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Posts: 169 6/2/08 5:32 P
I know how you feel, I do the samething. I am at the end of my rope and wanted to get out of it. I had enough. People walking all over me, all the time and when I do put my foot down watch out I am the bad one. I was watching this baby, I had him all the time, the parents didnt want to pay extra for overnight. They would call and ask me can you watch the baby, most of the time I would do it but the times I didn't they would be asking me so any question I would tell them I am busy. They would show up at my door to see if I was busy. They would come late to pick the baby up, if they ask to drop him off at 11:30 I said I will be home. That day I had no kids so I went for a walk when I got back my nieghbor had the baby. I was being stocked. They never paid on time. They would call me long min to watch him and expect me to watch him. I cant believe I put up with it. I would watch him on holiday's and they never pay me extra. They called me late friday night to watch the baby on sunday I left on friday morning for the weekend came home to a msg on my answering machine. They said because I didnt call them back to watch the baby that they are going to find another sitter and not pay me. I called and left a message and told them I went away for the weekend. I never heard back from them. There is another person I have been watching her kids for along time, she never paid me extra to watch the older child, she never brough food for the kids, she was only paying me $20 a day. Times got hard for her and I still watched her kids, her bill is pretty high now. She went behind my back and got a new sitter with telling me. The other day I question her, she said she couldn't afford to pay me. I couldn't believe this how I helped her out. I stay at home for my kids, people came to me to watch their kids I though ok make some money and its not like that. Once people know they can walk all over you watch out. One reason why I am staying home with me kids is because I cant afford childcare.
On Sept 14 2008 I am doing a 5 km run for the parkinson Society of Canada. To sponsor Me go to
I know this an old topic, but I thought I'd add my 2 cents...I agree with the person who said don't give too many reasons, as that just invites them to argue all the reasons why you are wrong (no, my six year old is not difficult, you just have to handle him this way, and he doesn't need to be with his own age group, he loves being with his sister, etc., etc.).
It's the classic self-assertion technique, just state what you have decided, without giving any reasons (other than something vague, like "I need more time with my family now that it's summer") and stand your ground. Give her a deadline to find someone else, and stick to it. If she says, "please, please, just another month" (or "a few more weeks" or whatever), just be polite but firm, "Oh, I'm so sorry, but that won't be possible." Again, give no reasons, and accept no arguments.
As a parent (of 2 reasonably well-behaved children) I would certainly prefer that a childcare worker be honest with me about not being able to care for my kids anymore, for whatever reason, than that she continue on while hating it and resenting me. As long as you give her reasonable notice, she has no right to be angry (she may be angry or upset anyway, but that's not your fault, nor your responsibility).
Your first obligation is to yourself and your own family, so do what works best for you and yours--there are other nannies in the world.
And next time, put some reasonable policies in writing (like the fee for siblings to come, and having them bring their own food, hours, vacation and holiday policies, and that the agreement can be terminated by either party with a certain amount of notice--usually 2 weeks, or whatever you think is fair). This protects both you AND them from misunderstandings and hard feelings. Put it in writing, even with friends!!!!
When I babysat full-time, I looked at what the local daycares were charging. I knew the mother well and knew that if I did not charge her by the hour that she would head out to the bars after work, and I would have her kids all night. So, I took the average daycare charge in our area and figured the hourly charge based on a 9 hour day. (Typically, people work 8 hours. So, that included 30 minute to and 30 minutes from work.) Since the daycare charges include meals and snacks, I did as well. However, I did not allow the children to overeat. If they were still hungry after a reasonably sized meal for their age, the mother had to bring extras. If I planned an outing, it had to be free. Otherwise, the mother had to give me the cash before the outing to cover it.
One thing that you need to do (if you don't) is to count this on your income tax return. You can take deductibles for your mortgage, insurance, cable, utilities, the food they eat, your gas to and from the outings (by mileage) etc. This also keeps you in good standing with your Social Security (for those in the USA). You have to earn so many points in your "working life" to be able to draw a social security check. Just keep up with everything on paper so that you can give it to your tax preparer at tax time.
If you decide to stop keeping children, just be straight forward. I stopped keeping these children when the mother's work schedule changed. She requested a shift change. I told her that she had two weeks to find someone new. She requested the shift change, not me. So, she needed to find someone who wanted to work the same hours that she wanted.
I am usually not a confrontational person. As a matter of fact, I really try to avoid confrontation at all costs. But, this was something that I needed to do.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Please keep us updated.
A Sparker from NW TN!
