2:00 P

This is kind of a long one - but I guess it's time that I want to tell my story...
I am one of the few that never really had an A-HA moment - it was more thrust at me than anything else really. I had my moments of acceptance but there really wasn't a definitive moment for me that said - "Oh, that explains it!".
I grew up in a small town in the north woods of Wisconsin - Hayward to be specific. Due to environmental conditions, I was sick a lot as a child. My family and I lived in a mobile home (yeah, I was trailer trash - and proud of it!) just off the Lac Courte Oreilles Indian reservation. Our trailer was made with Formaldehyde in everything as a preservative to keep it from getting mold or mildew. Why is this important? Because formaldehyde and I don't get along - exposure to formaldehyde nearly shuts down my immune system - I had pneumonia for 3 out of every 5 days, and chicken pox 3 times (you're only supposed to get it once - ever). {funny coincidence - the trailer I lived in was made in my partner's home town - the original factory was a federal superfund cleanup site due to the formaldehyde}
Because I was always sick, I spent most of my time indoors and the few friends I had at school were obviously - ta da! - the girls. It was actually entered - I am not kidding you - into my school record from 2nd grade that they suspected that I was gay. Subsequently I spent an hour every week (I remember it pretty well actually - it was 10am on Wednesdays) in the guidance counselor's office during 3rd grade being taught "appropriate behavior" for a boy - i.e. sports, hunting, fishing (it is Wisconsin after all).
After we moved away from Hayward to what I call my real home town (the place where I was born actually) I was no longer sick all the time, but I still hung out with the girls because I was comfortable with them (two of my neighbors were in my grade in school) - I didn't have to act to fit in. I would still play sports on occasion - I was actually fairly good at most, but wasn't really interested in them. Even then, I realized the game "smear the queer" had a much deeper meaning - at least to me.
Oddly enough, I never really came out - everyone just knew or assumed I was gay - though I never did anything about it - I was lucky (or unfortunate depending on perspective) enough to be accepted in every clique in high school - I was in drama and choir, but I also was constantly being recruited for the sports teams, was a townie, but knew my way around a farm. I aced my classes easily with no effort, but was a smoker and hung out with outcasts, druggies, and punks - I didn't have an image so much as a mirage.
By the time I came out to myself at 18 and my parents a few weeks later, it was no shock to anyone but me (the most my parents did was ask me not to be too loud about it for a while because they were worried about what their friends would think... (that backfired of course, the ones they thought would be fine abandoned them and the ones they were worried about didn't care) - the fact of the matter is, I knew all along, but didn't accept myself. I was hiding myself from me because I didn't know how to fit it into other people's expectations. (more on that coming up) I also was really shy and introverted and not active until I was out of high-school. That shyness was a major problem though most of my life - I only figured it out and dealt with it last year (I am turning 42 this summer) and in the process had my real coming out even though I have been with my partner for 14 years.
--the back-story on my shyness and introverted behavior -- My shyness didn't really exist until 7th grade and a major turning point in my life. On 12/13/83 (yes, I even remember the date) I had gotten to math class early and my best friend was running late and running into class - the teacher was outside the room and I was actually a little hellion back then (averaged 2 detentions a week, forged my parents signatures on them to keep it from being noticed. I hid behind the door and tripped him as he came rushing in. He flew into the room and missed hitting the teacher's desk with his head by only a few inches. The teacher came in and royally chewed me out (deservedly i should add) and I spent the next hour in the principal's office followed by a week's worth of detention for my stupidity. That was the last detention I ever served - I buried my true self behind the image everyone expected that day, I lived only to meet those expectations, hid my desires deep in the shadows of the closet. Put up my mirage and stayed behind it whenever someone could see me (I spent a LOT of time alone just to deal with life - even tried suicide 3 times) Despite coming from a family that is for the most part distant and disconnected - I am a hugger, I love touch and feel, but this was hidden away that day nearly 30 years ago.
Last November I had a kind of mental earthquake (completely different story and traumatic in and of itself really) that knocked down a lot of emotional walls - part of the reason I am here actually - I learned a lot about myself as i decided to stop hiding behind that 30 year old mirage - become my true self, I quit smoking, started to lose weight (yayy Sparkpeople!), get exercise, and generally take care of myself. The second coming out - that is me being myself again (for the first time, lol!) - after hiding for 30 years, I have a lot of catching up to do - there are a lot of people who have changed my life for the better over the years - and I will get around to hugging every one of them to thank them.
If you read the whole thing I am impressed... and grateful, as the saying goes - it gets better.

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4/3/13 12:47 P

Thanks for sharing your story... ahhh, the feeling of being in love and having that love returned. There's nothing greater.

