We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.
A Perfect Plan
As many of you know I have been ill since December 2012. However, God has a perfect plan in my illness. I do not know why His plan started, I do not know when His plan will end, but what I do know is that His plan is perfect, and He walks by my side holding my hand.
An imperfect situation (March 19th)
I just realized that although I have a very good doctor he is only available once a week at his office and he has no other doctors working with him! Now for the past 14 years this has not been the case. He recently has made this change. Although my doctor has limited availability he has been seeing me frequently due to the seriousness of my illness, which art this point is unknown. My last appointment was this past Tuesday (March 19th). I had some blood work completed to check to see if there was any infection in my body, and to find out if I had a problem with my pancreases. He scheduled additional blood work to see if I had any type of Auto Immune Disease illnesses, Mono, Sickle Cell Enema, TBC (total blood count), white blood cell count, and a few other things as well. He requested that I had my blood work completed by the next day. However, as my appointment drew to an end he requested for me to schedule an appointment to see him one month later! I tell you what, I was so shocked I couldnít respond to even say, are you kidding, or I need to be seen much sooner than that! I mean he has been seeing me within a week or a two weeks for the last month or since one month after my gallbladder surgery which was January 18th. The receptionist tried to get me in within a month but he was already way over booked. I was anything than happy when she informed me that my appointment was to be SIX weeks later! We talked this out, trust me, but there was nothing I could do about this situation.
When Despair Leads To Prayer (Wednesday March 20th)
When I woke up Wednesday as I opened my eyes I was already a wreck. I am not accustomed to not being in peace, but as I thought about my appointment being six weeks later I told my husband that my peace was being chipped away. You see, although I have been in server pain since January first because God has given me His grace I have managed to get through my circumstance with an anbundant amount of peace. I humbly share with you that due to the fact I center my life within Him I am living my life with joy as though not much has changed. But if you have been reading my posts on our team page you know something is seriously wrong within my body.
I got out of bed & got ready and left my house to get the blood work completed. As I drove to the lab I started to cry. I was at my breaking point.
When I got home I called the doctorís office to see when my doctor was on call so that I could explain to him that I needed to get that referral to a specialist sooner than when he had discussed with me, seen within the next two weeks by him, or admitted into the hospital to be treated and to find out what my illness was. After calling my doctor's office I asked the recetionist when the my doctor would be on call. I was told, ďHe never is on call.Ē I said to her, ďNEVER, he is NEVER on call?Ē That was when the nightmare lack of availability was explained to me. I was told that my doctor was only in his office once and sometimes twice a week, and the remainder of the time he goes to 10 nursing homes! Now, to make matters worse there is no other doctor at his office! After I recovered from my shock I called back and asked which nursing homes my doctor worked at. My plan was to call all ten nursing homes to find out where he was that day, and ask him to call me. Now, I knew that the receptionist most likely would not reveal this information, but you see I was desperate to talk to my doctor. The last week or so I have become much worse, and my pain has become unmanageable for quite some time now. When the receptionist told me that she could not reveal that information I asked her how I was supposed to talk to my doctor. She said that I could write him a letter, but you see, I had already written him one before I called that day. I knew he would not be back in his office until the following Tuesday, which would have been six days later. Now, I have been in my doctorís office so much they either know me by name or by sight, so when I started to explain that I had a serious health problem, she was already aware of the fact and knew who I was. In my despair I was told that another receptionist that I had talked to on the phone previously that day had wrote my doctor a note requesting for him to call me the following Tuesday when he returned to his office. I hung up the phone emotionally shattered! What could I do? I was out of ideas to correct my predicament.
A few hours later I called a good friend of mine and who previously was a member of this team, Bobbie Northern (that was her user name). I explained to her my circumstance while she was well aware of how long I have been sick. She kept telling me to go to the ER. I explained to her that they might not admit me, and if they do not my co pay is $150.00. Before we got off the phone she prayed over me. While she said her prayer my peace started to return. After I got off the phone I took a nap. I was in a lot of pain.
After I got up I thought about my prayers to God yesterday after my doctorís appointment, and I thought about Bobbieís prayer too. We both had prayed that God would give me discernment among other things. I realized that both Bobbie and the receptionist told me to go to the emergency room.
