Sounds like you've reached the end of your rope. That's alright because you have so much help from a variety of sources. I'm glad your MD is involved. I feel this is your unconscious desire to continue improving your lifestyle.
Feeling a part from the Lord is terrifying to me. But, when I was suffering from depression, that was one of the main reasons that I sought professional help. Why not speak with your MD about the efficacy of counseling?
Studies have shown that the year's end is prime time for feelings of negativity. Please try to get outside and move around. Sunlight alone can improve your mood in some cases.
You are NOT alone in this, Stephanie. Your friends here at Sparks are going to reach out to you and support you.
Hugs and Prayers for you!
"Oh Lord, ...let me not be afraid to defend the weak because of the anger of the strong, nor afraid to defend the poor because of the anger of the rich..."
___Alan Paton ("Cry the Beloved Country")