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I_WANNA_LIVE's Photo I_WANNA_LIVE Posts: 229
6/5/09 4:54 P

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Hi coach Dean,
I just joined this team and joined SP 2 weeks ago. I am doing very well, I think, i know its a learning process and I will stumble. I have been walking everyday and my walks are getting a bit longer and faster...I am morbidly obese and have knee problems. I used to use my knee pain as a reason ( or excuse ) to not walk. Now I'm finding the more I walk the less my knees hurt. I enjoy my walks alot and find it helps with my mental attitude as well. I just joined Curves and plan to work out 3x a week there as well. I am learning through SP what foods to eat and track my nutrition and fitness almost everyday. I wanted to join this team because I used to be full of excuses...always saying "I can't, I can't..." I don't want to say that anymore. I want to say "I Will"...
I know I have alot of pounds to lose but thats not really my whole focus...I want to have a healthy lifestyle and enjoy this life for as long as I can. I am starting to get a better quality of life, but I have a long way to go....I don't want to be held back from doing something I physically want to do because of my weight anymore...i want to freakin skydive!!
again, I just thought this would be a great team to join as my mantra is "NO EXCUSES"
Thanks,
Meg

Loss of 8 lbs

email or message me anytime at m_gam39@yahoo.com



If you think you can, you're right!
If you think you can't, you're right!


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3DOGCREW's Photo 3DOGCREW Posts: 762
4/11/09 11:12 A

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Read Coach's updated blog here: www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=kee
p_
your_eye_on_the_real_prize


My circumstances do not dictate my attitude

Some of us are held to higher standards, some of us hold our self's to higher standards. (who are you?)


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KAIZEN2BTHIN's Photo KAIZEN2BTHIN Posts: 584
2/20/09 10:53 A

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Thank you so much, Coach!

Your words hit home even more than you realize. My husband has been saying the same thing to me for a while now.

I still struggle with the remaining weight loss, but am looking at myself differently and in a better light each day. Some days are better than others, of course.

Check out my blog about losing over 80 pounds at www.WhatIfYouWereThin.com


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3DOGCREW's Photo 3DOGCREW Posts: 762
2/4/09 9:42 P

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Coach I am glad to see this answer. I think anyone who has lost a great amount of weight go's through this. Have a lot of these feelings myself. Hard to sort out if I really hate the way I look or just still harbor some of those fat feeling I had before I lost the 185 pounds. Started to except the fact that my skin will never tighten up the way I want and see the real me when I look in the mirror. I believe this is a subject that we need for articles on.

My circumstances do not dictate my attitude

Some of us are held to higher standards, some of us hold our self's to higher standards. (who are you?)


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SP_COACH_DEAN's Photo SP_COACH_DEAN SparkPoints: (90,631)
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2/4/09 4:24 P

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Hi, BIGCHEZMKTG

The problem you describe is one I'm very familiar with personally, lol. After losing 150 pounds, my skin just does not fit anymore, and doesn't appear to even be trying to adjust, any more than it has. And it's not just skin, either--I have odd little pockets of fat in certain places that just won't go away no matter what I do. They looked the same even after I forced myself down to a weight that was 25 pounds lighter than "normal" for me.

Every now and then I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and think--"ewww, gross!" Other days I see the positive changes rather than what didn't change as much as I would like.

I could probably give you a long explanation in psychological terms of why and how this happens--how memories, perceptions, sensations, and feelings are all stored together in little "packets" of consciousness, so that if something like looking into the mirror triggers any one of these things, you can actually shift out of one "ego state" and into another one that has all those negative feelings and thoughts built into it. It's sort of like you're suddenly the "you" you were before you lost weight, feeling the way you felt about yourself then.

I don't think this is the same thing as "body dysmorphic disorder", although I suppose it could be, if you literally still see yourself as "fat" and don't see the actual weight loss.

But more likely, it's just that you haven't totally changed some of those negative feelings you have about yourself, and they just reassert themselves when triggered by looking into the mirror and not seeing what you want.

I think the best way to deal with this problem is to work directly on those negative feelings themselves, rather than hoping that external changes will make them go away.

Usually these kinds of feelings stick around because they provide some kind of payoff for you in the here and now. In my case, for example, still hating the way I looked allowed me to stay focused on losing even more weight and doing more exercise, instead of turning my attention and efforts towards some other things I also needed to do--but was afraid of doing. Things like going back to school, thinking about getting a job, getting out to socialize more instead of hiding in my apartment, etc. etc.

So, you might want to start thinking along those lines. Ask yourself what you might be doing or thinking about if you didn't have these episodes of still feeling bad about your body? What comes after weight loss--and are you doing anything to move in that direction now, or are you avoiding that by not being satisfied with how you look?

Of course, the "payoff" you're getting from still feeling bad could be any number of other things--you'll need to figure that out yourself. But I'll bet this problem will start going away once you get a handle on this issue of why it feels better to you to stay unhappy with your body than to do something else.

Hope this helps.

Coach Dean


"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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SP_COACH_DEAN's Photo SP_COACH_DEAN SparkPoints: (90,631)
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2/4/09 3:51 P

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Hi, ROXELL

I'm not really sure what to say, because you pretty much describe what's going on from the outside (ie, just the behavior), with little info about what's going on inside your head when you actually make the decisisons to drop your routines or plans. The problem could be anything from boredom, to trying too hard to be "perfect", to any number of other things--and I can't even guess without knowing something about what goes on in your head.

If you're not sure yourself what's going on in your head, maybe a good place to start figuring that out would be by asking yourself why you don't let your dog down by skipping walks, but you do let yourself down by skipping exercise?

Hope this helps.

Coach Dean

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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KAIZEN2BTHIN's Photo KAIZEN2BTHIN Posts: 584
2/4/09 3:19 P

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I hate to even ask this question, if you wanna know the truth...but here goes:

Since I started this journey, I've lost 55 pounds (10 before joining SP). I work out 80 minutes per day, 6 days a week (M/W/F strength training, T/Th/S cardio). I eat 100% organic, or as close to it as I can get, even down to my coffee, creamer, etc. (Shampoo and deodorant too!)

The problem is, when I look in the mirror, all I see is the 55 pounds...and the wrinkles left on my skin from the loss.

No matter how hard I work, I can't see past the wrinkles. The fat isn't always in the mirror when I look (that's what constitutes a 'good mirror' in my opinion - it all depends on how I look in it). But the wrinkles are.

So I work harder, take my supplements, and do everything I can.

I've been hearing a lot on TV recently about Body Dismorphia. Is that what it is? How do I make what I see in the mirror a TRUE reflection?

Check out my blog about losing over 80 pounds at www.WhatIfYouWereThin.com


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ROXELLS_WARRIOR's Photo ROXELLS_WARRIOR Posts: 3,851
2/3/09 11:14 P

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Hi Coach - I am so glad I found this team. I hope you can help knock some sense into my head.