... desiring to work like Martha and listen like Mary!
current weight: 170.0
Posts: 289 4/21/08 3:00 P
sound like the little boy acts like his mom(a bratty bitch) pardon my french lol but if my child was being a brat or ate a lot of food i would pay $40 a day to who was taking care of the kids, i have 3 kids as is the 3 year old twins go to a pre-school it cots me $27 a day per child, and I'm hoping to only pay $35 a day for my 8 month old If my kids ate alot i would pay more, but all 3 of my girls are angels and actually put the other kids in line lol they know better then to copy anyone else. But anyways i would tell the mom that she is going to have trouble keeping a babysitter if her kids act anything like her and that she should punish them if they are bad. My twins old baby sitter had a kid that bites other kids and she couldnt keep kids in her house and she eventually got shut down and cant take care of anyone elses kids, she also laughed when her kid would make a kid bleed(thats what you call a bad mother/babysitter)
10lbs new hair cut 20lbs makeover 30lbs get hair done 40lbs new outfit 50lbs get new pants 60lbs new outfits 8olbs new shoes 100lbs new wardrobe
Pounds lost: 4.2
Posts: 8 3/20/08 1:32 P
i have been babysitting for a little girl since she was 7 weeks old and she is now 2 1/2 years old. I charge her mom $65 a week and I furnish all her food and drinks. we are now starting to potty train and that is not going so well she is doing the same thing with me that she does with her mom. she tells us after the fact what can we do...help.
Posts: 297 3/19/08 7:36 P
When I'm having a hard time with a situation I do some of Byron Katie's 'Loving What Is' work. It helps me come to terms with how I'm feeling about a situation. Its all online. www.thework.com then then click on The Work then download the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and follow the instructions.
I've found that when I give a reason for my decision all it does is allow others to dispute the reason or be offended. If I just say I've made a decision for personal reasons they have no reason to dispute it, I haven't made it their fault so they have no reason to get defensive and that's the end of that. If she's disappointed about having to find a new sitter, that's her business, and its understandable, but also part of it all anyway.
Part of being a nanny is dealing with other people's parenting styles... which vary as much as the day is long. Sometimes its hard to remember that most people are doing the best they can.
"God is the Love that allows me to be fit and healthy."
Posts: 3,049 3/19/08 2:21 P
You are right about the potty training. I was helping to potty train a 3 year old that I was keeping. He was doing so good at my house that I would take his diaper off during the day and he never messed up his clothes. I would tell his mother infront of him and just make a big deal about how proud I was of him so he knew he was doing a good job. The mother never responded with a good job or anything. Always when he returned on Monday I would have to start all over again. The mother was putting diapers on him during the weekend and wasn't even trying to train him at home. I eventually had to tell her that I was going to have to raise my rates for him if she didn't have him trained within two months because I was wasting my time to retrain him again every Monday. She started to potty train him at home and within two weeks, with me training him here also, he was out of diapers. I guess I should have threatened to raise my rates a long time before.
Pounds lost: 21.0
Posts: 10 3/19/08 12:52 P
I would raise your rates to be more inline with local rates for sure! I always charge more for summer care. You can't possibly take care of two kids for the price of one! When I take care of one child and then get their sibling once a month, i don't charge any extra, but i tell the parent to send them with their own food. Any spring break things ect they pay $30.00 a day extra. Every 6 year old i take care of is a brat. I think it is the age/adjustment to school. I've had 6 year olds put holes in my wall and the parents say "boys will be boys!" Any field trips that will cost me money the parent pays extra for. So when i know I'm going to get the brat...erm..6 year old, I tell the parent "when your billy is here, we will be going to X to help keep him occupied, it will cost $5.00 per kid, so please send the $10.00 for both of your kids in his lunch bag". I find that lots of caregivers are very non-confrontational and get walked over. Good communication is very important for BOTH of you though. If you can't talk to someone in person that well, give them a note or letter and discuss it with them so they can't argue or go off topic. They will value this. Most parents are harried when they pick up their kids and don't take info in..so having something to read later that night again will help. You keep a book for them so tell them they neeed to sign the page that day and write any comments or questions in it. if they don't sign the pages, you will stop making entries. STOP WALKING THE KIDS TO THE CAR!! it's her job to put thier coats and shoes on and talk to you about their day. she knows it's not going well and this is her way out of cutting her chat time with you short.he should be responding about her kids bad behaviour with you there to him (making him responsible) What about your own kids being left in the house? NO daycare will be getting them ready like that and taking them out to a car. She's treating you like a slave there. and Lastly; if you are training her 3 year old on the potty, what is she doing at home? she needs to follow your instructions on what you are doing and be consistent or she won't train. I speak from 6 potty training expierences!
Posts: 4,342 3/19/08 5:54 A
I do not worry too much about my rates cause what I offer is very valuable, do not under value your services. I main thing I have to offer is flexibilty, I can take a sibling on a snow day, no big day care can do that. Your child is safe and sound if you get stuck in traffic. So, my rates may be higher, but I also do not charge parents for the days they do not bring their children or pick them up half days. Also, there are a lot of day cares in Quebec, but they are all full time only, I can do part time.
