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JERZIGRL1118's Photo JERZIGRL1118 Posts: 25
5/9/08 12:35 P

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When my daughter (who is now 23 and a mother herself) was in kindergarten her teacher started a class project. Beginning with the letter A, each day a student took home a little box and had to bring something in the box which began with the letter for that day. Whoever guessed it would win a prize, if noone guessed it the student who had the box would win it. Well, the box finally came to my daughter and the letter that day was "N". She insisted on doing it herself with no help from me. The next day her teacher called and said,"Did you help with the alphabet letter box"? I said, "No she wouldn't let me." She said, "I HAVE to tell you what Brittany brought in!" When all the children finished guessing and noone got it right, my daughter smiled proudly and opened the box and announced very loudly,"NOTHING". "N is for NOTHING!"

Some people are like Slinky's ~~ Not really good for anything, BUT they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs!!

There are no accidents.
If it's appeared on your life radar, this is why: to teach you that dreams come true; to reveal that you have the power to fix what's broken and heal what hurts; to catapult you beyond seeing with just your physical senses; and to lift the veils that have kept you from seeing that you're already the person you dreamed you'd b


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STEELERGURL's Photo STEELERGURL SparkPoints: (22,997)
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4/28/08 11:00 P

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thats funny. my mom laughed for 10 minutes. lol thanks!

~Shauna~ :)


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4/14/08 8:24 A

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Gourmet Reporter


A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.

He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.

"But you don''t understand!" he cries, "You can''t do this to me! I''m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!"

"Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well look on the bright side. Soon you will be editor-in-chief!"

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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CHRISTIE2007's Photo CHRISTIE2007 Posts: 13,323
4/12/08 2:18 P

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emoticon

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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4/11/08 11:26 P

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my 3 year old daughter was driving me nuts today. so i look at her and say "syd, where did you come from?" and she looked at me and said "from your stomach momma and i cooked for 9 long months and then some" and she smiles at me. kids!

~Shauna~ :)


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3/23/08 9:23 P

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The Middle Wife...


I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.

And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."

"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this."

Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'"

"They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff; inside there."

Then Erica stood up! , took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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3/22/08 9:58 P

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At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was
arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule,
and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General
Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member
of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being
charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value.

They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer
to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of median with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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3/22/08 9:54 P

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MAXINE Cooks
I hate housework! You make the beds, do the dishes and six months later you have to
do it all over again!!

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction I get to the end and think,
Well, that's not gonna happen!

The Only Thing Domestic About Me Is That I Live Indoors.
The only thing I stir in the kitchen is trouble..

If you can't stand the heat, gop in my kitchen,
it's pretty safe, bet I won't be doing any cooking.

Thought about cleaning the house,but then I thought
what has the house done for me lately?

Recipes are like a dating service, they
never end up looking like their picture!

There should be a support group for women,
who can't put their dishes in the dishwasher Dirty!

I love a good meal, so I don't cook!

A household hint. Stop dusting & you can use your
coffee table as a message board..

Smoke detectors need to be tested, from time to
time, so I cook something..

They lied! Hard work has killed a lot of people..

I understand the concept of cooking & cleaning!
just not as it applies to me!

If it fits in the toaster, I can cook it!

"I find it helps to organize chores into catagories.
Things that I don't want to do now, things that I don't want to do later, Things that I'll never do."


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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CHRISTIE2007's Photo CHRISTIE2007 Posts: 13,323
3/22/08 12:40 P

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A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22) emoticon

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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2/17/08 8:40 A

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The Pasta Diet and Your Health
ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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ANGELHRT1971's Photo ANGELHRT1971 Posts: 263
2/14/08 4:23 P

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FUNNY ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES:


You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...


Drawling granny voice: Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Thank you for calling 217-2962. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert standard long-winded message here.

Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone.