I KNOW that exercise is what revives me and keeps me stronger, more energetic, less tired, and not so mentally taxed. So why don't I do it? My excuse is usually that I don't have time or I'm too exhausted. I get up at 6am, leave around 7 for work, and get home at 5pm with no energy left. I do walk my dog because I HAVE to - I can't let her down. And once I get out there, I enjoy it. (I once heard someone say that the hardest part of exercise is putting on the gym shoes.)

I find a new routine, fitness DVD, SP Bootcamp or team, or exercise-related hobby, and I get all fired up for a week or two, then... STOP. It's ridiculous! Why do I do that??? I wonder if my ADHD is to blame, but I doubt it because I take meds for that and I seem to function perfectly well at work. (At least I think I do!)

I tell myself it's okay because I still walk my dog twice a day... but really, why do I kid myself? That is not enough! Okay, there's also my 6-week beginner's yoga class, meeting once a week for six weeks. But to be honest, after the 4th week I already started feeling like I wanted to take a week off. There's one week left and I don't know what I'll do after that. I also enjoyed my first week of Coach Nicole's boot camp, and really liked using the exercise ball, but then... stopped.

I am plateaued with only 12 pounds to go. There's no reason for it! I need to EXERCISE!

And let's get real - a plateau that lasts six months or more? Come on! And even calling it a plateau is being kind to myself, because I re-gain and re-lose the same 5 pounds all the time.

What will it take for me to ACT on what I KNOW I need to do? Why don't I do it? Why don't I stick with the programs and challenges I start?

Thanks - Roxell
emoticon

~ Roxell ~
bit.ly/christianity-101
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.


STOP! STOP! STOP! Go get a BIG GLASS OF WATER before reading further! ~~This has been a public service announcement. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.~~




MELETXL Posts: 23
1/3/09 12:01 P

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OK, here is where I am.  Lost 85 pounds and have started to put back on the weight and I haven't even reached my goal.  YUK!  I loved the part about getting healthy is not a destination.  I will remember this and make my goal about health.  I am diabetic, and have been medication free for almost 2 years.  If I continue to eat like I have the last couple of weeks, I will be back on medication and back into morbid obesity.  I tend to be lingering there now.  Granted it is not as bad as a couple of years ago.  I really want that feeling of health and well being back again and I am determined to get it back.

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12/27/08 1:00 P

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Now that you put it THAT way, it is pretty stupid :)

Thanks

Today, may I make good decisions that create positive outcomes and may I have wonderful, loving people in my life to share this awesome journey with.

"As Aristotle said, “We become what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” The same can be said of enthusiasm, excitement, and passion. It is a habit, and a choice we make, moment by moment. "- Teresa Easler


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SP_COACH_DEAN's Photo SP_COACH_DEAN SparkPoints: (90,631)
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12/27/08 12:29 P

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Hi, NORLANA

Let me see if I've got this straight. You're having trouble getting yourself to start exercising again because you're afraid you might fail at exercising, so your solution is not to exercise at all. Is that right?

I could be missing something, but honestly, that doesn't make much sense to me. Does it really make sense to you? I mean, if you did fail at exercising again, you'd be......right where you are now, right? So, you're afraid to try because if you fail, you'll end up where you are now, which is somewhere you don't want to be?

This sounds like a big smokescreen to me--the kind of thing you would choose to spend time thinking about if you didn't want to think about something real instead.

As far as the exercise itself goes, I think things would be a lot simpler if, instead of resolving at the end of each day to exercise the next morning, you either do the exercise then, or just go to bed without worrying about it. Then you can decide in the morning to exercise before you turn on your computer. Or decide you don't want to. Either way, you won't have to worry about all this fear of failure stuff.

If you need something to worry about so you can take a break from thinking about business problems, worry about whether you can run (or whatever you do for exercise) faster or further than you did yesterday. But definitely kick all this stuff about worrying about failing at exercise to the curb now--before it makes you crazy.

emoticon (one kick in the butt)


Hope this helps.

Coach Dean

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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NORLANA's Photo NORLANA SparkPoints: (0)
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12/27/08 11:26 A

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Hi Coach Dean,

Would you kindly kick me in the butt, please?

I was so proud of myself when I lost about 20 + lbs ... 1/2 way to my goal. Then about 15 weeks ago, I expanded my business, right as the stock market started to tank and have been grazing through my days non-stop to deal with the stress. Forget about the daily exercise I used to do. Funny thing is, during such stressful times, my Spark Routine would have been perfect for dealing with the issues. Istead, I felt like the sky was falling in.

Now, I sit on the computer and read about everyone else's success and hope something will jump start my engine once again. I had a great routine at one time and know what to do. Every night I say I'm going to start over again in the morning and every morning I sit here (like right now) and blow off the healthy parts of my day. I fear I will fail and reluctant to start again.

One swift kick would be great!

Thank you in advance.

N

Edited by: NORLANA at: 12/27/2008 (11:28)
Today, may I make good decisions that create positive outcomes and may I have wonderful, loving people in my life to share this awesome journey with.

"As Aristotle said, “We become what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” The same can be said of enthusiasm, excitement, and passion. It is a habit, and a choice we make, moment by moment. "- Teresa Easler


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BIKINYBOD's Photo BIKINYBOD Posts: 429
12/20/08 6:46 P

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Edited by: BIKINYBOD at: 12/28/2008 (16:47)
FOCUS on daily goals, not what's ahead of me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2steps fwd 2B ok w/ occasional 1step back...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FEAR: False Expectations Appearing Real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doing what you've always done will get U what you've always gotten...DO BETTER/GET BETTER RESULTS...


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SP_COACH_DEAN's Photo SP_COACH_DEAN SparkPoints: (90,631)
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12/10/08 2:49 P

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Hi, 4X4PAWS

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I was off for a couple of days that week, and must have missed the notification about your post.

I'm not sure exactly what's going on for you, but from what you say, it seems like one problem might be that you're thinking about things in very large and vague terms, instead of in concrete, specific, and actionable terms. "Reverting back" and feeling like you "have no control" are just abstractions--not reality. The realities are the specific decisions you make about what you'll eat and what you'll do many times every day. Each one of those decisions is it's own opportunity, and what you decide at one moment doesn't have to dictate what you decide at any other moment. And you can't NOT make decisions--you can only choose whether to make them mindfully, or to make them without noticing or paying attention.

So, instead of letting yourself get caught up in worrying about the abstractions your mind generates, I'd recommend getting down to each specific decision, one at a time, and keep yourself focused on making that decision on your own terms, mindfully.


Also, remember that getting/being healthy isn't a destination you arrive at and then stop travelling, like a trip to a vacation spot. It's a process that's going on (in one direction or the other) every day, with every choice you make. A lot of people get to their goal, and then stop "travelling." But you never actually stop travelling. When you stop heading in one direction, you just start moving in a different one--and if you don't make this choice consciously, the direction you'll head in will most likely be back towards where you just came from.