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4/2/13 11:18 P

I'm not sure if I had an A-ha! moment I think Ive had several if that's possible.
I've always felt drawn to women, and I was always curious when seeing a gay couple, but I it never crossed my mind that I could be bisexual. It was just out of the question. I thought it was that I was just curious about female anatomy, or that in my mind only women could be subject of poetry so, whenever I wrote about females in my poetry it was just me being poetic. I do remember though that one day, I was looking to this beautiful girl and it crossed my mind, well, maybe I like girls, It was a fleeting moment, "well, maybe" I said to myself, "If you do,nothing changes, so, why ask yourself that?" and I let it pass. To be honest I did not remember of those thoughts until recently, when I finally came out to myself.
I fell in love with a friend of mine, I was so crazy (still am, to be honest) about her, and It was so stupid because I didn't realized that I was in love with her until a friend pointed out to me.
I've been having a-ha moments since then. Feelings that I had made sense, overcompensating behaviors were clear to me, this feeling of being kind of not on the right side of femininity stopped to bother me, and I felt like some heavy weight had been taken of my shoulders.
Still, I had my doubts. Maybe it was only THIS girl, maybe I wasn't in love, it was too easy to be true. Then, one day I was waiting for the light to turn to cross the street and this beautiful girl appeared right next to me. I felt uneasy and with butterflies in my stomach, I strightened my clothes, and standed upright, it was something that I did without thinking. When the light finally turned I was giggling "I like women" I said to myself proudly, "I do!"

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3/29/13 12:45 P

So very sorry to hear of your loss Nikki. Although, she can't be replaced, you will find love again....

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3/28/13 9:53 P

I knew from a young age, my only female I've ever loved was Jen, and I lost her to cancer. I'm still hoping to find someone I connect with :)

Edited by: NIKKISCHROE at: 3/28/2013 (22:06)

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3/28/13 11:09 A

Thank you. We love each other very much!

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3/27/13 10:25 P

Thanks for sharing your story and cheers to you and Wes. The two of you make a great couple.

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3/27/13 9:17 P

I never really had an AH-HA moment growing up I was really tomboyish as well, i guess everyone just kinda knew I didn't really have to tell anyone I was bi-sexually. When i was in 8 grade I had my first boyfriend after that was over I had my first girlfriend. I never really thought anything of it. I was in "love", that's all I knew. It didn't matter to me what gender you were. I had some on and off relationship some short and some longer. When i moved to MN for college I meet Wes. Wes is transgender ftm, and at the time i knew him as persis. As thing became more and more serious he told me about being transgender. My response was something along the lines of, " the best thing about being bi-sexual is that I feel in love with you not what you have". It's been month now. We are moving in to our first apartment next week, and things between us couldn't be better.

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3/13/13 2:15 P

I guess I never really had an A-HA moment. I have always been rediculously tomboyish and always knew I was somehow differant. I was 14 and a freshman in highschool when I had my first girlfriend but said I was bi at that point and leaning towards being a lesbain. I came out as gay to my friends and family the next year. Though there were some names thrown my way in high school all of my friends and my school for the most part were open minded and accepting. Almost all of my friends in school were gay and I was a big part of the theatre scene so it was almost weird to not be gay. Now that I am in college though that is almost completely flipped on its head. Although I go to a very accepting school and all of my friends are great I dont know any other gay people, which is very lonely for me. It is a small school with a very close knit gay community which I have yet to get into.

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2/26/13 2:32 P

I’m new here but my a-ha moment is fairly recent I suppose. I married very young and divorced equally as young. I was a single mom for about 14 years until I met my present husband and love of my life. He is FTM transgendered and bi-sexual. He was very open and very honest with me early on. While I knew I loved and cared about him and that it didn’t matter to me what parts he came with it certainly brought some questions front and center for me. I realized fairly quickly that I was more than comfortable shall we say with the parts that my husband had and perfectly fine with the parts he did not have. I’d actually never felt as comfortable with another; in fact, I recall thinking it was a normal occurrence for a woman to feel nauseated and sick after being with a man. I was raised hearing women refer to sex as a chore so I guess I just processed that, as it would be something I would do and likely not enjoy. So my a-ha moment was just a couple short years ago when I met my husband and realized I was a lesbian.

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1/17/13 12:53 A

I don't really have an "A-ha!" moment, nor am I gay. Women were actually my introduction to sex, the first few awkward fumbles under the sheets were with another girl who was 3 years older than me. I was 12 years old, confused and hopelessly in love with my best friend and had no idea what to do about it. The other girl who was my senior had started coming on to me at a slumber party and curiosity (and raging teeny-bopper hormones) went along with it thinking that it might repulse me and I could get over my crush. It backfired, horribly and to this day I have been in love with more women than men. I didn't actually end up coming out until earlier this year however (I'm 21). I had seen girls who went through the whole "bisexual phase" thing for attention when I was genuinely going through it and it gave bisexuality a horrible stigma to me that I was afraid to give myself.

