Hello everyone! I'm so sorry to come here in such a low mood, so feel free to ignore my message, I just need to vent.
Last january I had "finals" (we go by semesters, not years, so each course lasts 1 semester). I did really very well, but the same day of my last test I left for Madrid to have a 1 month practical training period at a very important company. There I had to stop running (I had nowhere to go, no time, no energy and no good gear) and couldn't make choices over what I ate, because I was staying with some relatives and I wasn't in the position to refuse to eat anything. That triggered an ED, I lost control over so many things that I obsessed with that. In a few weeks I lost 12lbs. Then I came back home devastated thinking about where it was all leading, scared of where I was. I spent a week here and went to London for another week. Those two weeks I've been overeating as a way to reinforce my freedom, like I can do whatever I want. I've gained half of what I lost back, but I don't want to see it in my tracker, please don't be too hard on me for this.
Now I have to catch up after almost two months of missed classes, I'm double-majoring and have a 50mile commute each way and... now I'm working as a translator from home and also doing some interpreting at conferences.
This week is a big week in my city, Valencia. It's fallas time, and everynight there's a firework show, tonight being the biggest. Fireworks here are considered to be the best in the world (for the opening and closure ceremonies at the Sydney and Athens Olympic games they got guys from here to design the fireworks) and I really love attending. But today I've literally spent the whole day b/p and not working, so I've had to stay home working on my translation due tomorrow instead of going and enjoying what I wait for all year.
This is getting crazy. I need a fresh start, I need somebody by my side and yet I'm not ready to talk about this to anyone near me. And although I know I need professional help, until I'm ready for that I want to start trying things on my own, but I really don't see what could help me.
Now it's 2am and I haven't finished yet the translation. I feel like crap, and I have to wake up early tomorrow and get ready for a very hard interpretation I have in a feminist congress on Tuesday.
On Thursday I'm joining my dad's gym. I feel very atracted by the yoga, body balance and pilates classes. That, and the spa. Oh, yes, and maybe I'll do some exercise there... I hope if I start taking more care of me everything will get easier...
Thank you for reading all this, it really means a lot to somebody who has no strengh even to cry.
Busy Bees in College SparkTeam:
Jun 06 - 75kg (165.3lbs)
1st Sep 06 - 71.5kg (157.5)
1st Oct 06 - 67.3kg (148.3)
1st Dec 06 - 65.7kg (145)
1st Jan 07 - 64.8kg (143)