There could be lots of other emotional stuff going on under the surface, too--anything from holiday stress to some personal anxiety about anything under the sun. If so, dealing with whatever it is directly will take some of the pressure off and make it easier to stay mindful about your eating and exercise.

Hope this helps.

Coach Dean

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 12/10/2008 (14:51)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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KAIZEN2BTHIN's Photo KAIZEN2BTHIN Posts: 584
12/8/08 10:14 A

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Alright, Coach Toughlove...got a question for you.

I've lost quite a bit of weight over the past year. I'm taking it slow-and-steady.

I'm totally organic, drink 8-10 8oz glasses of water everyday, and eat about 1500 calories each day. I vehemently guard what goes into my mouth.

Monday I started a new workout regimen. By Friday, I'd lost 3 pounds.

This morning I went to weigh myself (Monday's are technically my 'weigh day') and found ALL THREE pounds that I'd lost last week.

My question - can you gain that much muscle that fast? Everyone I've talked to suggested water weight. How can you tell when you gain just what exactly you're gaining? (I think that was more like 2 questions.)

Thank you in advance!

Check out my blog about losing over 80 pounds at www.WhatIfYouWereThin.com


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MINNIE's Photo MINNIE Posts: 14,866
12/8/08 12:34 A

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table arrived and assembled. less than perfect. will work on it. and i do faster intervals while waiting for my retarded machine.

Edited by: MINNIE at: 12/8/2008 (01:38)
keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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4X4PAWS SparkPoints: (0)
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11/28/08 10:47 P

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Hi Coach Dean,

Can you help me figure out how I have so quickly gone from exercising regularly, eating healthfully, and feeling very in touch with my goals to get healthy to reverting back to my old unhealthy ways? I lost a lot of weight but am now putting it back on once again. I know intellectually that this is all within my control, but it sure feels like it's not.

Life's hard. Get a helmet.


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3DOGCREW's Photo 3DOGCREW Posts: 762
11/23/08 8:59 P

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Thanks for the advice, I knew that's the kind of advice you would give. Have read some of you stuff. Sometimes just need to hear it or in this case see it from someone else. Will give it a try. Just hard to change gears when you see a goal you thought you wanted.

My circumstances do not dictate my attitude

Some of us are held to higher standards, some of us hold our self's to higher standards. (who are you?)


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MINNIE's Photo MINNIE Posts: 14,866
11/23/08 8:00 P

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yay,coach. this one is worthy of the daily spark. the point is to lose fat, not pounds. muscle pounds are good guys.

keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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SP_COACH_DEAN's Photo SP_COACH_DEAN SparkPoints: (90,631)
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11/23/08 12:19 P

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Hi, 3

It sounds to me like it's time to remind yourself why you wanted to lose weight in the first place. Was it just to see a particular number on the scale? Or was it to improve the quality of your health and your life?

The scale is just a tool you can use to see how you're doing, but that only works if you remember that the number you see on it doesn't really tell you much at all about a lot of very important factors. And it's certainly not the final judge of "success."

I know how easy it is to get obsessed with the scale and with fear of regaining weight--I've been there and done that myself. The paradoxical thing is that it's that fear that actually makes you miserable and causes the trouble, not actually regaining a couple of pounds. If you know one thing by now, it's that you can lose weight when you need to. So if you gain a few pounds while you start trying to slow this locomotive down to a pace you can live with, that's not a big deal.

If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to end up being "skinny-fat". You're weight will be "normal" but your body composition will be abnormal--too much fat, and not enough muscle. That means that as soon as you start eating a "normal" amount of food for weight maintenance, you'll start gaining fat again, because you don't have enough muscle to keep your metabolism operating at a normal level. The only way out of this problem is to put back some of that muscle you've lost, even if it means slowing down your weight loss or even gaining a bit for a few months.

And that means you have to stop being single-minded about the scale, and expand your focus. What is it you want to be able to do when you get to your goal weight? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have, and what physical capacities will you need to have it? Do you have the strength and fitness you need to do those things now? If not, what can you do that will help you build your strength and fitness to match your lifestyle goals?

You can't build muscle with a large calorie deficit, so that means you need to close the gap between calories in and calories out to a pretty small number--like a deficit of about 250 calories per day, maximum. If you do things just right, you can probably expect to lose about a half pound of fat per week, and gain a pound or a little more of muscle, which means you'll actually gain a little weight. That gain may happen faster in the beginning, just like weight loss happens faster when you have a lot to lose. But that's mostly due to adjustments your body makes in how much water and muscle fuel it's retaining, not to regaining fat. So, you have to really work on not worrying when the number on the scale goes up, and give this whole process a chance to happen the way it needs to.

I suggest that you give yourself a period of 3 months where you won't worry much about the scale, and focus instead on tracking your fitness and strength improvements. Write down how much weight and reps you can do now with your strength training exercises, and set a goal of improving by at least 10% every 10 workouts (at 3 per week). Do the same with your cardio workouts--trying to increase speed or resistance a little bit every workout, and keep track of how much it takes to get your heart rate up to the top end of your aerobic zone. If you can, try to track changes in your body fat percentage, and forget your weight entirely for these 3 months. Just keep going like this unless and until your body fat percentage is going up for two weeks in a row--then just adjust your food intake down a little bit or your exercise/activity up a little bit.

Ideally, try to find some sport or recreational activity you like and would like to get better at. Spend time working on that, and also on noticing how your formal exercise helps you get better at that activity.

If you find that you just can't get your mind off the scale, or allow yourself to gain a little weight during this transition process, it may be a good time to talk to a doctor or counselor about this, or find a support group and get some help with getting yourself re-focused. It's very easy to develop a full-blown obsession with losing weight, or even a clinical eating disorder, after the kind of changes you've made already. So, if you find the anxiety about regaining getting the best of you, try to find some face-to-face help.

Hope this helps,

Coach Dean

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/23/2008 (12:28)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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3DOGCREW's Photo 3DOGCREW Posts: 762
11/23/08 10:55 A

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Well coach I may need some tough love here. My problem is gaining muscle vs. losing weight. Have been losing weight at a rapid pace for many months now. I would say I've become single minded about it. Have went from 384 to 197 in 10 and a half month's. The problem is, I've lost a lot of muscle with the weight. When I try to add it back, by increasing my strength training. I tend to add back weight fast. So I slow down for a while, and lose the weight again. Now all I seam to do is YO Yo. How do I stop this affect. My biggest fear is gaining the weight back.

My circumstances do not dictate my attitude

Some of us are held to higher standards, some of us hold our self's to higher standards. (who are you?)