At this point in time I have only been open to people I have met in the past few months and a few close people. As I have been in a relationship with my wonderful male partner for 3 years now, I am afraid of not being taken seriously and haven't yet found away to tell most of my friends and family.

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1/16/13 8:48 P

It was when I met the First (and the so far the last) girl I ever fell in love with, I was in high school and we both were good friends and had just broken up with our boyfriends, after that i noticed my feelings for her growing each day, when i told her she said she felt the same just didnt want to be in a relationship with a women, Im currently in college and i have lived with her and her family since high school, its been hard getting over her, but im confident i will find someone. I have no real idea of my sexuality because more and more im finding i fall in love with someone's personality and then their body.

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1/15/13 12:55 P

I knew I was different as a young boy. I also had a crush on a neighbor boy. As I went through high school, I finally started equating words like "faggot, queer, pansy, homo, etc." with who I was!

I have never been flamboyant nor was I obviously gay in school. I came out during my freshman year in college. I now lead an openly gay life, and am much more comfortable being myself...even though I live in a backwards, conservative state (Arkansas).

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12/6/12 3:12 P

i have known since i was 11. around the time when all my female friends were abandoning their crushes on each other and switching to boys---yeah, that never happened for me! it was so lonely. had my 1st gf at age 15. she was freaked out by our relationship though and it did not last very long but my heart needed it! we are still close to this day which i love. and she is straight.

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11/20/12 10:03 A

My "a-ha" moment was when I started living for myself and not for others. I had always had homosexual feelings and even after my first relationship I kept it hidden because of what others might think. My love for my family also kept my feelings undercover because of their difficulty to accept me the way I was and their embarrassment for people knowing that their daughter was a lesbian. Finally I decided that it was their problem and not mine. I was showing love for them by staying "in the closet" but they had no love or respect for me. It took me long time to say "THIS IS MY LIFE" not yours and I deserve to be happy too! Screw what others may think, they live their lives and I don't judge them, why should they judge me?

I didn't make a speech about my "coming out" or a big deal about it but I no longer hid my feelings and if they asked me, I said "yes I'm gay, this is me, if you love me you'll accept me for who I am"

Now not only do others accept me, they also accept my gay friends and love them also for who they are. Best thing I ever did

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10/19/12 7:20 P

Sounds like you had a very positive Aha and coming out story. Thanks for sharing them with us.

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10/19/12 4:14 P

My ah-ha moment was when I was a little girl in grade school and I would try and picture the little girls in my class nekkid and not so much the little boys. ;)

I came out to myself officially and my parents at the age of 19. They took it very well for being religious.

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7/1/12 8:43 P

Love those puppy love crushes....

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7/1/12 12:27 P

I think I always knew but didn't have a name for it so I don't think I have one singular "Aha!" moment to share.
I had crushes on the neighbor boy, on the muscular lifeguard at the public swimming pool, on Jack Lalanne who my mom exercised to on the t.v., on Paul McCartney, on Davey Jones, on Gene Kelly when he danced etc..
I guess when I saw a Donahue episode where he had a real live gay person as a guest I remember thinking, "Aha, so that's what I am." So that would have to be it now that I think about it.

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6/30/12 11:21 A

Agree!!! I love looking back and thinking of the lessons we learn and how much we grow.

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6/30/12 10:48 A

Ahhh, the teen years. Thanks for sharing the beautiful story Mike. "Coming of Age" is a difficult and confusing time.

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6/30/12 9:05 A

I think it was when I was in high school. I was in the football team with my best friend Matt, me and that kid where the best of friends. We use to jock around like I guess all teenage jocks did or do, but it was one we where in practice and Matt took a big hit and had to go to the hospital and I sat with him in the doctors office and he looked at me and said I love you kid, thanks for being so worried and I looked at him and said would not have it any other way. I swear that at that moment the gay sparks when crazy and I realized I was crushing for another guy, not just a friend or whatever, but another guy. Long story short Senior year I told him how I felt we messed around for a bit, but he got married and I lost contact with him after he joined the Marines. That is my A-HA I'm gay moment.

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6/26/12 6:53 P

The teen years are a confusing time for us. Thanks for sharing your story Taylor. Your first kiss with Jamie sounds extraordinarily romantic.

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6/26/12 6:13 P

I had a deep crush on my best friend in high school but I didn't understand at the time what it was... and I had no idea that being a lesbian was an option. I just thought that girls HAD to be with boys, and that was that. That's when I was 15-17 years old.

When I was 17 years old, I joined the Army (for the college fund). Before I left for basic training, a male friend of mine was joking that I was going off to become a "dyke"... I didn't even know what that was. So he told me, "a dyke is a girl who loves other girls." I made a face (like I thought one was supposed to do), but inside I was screaming, "yesssss!"

