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LESLEYN's Photo LESLEYN SparkPoints: (14,441)
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1/13/13 10:50 A

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After my m/c I became very angry at myself and the world. I turned to alcohol to alleviate the pain. Eventually I tried therapy. It was Rational Emotive Therapy and in one session I felt 100% better. I highly recommend it.

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"How does one become a butterfly?...
"You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."


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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,683)
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1/7/13 12:50 P

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Wow, that sounds exactly like the same situation. I don't know how some of these therapists come from or how they're able to succeed in their fields, but wow. I am happy you're seeking another. When you find the right one, I just KNOW they will help you so much:)

Thanks for the add! I'm all about staying in touch:)

Take care,
~R

SLSALKIL's Photo SLSALKIL Posts: 141
1/7/13 12:48 P

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I cant' imagine how hard that was to go through 2, especially so close together. I will pray you have success this time and that you will hold your precious baby in your arms this year!

And as for what you said about the therapist - my experience was much like your first one. She just sat and stared at me and nodded and said "uh huh" a lot. There were a lot of awkward pauses, and I felt like I was leading the session. Not what I was needing. Hoping this new one through work will be better. It is more faith based too which is more up my alley.

I am going to add you as a sparkfriend if you aren't already. Let's stay in touch on this.

Shawna

'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis


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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,683)
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1/7/13 12:44 P

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Oh man...I was very sad to read all that:( I bet you just didn't have the right therapist. The first therapist my husband and I had a few years back was not right for us. She just wasn't as "proactive" about things, I guess you could say. We were kind of directing everything, ourselves.

The new therapist though--in a word: PERFECT. Made even more perfect by the fact she tried having a baby for (what she says) was close to 20 years and then finally had her daughter in her early 40s. Also, we have the same midwife (amazing, right?) AND she has been to the fertility center that I'm going to.

It's just...meant to be.

Now I must continue to believe that us having our own child (or raising a child in general) is still "meant to be." I can't give up just yet, but I very much fear having to go through any other MCs:( 2 was QUITE enough for me--particularly in a 9-month period.

Edited by: GIGERNREZNOR at: 1/7/2013 (12:46)
SLSALKIL's Photo SLSALKIL Posts: 141
1/7/13 12:36 P

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Thank you for sharing. I am 37 and my pregnancy was a "miracle" after not being able to get pregnant for 12 years. We weren't trying so when it happened it was like a double miracle after all of those years of trying. We did adopt our son almost 8 years ago, so that helps in the fact that I am a mom now, but the pregnancy issue still made me sad. So when I miscarried at 12 weeks it was like a cruel joke had been played on us. I have dealt with so much anger, depression, anxiety... It has just overwhelmed me. My husband and I made the decision to have a Mirena implanted because at my age, with all of the risk factors, and how emotional I have been over this, I just knew I couldn't do it again. But then that was an emotional choice too. And every time I have my period I plummett into some abyss. Especially when I am on my period over the weekend because it just replays the whole scenario in my head every time.

My therapist was not helping at all, but we are getting a new EAP at work and the counselor we are going to use seems much more up my alley. I am still going to the Psych for meds, but want to try and go down on those as well, if I can.

I wish you luck in your efforts to conceive and carry a baby to term. None of it is easy and is so heart wrenching.

At least we have each other!

Thank you again for posting!
Shawna

'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis


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GIGERNREZNOR's Photo GIGERNREZNOR SparkPoints: (13,683)
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1/7/13 12:24 P

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I'm so sorry to hear this. Sometimes the grieving process can take a long time. Sometimes I think this entire experience (my 2 MCs) has tainted me for life. I just want to tell you I understand and feel for you.

Counseling/therapy has helped me IMMENSELY, but yesterday--for instance--on my 34th bday (and perhaps it was because I'm now only 1 year away from 35 (and the age where I feel and know that this is when things can get significantly more dicey when trying to have a baby--particularly for first timers)--I got a bit down. I kept wondering "how many more MCs will I have to go through to get my miracle baby?" I kept wondering "are all the meds I'm on now FINALLY going to help me get past that first 9-10 wks and then past the 1st tri?" I kept wondering "is my body even able to carry a child to term?" and if not, WTF does that mean for my husband and I--who are both wanting our own child so so badly. Lord knows we cannot afford adoption and that would possibly break us to even have to consider that, as a last resort:(

All of what you are feeling is completely normal--so never doubt yourself or deny your feelings. Let them flow and then try to let them go.

I'm trying to do more meditation and yoga lately. This might be a good thing to try, if you're willing/open to it.

Take care and I wish you all the best during this process of healing.

Edited by: GIGERNREZNOR at: 1/7/2013 (12:26)
SLSALKIL's Photo SLSALKIL Posts: 141
1/7/13 11:01 A

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Thank you guys for your support. I am working through it slowly. Just such a painful process!

'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis


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MOMIN09's Photo MOMIN09 Posts: 22,435
1/6/13 10:53 P

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-Nicole

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MOONLIT's Photo MOONLIT Posts: 1,572
1/6/13 5:09 P

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I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry that you have to go through this. I know personally it took me a long time to look at Fridays as just another day and to this day (my miscarriage was 3/13/09) I hate Friday the 13th.
It will get less hard, you will have happiness again it is just going to take time. I know how frustrating that is and I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away completely..sadly I can't, but I can tell you it gets less and easier to deal with.
Take good care of yourself, get extra rest, eat well and try to get some exercise (it really helps).
If you need to talk I'm here for you.
Peace,
moonlit

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SLSALKIL's Photo SLSALKIL Posts: 141
1/6/13 11:32 A

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I am having such a hard time this weekend. I'm feeling anxious and depressed. I get emotional easily. It's been almost 4 months, but weekends are still the hardest (I miscarried on a Sunday.)
I keep thinking how far along I'd be... What we'd be doing to get ready... I just can't stop. Last night I walked past the mirror and my reflection caught my eye. I stopped, pushed my stomach out as far as it would go to look pregnant (not too difficult unfortunately)... I just stared at myself, and then I lost it. The rest of the evening I was just mush. Today I woke up feeling sick, and I wonder if it isn't more emotional than just physical. I'm trying not to run to comfort food. Trying to just be gentle with myself. Just tired of feeling this way...

'My outward circumstances may not change in a day because I did not get here in a day. But with God's help, I will be at least one step from here tomorrow.' Wayne Francis


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