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SEW2014's Photo SEW2014 SparkPoints: (5,365)
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4/23/14 11:38 P

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I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost DeAndre Jr March 23rd (1 month today). I feel your pain about someone close to you being pregnant. My 2 sister in laws were/are pregnant. One of them just had their baby and the other is due in July.

I am back at Sparkpeople for the same reasons, feel free to check out my spark page. I'm here for support.

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FITMRSKAYTE's Photo FITMRSKAYTE Posts: 156
4/20/14 8:40 P

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Hi, I'm Kayte. My husband and I lost our first child, a little boy named William, at 22 weeks just a month ago. I'm struggling with my weight, my hormones, and my mental health right now and to make things worse I have someone close to me who is pregnant and is being an attention monkey right now.

I'm back at Spark People to lose the weight I gain and get my body primed for the next pregnancy.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them- every day begin the task anew. - St. Francis de Sales


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BEAUTY_WITHIN's Photo BEAUTY_WITHIN SparkPoints: (52,662)
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3/31/14 5:29 P

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Oh, Arielmomma, I am so sorry!
I'm Jacque. I have a beautiful little boy named Nathan. He turns 1 on Tuesday. We found out mid February that I was expecting again. Nate was going to be a big brother! Then when I was 10 weeks along, I lost the baby. Physically I recovered quckly, didn't need a D&C or anything. Emotionally...it kind of depends on the moment.

It's nice to have found this group; There's only a handful of people I can talk to about this without feeling like I'm being a pest; everyone seems to have this unspoken attitude that I should have "gotten over it" by now. I'm still at a loss - how do you get over the loss of a child? Especially in less than a month???

Are you hiding from who you could be?

Jacque
Mommy of baby Nathaniael & angel baby Angelique-Michole


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EMOLESUGAR's Photo EMOLESUGAR Posts: 61
3/20/14 11:24 A

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Thank you for sharing your story, ARIELMAMA. I'm so sorry for your losses. Having had three losses myself, I really understand how the grief can be compounded and all motivation to do anything can melt away. One day you are full of hope and excitement and the next you feel so empty.

Feel free to reach out and be in touch if you need to vent or just connect with someone who has a shared experience.

ARIELMAMA's Photo ARIELMAMA Posts: 3
3/18/14 4:31 P

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Hello. My name is Chrissy, and I joined Sparkpeople today, trying to find something to focus on. I want to curl up in bed and not get out. I have a hard time eating or drinking. It's almost dinner time, and I haven't even had any water. I know it's bad, so I'm here hoping to find inspiration, support, and accountability. I need to hold myself together and be healthy for my family.

I am blessed with a sweet, silly, and wonderful 5 year old girl who I am thankful for every single day. She keeps me going. She also tries to take care of me, which is the sweetest thing. She was born at 34 weeks, but after a month in the NICU came home and has been mostly healthy since.

My husband and I tried for 3 years to get pregnant with a second, and were thrilled to finally be expecting last summer. My joy was multiplied when my two best friends and another close friend were also expecting, all of us due within 6 weeks of each other. That was all shattered when I miscarried at 10 weeks. Last week I had another miscarriage, at 9 weeks, and a d&c. I'm still recovering. I don't know where we're going to go from here.

Saturday is one of my friends baby shower. I have no idea how I'm going to get through it. My instinct is to fall apart. I'm trying to fight it. I know everything will be okay. I just don't know when. I don't know how to get there.



EBBUNNY's Photo EBBUNNY SparkPoints: (7,041)
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1/13/14 2:47 P

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Hello, my name is Ebony. I have a history of cervical cancer and my doctor was always worried about me becoming pregnant and having an incompetent cervix. Last Feb. I found out I was pregnant. My due date 10/16/13. Everything was going along fine. Found out I was having a boy, Cody Dylan was his name. I went into labor early at 34 weeks. It was borderline to know if he would be okay- even though it's early he still had a good chance. I had to have a c-section when they discovered my cervix was spliting apart from scar tissue due to the treatments I had for cancer. Cody was delivered on 9/8 at 9:17pm. He never cried. No one can explain it, but he had a severe subdural hematoma. We removed him from life support that Thursday, but my lil' bug stayed with me for 6 days at home. He got his wings on 9/18. I can't even try again to have another child until March. I'm wanting to be have a strong abdominal wall since I will always have to have c-sections now. I miss my angel everyday. I hope to find new friends and new support as we travel this road that no one would want to.

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MELINACCORD's Photo MELINACCORD SparkPoints: (2,467)
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1/9/14 2:54 P

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Hello
I'm Melanie and I am a multiple loss survivor. Though my last miscarriage was in early 2013 I do not feel like I have dealt with any of them emotionally.

My first pregnancy was absolutely perfect. We tried once on the last day of my fertile window of that month. The pregnancy was beautiful and healthy and I have an incredible 5 year old boy who I am thankful for every single day.

I have not had a successful pregnancy since. I have had a loss at 9 weeks, 7 weeks, 7 weeks again and two chemical pregnancies that ended at just over 5 weeks.