In basic training, my bunk buddy was a lesbian. Jamie. We fell head over heals with each other and, one day, we were strength training in the barracks gym, alone. She was spotting me as I bench pressed. Then all of a sudden, she held the bar down, leaned down, and kissed me so tenderly and passionately... I melted like never before with any guy. I was home! I had found who I was! It was my "Aha!" moment for sure!!!



It's good to read all the stories here from you all... such courage in these stories.

~ Taylor

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6/25/12 7:31 P

LOL, hysterical. You have good taste.

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6/24/12 9:31 P

3 words. Freddie Prinze Jr.

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4/22/12 1:48 P

I love this thread. Thank you for sharing your stories of strength and courage.

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4/22/12 9:55 A

Hi there, I am not sure if I really had an "aha!" moment. More like I've always known I was bisexual, and just ignored it. I finally came out to my husband in December, as I realized suppressing this part of me was a big part of our marriage almost ending. I have felt suffocated all my life, and being able to tell him was a huge relief.
I have no plans to come out to anyone else, as it would add unnecessary drama and conflict in my life. My husband is ok with me occasionally having relations with another female outside of our marriage, as he knows I am totally committed to him and our children. As yet, the opportunity has not presented itself, but just knowing I have the freedom to be myself now was a huge weight off my shoulders.
That being said, I did have one "aha!" moment. I believe suppressing that side of my personality, has been a huge part of my emotional eating. I thought I had made my choice years ago, but I now realize it's not a choice, it's who I am. I can't change it any more than I can change my DNA. Acceptance of myself, I believe, is going to go a long way towards the inner Zen I need to lose weight.

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3/19/12 9:07 P

I was 14 or so. In retrospect it should take been blatantly obvious from 11 or 12, but I was never particularly mature for my age.

I had a crush on my best friend and realized all at once I was gay. It was just kind of like "Oh. OH. Fml." I only came out to one person before my second year of college though, not counting my twin brother who just sort of found out. My brother had the sweetest reaction I could have possibly hoped for considering what he was like at that age, he was just like "I could never hate you," and that was that. Not like he'd try to look past it or whatever, he was just immediately like, if that's how you are then I guess it must be just fine. (Years later, turns out he's not that straight either.)

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3/12/12 12:27 P

I was twelve and very smitten with another girl in my middle school play. I was lying on my bedroom floor contemplating it before I realized that I absolutely liked girls and had for a long time.

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1/24/12 1:26 A

"Make no excuses for who you are" Allison Dubois

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1/22/12 9:54 A

Thanks to everyone who has shared their stories here!

Edited by: JERSEYTAURUS at: 1/27/2012 (07:34)

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12/20/11 1:48 P

You should look up the "it gets better" Dan Savage testimonials, they're even on YouTube now and are targeted to that age group and the bullied experience. I had a relatively easy experience but females have it a bit easier being openly bi though I know many people who had tough times and benefited directly from "it gets better" also

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12/20/11 1:46 P

Oh btw my story's a bit lame but whatever: I just knew I was getting crushes on all sorts around the age you start getting crushes and I decided I would let myself love whoever was right for me regardless of gender. I ended up dating a guy who later came out as gay, kissing my female best friend (but it was weird for her) and crushing hardcore for a friend of mine who is female-to-male trans before I fell in love with my fiance. I'll admit I am scandalously privileged to have the love of my life be socially acceptable (though what goes on behind closed doors is hardly hetero-normative) so I won't trivialize the heartbreaking experiences of others by claiming to be oppressed as a sexual minority. I just wanted to use this space to offer up a unique testimony and offer support for the wonderful diversity of experience we ALL represent. :)

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12/20/11 1:12 P

Abby-You should look up the "it gets better" Dan Savage testimonials, they're even on YouTube now and are targeted to that age group and the bullied experience. I had a relatively easy experience but females have it a bit easier being openly bi though I know many people who had tough times and benefited directly from "it gets better" also

Edited by: PYRENATA at: 12/20/2011 (13:47)

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12/1/11 9:20 P

Abby-I am very sorry for your son. Bullying is absolutely a terrible thing! I hope he finds some hope in his life. I think just being there and supportive is more important that anything else. I have to say that I think you are like most parents who are not gay themselves. Luckily I have very supportive parents, and while I am not sure they fully understand, they have always loved me no matter what and love my wife as much as me. My mother and I are open with each other and she asks questions when she is curious and we laugh at the answers. Don't be afraid to ask his perspective. My mom has asked the most bizarre questions, and it makes me laugh because I would have never realized she didn't understand. Sometimes I assume people "get it" and forget that some people don't. Again, I am sorry his classmates are horrible to him and that he has had such a difficult time. I hope he realizes there are so many of us out there who have excellent "normal" lives. I am sending my support.