Posts: 3,049 3/18/08 8:44 P
That sounds fair to me.
Pounds lost: 21.0
Fitness Minutes: (46,534) Posts: 2,992 3/18/08 5:32 P
Today I have spent some time on the phone doing "market research". I wanted to compare my rate of pay with local childcare centers and this is what I found for 2 kids, 3 days a week:
What I think I'm going to do is spend some more time in prayer about this. If I still feel like I need to quit then I will do so in the next couple of weeks, giving her at least 3-4 weeks notice. If I don't decide to quit, I am going to tell her that I researched childcare prices in the area and raise my rates accordingly (while still maintaining competitive rates). If she disagrees with the rate increase I will give her plenty of notice, but I definitely cannot continue on at $140 all summer.
Does this sound unfair at all? Opinions wanted. And thanks for all of the replies so far!
current weight: 171.0
Posts: 3,049 3/18/08 8:02 A
I do the same thing now. When ever I start watching a new child I have the parents send a bag lunch and their juice for the day. Because I don't like confrontation I give all my rules at the beginning so they parents are aware of how I do things. Also I let the parents know up front that when I first start watching their child it is on a two week trial period. That way if I feel like it is not going to work with the child I can stop watching during that trial period. The parents can not say anything because I also let them know from the start that those first to weeks are just a trial to see how things are going to go. And it is not just a trial period with the children, I tell the parents during that two weeks it is their chance to see if they are comfortable with me also. If not I don't have any hard feelings if they tell me that they would like to find someone else. Everyone involved has to feel comfortable and have confidence with each other.
Pounds lost: 21.0
Posts: 4,342 3/18/08 7:23 A
I do the same thing, watch other people's children, but I am very picky and have no problem telling someone that it isn't working out. I always give them 2 weeks to make other arrangements. I also have the kids bring their own food, they bring a lunch bag with snacks and whatever they are drinking that day too. Watching other children is a great way too make extra money, but you really need to get used to telling people it isn't working. Once you get that part down, it is easy. Plus, they MUST bring their own food, not only for cost reasons, but food allergies as well.
Fitness Minutes: (36,673) Posts: 2,333 3/17/08 6:28 P
When I was in a similar situation this is how I handled it. I took care of several infants...from 6 months to about a year old. Over all, everything went very well, except for Pete. Pete screamed all day every day. I am NOT exaggerating. I told his mother, who said 'oh, the old sitter said he used to do that too', then I told the father who insisted that he wanted his wife to stay at home anyway (can of worms I didn't want any part of). Anyway, after many months of trying EVERYTHING, I finally had just had enough. I called the mom at work (while Pete was screaming in the background). She said, startled, that's not my Pete is it? (Well, of course lady, I've been telling you this for months...no I didn't say that) I told her it was & as I'd explained this is what he did all day everyday. Then I told her that I didn't know if the problem was him or me...but really, it didn't matter. Because whatever the problem was, it wasn't healthy for him or any of the other children. I allowed her 2 weeks to find another sitter & when she asked for an extension(about a week later), I just said no, I was going to be taking on some other responsibilites & I just wouldn't be able to keep him. We parted company with no hard feelings because I had put her child's best interests first. Good luck...I know this is a sticky situation.
Pounds lost: 78.0
Fitness Minutes: (46,534) Posts: 2,992 3/17/08 3:19 P
REBECCAHC2323 that's an awesome idea about tearing off babysitter's #'s around the community and giving them to her. Maybe I should do that with preschools in the area, do an online search for her? She's been talking about enrolling her daughter in preschool since December when I started watching her, maybe she can find a joint daycare/preschool center that can take both of her kids.
I posted this topic in the SP cafe too and the answers there are varied but good. I just have such a hard time with confronting people about anything. I think (and I mentioned this in the cafe) that a low self esteem since childhood makes it hard for me stand up straight, look people in the eye, etc.. I've actually spent time in prayer about it and will continue to do so.
I'm still not sure what I'm going to do with this lady. I do think her 6 year old son is very smart, gifted even when it comes to reading, spelling, grammar, etc.. someone in the cafe mentioned maybe he has add/adhd or some other similar behavioral problem that has gone undiagnosed and that may very well be the case. Still, with not being able to talk about quitting a simple nanny job I'd NEVER be able to bring such a hot-button topic as ADHD up to another mother, nor would I even if I WAS brave enough.
Thanks for the replies, keep 'em coming! It truly is helping!
current weight: 171.0
Posts: 3,049 3/17/08 1:56 P
I have a four year old plus I keep two other children. They are both almost 2. One I keep 8 hours during the day and the other little boy I keep 3 hours in the afternoon each day. I don't have any problems with these two children but the two I had before them were a big problem.