I couldn't handle it anymore and my husband and I decided he would have a vasectomy and we would be happy with our son as our one and only.

And every time a friend announces she is pregnant I mourn those losses. I am sad and scared for them and fiercely jealous. Don't get me wrong...I am also extremely happy for them but I am also absolutely devastated a over again. I wonder what could have been..what did I do wrong? Did we make a terrible mistake in having the vasectomy done?

My best lady love of my life told me she is pregnant yesterday and I had to tell her my tears were joy for her..but I was shattered.

I don't know how to grieve for these babies. I don't know how to heal this. I don't know if it will ever stop hurting..


We are looking into the adoption process now because it's several years long (hoping for an older child which helps with he wait but many have serious medical issues which I frankly don't have the skill or fortitude to take on). But I even question that.

If I've had so many miscarriages was I only meant to have one? How will my 5 year old react? Can we love a child who is not 'ours' as unconditionally as we do our son?

I have so many questions about adoption...but I feel like before I do ANYTHING I need to to process and heal as much as I can...

Adopting will not, I suspect, replace the children I lost. Nor is it fair for an adopted child to bear the burden of healing my grief.

So here I am. Stuck. Should I? Shouldn't I ? Doubting everything....


Everything that is now easy was once hard.

Working on untying my self worth from my success or struggles


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AZUREEYES_43's Photo AZUREEYES_43 SparkPoints: (28)
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12/10/13 6:31 P

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Hello, I'm Sarah...
I have 2 children from a previous relationship, and my angel baby with my husband. (We're newly weds! Married 9/14/13!
Long story short, we've been together over 6 years, and 2 years ago I went off my birth control and switched to NFP. We had successfully avoided getting pregnant, and then our home was destroyed by the F5 tornado that hit Moore, OK on May 20th.
Needless to say, I wasn't as diligent with my charting as I should have been, and surprise! June 17th I got a BFP!
My husband and I had talked about trying to get pregnant after our wedding, so we just got our wish earlier! After the initial shock wore off, we were both so excited for our little miracle!
My first OB appointment was June 25th, and my 1st Ultrasound was scheduled for July 17th. I didn't have any reason to believe anything would be wrong, I felt great and strong symptoms... so we eagerly awaited our ultrasound!
This was my husband's first baby so he was probably more excited than I was... when we got into the room and they began the ultrasound, my excitement was shattered... Instead of seeing a tiny baby, we saw a tiny sac. I was supposed to be 8 wks 4days, but only measured 5 wks 3 days. 3 days later, I miscarried our baby.
After the miscarriage, my dad and I both dreamed the baby was a beautiful little girl, with her momma's blue eyes, and her daddy's auburn hair.
Because of that dream, we truly believe the baby was a girl, and we named her Rebecka Faith.
Because I miscarried at home, I was able to keep the remains and bury them in a little coffin under a large potted plant. www.heavensgain.com/id39.html
When our house is finished being rebuilt in a few months, I'll transplant everything into our backyard and create a little memorial garden for her.

We aren't TTC right now due to not being in our home... I have to drive 60+ miles a day to take my boys to school, and get myself to work and my OB has said he wants me on bed rest as soon as we get another BFP. (2 preemies, and now the miscarriage puts me in the high risk category) It's so hard to even function right now... I can't go past a baby department without bawling, and it seems like every day I have another friend announcing their pregnant. My due date was February 22nd, and I know that day will be exceptionally hard.

Combine all this with PTSD from the tornado (my boys and I were in the house under a mattress in the hallway when it hit the house {No storm shelter}) and I am a complete mess!
I've gained 25 lbs. since May 20th, and I know its from the PTSD and depression... I'm working on getting in with a counselor, and I'm setting myself some goals on here, so hopefully I can get this excess weight off and be on the road to recovery soon!

Edited by: AZUREEYES_43 at: 12/10/2013 (18:44)
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CYNDIMAE16's Photo CYNDIMAE16 Posts: 5
9/5/13 11:16 A

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Hello! My name is Cyndi. I have been a Spark member for about 5 years on and off. I have been married for 8 years, and have a 7 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. I also have a 5 year old angel baby. His name is Landon, and he died when he was 3 months old on August 5, 2008. He died of SIDS. He would be in Kindergarten this year... I struggled with PPD when he was born, and that is part of the reason I have always been so guilty about his death. I struggled with many, many people deserting me after his death because of their suspicions about how he died. It put me into a severe depression, and I gained weight on top of the pregnancy weight from my youngest son. Five years later, we are doing so much better, and I am on a journey to lose all of the chunk and be happier with myself again. =) It is nice to meet everyone!

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EMOLESUGAR's Photo EMOLESUGAR Posts: 61
6/27/13 12:52 P

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WHIMSICL3 - you've found a good place to get support and feel less alone. I'm so sorry about your recent loss. I had 2 natural losses last year and am still TTC again. Please feel free to reach out to vent, get support, grieve in any way that feels comforting. Like GIGERNREZNOR said, there is reason to hope, but the journey can feel long and hard.

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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6/26/13 3:36 P

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I'm sorry to welcome you all to this team, but please know that we've all been through the same or similar experiences on here. I wish you all the best in your healing!

