Counseling is what helped me after my son died. I went for 2 years after he died every 2 weeks and my husband even went and it was beneficial for both of us even though he did not say much it was still beneficial for him. It has now been over 3 years since my son died and though I still have moments I'm mad at God I also understand through all of this He really is the only one I could yell at, cry to and get mad at without a judgment he was just there when I needed Him. Hang on to your faith and get mad at God because he can handle it.
current weight: 142.4
Fitness Minutes: (10,348) Posts: 493 2/11/13 11:56 A
First of all to you. I felt and find myself still feeling like this from time to time. I don't think WE will fully understand. I lost YEARS of my life because of it. I use losing Roxanne as my strength to help others through their loses. In the beginning if someone had told me that I probably would have been ready to smack them because I couldn't see it. It really has helped me to learn to be still and listen when others need me now. I have found that many want to help you with words and there ARE NO WORDS that can help...being there for someone and just willing to listen seems to be best. If you need to scream, cry or even punch something; PLEASE do what you need to get through this. I found a beautiful song the other day "Borrowed Angels" by Kristin Chenoweth. www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVcTdaqnMkE I just remind myself that GOD gave HIS SON too and he choose a few to be his disciples and do the true work of the LORD. I was not even saved when I lost my daughter so how could he want me but by the grace of God I am living for him and I have my precious angel to always remind me and keep me going!
I've been trying to listen to only Christian music and have been reading the Bible plan on God's promises. And I've been reading the Shack which is about a man having a personal confrontation with God after losing his daughter. It has some really interesting points, But I don't seem to find comfort in much of it or anything for that matter. It just makes me more mad, sad, confused. I just can't seem to reconcile the fact of a "loving" God who already "foreknew" the outcome letting me go through it. Makes me picture God with a huge magnifying glass and me as an ant and him laughing as I sizzle from the sun concentrating its heat on me. And not just me, but others too. Nothing I have read has made me feel different and I don't know how or I would.
I think part of it may be going off my antidepressants because I thought I was doing so much better. And part of it might just be another cycle of grief. I don't know. Whatever it is it just sucks.
'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis
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