I am not confrontational either and It was hard for me to tell this mother that I could not keep her children anymore. She had a 3 year old and 2 year old. I too was helping to potty train the 3 year old. They were NOT well behaved. The 3 year old boy stayed in time out. My son began to want to fight and act like this child and on top of that I had a hard time getting her to pay me.
I waited until the beginning of May and told her that I could not keep her children anymore because my daughter would be out of school and I had already made plans for us during the summer. I just explained to her that I was going to be so busy with my children and in and out of the house so much that there was no way I could continue to keep her children. I told her for one thing I didn't have enough car seats or space in my car for all the children. I also told her that I didn't want the responsibility of having to keep up with so many children while we were out and to keep them safe. I also told her that I couldn't take time away from my children on our family outings that I had planned.
She wasn't very happy and tried to make me feel bad but I stood my ground and just said that I am sorry I just can't. I told her this why I am telling you now so you will have 4 weeks to find someone else.
Plus during the last 4 weeks that I kept her kids, any time I would go to the post office or library and see a posting for childcare I would tear off a phone # and give it to her and say here is someone you might want to check with. That way she knew I was serious and I was not going to change my mind.
Edited by: ~BECKYBO32~ at: 3/17/2008 (13:59)
Pounds lost: 21.0
Posts: 1,581 3/17/08 1:29 P
I am non confrontational too and if it were me I would not have the guts to tell the real reason. So, the way I would handle it is I would say it's the summer and you want to do somethings with just your own kids. You just need a break, etc. Most of the reasons you said already, but avoiding the 'your 6 year old is a brat' part. Good luck.
- Pleebles, aka Siri
"If you really want to do something you will find a way, if you don't you will find an excuse."
Hair of the Dog 5k, 5/23/10 - 31:48 Race for the Cure 5k, 10/3/10 - 33:11 Hair of the Dog 5k, 5/22/11 - 28:16 (PR) ...Working up the guts to try a 10k!
current weight: 155.0
Posts: 391 3/17/08 12:43 P
I would tell her that the 3 yr old is ok for you to take care of since your kids are the same age but the 6 yr old is too big to be around your kids and would be better off around kids his own age.
Tell her you understand that she would want both children at the same place and there are no hard feelings.
Don't waste your precious energy on issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
Fitness Minutes: (46,534) Posts: 2,992 3/17/08 12:36 P
I've been a nanny for a little 3 year old girl since December. She's a pretty well behaved little girl so it didn't seem like much to take on. She comes over 3 days a week and I make $100 for watching her, pretty good deal all around. I'm already a stay at home mom to my 2 little boys 1 1/2 years old and 3 1/2 years old.
The problem is this: whenever there is a school holiday her 6 year old brother comes over here as well.
I talked to the lady that used to watch these kids (we all go to church together) and she told me that the mother of these kids never paid her extra for having the older boy over as well. To me that was like a paycut, so even though I'm pretty nonconfrontational I made up a list of rates. If I have the little girl 3 days and her brother 1 day it's $120, 3/2 $130 and 3/3 $140. I think that's pretty fair considering most childcare centers would charge $140 for ONE child part time.
After talking to the mother that used to watch these kids, she told me she felt taken advantage of and I'm starting to understand why. Even though the mother of these 2 children agreed to pay the extra money, she expects me to walk the kids to and from her car so she doesn't have to turn the engine off and come to the door to get them. I also go out of my way for these kids, taking them to local parks to get out of the house or other field trips (went to the zoo last week), I create a report every day that tells the mom what I did with her kids that day, and I've been potty training the 3 year old girl since I started watching her in December per the mom's request.
I don't feel like I can continue this through the summer months. It's draining on me to watch 2 children other than my own, and come summertime the girl AND boy will be here 3 days every single week. And I hate to be rude, but the 6 year old boy is bratty. My 3 year old gets in trouble every time he is here because he will copy something the 6 year old does or says that is snotty. The 6 year old talks back to me constantly (I put him in time out A LOT), and he eats more than a grown man which also comes out of my pocketbook (I'm not kidding, he can eat like a whole pizza by himself).
So I have decided to stop watching these kids. My last day will be May 1st, which gives the mom over 5 weeks from now to find alternate arrangements. This mom told me from day one that she feels "everyone is dispensible" so she should have no problems finding someone else.
What is the most tactful way to quit without saying "hey, your 6 year old is a brat.. I can't continue this!"? Obviously I wouldn't say that... haha. But I do have problems with confrontation, I even have problems making eye contact sometimes. I have a tendency to let people walk all over me, or agree with someone even when I know they are wrong just for the sake of avoiding an argument. Quitting will be hard for me, but I have to do it for my own sanity and for the sake of a peaceful household.
How would you quit? What would you say? And no snarky answers please... "just quit". I know I need to do it, I just need some tactful and non-offensive ideas. Thanks everyone!
current weight: 171.0
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