And from someone who went through 2 MCs in the span of 9 months back in 2011 and 2012--for both my 1st and 2nd pregnancies--there is still hope, as evidenced below and to the left:)

Take care of yourself during this time. It can be a long road to healing, but if you embrace it--you may learn a LOT about yourself and grow and heal to be a much stronger, more appreciative person (and mother) than you ever thought possible.

Edited by: GIGERNREZNOR at: 6/26/2013 (15:38)
WHIMSICALSPRITE's Photo WHIMSICALSPRITE Posts: 531
6/26/13 2:19 P

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Hello Everyone,

I've been on SparkPeople off-n-on since 2011. However, I've decided to actively join back since my miscarriage (and resulting D&C) two weeks ago - I feel SO empty!. It was the first pregnancy for my husband and I. I gained weight (and was already a few pounds overweight) when pregnant. Therefore, I'd like to actively watch what I eat/exercise to be healthier when I try to conceive again.

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ANGELJESS's Photo ANGELJESS Posts: 323
6/22/13 11:02 P

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Hello everyone. I have my first miscarriage just a couple of weeks ago. I was at 8 weeks. This is our first pregnancy. I am still having a hard time not feeling like I did something wrong. My doctor has assured me that we have no reason to believe that. Anyways, I am happy to find some support here. emoticon

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JENNYMOMMA3's Photo JENNYMOMMA3 SparkPoints: (20,465)
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6/13/13 9:46 A

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Greetings all. I'm Jennifer, I'm 33 and mom to three teenagers and soon to be an angel baby. I had a tubal done over ten years ago and imagine our surprise when I found put I was pregnant. I am officially 7 weeks along, sadly my levels have not even reached 1000. Sonogram showed baby in my Fallopian tube and my dr is doing surgery on Friday. This has been a huge heartbreak for myself as well as my family. And the whys and what ifs cross my mind all the time. Thanks for having me in the group.

Jenn
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.~BOOKER T WASHINGTON

Starting Weight: 265 lbs
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ZIPPIDA's Photo ZIPPIDA SparkPoints: (2,458)
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3/22/13 4:46 P

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Today I am actually 5 weeks. My LMP was February 15. My progesterone was at 9, they would like it to be at 12. My doc is awesome. She's a friend of my aunt's, so I have a feeling I might get a couple extra u/s. emoticon

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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3/22/13 4:04 P

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What was your progesterone at? And your HCG went way up in 48 hrs, so that IS good:)

Do you know how many weeks you are now? About 4, would you say?

The waiting does suck, but it gets even worse when you can only go in for once/month appts hehe and every appt isn't necessarily an US. Most docs only do 2 main USs--one around 8-12 wks and another at 18-20. I had one wkly in my 1st tri because I was being seen at a fertility center. However, I'm not on the once/month schedule and not supposed to get an US next Thur at my appt, but we're going to request one. Because my midwife is so awesome, I have hope that she will give us a quickie US. Our insurance definitely covers it:)

Take care! Can't wait to hear more good news from ya!

ZIPPIDA's Photo ZIPPIDA SparkPoints: (2,458)
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3/22/13 3:55 P

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So my HCG levels have gone from 24 to 107 in 48 hours, which is good. Going in the right direction. My progesterone levels are low, so I'm on a progesterone supplement until 12 weeks. I have an appointment in 3 weeks for an ultrasound. Wish me luck. I'm trying not to stress out too much. 3 weeks seems like forever!

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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3/19/13 12:29 P

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Ah, that's cool. All doctors are different. Mine just chose to treat more aggressively because of my 2 losses and the fact I was okay with that. It was a fairly holistic (east meets west medicine really) fertility center, so I trust that they gave me the best advice and treatment:) There are really hardly any side effects to the Lovenox during pregnancy. Even the more rare risk of hemorrhage is pretty much null and voided because I stop taking the Lovenox at 28 weeks.

Best of luck!

Edited by: GIGERNREZNOR at: 3/19/2013 (12:30)
ZIPPIDA's Photo ZIPPIDA SparkPoints: (2,458)
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3/19/13 12:20 P

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I'm going to ask her today. I'm going in to see her in about 1 and a half hours. My friend (and boss) has the same MTHFR mutation and had two successful pregnancies with just baby aspirin. I think a lot of it has to do with diet too. If you eat a lot of fish or take DHA supplements, those thin your blood as well. So I might not need to. I'll let you know what they say.

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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3/19/13 11:26 A

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ZIPPIDA: Congrats! Do you know yet if you'll be on any sort of additional blood thinner?

ZIPPIDA's Photo ZIPPIDA SparkPoints: (2,458)
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3/19/13 11:14 A

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Well, I'm not heading over to the success boards yet, but I got a positive test this morning. There was a line, it was very faint, but there was a line. I ran up to the drugstore to get a digital one just to be on the safe side. It said pregnant loud and clear. So, if this one sticks (keep your fingers crossed for me ladies), I'll be due right around Thanksgiving. What a fitting time of year after what I've been through the last couple of years. I changed prenatal vitamins a few weeks back to one that has the active form of folic acid that my body can actually process. So as long as I stay on that and eat as healthy as I possibly can, I don't see any reason why this one won't work out. Waiting to hear back from my doc. She wants to test my HCG and progesterone levels ASAP since they were so low with the last one.