A Perfectly Prepared Room
After my husband got home from work we went to the emergency room. I did not have to wait long before I was led to a section of the emergency room into an examination room. This room was in a secluded area of the emergency room. Both walls were brick, while there was a separation of the room with a curtain where there could be another person to be treated (however God kept our room private with for us). To my husband and my surprise there was a couch, a recliner, and a TV within this room! I have been in the ER a few times in the last fifteen years that I have lived in Ohio and I had NEVER seen or been in that room! It was fit for a queen as far as emergency rooms goes. As I walked into this haven I thought to myself, I have not even been seen yet and God is already taking care of me!
His Plan Was Not My Plan
My plan was to be seen and then admitted into the hospital, and I told them that soon after I arrived into the examination room. I had talked to an agent on the phone from my insurance company and although she could not guarantee anything she explained that she thought the ER doctor would admit me due to my lack of being diagnosed, uncontrollable pain, and my doctorís unavailability. I was not in the regency room due to pain, although my pain was unreal that night, but it has been horrible pain for many weeks and weeks now. I was there to be admitted, but I explained I had I was in uncontrollable unmanageable pain, and about my situation with my doctor as well. I revealed to them on a scale of 1 to 10 my pain level was at a 20. That was when they gave me morphine for my pain. However, after an hour had passed the nurse asked me if my pain had decreased I told her that my pain remained the same. It was as though I had been injected with syrup instead of morphine.
Godís Spiritual Medicine
I have been talking to my parents on the phone these past few months during my pain & I have been trying to explain to them the peace and joy which still is within my life as I suffer through my pain. I have been telling them that although I have no idea what is causing this pain I am ok because I know God has healed my body from it. I have told them that I love my life and I have peace; I just need to find out what is wrong so that my body can be treated for this illness. I have been leading our team, teaching Sunday school, and involved with my other affairs while sometimes having to take a day of rest on my couch. The pain killer which I have started to take once or twice a week is not what is controlling my pain level. God is the one who has been giving me His spiritual medication. As I lied down on the bed in the emergency room Wednesday evening I realized that even morphine could not take my pain away, but yet I have been living my life with this same pain, while being in peace, and happy. Now donít get me wrong, hey I am a human being, there have been times when I wish God would end all of this. But I live in Godís total will. If you live your life in Godís total will you understand that even when you are experiencing a bad circumstance if God is permitting it to continue you understand, and you know, if God is not changing things you must need whatever if happening in your life!
God Perfect Plan
Our plan is rarely ever Godís plan. My plan that night in the emergency room was to be admitted, and treated fast to find out what my ailment was. I was given some other medicine which was stronger than morphine that night, and by the time I got back home the pain did decrease. Although I was not admitted the work toward seeing a GI specialist was started.
In this life of ours sometimes God gives us a peak into what His plan is, but we never really know what is going to happen in our lives. My peace rivals around the knowledge and belief that God knows the best answer during the twists and turns of this thing we call life. I am aware of my great limitations, as I am aware of God's unlimited source of peace, strength, healing, power, and magnificence! I rest within my Father as he bestows all of His gifts upon my body, mind, and spirit. As I live between experiencing my trails, tests, tribulations, and circumstances I am submitted to pain, frustration, and stress with we all experience as we live our life. However, while I center myself within God, as I wait within the Holy Spirit God showers upon me the side effects of His perfect plan of my life! As I wait upon Him, as I seek His decrement I walk His plan out abiding in HIM. He is my source of reference during times of confusion. He is my GPS when the doctors donít know the answers, and He is my medicine when I am overcome with pain!
Trusting His Plan
If we trust Godís plan, & when you put your life in His hands much peace will be experienced. In order to do this you must know and realize Godís plan is better than anything you could ever work out yourself. I do not have a perfect GPS in my hand which tells me the perfect and exact destination which will complete my life with the joy and peace which God wants me to have. What I do have is Godís plan living on the inside of me, and it is God which directs my steps! I can live my life through fear, uncertainly, and regret or I can trust God and His plan for my life. Through my love and because of my intimate relationship with God I trust His plan more than I trust my own plan. That has made all the difference in my life!
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.