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MINNIE's Photo MINNIE Posts: 14,866
11/16/08 12:22 A

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hi coach dean,
hope you've been well.
reporting that i just ordered a table on wheels to pull up to my bike. hope it supports my computer and my mouse.

please let me know when your invention is manufactured.

thanks again!!!!

Edited by: MINNIE at: 11/16/2008 (18:22)
keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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TRICOTINE's Photo TRICOTINE SparkPoints: (80,996)
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11/10/08 4:25 P

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Thank you, Coach Toughlove! It is good to think that not reaching a goal does not have to be a problem.
emoticon

I thought you would kick my butt and shout "GO TO BED!" LOL

I have actually done better with my sleeping pattern in the past few days. I am trying to help my fatigued metabolism to get back in shape and I understand that sleep is an important part of the process, as much as rest and good nutrition.
emoticon

Edited by: TRICOTINE at: 11/10/2008 (16:31)
♦ Green Belt at Shaolin Kempo Karate and Jiu-Jitsu ♦

~ Co-Leader of RUNNER GIRLS UNITED Team ~

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome." – Samuel Johnson


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MINNIE's Photo MINNIE Posts: 14,866
11/9/08 6:40 P

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here i am editing my post, and you already responded. please be kind and reread it.

chuckle, coach dean. i said last week that i must get a bike with a desk. great minds think alike, but you carried it a step further. VERY CLEVER!!!. now to implement.... can you imagone if i'd be pedaling all the time i'm on the computer? i work full time and part of it is from home. i spend many hours on the machine.

thanks again!
p.s. the kids are cute.

Edited by: MINNIE at: 11/9/2008 (23:35)
keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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11/9/08 6:36 P

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Hi, LOSE4BABY

Coach Toughlove is definitely not an expert on ToM problems, so I'm afraid I'll have to take a pass on that part of your question. But if you're having problem putting together a "perfect day" to get your momentum rolling, step your goal down a notch and focus on one specific thing, like having a good breakfast, or finding a substitute for one snack food that causes trouble, or squeezing in 30 minutes of exercise a day, or whatever seems like a good place to start. Then try to start a streak of days in a row where you do that one thing (or weeks where you do it at least 5 times, etc).

And don't spend much time thinking about what went wrong when you break your streak--spend that time thinking about what went right when you stuck to it, and how you can make that happen more often. (See link below for more ideas on this.) Then just start a new streak.

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivat
io
n_articles.asp?id=685


If you want to do a little more reading on how to build a successful attitude in this business, here's another article to check out:



www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=533



Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/9/2008 (18:38)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/9/08 6:17 P

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Hi, Minnie

Here's a thought: get yourself a stationary bike or treadmill, and have it equipped with a small generator that you power by using the machine. Then plug your computer and reading lamp into that, so you have to be using the machine to be online or read.

emoticon

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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MINNIE's Photo MINNIE Posts: 14,866
11/9/08 4:57 P

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thanks for your reply, coach. your right that i don't enjoy this process. "yeah, but..."

i have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and little high liver and sugar tests. as you well know, all go down with my weight. doc wants me to weigh 135 pounds. i want me to weigh 130 so i can go up to 135 when i am less strict and then fight down from there. my "ideal" weight is 115. i'm not even thinking about that. i'm 5'3". i wear a size 14 with a 35" waist. i have a tire around my middle. that's the worst place. the rest of me is reasonably thin. just to let you know that i'm by no means skinny and not admitting it.

i am hypothyroid. gp gave me prescription. specialist said i don't have to start on meds yet. i choose latter because i fear medicine. so it is an extra challenge.

does not take me long to track. most of my food is there and it's just a click. in reality, i don't weigh and measure. (that could sometimes contribute to my problem.) i spend time reading about diet and exercise, not tracking. historically when i become distracted and i stop tracking, i gain. that's not an option. it never became an automatic habit.
time management is my biggest weakness. there is much i'd like to do with my time, ranging from talking with family and friends to playing games myself on my computer (these are fun). i have piles of stuff to read, some of it health related. (this is not fun, but not so bad either. i just don't get to it.) i also enjoy reading for pleasure, needlework and tending my neglected plants.

making the time for more (intense) exercise (instead of reading about it) is probably the right answer. that i do not enjoy at all. i need a distraction because i find it so boring and i have difficulty doing what bores me. i collect knowledge instead of implementing it. maybe that's my question. how to get me to do more of what i know i should do??

Edited by: MINNIE at: 11/9/2008 (18:37)
keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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11/9/08 12:42 P

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Hi, Minnie

If playing the numbers game doesn't seem to be working, maybe it's time to try a different approach. It sounds like you already know all you need to know about where calories come from and what you need to maintain a healthy diet. That's really the most important thing you can get from the numbers.

You say you have to lose weight for health, but I see you're only 10 pounds away from your goal weight, and have been there for quite a while. What effect is that 10 pounds actually having on your health, and why do you think you have to lose it to be healthy? If you really do have to lose more weight to stay or get healthy, then I guess you'll need to find some way to offset the weight gaining effects of those special occasions (eg, more exercise or more intense exercise), or be more strict with your eating on those occasions.

Honestly, though, I'm getting the feeling that you may be obsessing about these numbers somewhat. I don't know of many medical problems where being 10 pounds off from your "ideal" weight would pose a major problem. And if you're doing all the right things most of the time, and cutting yourself a modest amount of slack (like a little bread and a small treat) on occasion, it seems kind of unrealistic to expect much more of yourself unless you literally have to do that.

If there ISN'T a specific health-related reason why you have to lose those last 10 pounds, then my advice would be to just forget whatever number on the scale you're aiming for, and focus on what makes you feel satisfied and what makes life enjoyable for you. It definitely sounds like tracking all those numbers isn't doing that for you, so I can't see much sense in continuing to do that, unless it's doctor's orders.

So, what I'm suggesting, I guess, is that maybe you've already broken through as far as your weight is concerned, and you just aren't admitting that to yourself? Are you afraid that something bad could happen if you stopped focusing on all those numbers? Can you think of anything else you could be doing with the time you spend on tracking all the numbers and doing the weight loss math that would make life more enjoyable?

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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GREENCHIC78's Photo GREENCHIC78 Posts: 136
11/9/08 9:57 A

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Okay Coach, here's one for you that I posted on another team and was told I should try out your team:

I've been on SP for about a month and have had a horrible time getting started and staying on track with both my eating and exercising habits. This past week was PMS, and now ToM of course, so I have eaten just about everything in sight! I've also been horribly tired lately, so I haven't been getting up in the morning to exercise and I'm even more tired after work. I know I need to take it one day at a time, but I have yet to really have ONE good day of either eating or exercising. I live with my gf and she wants me to lose weight but she is not super helpful because she's thin already. She pretty much eats what she wants and she works outside so that is her exercise. I just need someone to give me some ideas that will kick me in the butt and get me on the right track. Thanks so much!


