Went camping this weekend with my (ex?) boyfriend.
We've been in a long distance relationship for nearly a year and a half, and it appears to be nearing the end. He isn't ready to commit to moving down here after all this time, so I've been guarding my heart and not giving him what he needs.
I hate to say good-bye to him because he was the first man who ever PURSUED ME! I was the fat friend who no guy would date for as long as boys have been of romantic interest to me. It's sad, but at 24, he was my FIRST kiss. Even now, he is attracted to me just the way I am. While he supports me in my weight loss goals, he wouldn't be any less attracted to me if I stayed the size I am now.
But in the end, it isn't about just physical attraction.
Our values and expectations are just too different. Try as I might, I don't think I'll ever make him happy. And I don't think he'll be able to make me happy either. Though we have several common interests, we aren't similar enough on the things that really matter.
It is painful to admit when the man has held your heart for the last 2 years.
Needless to say, this makes me want to bury my sorrows in pints of ice cream, chocolate chip cookies and custard pies.
The challenge for me, apart from the very real emotional challenge of moving on, is to deal with this loss and the stress from it in a healthy way.
So if you're the praying type, please pray for me this week . . . and if you're not, positive thoughts are always appreciated.
| current weight: 220.0