This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

Start, low pitch, slow: Hhhhheeelllllloooooo thheeeerrrrrrre evvvvveerrrryyyboooodyyyy... Middle, normal: ...home of Veronica, Jaw-Chyi, Mark, and Mike. Nobody's home... Later, high pitch, fast: ...liketoleaveamessageafterthetonethen... End, incomprehensible chipmunk gibberish: ...kkfjdkeirucjkljfklreudjfkleqBEEP

You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.

You have reached the Business Automation voicemail system. We used to call it an answering machine, but this is a high-tech world and we're in a high-tech business, so we don't call it that any more. We wouldn't even if we could. So leave your message…

Rod Serling imitation: You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Very fast: Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.

Theme music from James Bond: Hello. My name is David, code number 324-5628. I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on an international mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam. Leave a message after the tone, and should I survive my mission, I'll call you back. Ciao babies!

Imitating Mr. Rogers: Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could


This is Walter Cronkite. Bren's not here right now. He's out on a date. The idea of Bren entertaining a girl with his basketball theories and computer knowledge over dinner at Taco Bell should scare the hell out of you. He'll probably be home soon, so leave your name and number and he'll call you back. Deal with it.

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.-THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE ONE!!!!


To scare off annoying liberals: Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign. Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message...

Stoned, slow voice: Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.

(Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 435-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message- THIS ONE IS HILARIOUS TO ME!!

Hi. This is BEN. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. THIS ONE IS THE ONE FOR MY SON!! HILARIOUS!!

(Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag.

A is for academics,
B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message

I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Brad Pitt, George Clooney, & Matt Damon. Since I don't have a telephone there, you could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it'll wash up on my beach in a few days. Then if the professor gets stranded here, we'll create a satellite uplink from a few coconuts and a palm leaf and I'll get right back to you.

Slight echo as if spoken in a large underground cave:) Help me, please help me. I'm down here in the thing you're holding in your hand. I can't get out because my leg is broken and my hand is stuck between two wires. Wait, what's that in the dark? OH NO, not a... a... a... Oh no, it IS! (Crunching noise.)


Hi, I'm not sane right now, but if you leave your name, number and shoe size at the sound of the tone, I'll get back to you when and if I return to my senses. THIS ONE IS ALSO HILARIOUS

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

Hi. This is CLYDE. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I'll play my messages. Please leave one.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval.


Please leave a tone after the message.


Hi, you have reached Richard. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so the voice you are hearing is actually me.


(Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh! (Pause.) Hello... (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.) Sorry man... I'm a bit tired at the moment... (Long yawn.) I'm going back to sleep now... Just going to switch the answering machine on...


Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?


We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?


Gameshow-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you'd like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we'll try to reach you when you're not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!


If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.

You might be calling to give me important information. If so, leave your information at the tone. Or perhaps you just want to have a casual conversation. If so, leave a message and I'll get back to you so we can have the conversation later. Or perhaps you want to know what I'm doing tonight, in which case it's the same thing I do every night. TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.



I WILL LOVE THE LIGHT FOR IT SHOWS ME THE WAY, YET I WILL ENDURE THE DARKNESS FOR IT SHOWS ME THE STARS!!!

KEEP ON, THEN, SEEKING FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD & HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS & ALL THESE OTHER THINGS WILL BE ADDED TO YOU!!- MATTHEW 6:33

PUT GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING YOU DO & SEE HOW MUCH BETTER YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME!!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE!! SO BELIEVE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IT WILL RADIATE FROM YOU!!


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ANGELHRT1971's Photo ANGELHRT1971 Posts: 263
2/14/08 3:55 P

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An
Italian Mother


Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner... who live with a female roommate Maria...

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.

You don't suppose she took it, do you?'

Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and
wrote:

Dear Momma,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not'
take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Anthony


Several days later, Anthony received a response
email from his Momma which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and
I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would
have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love,
Momma


Lesson: Never lie to your Momma... especially,
if she's Italian


I WILL LOVE THE LIGHT FOR IT SHOWS ME THE WAY, YET I WILL ENDURE THE DARKNESS FOR IT SHOWS ME THE STARS!!!