Change is inevitable, progress takes work.
~Carl Lashley (my dad)~

An harm it none, do what ye will
~ Wiccan Rede~


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11/9/08 8:47 A

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Well, Coach -

I read your reply the day you posted it but I needed some time to digest. I'm amazed at how accurate you were with your assessment of my problem and even more amazed at how difficult it was to swallow. The tone of your message and the way you addressed my problem were very kind but the message itself . . . wow! That's where the tough love rose up and kicked my rapidly shrinking hindquarters!

Guilt and I go waaaaaaaaaaaaay back. My mother was the master of creating and feeding those guilt feelings in me. Without going into any detail of my childhood, just know that somewhere along the way my mind decided that I "deserve" to feel bad.

In nearly every other area of my life I've managed to relearn and recondition myself to know that I deserve to feel good and to make good choices . . . that I'm "worth it" and worthy of a little happiness. My weight loss and healthy lifestyle journey is new and so I didn't expect these twisted guilt trips to resurface.

Your dose of tough love was EXACTLY what I needed to get myself back on track. I have printed your article on toxic guilt and will carry it in my planner so that I may remind myself when traveling that I am indeed worth healthier food choices and 30 minutes of fitness a day even when I'm away from home.

I cannot thank you enough for your reply, your grasp of the problem, and for caring enough to say the things that were necessary for me to hear but difficult for me to swallow.
emoticon Traci

Edited by: STAHN66 at: 11/9/2008 (09:00)
¸.•*´¨) Traci  (¨´*•.¸ ♥

Success is not final . . .          
Failure is not fatal . . .
It is the courage to continue that counts. -Winston Churchill


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11/8/08 11:37 P

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hi coach dean,
i have to lose weight for health. i got down to where i am now over 2 (or is it 3) years ago. i care less about the scale than about inches. if i visit, or have company, or it's a holiday, or i attend a wedding, i gain. then i work hard for weeks to lose it , only to gain again at the next occasion. i'm not progressing further. the goal is to eat 1400 calories and burn 1900 so i have a 500 calorie deficit which should make me lose a pound a week. but it isn't happening. i have always eaten nutritiously. it's still a daily fight with myself to get up from the computer and exercise, but i generally win.
feeling especially frustrated today. had plain lowfat yogurt, oatmeal with cinamon, raisins, and 3.5 walnuts for breakfast. had 3 oz meat, quarter cup barley, cup of plain zucchini , salad without oil, a kiwifruit and a small whole wheat roll for dinner (ok, the tiny red potato was excessive!). had another roll with one fifth avocado and two radishes and a banana for snacks. recorded 3 cups of 1% milk which i need for calcium , vit D and deep sleep. ate NOTHING in friend's house though she served lots of good stuff. no calories left for dinner (count the tiny red potato here if you wish)!!!!!!
walked 20 min and exercised 50 minutes.
have only a 93 calorie deficit. i often don't eat any bread, but even without the two rolls, i'd have a deficit of only 273 calories. and as a lifestyle, i want to be able to eat bread and fruit and even an occassional treat when it's a special occassion. lately i've been eating a 53 calorie piece of chocolate daily.

so how do i break through?

keep your EYE ON THE BALL. what is the goal?will this action get you closer?

zip ya' lip (please see pic)

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right." – Henry Ford

slowly but surely.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

face your stuff. don't stuff your face.

be so busy improving yourself that you have no time to find fault with o


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11/8/08 9:49 P

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Hi, CLOUDY64

You're right--it doesn't work that way any more. Ain't getting older grand? :(

But another thing that doesn't work very well is getting upset and frustrated about something you can't do anything about. Better to put that energy into accepting reality and doing some experimentation to find out what will actually work for you now.

It sounds like you may be expecting the scale to be your source of motivation, which I think is a big mistake. You don't have much control over the number the scale gives you, because so many different things can affect your weight at any given moment. And as I said to someone else below, pinning your motivation on something you can't control with your own decisions and actions is a prescription for problems.

What I'd recommend is thinking about what "losing weight" really means to you and what you hope it will accomplish for you. Then ask yourself what else you can be doing that will help you accomplish those same things, besides trying to make the number on the scale go down. Do you want to get stronger, so you can continue to handle daily activities? Do you have health issues you need to do something about?

Losing weight is just the means to other ends--the number on the scale really doesn't mean anything at all, in itself. The more different ways you have of working to achieve those ends, the less effect the number on the scale will have on your mood and motivation.

So, try setting some specific performance goals for yourself that are related to your real goals. If you want to get stronger, pick some specific strength training exercises you can do, and track your progress on those. If you need to work on balance or flexibility, do the same thing with activities that work for that. If you've got a problem with boredom eating, find some things to do that keep you interested.

You get the idea--pick a few specific, concrete goals that focus on your own behavior, and that you can follow and measure without using the scale, and start working on those. Each step forward you make on those will boost your motivation and your momentum, and prevent the frustration that comes with scale watching.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 9:13 P

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Hi, LECATES

Coach Toughlove has learned (the hard way, as usual) to avoid relationship issues like the plague, especially when only one of the parties is present and asking for some toughlove.

I have no idea what might work to get your husband to take better care of his own health--or how he might react if you try to do it for him. If anyone is in a position to make an educated guess about that, it's you--as they say, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I can tell you that, in my experience, dishing out toughlove to another adult, especially one you live with, tends not to work very well unless it's asked for.

But I do think it would be appropriate for you to tell your husband how you're feeling about all this, if you haven't already. I wouldn't be surprised if one big reason he doesn't tell the doctor everything is because he's afraid of getting bad news--us men are often a little dumb about things like this. Maybe if he knows you're worried too and want to help, he'll be happy to have your help talking to the doctor, or he'll be inspired to tell the doctor what's really going on.

If you've already tried this and it hasn't worked, I'm not sure going over his head and talking to the doctor yourself will help. The doctor probably is already on the lookout for the sleep apnea issue, given all the other problems your husband has. And dh will still have to cooperate with any treatment the doctor recommends, which might be even less likely if he feels like you and the doc are ganging up on him. You might be better off just letting your dh know that you have no desire to listen to his snoring every night if the problem can be fixed, and that he'll be the one on the couch if he doesn't do something about this.

But remember--this isn't offical advice, just some stuff you might want to consider. I don't know enough about the situation to offer any specific advice, I'm just going with my general experience.

Hope this helps--and good luck!

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/8/2008 (21:22)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 1:35 P

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Hi, SDINES2

I'd say that the first reason you keep snacking in the evening is because you believe you don't have any control over what goes in your mouth. Unless someone is force-feeding you, that just isn't true, and the first step towards fixing the problem will be to ditch that way of thinking, and remind yourself that eating always takes a decision and an action on your part.