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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2/26/13 11:08 A

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totally! i'm ALL about helping other ladies that might be in a similar situation. this has been a long and crazy road and if i can help inform anyone--i'm all about it:)))

from what i can tell, you're doing great!

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2/26/13 10:55 A

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Thanks for the heads up. I'll ask her about that then. I haven't really done a ton of research about it. I guess I should inform myself a bit more. Then I'll feel a little bit better about approaching the topic. I just feel like people might think I'm a bit of a worry-wart or a hypochondriac. But it is MY body and MY life after all. Thanks for the advice and the encouragement! emoticon

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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2/26/13 10:43 A

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Hm, from what I understand, if you are homozygous, I'm pretty sure that would mean you'd benefit most from anti-coagulant injections--even more-so than me. I sure hope they're willing to put you on them, once you get pregnant. I have felt much more empowered and positive about the outcome of this 3rd pregnancy being on these injections. Even if it's a placebo effect.

Awesome that yu're losing weight! That's terrific! :)

ZIPPIDA's Photo ZIPPIDA SparkPoints: (2,458)
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2/26/13 10:29 A

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Both of my A's are fine. It's my C's that are mutated. Both of the C677T's. Maybe it's different with the two genes, or having both of the copies mutated, I don't know, but no shots yet. For right now, It'll just be the baby aspirin. We'll reevaluate down the road after I get pregnant. I'll be in for lots of blood work with my next I'm sure. On the up side, I've already lost almost 2 pounds in the past week. I just hope the number keeps going down. I'm trying to get down to 170-175 in the next two months (unless I get pregnant again-then the active weight loss will be on hold.)

GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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2/25/13 3:44 P

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ZIPPIDA: So very sorry to hear your story, as it is all too familiar. Although I didn't miscarry on my own for my 2 MCs last year, I did have 2 early MCs that required D&C.

I also have 1 copy of a gene mutation (for me it is the A1298C gene and is only the 1 copy.) However, because I went to a fertility center to get every test done, on the planet, my doctor put me on the baby aspirin immediately and I also started lovenox, 3 DPO. I'll be on the lovenox until 28 weeks, I believe. I also tax extra folic, via an additional b-complex.

Has your doctor said anything about you taking an anti-coagulant in addition to the baby aspirin? Another friend of mine, via spark, has the same sort of issue--though hers is slightly different and she is also on lovenox (it's basically an injectable blood thinner).

In any case, I wish you the best of luck with this next go-round! We're always there to support our fellow ladies that have been through this sort of thing. Let me know if you have any questions and I'd love to answer them.

Take care.

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2/25/13 3:12 P

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Hi, my name is Elizabeth. I'm new to this board, but not to Sparkpeople. After TTC for 2 years, my DH and I have suffered 2 MC's in the past year. The first was a nightmare. It was our first pregnancy, we were through the roof. I didn't have any morning sickness, just tired all the time, very emotional, and my boobs were sore. At 13 weeks,on a Tuesday, we went in to hear the heartbeat for the first time (my visits were a little behind because my ob was very hard to get in to.) There was no heartbeat, so they did an u/s. The sonographer blurted out, "Well, you're supposed to be 13 weeks, but it's only measuring 9, and I can't find a heartbeat. I don't think this is going to be a good pregnancy for you." My DH almost went over the table at her. My ob come in and apologized, but I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Why would you think it's ok to say it like that? Especially when you're not authorized to give results! We scheduled a D&C for the following Mon. On Fri evening, the bleeding started. I called the exchange and left a message. No one called me back all weekend. I went through full on labor, with contractions, water breaking, everything. I saw my precious angel in the bottom of the toilet, and it broke my heart. At the same time, I was terrified out of my mind. I had to call the hospital the morning of my surgery and they finally got ahold of my doctor. They made me come back every other day to have my blood drawn for HCG levels. Every time was like the knife twisting in my gut. Three weeks later, I had to ask for my money back. (I had to prepay for the D&C) Needless to say, I got a new doctor, and she is wonderful. I had a pre-pregnancy consult with her this summer, and she tested my thyroid (came back fine). In December, I got pregnant again. My due date was 3 days earlier than my first one. In January, at 6 weeks, I started cramping, so I went home and put my feet up for the rest of the evening. The following morning, I had some spotting, so I went in, and they tested my HCG and progesterone, I was told to take the next couple of days off work and come back to have the levels retested in a couple of days. I passed a sizeable piece of tissue that afternoon (I'm thinking it was the whole sac in one piece). The HCG dropped by about 60% in those two days. I had miscarried again. But I was better with this one. It was a lot earlier, and my new ob has a great bedside manner. She only made me come once a week to check levels, not every other day. She's also very proactive. She ran a bunch of tests on me. I found out I have the MTHFR gene mutation which prevents your body from processing folic acid and can cause clotting. So I am now on Folgard and a baby aspirin each day in addition to my prenatals. I have had my first AF, and we're going to start trying again right away. I got a nursing pillow in the mail that I had ordered right after I found out I was pregnant again, and happy to say, I didn't break down. I'm still sad, but I'm coping a lot better. I think because I have found an answer. It may not be the whole problem, but it's a start. I'm so sorry that groups like this have to exist, but I'm relieved that they do and that we can all vent and support each other. Good luck to everyone trying!