Yishay-I had many hints as a child too, and always thought I was bisexual, until I finally acted on a crush I had with my best friend. It wasn't really until I had sex with a woman that I realized that sex actually could be really good! lol. I guess getting in trouble for kissing a girl in nursery school would have been my first hint :-)

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11/8/11 2:30 P

Hi i'm new My comming out i was with a friend who i had only friend feelings for but suddenly i felt very strong sexual feelings i did not act on them due our friendship being so long since i was 18, now i'm 36 this was 2 years ago that this happened now i'm in a LTR and am loving it when i think back over my childhood i had so many hints about my orientation i had more crushes on girls than i can count and some fooling around(and liking it), so i was a late bloomer.

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11/4/11 2:16 P

Well I am not sure this is the place for me, so feel free to tell me to leave....

My son came out to me a little less than a year ago. He came out as bi-sexual leaning towards being gay, but has yet to have a gay relationshp. He was 13 at the time, 14 now. I tried to "cool". I tried to be understanding. But I can honestly say I didn't embrace his choice with open arms. I do tell him that I love him regardless. This has been a rough year. He also came out at school. For everyone who says their schools were supportive, I am glad, but please know this is not the case for everyone. He was bullied, beaten, teased, abandoned...as a result he started down a downward spiral of depression. He started cutting himself as a release. Last year (7th grade) he was expelled from school for attempting to kill himself in the bathroom. The bullies have yet to even receive a detention. He is in therapy and at times feels like his "gayness" needs to be fixed. I tell him, it is his depression that needs to be "fixed" not being gay. It's tough though. He has been having serial "girlfriends" this school year and I think it is his way of hoping people will forget about his bisexuality. I just want to be supportive. I just want to be the mom he can come to. Its tough right now.

Anyways, my weight has always been an issue and I am working on it, but when I saw this group, I thought the support might help me deal with all the emotional eating I do. Again, if this is not the right group, I understand.

angi

Edited by: ABBYNORMALOH75 at: 11/4/2011 (14:17)

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8/15/11 8:27 P

so update i just called the girl i have a crush on. i know bad but she did call me twice last week. i didn't return those calls. but i got a text message 2 day. i can't get text on my phone but it tells me i had an incoming text. shes the only 1 that i know of that tries 2 text that phone so i called 2 see if she texted me. i left her a message since she didn't answer whitch told me that she did not text. right? so im beating myself up 4 calling her and my phone rings. i didn't answer but then when i was checking the call she called in again and it automatically picked up so i had 2 say hello lol. and we talked 4 four minutes it was cool. it was like before when we used 2 talk before all the drama. but i know im just setting myself up 2 be hurt again. right? so why do i put myself through this i been trying 2 get over it. i still struggle with it but i do my best. thanx 4 listening:)

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8/3/11 10:16 P

NO WAY CAN'T STAND HIM LOL:) I KNOW I HAVN'T REALLY COME OUT ONLY 2 A FEW PEOPLE N MY DAUGHTER PUTS IT ON FB LOL:)

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8/3/11 7:11 P

I am assuming that you are no longer with her father? If so well too bad if he doesn't like it! Your life is yours to live and you have to do what is right for you despite what others think... I don't think you have to explain anything to him... Seeing as your daughter is on FB and you have had a conversation about her being bi and she knows what "coming out" means, she is old enough to make her own decisions....

Alas one of the reasons that I have a love hate relationship with FB, it is way to easy for your personal business to end up on the internet.

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8/2/11 10:21 P

SO MY DAUGHTER DECIDES 2 ANNOUNCE 2 FB HOW HER MOTHER CAME OUT 2 A FEW PEOPLE LOL NOW HER FATHER IS GONNA ? ME HE ALREADY TOLD ME HE IS A HOMO PHOBIC WHEN I WAS TALKING 2 HIM ABOUT HER BEING BI.

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7/31/11 10:00 A

I liked Tipping the Velvet as a book better than the movie. I just read another one by the same author, Sarah Waters, called The Night Watch. A great book about WWII in London...

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7/30/11 11:10 P

THANX YES I AM TRYING 2 LET IT GO ITS SO HARD BUT IM NOT PURSUING IT I STOPPED CALLING HER AND IM TRYING 2 RECOVER ON MY OWN. I SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION SO I HAVE GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.

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7/30/11 9:46 A

I was just reading through the previous posts here and I needed to stop and comment.

@Crazee - Welcome to girl on girl love... It is intense! When you meet someone who really clicks with you, you will look back on your crush and reolize that the feelings you are having now are nothing in comparison. Women are emotional creatures... X2... it will knock your socks off! It is important for your own sanity to let this girl you are crushing on go.... it is obviously not going to move into anything and you will be wasting your time and causing yourself undue emotional pain to continue persuing her. I know easier said than done right? You will be okay, I promise!

and I have to say I LOVED Ruby Fruit Jungle! I read it in one night couldnt put the book down and burst out laughing in bed while my partner was sleeping beside me a number of times in the night...