There are lots of things that could contribute to this problem, ranging from the quality of your diet to emotional eating. One good way to start sorting this stuff out so you'll know what you need to work on would be to keep a food journal for a while, where you record what you eat in the evenings, how much, what else is going on at the time, what you're feeling or thinking about before, during and after you eat, and so on. Then, sit down and go through your journal and see what kind of patterns you can spot. Do you eat when you're bored or anxious, or when you're sitting in front of the TV? Are there times when you don't snack?--what's going on then that's different from the other times? This should help you figure out what's going on.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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CLOUDY67 Posts: 60
11/8/08 1:28 P

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I am new to this blog and not quite sure which forum to use for a question for COACH TOUGHLOVE -----

Since hitting my mid-sixties, it has become very difficult for me to loose weight. When I was younger, I could watch my calories for a few days, and drop a pound or two --- it doesn't work that way anymore. I get so frustrated and disgusted that I just give up. Do you have any ideas for me that would enable me to loose at least a few pounds so that I could get movitated. I just seem to be "stuck" and I can't seem to get out of this negative mindset.
Helen

TODAY IS A NEW DAY; LEARN TO LOVE YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.


 
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11/8/08 1:23 P

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Hi, TRICOTINE

I honestly don't know what kind of problem this might be. Maybe you just don't need 8 hours of sleep--not everyone does. If what you're doing now actually interferes with your life in some way, and you can't solve the problem with simple measures (like setting your bedtime alarm an hour earlier, so you can finish what you're doing and still get to bed by 10:30), then I'd say you need to look at how you're feeling or what you're thinking when you decide not to go to bed, and try to figure out what's up with that.

If what you're doing now doesn't cause any problems other than violating "the rule" about 8 hours of sleep, I'd say this is a problem that probably doesn't really need fixing.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 12:59 P

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Hi, AN9E1AC

I think that obsessions and compulsions always serve a purpose, usually a pretty important one. That's why they're so strong. Usually, that purpose has something to do with helping you manage an unpleasant feeling (like anxiety), avoid a feeling or thought you don't want to face, or generate a feeling you want to have and aren't getting another way. The obsession or compulsion is basically what you do instead of feeling that feeling or thinking about that issue, or doing something else to get what you need.

This usually means that you're not going to be able to stop obsessing with sheer will power. You'll need to deal directly with whatever it is the obsession is distracting you from, so you don't need to avoid it anymore. Or you'll need to find something else that can do the same thing the obsession is doing for you, only without the negative consequences of your obsession (this is pretty hard, since any serious obsession is likely to interfere with the rest of your life to some degree).

I don't know how strong your obsession is, or how easy it would be to work on dealing directly with whatever is going on underneath the surface. One thing that might work for a fairly mild obsession is to simply stop for a few minutes when that obsessive thought starts to come up, and ask yourself what you'd be feeling or thinking about if you didn't think about that. You can't do this in an intellectual way--it's more like trying to notice what's going on around you at the time the obsession comes up, and what's going in your body--are you feeling any sensations in certain places.

Most feelings come with physical sensations. Anger feels like hotness, especially at the back of your neck, or tightness in clenched jaws or fists; anxiety comes with a racing heart or sweaty hands; dread feels like a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, etc. Usually, there's also some trigger in your situation that's causing these reactions. So, if you can identify what you're really feeling and/or what's causing it, and learn to stay with that feeling for a little while before you jump into your head with the obsessive thoughts, the obsession will get weaker. And if you can find a way to work with those feelings and deal with whatever is triggering them directly, you won't need the obsession at all, and it should go away.

But the stronger the obsession is, the harder it is to do this by yourself. So, if it's pretty hard for you to keep those obsessive thoughts from taking over, talking to a counselor or your doctor about the problem would be a good idea.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/8/2008 (13:40)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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IMAGIN8 Posts: 739
11/8/08 12:33 P

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Ok coach. I'll procrastinate on procrastinating. It has definite possibilities.

Thanks!
emoticon

If it is to be, it is up to me.
- Author Unknown

The only thing standing between me and quitting is my next run.


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11/8/08 12:22 P

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Hi, GILLS62CA

I think that, if you're a professional procrastinator, the best thing to do is to use those skills to put off procrastinating.

For example: put your alarm clock on the other side of the room, so you have to get out of bed to turn it off. Then, when your Inner Procrastinator wants to go back to bed for a while, or sit down in front of the computer, tell her you'll do that after you go for your run.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/8/2008 (12:31)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 12:17 P

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Hi, BUNAY_GUERRA

Wow, you definitely have a lot of stuff to juggle. I can't offer much help in terms of how to manage your time, or tell you how to squeeze in workouts, since that would take knowing the details of your daily schedule. But here are a few things that come to mind from reading your post:

If hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the solution. And food doesn't ask you to eat it, so if you're saying yes to those cookies, you must be responding to something coming from inside, not from them. My guess would be that you're doing a lot of comfort eating. Your life sounds pretty stressful, and eating comforts you for a minute or two (until you start feeling bad about doing that). So, the solution is to find some other, more direct way of comforting yourself that doesn't involve eating, so you don't have to pay the price for eating more than you need.

What do you do for stress management? Do you have anyone you talk to when things feel overwhelming or you're feeling stressed out? Do you have people who can pitch in and help when things get too hectic? Are you taking a little bit of time everyday to do something that helps you relax and makes you feel good? You might find that exercise can actually do that for you at the same time it burns calories, if you can find some kind of activity you enjoy.

There's a whole section of articles in the motivation section under Healthy Lifestyles about how to cope with stress--be sure to check those out.

Beyond that, I think the main thing is just to remember that you're the one in charge here, not the food, or the schedule, or anything else. You can set your priorities, and decide what has to give, if you can't do everything on any given day. And you can even revise your committments, if it's not realistic to do everything--maybe cut school back to half-time, etc. The more powerless or helpless you think you are, the more it will seem like you don't have any choices or options--but that's usually not the way things really are.

Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/8/2008 (13:03)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 10:52 A

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Hi, COWGILLE

I don't think people ever really lose motivation. If you really want the benefits of exercise, you already have all the motivation you need.

It sounds to me like what you lost is your momentum. It's a law of physics that bodies at rest tend to stay at rest, and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. I don't think things are different for human bodies just because we have minds. To get back into a regular routine, you're going to have to take it one day and one decision at a time until your routine builds up some momentum again.

So, don't sit around wondering what's wrong with your motivation, or trying to talk yourself into feeling motivated--just start putting one foot in front of the other, literally.

You may need to find a different way to exercise, especially if your injury was exercise-related and you have any anxiety about doing that same activity again. And you can't expect yourself to resume where you left off before the injury--you'll need to work back up again, but it won't take as long this time as it did the first time.

But the bottom line is you have to start the ball rolling again yourself, by doing a little bit of something every day. Here's a blog with a little more about this:

www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=whe
re
_does_your_motivation_go_when_you_loR>se_it


Hope this helps.