CANDYKISSES7's Photo CANDYKISSES7 Posts: 4
1/24/13 6:28 P

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Hey Everyone!

I'm sorry to hear about all the losses *Hugs*

I'm Cassandra
Mommy to Two angel boys
Daniel Matthew 11/19/08 & Nahthanial Mason 101/10/12

If it not about Beagles, Weight loss or Dancing, chances are I don't care Lol


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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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1/19/13 9:05 P

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Thank you! Check your sparkmail;)

NATMOR83's Photo NATMOR83 SparkPoints: (5,209)
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1/19/13 11:56 A

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Omg congrats!!!!! So happy for you!!!

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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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1/19/13 11:52 A

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Aww don't be scared;) I'm 5 wks and actually confident and excited. I'm also on lotsa meds per my doctors, so that helps. I'll PM you.

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1/19/13 10:41 A

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Funny you ask.. I'm 2 days late and too scared to test lol

Edited by: NATMOR83 at: 1/19/2013 (10:43)
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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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1/19/13 10:31 A

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Sorry again to hear about more losses. I'm maybe a good example of yes--you can move on and heal. I have been in therapy ever since my 2 losses last year and can confidently say, I did heal and move on. I no longer feel that pain I felt through Dec 2011 (1st loss) to Sept 2012 (2nd loss). I am a huge advocate of therapy though, so I would suggest starting there. Best of luck to you all.

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1/19/13 10:27 A

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Hi again, NATMOR--how goes it? Haven't seen you on in a while. Are you back to trying again or holding off? Take care!

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1/19/13 7:39 A

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oh i'm not a good example for starting to exercise after miscarriage.. haha my last miscarriage was in may and I vegged and ate like a pig til september LOL I now try to do 3-4 days of cardio a week.. still not great at that either lol

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LALAKESHA's Photo LALAKESHA SparkPoints: (5,739)
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1/19/13 7:23 A

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trying to take it one day at a time, how did you start back exerciseing?
I will start walking next week 4 week post...trying to take of myself ;)

Be Blessed and not stressed.


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NATMOR83's Photo NATMOR83 SparkPoints: (5,209)
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1/19/13 7:12 A

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Hey LaLa,
I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so very hard to go through! I think the hole in your heart.. will get smaller with time.. I know for myself, I need to move on from it, or needed to I should say.. I did. but still not a day goes by I don't think of my 2 angel babies and what could of been of them..

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LALAKESHA's Photo LALAKESHA SparkPoints: (5,739)
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1/13/13 10:56 A

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Hi....I'm LaLa
I gave birth to my angel baby 2 weeks ago 12/28/2012...La'Nyla...
a surprise that she didn't live on this side....I'm trying to pull myself together....I have 3 older children...and I'm the wall...about having another child...I just want to focus my energy on something...and weightloss could give me that....
I wonder if this hole in my heart will ever heal?

Be Blessed and not stressed.


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NATMOR83's Photo NATMOR83 SparkPoints: (5,209)
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11/28/12 8:34 A

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Sorry for your loss Kay.. This is a great group, if you need to talk/vent we are all hear to lend a ear, or a cyber shoulder to cry on!

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GOALOFLOSING's Photo GOALOFLOSING Posts: 1,401
11/27/12 10:10 P

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Hi. My name is Kay. My story can be found at the link, below. I am thankful for finding this group. I wish you all well.

www.goaloflosing.com/2012/11/i-was-p
re
gnant.html


Sending hugs to all.



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SLSALKIL's Photo SLSALKIL Posts: 141
10/29/12 8:04 P

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Hello. My name is Shawna, and I'm not new to Sparkpeople, but I'm new to this group. I am back here to Sparkpeople after trying it on my own and going through a really rough time. I've always battled my weight, but its all gotten worse since my recent miscarriage (at 11 weeks) after 12 years of infertility. I am determined to climb out of this pit I'm in and get healthy for me, for my husband and my son (adopted 7 years ago.) I look forward to meeting people and getting and giving support.

'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis


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ALRITT's Photo ALRITT Posts: 24
10/23/12 10:30 P

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I'm so sorry for your loss and glad that you have found this group. They have been incredibly supportive and helpful dealing with my loss.
- A

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ROYADEDEAUX's Photo ROYADEDEAUX SparkPoints: (15,276)
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10/23/12 8:06 P

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Hi everyone,

I got back onto Sparkpeople for my own physical health, and just on a whim thought to see if there was a team like this out there... so glad to find you.