KEEP ON, THEN, SEEKING FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD & HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS & ALL THESE OTHER THINGS WILL BE ADDED TO YOU!!- MATTHEW 6:33

PUT GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING YOU DO & SEE HOW MUCH BETTER YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME!!

YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE!! SO BELIEVE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND IT WILL RADIATE FROM YOU!!


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CHRISTIE2007's Photo CHRISTIE2007 Posts: 13,323
2/6/08 1:14 P

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Thanks Ania,

I love the one about Wonders.

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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2/5/08 11:54 P

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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.

What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad.

What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.

What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.

What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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2/5/08 11:52 P

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Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America .....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER....

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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2/5/08 11:50 P

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UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one out of five ENJOYS it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Do Lipton Tea employees take "coffee breaks?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Whatever happened to Preparation A through G?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together, it spells
"THEIRS"?


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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SCHOOL AND POLICE COMMENTS!

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, boy, are these funny!!!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village some where of an 'idiot'.

5. Your son sets low personal standards, and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child, beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is definitely dead.

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

13. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

14. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They stretch after awhile."

15. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

16. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

17. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

18. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

19. "Yes,sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

20. "Warning! You want a warning? OK., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

21. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

22. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

23. "Yeah, we have a quota Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

24. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

25. "How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

26. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

27. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

28. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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2/3/08 5:45 P

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I love roses, I love your sayings. You should look up Despair.com. There are a lot of funny sayings there. Audrey emoticon




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Thanks, Ania.

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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1/22/08 9:19 A

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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2 The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:18 A

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Four husbands:

An 80-year old lady was being
interviewed by the local news station because

she had just gotten married -- for the fourth

time. The interviewer asked her questions

about her life, about what it felt
like to be marrying again at 80, and then
about her new husband's occupation.



'He's a funeral director,' she
answered.

'Interesting,' the newsman thought.

He then asked, 'Would
you mind telling me a little about your

first three husbands and what they

did for a living?'




She paused for a few moments,
needing time to reflect on all those years.

'I first married a banker when I was in my

early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when

in my 40's, later on a preacher when in my

60's, and now, in my 80's, a funeral director.'

The interviewer looked at her quite

astonished and asked, 'Why did you marry

four men with such diverse careers?'




With a smile on her face and a gleam in her eye,

she paused a few moments and then answered,

'I married one for the money, two for the show,

three to get ready, and four to go!'


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:17 A

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Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.


'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,' But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

The third piggy says -
'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:17 A

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Grandma's boyfriend

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'

Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is you r Gran dma home?'

The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'

The minister fainted.

Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:16 A

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IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT BEFORE,
IT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR DAY.
IF YOU HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE,
IT WILL DEFINITELY RE-MAKE YOUR DAY.
*+*(((((*+*

An older couple is lying in bed one morning.
They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.
He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me."
"Why not?" he asked.
She answered, "Because I'm dead."
The husband asked.
"What are you talking about?
We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!"
She said, "No, I'm definitely dead."
He insisted, "You are not dead.
What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

"Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts."

.............

Remember...
Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put some in the food.

...If it weren't for STRESS
I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan...
Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.

Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some, like me, just don't have any film.
I always know...
God won't give me more than I can handle
There are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.

Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff

If the shoe fits... buy a pair in every color.

Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.

Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian.
Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Bills travel through the mail...
at twice the speed of checks.
If you look like your passport picture...
you probably need the trip.

Some days are a total waste of makeup.

Men are from earth.
Women are from earth.
Deal with it.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years
and throw away three weeks before you need it.


Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Learn from the mistakes of others.
Trust me... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
I've tried!!

Have A Wonderful Day!


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:15 A

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Bear Porridge

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first. It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper.

"It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence ... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time..."

"I haven't made the darned porridge yet!"


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:15 A

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Maxine was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, 'Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila..'




Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, 'Never mind. I found one. '


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/22/08 9:10 A

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Here are some more!

Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth,
think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord,
Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...