Coach Toughlove

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/8/08 9:01 A

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My question is a toughlove question---my dh has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday---his blood pressure is not coming down like it should on meds---I think he might have sleep apnea, the sounds in the bedroom are getting worse and I sometimes have to sleep on the couch--he has gerds and does things that he should not do---plus his knees have athristis in them and are very painful---my question is Should I go to the doctor with him and request a sleep test? He does not volunteer info to the doctor plus he is not totally honest with him either unless I am there---I hate to treat him as a kid but I am seriously worried about his health---and as I have increased my activity level and he has decreased his, we spend very little quality time together---which I don't like that but I am not sacrificing my health.

Eastern Shore of Maryland
USING CAPS FOR VISUALLY IMPAIRED FRIEND TILL SURGERY! Team leader for Empty Nesters and the Gardening Team.


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11/8/08 6:45 A

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My question is why do I snack so much after dinner in the evenings?

I do great all day I have a good breakfast a morning scank, lunch and then dinner....after dinner I get the munchies and have no control over what goes into my mouth. Could be popcorn, ice cream or just about anything. I know what I am supposed to do as I have been eating healthy for years.

I Care, Sharon






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11/7/08 7:49 P

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Here is my question, Coach Toughlove: I don't see to be able to get myself to bed early enough to get my 8 hours of sleep.

I have tried to set an alarm on my watch at 10:30 pm (I wake up at 6:30 am) but it is not working. I turn off the alarm thinking "OK I am going to be on my way upstairs as soon as I finish this" and then I get side tracked and end up starting something else, even though I am fighting for keeping awake.

I might succes one day or two in the row but rarely more... Despite my efforts, I cannot figure out what make me turn this into a habit! emoticon

What would your recommend?

Edited by: TRICOTINE at: 11/7/2008 (19:55)
♦ Green Belt at Shaolin Kempo Karate and Jiu-Jitsu ♦

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"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome." – Samuel Johnson


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11/7/08 4:20 P

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Coach Toughlove, thanks very much for the response!!!

Isn't it amazing what a difference a day can make? As well as what a difference a training session can make. Today feeling the muscles in my shoulders, upper arms, and my pecs, I feel good about what I'm doing, and the strength I've added through these sessions.

My trainer and I have discussed this all some, and I think I will start adding more HIIT into my war plan.

Oh, and you are so right about body type...something I don't see brought up here on Spark much, but I am the poster child for Ectomorphs everywhere...Always underweight as a child, and never had a bit of muscle on my body more than was needed to keep me upright.
Thanks again Coach!
Kash

~Robin~ Vancouver, WA - SPSW 180
BLC 24-Silver Spies
***************
2013 race schedule
4/19-4/20 Ragnar Relay So. Cal
6/16 Vancouver USA Marathon 6:16:45
8/3 Race for the Homeless 10k 1:14:02
9/8 Pints to Pasta 10k 1:09:47
9/28 Best Dam Run 10k
10/6 Portland Marathon 6:09:32
10/7-10/31 Dia de las Muertos virtual marathon
10/12 Great Bacon Run 10k
11/9 Chicks Fat Ass Relay
12/7 Christmas Story 10k (virtual)


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11/7/08 3:48 P

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Hi, STAHN

I think the first step towards a solution here will be take a close look at that last sentence you wrote:

"I know what I need to do, but what I want to do always seems to win."

How do you think "what you want to do" manages to win so often, even though you always end up feeling horrible afterwards?

It sounds to me like something a little odd is going on here. Normally, people learn pretty quickly to want to do the things that make them feel good, and not want to do the things that make them feel bad. Clearly you don't like to feel the misery and self-hatred you feel after you overeat and don't exercise, but you believe that those are the things you really want to do. Have you got any thoughts about where that idea might have come from?

I know that, for me, this kind of problem usually has something to do with not handling guilt feelings very well, or attaching them to the wrong things. If you're actually feeling guilty about the overeating and not exercising, that would indicate that you really don't want to do those things, wouldn't it? Maybe you need to work on letting yourself feel those feelings before the fact, when they can actually do you some good by influencing the choices you make. Waiting to feel them until after you've already done something that makes you feel guilty turns normal guilt into "toxic" guilt. Here's an article with some more info on that:

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes
s_
articles.asp?id=692


Or it could be that you're actually feeling guilty about something else entirely, and just focusing on the overeating as the cause of feeling bad so you don't have to think about where those feelings are really coming from. If you feel sorry for yourself when you're on a business trip, maybe it's time to look at how you feel about your job, or about being on the road so much, and whether that's the best thing for you to be doing right now.

At any rate, I think it's a mistake to think that you're doing what you really want to do when you skip your exercise or overeat. If that IS what you really want to do, then why not just do it and not worry about it? There's no law that says you have to eat right and exercise every single day. If it makes you feel bad, it's probably because it's not what you really want to do. Either that, or you really don't like yourself very much, and think you deserve the kind of torment you're putting yourself through here.


But I could be wrong about all this, of course. If none of this makes any sense, let me know and we'll try again, lol.

Coach Toughlove

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/8/2008 (02:39)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/7/08 2:43 P

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Hi, KASHMIR

Unfulfilled expectations do affect your motivation, which is the way things are supposed to work. You should get frustrated when what you're doing isn't producing the results you expect--that's nature's way of keeping you from doing the same thing over and over again even though it clearly doesn't work.

So, when you're feeling the way you are now, it usually means it's time to do some reality checking. There are two possibilities here. One is that your expectations are realistic, which would mean that what you're doing needs to change, so that your efforts are producing the results you expect. The other is that your expectations aren't realistic, which means you need to change those.

I can't tell you whether your expectations about how much lower your bodyfat percentage can go, or how quickly that can happen, are realistic or not--that's the kind of thing that depends on all kinds of individual factors that are hard to measure, including things like genetic issues and body type. One thing you might need to keep in mind is that when you lose weight (congrats on that, by the way!), you don't lose fat cells, you just decrease the fat stored in them. Those of us who were very overweight, especially if this started during childhood or adolescence, typically have many more fat cells than smaller people, so it could be unrealistic for us to expect to reduce our fat percentage down to the lower end of the normal range.

The other thing to ask yourself is whether it really matters what number your bodyfat percentage settles at, and whether lowering it further is really the goal you want to be aiming for. Would it really make any difference to you what your bodyfat % is if you're strong, fit, healthy, capable of doing what you need to do every day, and feeling pretty good about being in your own skin?

The list in that last sentence are all things you can actually do something about through your own choices and actions, while your bodyfat % is something you can't totally control--you just have to do what you can on all those other fronts, and see where you end up with your bf%. Pinning your motivation on getting results you can't actually control through your own actions is usually a recipe for trouble, so I'd suggest taking the focus off the body fat number and putting it elsewhere.