On October 13th I lost my daughter, 7 days before her due date. Her name was Daisy. Everything about the pregnancy had been great and healthy - she moved all the time and we were so excited. I went to the hospital because I hadn't felt her move for a few hours, and it turns out that her cord had wrapped twice around her neck. They kept me in the hospital and I delivered her body after about 65 hours of labor. I've only been home from the hospital for a little while, and I am trying so hard to find some sort of meaning in this. Because I didn't have a c-section, my doctor told me today that we could start trying for another baby in about 6 weeks. My husband and I have also decided that we should take some time to get as healthy as possible (I gained a lot of weight while I was pregnant.) so that's why I am here.

So I am dealing with the physical aspect of delivering a baby, with the emotional pain and grief along with it. Grateful to find you all here.

"Optimism is the foundation of courage." Nicholas Murray Butler.
My goals: Healthy baby, healthy baby, healthy baby.


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CANDO20K's Photo CANDO20K Posts: 128
10/5/12 6:55 A

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emoticon
I feel such an immediate connection with you.
I'm 62. I survived two ectopics at 25 and 36, years ago, when there were no fertility clinics established, and we needed to lobby for government support to begin services.

I feel so lucky to be alive.
I know my young doctor learnt what an ectopic was from our experience, and went on to be very vigilant checking his patients.

It's never out of my mind, but I've learnt that nurturing and feeling motherly towards all children is a beautiful, natural part of our natures, that children tune in to, and appreciate.
I would not be me without going through this, strengthening my soul every day to accept it- always in my heart, leading me to grow spiritually so differently from what I dreamed and expected..
I choose every day, to focus on loving my teaching, my husband's art and making our marriage (my first, his second.) as fulfilling as I could. We have so much time to talk,laugh and relax together, caring for each other.
Two busy mums said to us recently "You are so lucky to have time together.We're so busy dashing everywhere with the kids."
I hope your dreams happen. I hope it helps to hear Love deepens facing these challenges, and leads you on to a fulfilling life.







I weigh 223lbs not kilos, but I can't get my ticker to change!


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DIVA26's Photo DIVA26 Posts: 3,947
9/24/12 2:57 P

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Alritt: I'm sorry for your loss and to have to go through it basically alone I'm sure makes it harder. We are here for you and we understand. Hugs your way!

Life is wonderful. Live it to the fullest.


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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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9/21/12 4:36 P

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ALRITT: I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. It's such a terrible thing to have to experience, but fortunately for us on sparkpeople--we have so many women that can share in our sorrows and help us through this very tough time.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

ALRITT's Photo ALRITT Posts: 24
9/21/12 4:27 P

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New to the group. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, two weeks ago. My body did what it was supposed to, and so I didn't have a d&c. Today I went back for a re-check at the ob/gyn, things looked fine, according to her, and she suggested waiting 3 months to try again (we weren't trying in the first place, but now we will be). It was just hard looking at the photos in the office of pregnant women, etc, and seeing my empty uterus on the ultrasound. To top it off, my husband lives in Ecuador, and I'm up here in the US for at least a few more months (I came home two weeks before the miscarriage in order to work here and save some money while we wait for his visa), so I am basically dealing with this alone.

I am deeply sorry for everyone on here that has suffered this loss. I am trying to stay positive and do some positive things - I rejoined Sparkpeopele to try to focus on healthy eating and working out while I am up here alone.

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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,601)
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9/19/12 11:38 A

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I just posted this in its own thread, but though I might post here as well...

I cannot believe I'm going through this again. Roughly 9 months ago I went through my first pregnancy and subsequent MC at 8 wks, when I was told the baby stopped developing at around 6 wks. It was a missed MC, so my body didn't want to recognize the MC or start the process on it's own.

Yesterday was my 1st OB appt for this 2nd pregnancy and sure enough--all of my fears were confirmed when we finally got past all the damn waiting in the U/S room and looked at the U/S. Nothing there but what would be there for around 5 1/2 wks or so. This time, though, my body is apparently being even MORE stubborn and letting this sh*t go on for 4 wks with me thinking everything is just peachy (yet secretly wondering if something is wrong again.) Yup, I'm pissed off at the world and frankly--at my own body.

I won't know definitively until I hear about my blood work this afternoon. Even then, who knows if my doc is going to want to repeat the blood work or have me come back in for a 2nd sono, but I'M positive my dates are not off because yes, I'm THAT regular, and because of my experience going through the same exact thing 9 months ago.

I'm only 33 and am totally healthy and am very strict when it comes to prenatal routines. No known health issues for at least 6 years, so I'm left wondering WTF is wrong with me because it's becoming glaringly obvious that at my age and health--something must be amiss. Two in a row is not exactly "normal" from everything I've read and been told. Granted, I could be in the minority where this just RANDOMLY happens with no explanations, but I really don't think I'm that unlucky. I feel like something must not be quite right if A. my body refuses to carry a baby past the 1st tri and B. my body refuses to acknowledge and accept a MC on its own.

Thanks for listening to my rant, all. Hope all these upcoming tests my doc does will shed some light on this horrifyingly painful situation.

DIVA26's Photo DIVA26 Posts: 3,947
9/10/12 11:24 P

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New to the group. So glad I found it and I'm not sure why I didn't find it earlier. Just had my 5th miscarriage this last week. No matter how many I have, every one hurts. I wish I handled it a little better. We really had hopes for this one. I'm back on sparkpeople now and working hard to lose weight just in case that will make a difference. My doctor has repeatedly told me though that this is not my fault.

