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TOPIC:   Negativity 


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RSSGMATT
RSSGMATT's Photo SparkPoints: (45,810)
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Posts: 126
12/29/11 8:23 P

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CINDY-K
Amen, we all need to be kind, what you sow so will you reap. emoticon

www.kodaweb.com


 current weight: 191.8 
 
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CINDY-K
CINDY-K's Photo SparkPoints: (27,866)
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Posts: 5,823
12/29/11 5:05 P

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For the most part the negative comments that have happened to many members on this team are not just a negative comments but are hostile attacks on the individual that try to scare the person away from their decision to have surgery or berate them severely for having had the surgery. One team member was told that she was stupid and that no-one should have weight loss surgery it was not necessary and that she just needed to follow her diet and stop eating so much. Why was that person even on our team or commenting on a WLS blog?

I know what it is like to be attacked on another team. It was devestating and in my case it was because one individual mis-interpreted something I said and would not accept my apology. I left sparkpeople for 3 years due to that viscious attack.

There is one individual who keeps coming back to our team (under different names but the same message) with the goal to create hostilty and havoic. That is the person that sparkpeople adminstrators have removed from sparkpeople a couple of times.

cindy

Cindy - A Co-Leader on Gastric Bypass Sparklers
Proximal Laproscopic RNY 9-10-10
Start Wt: 228 5-21-10
Surgery Wt: 205 9-10-10
Goal Wt: 135


 current weight: 176.0 
 
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RNY_DIVA
RNY_DIVA's Photo Posts: 84
12/29/11 5:03 P

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I too am sorry for you having to suffer via others negativity. I think there is a setting you can use to manage who can comment on your page.

I have no regrets. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Hold your head up high girlfriend.

"Those that matter do not mind, those that mind to not matter"

"If you fail to plan you plan to fail" ~ Bill Phillips


 Pounds lost: 161.0 
 
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APRILSHOWER555
APRILSHOWER555's Photo SparkPoints: (6,530)
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Posts: 266
12/29/11 4:42 P

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I agree, it happens in real life. I have combatted most negative comments when asked about my weight with, "It is the BEST thing in the world that I did..I decided to.."and then explain my journey. I find that educating people is easier and I usually get a different response. It was my choice and I am completely happy I took it. Maybe I have build up a resistance to negative comments because I've been getting them my entire life. I mean, helloo.....all the fat jokes from elementary-high school were enough to build a pretty thick skin. So, if I get a negative comment about my elective surgery that saved my life, whatever! If I followed what others thought, then I'd still be 300 lbs struggling with every diet imaginable to get the weight off and my diabetes would be worse. My best advice is to hold your head high and be proud of the decisions you make for your own body because no one knows it better than you or what is the healthiest for you.



 current weight: 200.8 
 
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MELISSAEUDY
SparkPoints: (325)
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12/29/11 4:19 P

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I personally think it is a bit overboard to notify officials or whatever about negative comments on here because they happen in the "real world" too. I get so tired of waitresses asking me if my food wasn't good or I didn't like it because I didn't eat it all and ask for a box. I get tired of people telling me I wasn't "fat enough" to have gastric (I did it for Diabetes, not weight loss). So, long story short...
I have decided that this is a choice I made for myself. No one else. I don't have to defend the decision. I didn't ask the guy in the grocery last night what made him tattoo his entire head and I don't want him to ask me about my surgery. However, I also know that in his mind he had a perfectly good reason to do the tattooing and he likes it--same with my surgery. I can either complain about people being negative or help change their focus. I try to share with people that this was the best choice for me and I hope they can understand that. If not, I ask them to agree to disagree and be polite about it. :)



NEZAB24
NEZAB24's Photo SparkPoints: (34,506)
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12/7/11 7:39 P

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I had total strangers comment on my blog when I first made the decision to have the gastric bypass. It made me angry too. I deleted them, but should have notified admin as Cindy suggested.

#24 Jeff Gordon

1. The Brazen Bazen -SC
2. Leader of sorts (I use that title loosely) of the Nascar Spark Girls' Team

2009 - "Humor and Prozac - the only way to survive rough spots in this road we call life" by me
2008-Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.
-Langston Hughes
2007-***When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then w


 current weight: 217.6 
 
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CINDY-K
CINDY-K's Photo SparkPoints: (27,866)
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12/7/11 4:40 P

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I am sorry this is happening to you, I know how much this hurts. I was attacked on a diabetes sparkteam in 2008 by other team members and that hurt more than if it was a stranger. They misunderstood something I posted and even though I apologized and explained better what I was trying to say they still attacked me all day every day for weeks. I left SP and only returned in the summer of 2010 when I found this wonderful team.

There are a few people in sparkpeople that think it is fun to antagonize and berate others. What you can do is

1) Change your sparkpage and blogs settings from public to semi-private (friends only). That means that only people you have accepted as friends can see your sparkpage and blogs.

2) Contact the SP administrations and let them know the user name of the person who is doing that. They will check and remove the person if they are violating the standards for the site. This have been done a couple times from attacks to members of this team. It may even be the same individual and in that case SP adm will take care of it.

3) Do not respond to the message in any fashion, just ignore what they said and be sure to delete their comment from your sparkpage or blog. If they are listed as friend remove them as a friend.

I know that you have thought this through and have done your research and are much better informed than that person.

cindy

Cindy - A Co-Leader on Gastric Bypass Sparklers
Proximal Laproscopic RNY 9-10-10
Start Wt: 228 5-21-10
Surgery Wt: 205 9-10-10
Goal Wt: 135


 current weight: 176.0 
 
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VOLUPTUA
VOLUPTUA's Photo SparkPoints: (12,926)
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Posts: 720
12/7/11 4:10 P

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Yes, I think we all have in some form or another. People are ignorant, and uneducated about morbid obesity. They believe the lies they've been told; that diet and exercise is a cure when it absolutely is not. There is NO research that shows diet and exercise to be an effective cure for this disease, and PLENTY of research that says weight loss surgery IS effective.

Just tell them to talk to the hand, and tell them that you and your doctors have this under control. :)

Ask me about the best kept secret in weight loss surgery, the Duodenal Switch! www.dsfacts.com


 current weight: 207.0 
 
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RSSGMATT
RSSGMATT's Photo SparkPoints: (45,810)
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Posts: 126
12/7/11 4:04 P

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SHIRAK69
What I have found out is that when people don't understand our dilemma, that it is easy to talk bad instead of finding the good. It will be your challenge to stay positive even when others are in disagreement. Unfortunately it also leaves you walking the road alone. This one of the reasons why I subscribe to the Gastric Bypass Sparklers. I need to hear that I am doing the right thing seeking RNY. I hope you can find inter straight, remember your not a loner and there were many before us. Stay strong.
emoticon

www.kodaweb.com


 current weight: 191.8 
 
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CORTNEY-LEE
CORTNEY-LEE's Photo SparkPoints: (48,339)
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Posts: 2,909
12/7/11 3:49 P

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Why do people have to be so negative? I have had so many negative comments on my page and my blog because I am working toward getting RNY. I do not understand why people have to be like that. I mean do they honestly think that I haven't exhausted every other option first?

I just remove the comments and move on, but it is a bit annoying... does anyone else have these issues??






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