Tipping the velvet was really good as well!

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7/27/11 4:56 P

For me it was a little different. I didn't really think about it until I was about 18. I had boyfriends and remember thinking that I could take or leave them but had little emotional connection to them. When I was 18 I met my partner and it wasnt until she had been persuing me for about 6 months and decided she had to move on that I had my "A ha moment". She got a girlfriend and I couldnt stand seeing them together. I reolized at that moment that I was in love with her. Luckily for me their relationship was not ment to be and ended rather quickly. Then I could not deny it anylonger... After the fact when I look back I had crushes on many gorls/women in my lifetime, but at the time I didnt recognize it as a crush.
So ther you have it!

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7/24/11 9:23 A

I bet that's the way for most people... I remember realizing when I heard lesbian or gay or something that I finally had a word for me. It made it that much easier to name it rather than have this thought out there and feeling so alone. I knew if the word existed there were others like me.

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7/21/11 3:05 A

As soon as I understood the concept, I knew. So probably when I was 8 or 9 and first heard about "lesbos" ...

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7/19/11 7:12 A

My aha moment was when I was caught "fooling around" with a neighbor kid in the stairwell at 11 years old. The landlord told my mom and dad about the incident and my dad beat the S#@! out of me that day. I've recovered from the beat down -- I guess my dad thought that he could beat the gay out of me -- NOPE, it didn't work. Here I am with my husband for 16 years and 9 months and last year we got married.

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7/15/11 10:54 P

SO UPDATE THE GIRL I BEEN CRUSHIN ON FINALLY CALLS AFTER 3 WEEKS JUST 2 UPDATE ME ON SOMETHING SHE WAS GONNA HELP ME ON SO WE ONLY TALKED 4 LIKE A MINUTE I DIDN'T BRING UP ANY OF THE DRAMA SINCE SHE DIDN'T BUT I CALLED HER BACK THE SAME DAY AND SHE HAS SOME 1 ELSE CALL ME 2 TELL ME SHE LEFT WORK AND WAS GOING HOME LIKE SHES NEVER CALLED ME FROM HOME LIKE SHES NOT THE 1 WHO GAVE ME HER CELL PHONE # AND STARTED CALLING ME IN THE EVENING AND TELLING ME I COULD CALL HER ANYTIME NOW SHE WANNA ACT LIKE IM A STALKER NOW LOL:) I WAS KINDA MAD AND UPSET BUT IM GETTING OVER IT I MEAN I HAVE NO CHOICE I STILL HAVE FEELINGS BUT I WAS DOING SO GOOD UNTIL SHE CALLED ME AGAIN:(

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7/8/11 6:17 P

I KNOW I SURE DIDN'T WANT 2 ADMIT IT WHEN I HAD MY 1ST CRUSH ON A GIRL I WAS IN COMPLETE DENIAL I TOLD NO 1. NOW ON MY 2ND CRUSH THE FEELINGS WERE JUST 2 STRONG 2 DENY. AFTER SPENDING AN HOUR WITH HER I FELT LIKE I WAS GONNA BURST IF I DIDN'T TELL SOME 1 SO I CALLED MY GAY CUZ AND TOLD HER. THEN I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND MY BI DAUGHTER AND MY SISTER. I FINALLY JUST TOLD MY THERAPIST. ABOUT 7 PEOPLE KNOW. BUT I HAVN'T REALLY COME OUT ALL THE WAY. THE GIRL I LIKE KINDA FOUND OUT AND WON'T SPEAK 2 ME ANYMORE. I KNOW IF SHE WAS DOWN WIT IT I WOULD COME OUT 4 SURE N NOT CARE WHAT ANY 1 THINKS BUT I HAVE FAMILY MEMBERS THAT R SO AGAINST IT THAT I DON'T WANNA UPSET THEM 4 SOMETHING THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

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7/7/11 11:37 P

Interesting... I distinctly remember when I came out to my parents, and I vividly remember the first girl I fell for, but my "A-HA" moment is escaping me at the moment. At 14, I was very much in denial of my sexuality from every aspect, and didn't want to even talk about sex at all. I was very embarrassed by the subject. But, at 15, I started talking to a guy online who was 18, strictly in a friendly and very mildly flirty way, who would talk to me about him and his girlfriend and just opened my naive eyes a bit. I remember going to school and looking at everyone and wondering if they were sexually active. Then, I started realizing more and more how attracted I was to not only guys, but to women. I think I was pretty sure at that point, sure enough to tell some of my long time friends. Soon after that, I moved for the second time in my junior year, and I met this beautiful girl in my Chemistry (haha) class who I fast became friends with. We went to a concert together and we running around a park at night together after the show just being silly girls, and she said out of the blue, "I'm bisexual," and I replied, "So am I," and we looked at each other and that moment I had my first kiss and there was no doubt in my head that I could be intimate with a woman. Like someone else mentioned in one of the previous stories, I started to believe maybe everyone was bi. I just thought maybe some people didn't want to admit it. lol.