Life is wonderful. Live it to the fullest.


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EMOLESUGAR's Photo EMOLESUGAR Posts: 61
9/7/12 9:15 P

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Hi All,
I'm new to the team and am relieved to find this team. I had a miscarriage in July and am finding it hard to move forward. I am so ready to be a mom and can't seem to get back the happy, excited, optimistic hopes I had for my future with my husband and a family. I look forward to getting and giving support here.

ASHES8305 SparkPoints: (145)
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8/27/12 4:17 P

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Hi. I am a 28 year old mother of a 19 month old little boy. We had been trying to conceive for quite a while when we found out we were pregnant. Our angel baby left us 2 weeks ago. We were devastated. Everyone always wants to say, "oh well at least it didn't happen later in the pregnancy." But the fact is every baby a mother conceives is precious from the moment we know its there whether we feel it or not. My husband and I decided though that we were going to make it mean something. We decided to register at DKMS to be bone marrow donors to hopefully save another little boy our son's age or someone else that we may match. I have vowed that I am going to lose weight and be ready for when we do finally get pregnant again.

SHORTCAKE27's Photo SHORTCAKE27 Posts: 141
5/22/12 5:59 P

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New to this group. I have had 2 loses, the last one was 2 yrs ago at 14 weeks. The 1st one was an ectopic. I have been going through fertility treatment for 2 1/2 years. We have been trying to get pregnant again since the last loss.

The time to make a change is now, to start making our dreams a reality


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SHELLY8212's Photo SHELLY8212 SparkPoints: (2,284)
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5/19/12 9:35 P

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hi i'm michelle, i'm 29 years old, and i just had a missed miscarriage and had a d and c yesterday. i would be 10 weeks today... i'm devastated. my husband and i had been trying to conceive for 15 months and this is would have been our first. i am a team member for a while of the infertility group...at least i know i can get pregnant but doesn't change the heartbreak i feel now, how do i move on?

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STARWARSBABE's Photo STARWARSBABE Posts: 32
4/8/12 1:43 P

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Hi. I'm Safrianna. I'm 22. I am currently pregnant with my first, but we're going to be losing her in a week or two. They're inducing me early because she is missing parts of her brain, the top of her skull, and has lesions in her spine as well as a split spine.

She was an unplanned pregnancy, but that doesn't mean we didn't want her. So now I'm trying to get in better shape before I get pregnant again to make my body as healthy for a growing baby as possible. I know that the condition she had was not my fault (it's a 1 in 10,000 chance), but I want to try and make my next pregnancy as perfect as possible, and it all starts with making myself a better vessel for carrying a baby.

Love as thou wilt.


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LYDIAGABLE's Photo LYDIAGABLE Posts: 5
4/5/12 1:02 P

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Hi! I'm a returning Sparker... I'm a future-divorcee with two living children who are my everything, and a wonderful man in my life (dealing with his job taking him out of the country for six months). I began running last year and lost 15lbs, then I found out I was pregnant on 6 January, 2012. On 30 March, 2012, I had a sudden labor/delivery of my 15 week old son, Joseph Gabriel. I'm putting my toes in the water for some advice on dealing with the grief, while seeing how to return to my healthy lifestyle. I want to lose 30 lbs in 6 months, starting now... I wanna know how to get back into running, and I want to honor my angel baby as well as my two earthbound angels while not going insane from heartbreak.

One step at a time, one bite at a time. I'm getting through this the right way and setting reasonable expectations.


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AJDRAGONFLY Posts: 8
2/28/12 1:49 P

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Hey everyone, I lost my baby almost 2 years ago. I was 35 weeks pregnant when we found out our baby boy was gone. I gave birth to him on June 13, 2010. I made a promise to him that I would get healthy and lose weight. It took me a while but I am finally ready to get serious and live up to my promise to my A.J. My husband and I are older and still have no living children. Hopefully that will change after I lose weight. I'm so glad this group is here!

Fulfilling a promise to an angel.
A.J. born sleeping 6.13.10


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BRIT1965 Posts: 41
2/22/12 2:32 P

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Hi Everyone. I'm Brit. Last week, at 11 weeks, I had a miscarriage. This was my husband's and my first pregnancy. I suppose the timing's not right for us (lack of jobs among other things) but it still hurts. So, I'm working on a new outlook. 3 years ago I first joined Sparkpeople, I was on a mission to get healthy, losing 30 lbs along the way. Then a year after that, we moved to Korea, where I battled with feeling like a fat giant among tiny Asians. Now, nearly a year back in the states, I've gained back 20 lbs. I'm here to start over, to heal, and get back to being healthy and happy. Nice to meet you!