If you knew you couldn't lower your bodyfat much below where it is now, would you stop doing the exercise you're doing now? If so, maybe it's time to think about finding forms of exercise you enjoy for their own sake. If you still don't like the way you look right now, maybe it's time to start working on ways of improving your body image that don't depend on losing weight.

Finally, I'd also suggest talking to your trainer about these feelings. There are ways to eat and exercise that can be more effective than others at decreasing body fat (eg, shorter, higher intensity cardio interval training), and your trainer may be able to help you make changes in your program if you ask--or refer you to another trainer with more expertise in that area.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Coach Toughlove


"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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AN9E1AC's Photo AN9E1AC Posts: 304
11/7/08 1:41 P

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How do you break obsessive behaviors? For example, I am not hungry, but I get a thought into my head about a particular food and obsess about it until I fulfill that need even if I know it is not the best choice for my health.

Edited by: AN9E1AC at: 11/7/2008 (14:12)
Everyday is an opportunity to start fresh, view everything from a new perspective and approach every aspect of life with zeal!!!


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11/7/08 1:25 P

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Ok, here's mine.

I started the C25K program in July. I'm pretty good at doing it, but boy do I procrastinate. This morning I set the alarm and then lounged around in bed looking at email and SparkPeople, while my dog did somersaults trying to get me up. I finally got out of bed, and the thought crossed my mind that I would be late for work if I ran. But I ran anyway, because I'm on to my own pathetic avoidance tactics. I was more than an hour late for work. Bad. But at least I ran.

So what advice do you have for someone who has to run before work but has a hard time getting out of bed?

If it is to be, it is up to me.
- Author Unknown

The only thing standing between me and quitting is my next run.


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11/7/08 12:50 P

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hi coach, my name is yvonne, i'm 24 married with 3 kids, 5,4,and 16 months. I work full time, and am a full time student. i feel like i have no more energy to exercise. i want to get fit so badly. I go from work to school then home with the kids then back to work again. what can i do to fit some workouts into my day. also, i always am eating, even when i am not hungry, if food is laying there i will eat it. even sometimes when i'm full i'll still say yes to some cookies. please help me

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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11/6/08 9:54 P

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Hi Coach,
I think I really excel when it comes to motivating other people. In fact, I am a co-leader for the Emotional Eaters team and the biggest part of my responsibility is to answer posts, encouraging people. I do hope I am an encouragement to them. But when it comes to encouraging myself - I'm not always able to do that. Or maybe I can encourage myself in part of my goals, but not all. Example: I am doing quite well in staying within calorie range, but I haven't exercised since I fell and got hurt in August. I've recovered from the fall with no problem, but I cannot get back to working out. I tell myself everything good - all the benefits fo exercise - hasn't worked yet. I would appreciate a good swift kick! (and some helpful advice!)

Thanks,
Edwina

Blessings,
Edwina
Co Leader of Team "I Need Sleep!"
Co Leader of Emotional Eaters Team

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13

Refuse defeat. Be determined!

There will never be a defeat when determination reigns.


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11/6/08 8:28 P

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Okay, Coach . . . Give it to me straight . . .

As long as I'm in my hometown and it's not a weekend I do FABULOUS with my nutrition and fitness goals. Problem is that my work requires travel.

Generally I'm out of town two to three days every week. This means motel stays and meals on the go. I find it difficult to sleep in motels so I'm prone to talk myself out of using the fitness equipment first thing in the morning (like I do at home) so that I can catch an extra hour of zzzzzzzz's. I justify it by thinking I'll watch what I eat all day and things will be okay. Then, I overeat at every meal thinking I'll use the fitness center at the motel "no matter what" but I usually don't. Then I feel miserable, hate myself, and have to work extra hard when I'm back at home only to start the cycle over again.

Weekends are difficult for me too. I think it's because I'm not as busy and I tend to think more about eating.

* Inspiration doesn't help.
* So far, no one's been able to motivate me when I'm on the road because I feel sorry for myself and quit caring about my goals while I'm away.
* I know what I NEED to do but what I WANT to do always seems to win.

Care to kick some sense into me??????

Edited by: STAHN66 at: 11/6/2008 (20:36)
¸.•*´¨) Traci  (¨´*•.¸ ♥

Success is not final . . .          
Failure is not fatal . . .
It is the courage to continue that counts. -Winston Churchill


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11/6/08 6:23 P

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Here you go Coach, not sure if this is the type of question you are looking for or not, but it never hurts to ask.

My motivation is high most of the time. I find when I start to feel it dropping it helps if I find someone else who is lagging and do what I can to help motivate them.
But...and of course there is always a But isn't there?
After working out at least once a week for almost a year with my trainer, actually doing strength training on my own the past several months another 2 days a week, I'm starting to get discouraged that my body fat percentage is not dropping like I think it should. I'm getting stronger, but my body fat remains close to 30%...2% points lower than it was a year ago. I'm thinking on the one hand working with the trainer isn't doing what I expected, but on the other hand I figure if I quit then I'll go back to only doing cardio again and will stand a good chance of increasing my body fat percentage, and undoing all the hard work I've put in so far.
I'm Frustrated and don't know what to do next.

~Robin~ Vancouver, WA - SPSW 180
BLC 24-Silver Spies
***************
2013 race schedule
4/19-4/20 Ragnar Relay So. Cal
6/16 Vancouver USA Marathon 6:16:45
8/3 Race for the Homeless 10k 1:14:02
9/8 Pints to Pasta 10k 1:09:47
9/28 Best Dam Run 10k
10/6 Portland Marathon 6:09:32
10/7-10/31 Dia de las Muertos virtual marathon
10/12 Great Bacon Run 10k
11/9 Chicks Fat Ass Relay
12/7 Christmas Story 10k (virtual)


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11/6/08 11:08 A

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Hi, H


For Coach Toughlove, just questions about motivation, attitude, etc--just like here. But Coach Nicole has a "you asked" feature where she replies to fitness questions from readers. Not real specific questions about your individual situation, but questions that would be relevant to many readers.

Hope this helps.

Coach Dean

"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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11/6/08 6:40 A

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Only specifically motivation questions?

---Hoji ----- Namu Amida Butsu!

"There is no try, there is only do!" Yoda



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11/5/08 10:05 P

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I haven't asked any questions yet, but, I do think this is a wonderful idea!!

~DD~
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11/5/08 7:05 P

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If you're willing to have your question and my answer appear in Coach Toughlove's weekly blog on the dailySpark , post it here. You'll get your answer here, as in the other Ask Coach Toughlove thread, but it may also be selected to appear in one of my blogs on the other site. I won't post it there before you see the answer here, and if you change your mind about having it on the blog, you can let me know.

Coach Dean

Edited by: SP_COACH_DEAN at: 11/5/2008 (19:08)
"All your life, you have just been waiting for this moment to arise."
(Lennon & McCartney, "Blackbird")






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