Edited by: JENVAMPVEGAS at: 7/8/2011 (00:52)

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7/7/11 11:34 P

I ALSO WAS SO TOTALLY CLUELESS IN HIGH SCHOOL I HAD MY 1ST REAL CRUSH ON A GIRL ONLY LAST YEAR AND MY 2ND THIS YEAR IM STILL FRIENDS WITH THE 1ST 1 ( I NEVER TOLD HER) I WAS IN DENIAL. THE NEW 1 KINDA FOUND OUT AND WON'T TALK 2 ME:( SO AS OF NOW EVEN THOUGH I NOW KNOW I LIKE GIRLS I HAVN'T HAD THAT 1ST EXPERIENCE YET I DON'T WANT IT 2 BE WITH JUST ANYBODY I WANT IT 2 BE THAT 1:) OH YES MY DAUGHTER IS INVOLVED WITH GSA AND THE PRIDE CENTER SHE RALLIED IN FRONT OF CITY HALL 4 GAY MARRIAGE AND WENT 2 ALBANY 4 THE SAME THING SO SHE IS VERY ACTIVE IN THE GAY COMMUNITY. I HAVN'T OFFICIALLY CAME OUT ONLY A FEW PEOPLE KNOW PLUS YA'LL:) BUT I DID GO 2 PRIDE THIS YEAR 4 THE 1ST TIME AND ACTUALLY MARCHED IN THE PARADE:)

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7/7/11 4:10 P

I was clueless in high school! How terrible to be outted at high school! The girl I hung out with turns out to be gay and lives with her partner in Sweden. We found each other over the internet last year and now we are collaborating on a children's story! We used to tease each other about our mutual attraction, but she must have heard rumors and asked if we could have some space for a while. It amazed me how CLUELESS I TRULY WAS!
Good luck, with your new roomie. That could be totally awkward if the feeling is NOT mutual.

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7/7/11 3:52 P

Hi I'm Hillary! (Hill, and Star are my nicknames)

My "Ah-ha" moment came in my freshman year of High School. I was 13, and had just started my freshman year of high school. I was going through that awkward transition phase of getting used to being on the bottom of the totem pole again. When I met the first girl I was ever going to have a serious crush on. I didn't know she was a girl. In fact when I first met her I was pretty sure she was a guy. I couldn't explain why but I was very deeply attracted to this person. When someone told me that she was a girl, I tried to distance myself, but couldn't stay away. She ended up driving me home most days, and we'd hang out after school. I hung out with a crowd of people that were a grade or two older than I was, and she didn't even go to our school. The second semester of that year she had a spring break party. They came in and got me, and I went out and stayed with them.

That night I almost kissed her. I was sitting in a chair staring at the fire when she came up to me and got literally about 1/4 of an inch away from my face. I leaned forward expecting her to kiss me and she smiled as she pulled away. No kiss. We traded jewelry. She wore my sterling silver ring, and I wore her spike bracelet. I was going through my goth/ emo stage. I think I was in love with her, but after following her around like a lovesick puppy for two years I changed my life. I had been a bad student and had a 2.5 GPA. And then I kicked my butt into gear my Junior year with help from my German teacher. (different story) One of my friends had confronted me about being bi that year, and I faced up to it. I told my closest friends, and someone who I thought was a friend who outed me to the entire school.

I've since dated only guys. But all my male relationships don't work. I just got out of a year long one where I changed myself to be with him, and I'm happier now. I've had lots of girl crushes since then, and in fact I had one on the girl who is going to be my roommate this fall at college. We're going to have a rainbow room.
I've told my mom, who supports me no matter what, but my dad was raised that gay is wrong no matter what, and so I don't know that I'll be telling him while he's paying for college.

And someone said something about GLSEN earlier? They have an awesome Safe Space program for High School GSAs. So, CRAZEE if your daughter has a GSA at her school, you should have her get involved with them. They're going to probably be against the whole "That's so Gay" thing. I know I am. And I agree with the "That's so straight." My friend and I started saying "that's so heterosexual." this past semester at school.

I love all of your stories, and you're all so brave for coming out.

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7/6/11 9:39 A

Am I Blue was such an important part of my high school life. I was about the same age as you, I think around sophmore or junior year in high school. I also a couple of books from Fancesca Lia Block. Thanks for reminding me about these books!

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6/30/11 6:18 P

THANK U I WILL PASS IT ON:)

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6/30/11 6:11 P

CRAZEE - if your daughter hasn't seen it yet, send her in the direction of GLSEN's campaign, ThinkB4YouSpeak (http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/)... it has some great tips for combatting homophobia and anti-gay language in schools. Good stuff!