AMEN


Life is a journey, and love is what makes that journey worthwhile


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 3:41 P

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These are really great, Thanks Anina

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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1/17/08 12:23 P

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Great jokes Ania, I had to pass some of those around. I especially liked the Hillary Clinton one.

Blessings to all .. Lisa

Leader - Pathway to Success
Co-Leader - Taking Back Control

" A Woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her"

Live your life in such a way, that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and say's: "Oh Hell She's awake!!!"

"Christians are not perfect, they are forgiven !! "

NUMBERS 6:24-26


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1/17/08 8:27 A

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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period? Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, and my mom fainted, dad had a heart attack and our neighbor ran away.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:27 A

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A woman asks man who is traveling with six children, "Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies sarcastically, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints."
****************************************


A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son. I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there is also my son. That's confidential!".

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:26 A

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Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one.

"Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

"I am so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.

"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.

"OK," said the first. So they plopped down, basking in the sun.

No sooner had they fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat sneaks up and gobbles them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...
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"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:25 A

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One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires..

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?' 'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.

'Yes,' cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!' The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:24 A

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1. Aspire to be Barbie - the witch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt . .. . a wedge of lime, and a shot of
tequila

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with
it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just my
personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk
funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it
with vodka.

12 . Now smile and send to any girl wasting time at work, suffering from a
hangover, or just suffering from work , that might need a reason to smile.


Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:23 A

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You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Thought for Today::
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.....NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

AND.....If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:22 A

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After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying

in bed one evening, when the misses felt her husband

begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some

time.



It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck,

and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly

worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just

over her lower stomach.



He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner

arm, caressed past the side of her breast again,

working down her side, passed gently over her buttock

and down her leg to her calf.



Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just

at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in

the same manner on her right side, then suddenly

stopped, rolled over and became silent.



As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she

asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful.

Why did you stop?"



I found the remote," he mumbled.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:21 A

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A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem .







The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss .





Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,
go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response ."





That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner ?"



No response.





So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner ?"





Still no response.



Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner ?"



Again he gets no response.





So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response .





So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner ?"





(love this)









"Ralph , for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:19 A

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A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans , with a box of crabs. A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did. The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. Shortly before landing in New York , she announced to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please
raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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1/17/08 8:18 A

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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane-energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had never paid for them yet.
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... Namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo"? (I told him.) "It's been a year!"
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me. I bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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CHRISTIE2007's Photo CHRISTIE2007 Posts: 13,323
1/17/08 7:18 A

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LOL.....Thanks

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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1/17/08 6:49 A

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Al Gore , Bill and Hillary Clinton go to heaven, and
God addresses Al first. ''Al, what do you really
believe in?''

Al replies: 'Well, I really believe that I won that
election, but that it was your will that I did not
serve. And I've come to understand that now.''

God thinks for a second and says: 'Very good. Come and
sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill. 'Bill, what do you really
believe in?''

Bill replies: 'I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned,
but I really believe everyone, including you, has
forgiven me. I never have held a grudge against my
fellow man. And I hope no grudges are held against
me.''

God thinks for a second and says: 'You are forgiven,
my son. Come and sit at my right.''

Then God addresses Hillary. 'Hillary, what do you
really believe in?''

She replies: 'I really believe you're in my chair.'

Ania from Australia


"I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday, and because of that I choose to be something different tomorrow".
~ Kenn Kihiu



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CHRISTIE2007's Photo CHRISTIE2007 Posts: 13,323
1/16/08 10:23 P

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Have a clean joke to help us lighten up and laugh?

Share it here. emoticon

Blessings....Christie
"We Can Do All Things Through Chirst Who Strengthens Us And Leads Us To A Healthy Body, Mind, & Spirit."

Check Out My Teams: Closer to God & Losing Weight; Christian Women; Orlando & Central Florida Sparkers; Metamorphosis; Setting Captives Free; SP Class of May 20-26 2007


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