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ADDICAROLINEMOM SparkPoints: (51)
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2/15/12 1:04 P

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Hi everyone! I'm new to SparkPeople, and I'm excited to see this group on here. Something about losing a child makes every aspect of our lives different...even weight loss! My husband and I were thrilled to find out that we were expecting a baby due in October 2010. Unfortunately, just 36 hours before scheduled induction, she passed away. I gave birth to her, and it was discovered that her cause of death was a cord accident. Thankfully, just 6 weeks after losing our beautiful girl, God blessed us with another baby...another girl. Addie was born in August 2011 and is such a gift! We miss Caroline every single day, but we're so excited to get to have her little sister with us.

Weight was a struggle for me before I got pregnant the first time. I went through my first pregnancy with no real issues, and only average weight gain. I lost the weight from that pregnancy before I got pregnant again (grief is all that did that), but I think that being pregnant for 2 years has really taken it's toll on me. Sheesh! I don't even know what my belly is supposed to look like anymore! :)

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TIFFANYEM SparkPoints: (1,663)
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2/9/12 10:38 A

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Hi all,
I just had my fourth miscarriage (we have no living children). It was a missed miscarriage. It took a toll on me mentally and physically. I gained 15 solid pounds in two months. I had just lost 20 lbs last year with Sparkspeople.com's help. I want to try and get back on track again, before we try one more time.

{{HUGS}} to all of you. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy.
May we atleast be healthy and feel good about our bodies if we can't ever hold our babies.

"The best inspiration is not to outdo others, but to outdo ourselves."


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MRSHOUSE918's Photo MRSHOUSE918 SparkPoints: (661)
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1/11/12 10:26 P

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Hi everyone,

I posted on another forum with my story but just wanted to introduce myself.

My name is Alex and my husband and I lost our first baby on December 15th due to an ectopic pregnancy.

So happy to know there is a place to come to vent and get advice from people who have been where I have (unfortunately).

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ARNOKAMI's Photo ARNOKAMI SparkPoints: (183)
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1/9/12 11:49 P

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Hello Everyone. I am so glad I found this group. January 2, 2012 my baby, Riley, Passed. I was 16 weeks pregnant with him, and he was to be my husband and I's first child. This had a huge impact on me, because when I was at the ER they discovered I had an illness that with out the passing of Riley, would have gone unknown, and could have possibly taken my own life, as well as my child's. Along with the Illness, I was having complications from the loss and ended up in the O.R. twice with in a 12 hr time span. It left me shaken and gave me a lot to think about. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Riley and though it hurts so bad, in some way he saved my life. He really is my husbands and I's little angel baby ♥

SSPINDA's Photo SSPINDA SparkPoints: (538)
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1/7/12 10:45 A

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emoticon to the group ladies! I'm so very sorry for your losses!! I've been pretty sick with bronchitis over the holiday and was quiet on here, but now that I'm feeling better I'm trying to get back on more. Good luck with your journey and please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
emoticon

�I can�t imagine a person becoming a success who doesn�t give this game of life everything he�s got.�

sspinda-stellajourney.blogspot.com/


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JESYKA83 Posts: 5
1/6/12 10:23 P

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Hello Everyone! My name is Jessica and I am from Cincinnati. I should have been 10 weeks tomorrow but my baby stopped growing after 6 weeks. I had a D&C today. I am determined to get healthy before trying again. I have been on spark people for a few years go and at my lightest was around 220 and currently at my heaviest 294. like a previous poster I graduate in June and may take time off of trying until then. I am so glad I have found you all!

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BEACHLOVR's Photo BEACHLOVR Posts: 1,401
12/29/11 10:50 P

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Edited by: BEACHLOVR at: 1/6/2012 (16:51)
"The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself."




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JACKISLOVE1 Posts: 6
12/16/11 5:12 A

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HI my name is Tania. I lost my son Jack in December 2008. He only lived six hours. The grief almost killed me. In March 2010, I had my son Fox and he is doing great. I still grieve deeply and have really struggled this month with the passing of Jack's third birthday. But I try really hard to be positive for Fox, who has brought so much joy to my life. He's another reason I want to lose weight. I want to be someone who he can be proud of. So here I go again, hopefully for the last time.

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EDDYMEESE's Photo EDDYMEESE Posts: 2,001
12/10/11 9:19 P

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Hi, everyone! My name is Eddy and I miscarried my first baby in August. I've been on SP for a long time and my weight goes up and down...right now it's up. I'm determined to get healthy for a baby and am taking these next 6 months "off" from trying. I'll be graduating in June and want to lose 40-60 pounds by then. Once I reach my goal, I plan to start the baby-making process :) I still struggle every day and have a great support system of girls through BabyCenter. We've become very close. I never thought I'd be so in love with a baby that I only "knew" for 2 weeks. I think about having a baby during every waking moment and this is one of the reasons that I'm taking a break until June. It's become an emotional roller-coaster and I need to stop. I know the idea that stress can make it difficult to get pregnant is not always very popular, but for me, I do believe that it plays a role. I'm not saying I'll miraculously get pregnant when I stop trying, but the stress is certainly not helping. Besides, I'm far too overweight and it wouldn't be so wrong to get my body, mind and soul healthy before trying to carry a baby. I look forward to taking this journey with you ladies :0)

~Eddy~

Infertility has a face: I refuse to become another statistic www.resolve.org


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