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6/30/11 6:08 P

It's a book of short stories... mostly for teenagers, but I think it's relavent to any age... It's actually called, and I didn't realize this, Am I Blue, edited by Marion Dane Bauer. It was printed in 1994. Which is fascinating because I didn't know it was that late in my high school career (junior or senior year, depending). I think of it as a formative selection in my pile of books. Some of the authors are Francesca Lia Block, Gregory MacGuire (of Wicked fame), and Lois Lowry... I might have to find it again. I did love it.

http://www.amazon.com/Am-Blue-Coming-Out-Silence/dp/0064405877

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6/30/11 6:06 P

THOUGHT U MIGHT LIKE THAT LOL:)

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6/30/11 6:04 P

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6/30/11 5:48 P

YEA MY DAUGHTER HATES THAT HOW EVERY 1 SAYS THATS SO GAY HER RESPONSE IS THATS SO STRAIGHT LOL:)

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6/30/11 3:25 P

COUNTYGRRL! I want to find that I AM Blue book. Is it a comedy or drama?

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6/30/11 3:17 P

I think that it really depends on what era you grew up in... it's getting better now, but it's still difficult out there. The high schoolers (and younger) tend to be more open, but not always more accepting. "That's so gay!" is still used in the locker rooms, even by the guys and gals who love the Katy Perry "Firework" video or anything by P!nk.

I know a lot of older women and men who came out later in life. I also know a lot of younger women and men (and everything in between and outside of) who refuse to be labeled.

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6/30/11 3:10 P

I loved "I Am Blue" when I was a young'n. The local library (!!) had it in 1992ish... I adored the everyone-turns-blue story, too. It's still one of my favorite books on our queer-shelf.

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6/26/11 8:55 P

OK maybe I'll wait for the Cliff Notes to come out!

I saw that pic of you throwing the shotput! You still got some GUNS, Baby!

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6/26/11 7:11 P

ps T ~ don't bother reading The Well... it only got famous bcs it was banned and Oscar Wilde supported the author politically; it's rather an awful novel, from writing to depressive effect. Sort of historically informative, tho.

I LOVE your paint program pics; yes! you WILL do it on canvas!!!

hhhuh.... just sighing again that you get to build ultralites TOO.

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6/26/11 7:05 P

Tee ~ yep! I've been to your spage, and looked with LONGING at your great!!! construction pics, lol. I STILL get the 'no, thanks, we can handle it' kind of response from even Close! friends and family... except for my 'twin' sis, who allowed me to come to her great big gorgeous house in Fla a few years ago, and paint a great mural on her nice large living room wall! She even paid me, by providing airline tickets for my DH and our DD and I to visit while I worked.

I'll HAVE to get my sis to send me a pic so I can post it on my page. I got several offers from her friends & neighbors to so similar work for them, but I'd already come back home by then... arg!

Did you know how HARD it is to convince people who're thrilled by their first contact with the mother ocean, just how Dangerous! it is to remain in the surf once the sun is going down and everyone else, even the lifeguards, have left the beach???! They drove me CRAZY ...I've known about rip tides since I grew up on the ocean shore as a little girl...

Keep up the creativity, T !

ps yes i think my last man, an actual hubby, was very affected by the fact that he was slight/handsome (like chris reeve b4 his accident), and gentle. He was so bullied by other guys, even as an adult, that he finally gave in and started trying to be more macho... not in a great way; that's primarily what broke us up.
There ARE great guys all over the place, but they usually don't make as much Noise as the jerks do. wah.

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6/26/11 3:59 P

I have met quite a few gals who didn't come out until after they had done the mandatory heterosexual family track. It hadn't occurred to them either. Once they had become divorced, they were FREE to consider other options.

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6/26/11 2:20 P

Well, I have to admit that I am from the 'other side' of the fence with this, and when I was speaking with my friend, this really 'clicked' with me, for some reason. I had no leanings of this nature whatsoever in my childhood, youth, or early adulthood. It was not until I was in my 30's that I met a woman that hit me like a rock, and I was absolutely and totally knocked off my feet altogether. And I was the one who was most shocked.....but since that day, it's like it totally flipped my brain around and now I would not even consider being with a man again. But I always hear people say that they had always 'known' this about themselves long before they ever actually admitted it or acted on it, and they can cite this or that in their earlier years that basically clued them in to the fact that they were somehow 'different' from the accepted 'norms'. But that was not the case with me and that has always puzzled me, I guess. So when my friend was discussing that interview, I found myself wondering if this was possibly what my own problem had been, maybe.....??? I dunno.....then again, I gotta admit that I have never been the shiniest can in the six pack, either, so maybe that's the problem! LOL But I just wondered if anyone else identified with this.......or if I was just a total oddball. (surprise, surprise.....)