Nope, not a mutant :) I buy a lot of stretchy tops so they'll cover my chest and not bag around my waist (yes, it does make you look sort of dumpy). I usually stay away from anything with buttons or a V-neck.
Like someone else mentioned, buying tops is as difficult as buying bottoms for me as well. It's a good day when I get one that fit and looks attractive - not dumpy or promiscuous ;)
Another suggestion would be to get your bras professionally sized. It makes a difference in the way your clothes fit. Have you tried the minimizer bras? They're not pretty, but they do work and can usually reduce you a whole size.
"I have achieved oneness with the road - Please dial 911 for me" - Unknown
"A bicycle ride is a flight from sadness." — James E. Starrs, The Literary Cyclist
"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we enjoy it and cannot help ourselves...The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom."
-Sir Roger Bannister, first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile
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